Posted 8:14 PM by hx

in the words of Keanu, whoa :)

i have just spent the entire day (well, what was left of it, anyway) cleaning. cleaning and cleaning and cleaning. mostly the bird cage, which i've let go for a bit too long, oops.

i don't know how many moths i've killed today. there were moths up the wazoo! flying about, dive-bombing my face, attacking the birds... i got to point where i was just using the vacuum cleaner to suck them up. i was sucking them up off the walls, the cupboards, even the ceiling! which was some feat, let me and my twisted aching neck tell you!

but everything is super-clean now, yay :) moral of the story : stop being such a pig about cleaning up and Just Do It, girl! O:^)

Posted 10:21 AM by Blah blah

Bathing Rituals

In the comments of her bathing drama below, Unica Hija asks why I don't talk about MY bathing rituals. I think this explains a difference between men and women.

Men have no "bathing rituals." Women make a shower into a five-course Italian dinner. You talk of cucumber and sea salt body scrubs, gels, and shaving "off everything that needed to be shaved." You associate every smell and sensation with a chapter of your life. You scrutinize every bulge or mark on your body, checking for signs of Communist rebellion. So much fun in the bathroom, and that's even BEFORE you bring a man into the picture!

My mind is pretty blank when I take a shower. I didn't know that some women thought SO much that they had enacted part of a Danielle Steel novel by the time they finished rinsing their hair.

How about YOU? Share your bathing rituals!

Miyu started a discussion on RBJ about skin care routines.

For Unica Hija, I've started a Bathing Ritual topic there too! Rasee that lyrical writer in Bangkok, already replied. Mona just cracked me up with this reply:

Ray,

I don't know if I should contribute to your fetish fantasy of watching women taking baths. But I'll humor you just the same because I'm a pervert at heart, like you.
...
11) Take my light green loofah and lather with liquid soap. Wash whole body.
12) Rince conditioner in hair and soap on body.
13) Last thing I do, is use a facial bar of soap from Origins.
14) When I get out my filtered water is sitting there along with a clean pair of underware waiting for me.
15) I towel off and usually put on my cotton panties and head straight to the computer to check email naked.
16) I like to let my hair air dry and walk around naked.

Hey Mona, it's not just for me. Think of this as a public service!

Posted 9:57 AM by DUH

Shameless Indulgence

Even in beauty products, I love the journey rather than the destination.

Who cares if the cream doesn't REALLY transform you into Heidi Klum or Elizabeth Hurley? It's just the idea of you taking care of you that matters. Where did I read that study that says the level of one's self-esteem is directly proportional to the amount of time you spend taking care of how you look? I don't remember, but you don't need a psychology degree to know that this is true. One hospital in the US found surprising improvements in their depressed patients after they set-up a beauty parlor inside their hospital grounds.

So I don't smoke. I don't drink. I don't like going out late. I don't hang out at bars. I pride myself in being a very simple person. My clothes are never out-there expensive. I don't obssess over designer labels. I wear the bare minimum of make-up. I hate pretentious, shallow handsome men. I hate it when my good friend classifies me as one of those "frou-frou" girls. I would rather people never thought I was obssessed over something so (gulp) insignificant.

But *blush* okay (standing up), I admit it, my name's Unica Hija, and I'm a Beauty Product-holic.

Blame it on my mom who, from the time I was young, brought me up to understand that women were made to look good for their husbands. My mom often had a personal beautician come over at home and do her nails, her hair, give her a massage, a facial, hair color, the works. Her dresser was filled to the rafters with creams and eyeshadows and blushes and brushes and perfumes and lotions. My fondest memories of childhood were of my ex-town beauty mommy preening in front of the dresser mirror while I watched in awe the way she transformed into a vision before a party. Or how she went through her laborious beauty ritual before going to sleep. It was so fascinating for a young girl like me because my mom was really beautiful--and somehow, I made the connection that taking care of oneself meant you were beautiful. She's old now, but she's still regal and elegant. You still have a hint of the beauty she had when she was still a single girl who made a lot of boy's heads turn. I could never be as beautiful as my mom--my dad's genes got in the way. Hehehe, sorry dad. : )

But despite growing up with three boys and my dad thinking I'd turn out a tomboy (I grew up climbing trees and wrestling with boys), I have my mom to thank for keeping my feminine side alive. I spend ridiculously large amounts of money for my creams, spa treatments, facial washes, shower gels, soaps, vitamins and beauty parlor bills. I spend hours at Beauty Bar, Watson's and Essenses. I'd rather spend money on an Estee Lauder eye gel than buy new shoes, for example.

Of course, I'd rather concentrate on work than worry about whether my blush on has faded or my lipstick has disappeared--that's where me and my mom differ. I don't like make-up. But I do love the pure delight of investing on beauty products to mantain my skin and my hair. That way, you'd hardly need make-up at all.

People, especially men, who think beautiful people don't need to work for it too much are terribly mistaken. It takes a bit of effort to make oneself look good. Okay, supermodels are different but then again, there must be a conspiracy happening when they all insist the only thing they do to look nice is wash their face and use lip gloss. Gimme a break! Am in the ad biz, and believe me, these models still use expensive beauty products and go to their dermatologists and spas often to maintain themselves. And it takes hours of set-up time during photo shoots to get that flawless supposedly natural incandescent look. Add to that, there's the magic of great lighting and the erase tool of Adobe Photoshop to come up with that "effortless" cover girl look.

But I digress. I love beauty products not for the end effect but because it reminds me of the one thing that bonds my mom and I. We are so different (I'd rather join the Peace Corps and she'd rather be Princess Diana; I love my short hair but she'd rather I kept it long) yet we connect and get all excited when we talk about retinol and AHAs, or the latest Seaweed Wrap treatment at Discovery Spa. And for that alone, I have beauty products to thank. : )

All hail, Estee Lauder!

Posted 8:48 AM by DUH

Romance Report

So am dating R now. R is a top official of government. He is a lawyer. He has a unique taste in cars. He's smart. He's funny. He's quiet. He's suave. I like him. He likes me. He's a good friend. I like how he smells I like how he manages his life. I don't love him. And that's about it.

I can't even call it "dating." I think the word "dating" is the wrong word to use 'cause it usually assumes that the eating out and watching a movie should lead to something bigger. I would rather call it "going out" because it has less of the attached meaning that comes along when you call two people "dating."

There's a pressure, I suppose, when people call it "date" when this series of dining out and going to the movies or even shopping could just very well mean "potential good friend" instead of the usual "potential husband." There's a bigger percentage of failure when you approach someone as "potential marriage material" instead of "potential friend." After all, jeez, it's just a date!

I sound really defensive. : )

So why am I being defensive all of a sudden? Hahaha! Is it my period? Is it me still not over V? Is it me afraid of committing because every single time I get into a relationship, I get hurt real bad? Is it me thinking all good relationships turn out terrible in the end anyway the way my parents' marriage did?

Okay I suppose THAT isn't right either. Because the minute you think that the guy you're dating is a potential friend instead of a potential husband (which means you really don't like the guy that way, come on, who are YOU kidding), you just feel SAFE with that guy and that means going out with him is wasting each other's time. Maybe you're even using the guy to sort your feelings out and make you feel human again. Maybe he's just using you to fill out his free time. Maybe it's better to just be alone, not get hurt and stop dating. Sigh. Why am I so cynical?

The thing is, when you've been terribly burned so many times by the flames of love, you want to be really sure it's really worth it when you get near that lighted candle again. Otherwise, it's better to just feel its warmth from a distance. Or is that really my point?

Okay, maybe it's this: Maybe people shouldn't really allow oneself to get consumed by love's flame at all. Maybe love isn't about passion and rollercoaster emotions. When you give yourself too much, you lose the one thing the other person has learned to love. Which leaves him with somebody else other than the person he originally knew. Which leaves you with a rather strange version of yourself.

Maybe it's all those sappy romance movies that have warped women's brains which makes millions of women think to love is to be consumed whole hog and forget oneself. Blame it on Meg Ryan and Ingrid Bergman and Humphrey Bogart and all those sappy romance books. Maybe.

Am still not sure. After many relationships, there is still so much to learn and understand about this thing called love.

One thing I've learned, though, you NEVER compromise yourself for anyone, not even for someone you love. Love isn't about being consumed by the flame of passion. It's about having your OWN flame. And with two flames burning side by side, you see the world in a better light. You light each other up without burning each other into stumps.

Okay. My hands are up. I AM dating R. This time, it's quiet, it's comfortable, it's a reassuring love. We are two separate candles quietly lighting up each other's worlds. And it's a real change for me. I welcome the change and hope it turns out for the best. : ) If not, I STILL have a potential good friend.

Posted 8:00 AM by DUH

The Period

There's a reason why people call it that.

It puts a period on your life, puts all activity on "hold" and makes you struggle through your day wishing to God you were made male instead of female. It stops you from doing anything else. Except, of course, get cranky and grumpy and angry at everyone and get all weepy over everything. But only for a few days, thank God.

My good friend and I were discussing this phenomena on our way to the mall for some shopping this morning. We both find that when we find ourselves sad, weepy and irritable one day, sure enough, the next day or two days later, the period arrives.No fail.

My megapatient doctor ex would always tell me in that "doctor" voice of his during those turbulent times (of which he was a constant victim): "Honey, it's your hormones, not you. It's okay for you to vent! Here, take ibuprofen." This even after I've released all my hatred of the world on unsuspecting him. Now that I look back at his infinite patience with me, I realize how really very Gandhi he was that way. But then again, he's had patience practice in the emergency room. Nothing ruffles his composure (is that why they call them "patients" because they test the doctor's patience? just wondering).

But I digress. And that first day! Jeez, it cripples us women, debilitates us women, even. When my female friends at work walk in looking out of it, they only have to say, "It's my first day" and we understand each other completely. We hand over the green tea or the Midol, and the sisterhood is silently sealed. Because we get how terrible it can get: you're sore, you're face and ankles are bloated, you're doubled over in creamps, you feel icky with that bulky thing in between your legs, you breakout and you just feel ugly and weepy as hell. It's a nightmare.

Boyfriends only have an inkling of how it feels like. Well, except maybe if you're a doctor. So it really is a relief when you find a boyfriend who can take it all in stride and understand that at these times, when we turn into cobras and spew out all the hidden venom you never realized was collecting inside us instead of the usual sweetness, see it like this:

You're not really dealing with your girlfriend; you're dealing with a girl possessed by her hormones.

So be patient for just a few days till all the venom is spewed out. After that, you'll see your girlfriend again all sweetness and light once more. : )

Posted 12:58 AM by Blah blah

Miyu started this topic on RBJ:

Are All Men Potential Rapists?

She quoted an article that criticized feminists' views of the word "rape." I replied:

I think you just need to read the last paragraph, Rasee and Miyuki:

"At the moment the law rightly draws clear distinctions between rape and sex, between rapists and lovers, between violent assault and consensual sex. If the feminist reformers get their way, we may well see these distinctions become increasingly blurred. How long before 'normal' heterosex becomes a crime?"

The author is for the status quo, AGAINST the ultra-feminists, and all for making clear distinctions between consensual sex and rape. Like Miyu said, according to their loose interpretation of "rape," it would be much easier to accuse men of it.

So according to this far-fetched definition, Miyu, YES, you could view a man as a possible "rapist" even if he were just offering to buy you a drink.

Which is one reason I avoid women's studies classes and reading these kinds of books. I don't want to live in their depressing world of "oppression" and male bashing. It's too self-righteous.

If guys have to be extra-careful about approaching a woman, it takes all the fun out of flirtation and seduction!

Do some men have the potential to rape? Sure. Do all? Gimme a break. Just look at your dad or granddad. No, there are gentlemen out there. Or people who just would NEVER behave that way.

For me, being a Libra, I guess I care about the aesthetics of it too as well as the morality. Rape is just so UGLY it would take all the pleasure out of sex.

Posted 2:48 PM by Blah blah

Just saw my financial advisers today. It feels great to have someone helping me figure out how to use my money. Yeah! I installed Quicken and will try to start making financial statements for myself. Discipline discipline. Maybe I should track the inordinate amount of time I spend blogging the same way, which I need to cut. For those of you who have never gone to see a financial planner, I HIGHLY recommend it! They don't charge you. They make money more from the mutual funds or other products their financial company offers, if you freely decide to buy them (or not.) If you want to feel more in control of your life and do something practical, try this! They answered all of my uncertainties about investing, taxes, and what my options are in this current brutal market.

This point-of-sale (POS) project is going well! I found out a lot of practical info for my friend this week. Next week we may start changing her business data. It feels good to help someone on a personal level and in a practical way! That in itself is an inspiration.

Posted 11:07 AM by hx

and today on the news...

looks like the West Nile virus is on the rise again.
if you're living in that area, do be careful and watch out for bites! :)

there's also a young chinese girl missing in SF. rather odd case. sounds like she tried to slip off to go to the bathroom and got left behind by her tour group. but i don't know why no one's found her yet or why she didn't just go look for help from some uniformed person. is it really that easy to get picked up by bad guys nowadays?? hmmm.

and lastly... on a global level, looks like the earth is bulging. time for a diet? :)

Posted 8:27 PM by Blah blah

Unica Hija wrote this lucious indulgent article about how she takes a bath. I love it! Hey, girl...write some of that here!

Posted 12:25 AM by Blah blah

How to be [and not to be] a game developer.

"Having recently escaped the gaming industry with my sanity barely intact, let me tell you how you 'develop a game,' from a business/marketing point of view...."

I've started to help my friend with a point-of-sale application for her own retail business.

Posted 1:41 PM by hx

*sniff*

i gloated too soon :) today my colleague told me that Spike's gig has been completely sold out, and she couldn't get tickets. it's too bad. they play in a small club so i guess they run out of space pretty quickly. ah well. $14 to shake a hand... hehe :) sorry Spike fans... there will be no drool-covered report from the sidelines this August 14th :) we'll try again some other time; i understand he does this fairly often. keep your fingers crossed for next time :)

on another note, i am feeling all wrote out today and my muse has declared that she is going on vacation somewhere far far away and will not come back until she's good and ready. we're getting tired out and repetitive; it's time to rack up some new experience so we actually have something to write about. you keep pulling out your guts, sooner or later you run out :) meanwhile, we will either regale you with past favorites, or more of that incoherent stream-of-consciousness babble that you have come to know and "love" so well from halo ;)

and, finally, just as a postscript to the saga, it is good to know that all the trapped miners made it out safe and sound. see, sometimes good things *do* happen ;)

Posted 11:57 AM by Blah blah

I'm stealing this from someplace on the Net. Don't ask:

Dear Backtalk Betty,

I heard something at the Power Exchange the other night about the erotic possibilities of paper cuts. Do you know anything about this? How does it work? What about other office oriented sex play? Mouse pads? Post-It notes? The hot glass of an over-used photocopier?

-A Cut Above the Rest


Dear Cut Happy,

I've heard about sickos like you. You're the kind of lecher who lurks in the shadows near the coffee urn waiting for someone to scald their tongue on their morning java so you can get your Jolly Roger launched. It'd be just your dream come true if some femme fatale sauntered into your cubicle bleeding effusively from a stapler incident, right? Betty thinks you've been cooped up in corporate America a little too long. It's my humble opinion that you need a little dose of what ails you. Someone ought to harness you up to the Clockwork Orange Special and force you to watch endless hours of "It's a Wonderful Life" and "The Bells of St. Mary's". Drum a little purity back into your jaded and twisted soul. Perhaps you should spend your lunchtime breaks taking nice long strolls through a pretty meadow or eating penny candy from the fountain at the General Store. Now behave, or Betty will have to discipline you.

Betty

Posted 10:00 AM by Blah blah

111,111 Visitors!

Today my number of website(s) visitors will hit 111,111! If you are the 111,111th visitor (or very close), please EMAIL ME. I will send you a nice e-card. Let's break out the champagne and celebrate the 222222.5 eyeballs which have graced my pages. The .5 eyeball is for the blue-skinned alien on the planet Zworg who reads this blog, mistaking it for the annual Zworgian Swimsuit Issue.

Posted 8:47 AM by Blah blah

Two Birthdays

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Vanezza (July 30) and Cindy (August 2)!!!

Vanezza (in New York City) keeps saying she wants to be my dance partner. Get in line, girl! HAHA. Actually, her dream, she has said often, is to run her own dance studio.

You still have two days left to buy Cindy (at the U. of Illinois) that present from her wishlist on Delias.com. (Click on wishlist and enter her email: shireelyn@yahoo.com) I was the first one, getting her this white crochet sweater, which she later said was her favorite item (serendipity).

I got this sweet note on July 20:

dear raymond,

the present arrived today. it's beautiful...i mean, i
picked it myself, so of course i think it's beautiful,
haha, but most importantly it's a present of your
goodwill. :)

thanks so much, again. no matter how many time you
tell me i deserve it, a present is still a present and
i just have to you tell how much it means to me.

cindy

Now there's something they should put in a Taiwanese soap opera! It was MY pleasure, lady.

Posted 8:17 AM by Blah blah

Korean Soap Operas

Whoa! Christine in Taipei just started blogging! She sounds like a Dalai Lama/Jack Welch-type here.

She wrote:

I never understood why Korean Soap Operas (dubbed in Mandarin) have become all the rage in Taiwan until I sat down and watched an episode this past weekend.

Turns out that the men on the show act like men, and the women on the show act like women.

This is vastly different from Taiwanese Soap Operas in which the men act like women, and the women act like little girls.

Now I understand.

God, those Taiwanese women in the soap operas can be hella annoying. Beautiful, but annoying. We get Korean and Taiwanese soap operas here in the Bay Area, so I echo her comment. One Taiwanese episode I glimpsed, a woman who was about to get married was talking to her parents. She began wailing like a car-struck fire hydrant, her mom began blubbering, and the two sang a little crying duet that lasted maybe two minutes! People didn't cry this much before Mel Gibson got his head chopped off in Braveheart!

Gimme a break. Which is maybe why some women I met in Taiwan turned out to be 30 but acted 22.

Posted 12:58 AM by DUH

Let's heat up the cafe a bit more. : )

when pen meets paper

the dry rollerball of pen's
long, firm shaft
turned on by the
satiny white blank sheets of paper
her innocent guileless calling,
flirting to be tainted and dirtied
and marked
by pen's seductive turns
rising from pen's desire
the warmth and heat
of creative hands
move pen
first hesitant, then sure
in their up and down
and round and round
with strokes of steel against virgin pulp
the passionate, warm wetness
of ink slowly oozing
then flowing freely in frenzy
leaving a trail of beads of words
that turn
into sentences into paragraphs
into poems into chapters
into books,
a trail of goosebumps
until tired and spent,
pen stops contact, panting, breathless
on top of paper,
spent, released, satisfied, and
quiet with profound
timeless thoughts
spewed out.

oh what timeless beauty
can result with this
coitus
of pen and paper.

get your mind outta the gutter!
what were YOU thinking? hehehe

Posted 11:08 PM by Blah blah

IBM Pulls a Fast One

IBM to Buy Pricewaterhouse Consulting (Reuters): "International Business Machines Corp. on Tuesday made its largest acquisition ever, saying it would buy PriceWaterhouseCoopers Consulting for $3.5 billion in cash and stock. The purchase is aimed at boosting slowing revenues in the computer giant's large services business, which now accounts for more revenue than its well-known computers and mainframes....

IBM's service business, which by itself employs about 150,000 employees and has grown to become larger than its flagship computer hardware division, will take on 30,000 new employees with the acquisition. IBM's head count at the end of 2001 was about 320,000 people but it has since trimmed its ranks by at least 8,000."

What the hell??? As someone from IBM's services division, I am pissed off by this.

These guys explain my view: guy 1, guy 2, and guy 3. PwC Consulting, in its brief effort to go independent, renamed itself "Monday" about two months ago. Dumb name, huh? "Friday Night" would have been better. Now they are trashing that.

Like those guys I linked said, we had been moving lots of IT work to India. And planning more layoffs. This doesn't count the 15,000 or so from the Storage Division who are being forced to leave IBM. What a joke. I feel bad for the PwC folks. I hope they can adjust and survive.

Software companies like Oracle are moving more jobs to India as well. Should I be learning Hindi?

Posted 8:25 PM by Blah blah

With her new poem Foreplay, I'm having halo-cinations. Should we crown her Miss Erotica or what?

A more mundane topic: long distance phone service. It seems like the only people who call me at home nowadays are telemarketers. Recently I got called by what seems like a mainland Chinese company in Los Angeles. They offered the cheapest international rates I have EVER seen. I currently use TCast Communications for all my long distance. They give excellent service and I never have complaints with them. Currently I pay about 7 cents/min to call France, 10 cents to Taiwan, and something equally cheap to China.

This new company blew my earlobes away, and I am now leaving TCast and switching to these astounding rates:

7.9 cents/min to China (except HK), Japan, and Singapore
6.9 cents/min to Hong Kong and Taiwan
9.9 cents/min to Malaysia
5.9 cents/min to France and Canada
4.9 cents/min throughout the whole U.S. (outside of the Bay Area) AND the U.K. Britain and the U.S. are the same!
Here's the catch: 15.9 cents/min to the Philippines. That's gonna shorten my contact with you Filipina bloggers (*sniff*).

For you outside the U.S., you see why the telecommunications industry collapsed the last two years? It has become so DIRT CHEAP to call someone through a land line. That's another fact you can use to prod your lazy boyfriends or girlfriends to call you.

If you want to know what service it is, email me. I don't want to post the name or else they may get swamped.

ALSO, did you know that anyone can call
700-555-4141 to find out his long distance carrier? I just found out. Try it!

Posted 7:32 PM by hx

i just finished a new piece i'm fairly pleased with. it doesn't rhyme (sorry raymond *grin*) but ... mmm... i think it's hot. or maybe that's just me, coz i'm a perv. oops, am i allowed to say that here? where are those guidelines??? :)))

i'm not going to post it here because it's fairly long and it would make raymond's page scroll on forever. but if you want to read it, here's the link. it's called foreplay. :>

read it slowly, preferably with someone cuddled up beside you, and take your time with the visualizing *grinz*

Posted 6:50 PM by Anonymous

It’s just a little crush ...

I wonder if it’s possible that newly single me is emitting some kind of pheramone, a sort of primordial scent to men out there, saying “I’m here, I’m available again, come get me!”

All of a sudden (and for the first time in a year) men are paying me attention again. Or maybe I’m being overly sensitive?

Last nite, I had dinner with an ex, whom I’d also had lunch with on Friday. This is one ex I never fully erased feelings for. Maybe because our relationship was forced to end abruptly because I was leaving the country, maybe because it was so short yet sweet, whatever the reason, I never fully explored the possibilities of a relationship with him. Thus, I’ve been left wondering. And of course it helps that I still find myself attracted to him (in a carnal sort of way!) So, the whole year that I’ve been back in Malaysia, I’d seen him probably twice, spoken to him less than ten times. But in the past few weeks, I’ve spoken to him every week, with the frequency increasing each week, and now, I’ve seen him for 2 meal dates in less than 5 days! Did I mention he’s also in the midst of a breakup? Aaah ... major rebound or what?

Then there’s this guy at work. I always thought he was sorta cute, that there was something mildly intriguing about him. But lately, I get the feeling that he’s reciprocating. We actually had a proper conversation the other day and it was good. I’ve worked here for a year, and that was the first prolonged talk we had. We sit diagonally across from each other so we see each other every day and there’s this strange awkardness between us ... ok, I think it’s sexual tension.

Oh well, I could be making all this up. My overly active imagination as usual creating a distraction from my breakup.

But I’m still wondering if we humans, react to an instinct, to sensory stimuli without our conscious mind being aware of it? Is this how men and women play their mating game? Is this why for the 20 months I was with the bastard, men just sort of stayed back?

Posted 2:46 PM by hx

this is my brainless girly-girl prose for the day.
my colleague just dropped by to tell me that Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer (James Marsters) is going to be performing at a local gig in about two week's time.
i've agreed to go with her and she's going to get the tickets. it'll be on august 14th, i have no idea where but she'll be driving so i don't care :) after four years i'm finally going to reap the benefits of living in earthquake city! yeah!
i haven't been out to a club in forever, and i'm really looking forward to going out and dancing, ogling Spike, and maybe even getting some photos and an autograph.
ROWWWRRRRRR!!!!!!!! have you seen the abs on this man?? have you???? the man is Yummmmmmmmmyyyy!!! :)
(oh, and he's not a bad actor too. really. i think :)
*gloat gloat gloat* *anticipate anticipate anticipate*
if i manage to get good pix maybe i'll post 'em.
or... maybe i'll sell 'em to any desperate droolers who email me... *evilmercenarygrin*
wheeeeee!!! :)

Posted 12:42 PM by Blah blah

Gratuitous link. Here's a chance for all you lurkers-who-never-say-anything-here (LWNSAH) to leave comments. Shall I start naming names? For some reason, most of you LWNSAH have names starting with J.

Man Shot Dead over Heaven and Hell Argument. I think he's being sent to pre-Hell, not kindergarten.

Posted 10:25 AM by Blah blah

From RBJ: What Guy Movies do You Like?

Here's my list:

Just saw "Hart's War" with Bruce Willis and Colin Farrell. EXCELLENT script and acting! It just came out this year. Very much a guy's movie, but a THINKING guy's movie.

Carlos, I cannot get enough of "Ben-Hur" with Charleton Heston!!! It is one of my top 6 movies of all time. I can watch it 10 times and not get tired.

Other "guy's" movies I really enjoy:

Top Gun (Tom Cruise, Anthony Edwards, Val Kilmer)
Terminator 2 (Schwartzenegger)
Supercop (Jackie Chan and Michelle Yeoh)
Rumble in the Bronx (Jackie Chan)
Eraser (Schwartzenegger and Vanessa Williams)
Air Force One (Harrison Ford)
The Fugitive (Harrison Ford)
Malcolm X (a guy's movie? Denzel Washington)
Braveheart (Mel Gibson, saw it at least 3-4 times)
The Negotiator (Kevin Spacey and Samuel L. Jackson)
Saving Private Ryan (Tom Hanks)
Gladiator (Russell Crowe)
An Officer and a Gentleman (Richard Gere)
The Bridge on the River Kwai (Alec Guiness)
Lawrence of Arabia (Peter O'Toole)
Citizen Kane (Orson Welles)
James Bond: the Sean Connery, no-apologies-for-being-a-man movies. The best is "From Russia with Love," starring the Italian babe, Daniela Bianchi.

Scott poked fun at my tastes:

Um ... Malcolm X, Lawrence of Arabia, Citizen Kane, and
AN OFFICER AND A GENTLEMAN are guy movies??

They may be "movies with men" but I think calling them "guy movies" is a bit of a stretch. You might as well put "Ya Ya Sisterhood" in there too then. That had a guy in it - James Garner, I think, haha.

Night out at Raymond's house:

RAYMOND: "Hey guys, lets all watch some high-powered testosterone real man flick tonight!"

GUYS: "Yeah!! *grunt* Ook! Ook! Ahk! Ahkk!"

RAYMOND: "Here's a great guy's movie! Officer and a Gentleman."

GUYS: "... ?!?!? ... eh ... Oh, man, it's getting late, I have to get up early tomorrow ... Yeah, me too .... My cat's probably missing me ... Seeya Raymond."

RAYMOND: "Hey wait! I've got Citizen Kane too!"
__________
Ouch! Hahaha. I just don't think "guy's movie" means only one dimensional characters, relentless action, and no romantic parts. Or that mainly guys would like "guy's movies." Hey, at least I didn't put "Sense and Sensibility."

Posted 7:02 PM by hx

today's dynamic duo/waste of good white space :) (gee, this is a lot easier than thinking of prose :)

one fresh from the oven...

at the beach
- halo, 29-07-02 , 18:57:24

the sun melted fiery into
dark waters and we
jostled and played,
spitting our sausages and
twirling wings over the
pit. the good smells
of barbecue roused my
stomach to growling,
and you heard it and
laughed.
i wanted to say something,
but i did not.
i will not see you again,
you won't be mine.
the moon rose in silver
streamers, scattering stars
in her wake.
we played the music so
loudly we thought we'd get
yelled at, but
no one came, and the night
was ours.
i wanted to take you aside,
hold you to me,
but i did not.
i will not see you again,
you were not mine.
as the night wore on the
fire died down and we
lay on our backs in
its dwindling warmth,
talking idly of dimensional
portals and the
inevitability of love.
i wanted to pull you to me,
and kiss you slow and soft,
but i did not.
i will not see you again,
you are not mine.

and one oldie but hopefully goodie :

Face
- halo, 11:33 PM, 9-6-98

i think about your face
i think about grace
i think about your kiss
i think about bliss
what force this sensuous heat
this pattern of scars
this satin swirl
what tender touch
what horrified face
such love such hate such lust
too deep too much
i feel
i feel you coming in the night
the moon glows cold and
sometimes i know
how ravens feel
when they take flight
it's nothing like the light
on winter snow
but still i feel
and tender kiss your tattered lace
and tear away
the masks that hide your face

Posted 2:52 AM by Anonymous

Whoah ...

He's here, on IM. I'm seeing him for the first time since he confessed. And it's weird. Because he's so close, yet so far - physcially, I'm not even sure where he is. But virtually, he's barely a mouseclick away. And we're both pretending that we don't see the other. Or at least I am. He's probably too ashamed to acknowledge me.

I was doing so well before this. Barely thinking of him. Feeling almost like my old self again, positive, excited, happy. Any thoughts of him that were poised to enter my mind, I'd somehow, very surely, brush away.

But I wasn't prepared for this reaction. This sudden disgust. An almost nauseating feeling. My heart pounding rapidly in my chest. The anger, the hurt, brewing, threatening to errupt ... it's as if the feelings were simmering, not truly dismissed, not at all. Merely pushed aside. God, I feel sick and awful again.

And I keep clicking over to IM to still see his name there. He's right THERE. And we're not talking. And he's within reach ... do you know, you motherfucker, what you did to me, what you're still doing to me? I didn't realize how much I still detested you. How much what you did fucking hurt me, scarred me. God damn you. God seriously damn you.

Shit ... all my progress is unravelling again ... shit.

Posted 1:19 AM by Anonymous

Just out of curiosity, how many languages do you know, and which languages would you like to learn?

I am fluent in English (my primary language), but I can understand some Cantonese and a tiny bit of Mandarin. I would like to become fluent in Mandarin someday, as well as Japanese, French, Spanish, German, and Hawaiian.

Posted 12:35 AM by hx

okay, let's try again. i like this one, so i'm guessing it'll be a toss up whether anyone else does or not *lol* :)

sounding star
- halo, 28-07-02 , 23:42:14

for you i have the patience
of angels,
of rocks,
of saints.
for you i can wait
forever,
as long as it takes.
you are the
rose of roses,
the star that
will not fall.
for you i have
the patience of
the Sphinx in desert night.
i take my soundings
by you,
i steer by your call.
within the bounds of
this strange bond,
i say that i am
yours.
no quibbling, no promises,
no whispers in the night.
slow are the sounds
that this yearning makes.
there are no guarantees
for the deceits of the flesh,
but for you i can wait,
for you i can wait
as long as it takes.

okay, i just finished another one that i'm kind of pleased with, so i'm just going to tag it on here under the other one...

Bali with you
- halo, 29-07-02 , 01:48:44

on the beach in Bali
we gathered pebbles and
sand-crusted shells.
i draped you with seaweed and
blew in your ear,
made you laugh so i could
feel the movement of your
torso under my arm.
you looked good in the
bikini i bought you,
a dark and witchy mermaid
dressed to kill.
i brought you to the
Marmalade Cafe
and drowsed with coffee
in the incense-stifling air,
watching you with one eye
as you giggling tried
to burn me with the
melting fragments of
mosquito coils.
the scent of the night was
on your skin
as we danced and shared the
sweat of a dozen local boys,
all eager for the heat of
sex and an undiluted dollar.
when did a cold beer
ever taste so good?
when the music died down
we returned to our rooms
and undressed to
the heady whir of
an ancient ceiling fan.
you were soft,
smooth,
warmer than i thought you'd be,
cooler than the beer.
in your lips i tasted
all of Bali,
all its beauty,
shining clear.

Posted 11:39 PM by Blah blah

More Pix

From the beach party (left to right):
1. Steve and Amabelle
2. Jasmin and her boyfriend Mike (AHA we gotcha, Jasmin!)
3. A bunch of people looking lost



Here is Mike's story of Amabelle and Felicia's May BBQ (with photos).

I met several cool people:
- Amabelle, whom I met last December when Christine was in town.
- Chris, the gay Malaysian guy whom I said is really cool! He just finished a 24 hour Blog-a-thon yesterday.
- Felicia, Amabelle's sister, who's in law school at Berkeley and about to leave for Vietnam.
- James, a Berkeley English major who took a couple of years off of school to edit a gaming magazine, FiringSquad.
- Jasmin and Mike, above.
- Mike, whom I also met last December.
- Min Jung came over to give me a hug. She had some of her writing recently published in a Canadian magazine, and she has a nice low voice.
- Nicole, a cute blonde who wants to study international law.
- Peter, the guy I mentioned below.
- Rita, Mike's girlfriend.
- Shinobu, a Japanese guy originally from Vancouver who works here at Oracle. We may hook up later.

I just took these pix of myself tonight:

Posted 2:24 PM by Blah blah

Ernie reinstated his blog comments! This week we get one of his infamous Ernie's mom posts. Plus designer Cheshire Dave made this funny Flash history of the Cooper Black typeface. Oh God. Ernie's starting yet another reality webgame to fill his lunch breaks. My housemate used to work with Ernie in the same group, a few dot-coms ago.

I see Unica Hija is dating a new guy. And she likes "being treated like a child." Spill spill spill, girl! Or it's NO ice cream and halo-halo for you tonight.

My new links:

Chris, a gay Chinese guy in San Francisco, from Malaysia, whom I met at Amabelle's beach party and whom I think is really cool and good for asking about gay clubs this fall;
Esther, a UCLA girl who's entering the financial investment world;
Miyuki, a pretty British Japanese girl in London who's a dancer and blogs with her two sisters---also dancers;
Pjammer, a handsome, cocky financial guy I met at the beach party who actually brought a LAPTOP to the beach, who is trying to make a short film and use it to help break into Hollywood;
Pylduck, an intellectual gay Asian guy in grad school at the U. of North Carolina;
Susan, a graphic design grad from the U. of Arizona who looks very much like my Taiwanese friend Irene;
Susie, girl about to start college who is a good source for your angst-fix, Halo;
and Victor, a Chinese guy in S. California who has travelled much and is an e-business consultant.

Posted 2:48 AM by Blah blah

Three Poems (forgive me Halo...I could not resist printing this):

Tonight

For my Queen of Clubs, who else?
27-07-02, 23:31:36 by halo

Tonight I will bring you tulips;
the champagne orange ones you love.
You will wrinkle your nose cutely
and pretend to be a fluffy bunny
when really we both know you are
a kitten with claws ready-sharpened.
I will ask you to go out with me,
and you will think about it, and
say, "Okay, he's not free tonight."
I will buy you dinner, and
we will go dancing, and
I will buy you drinks.
You will giggle and turn away boys
and men, and pretend to be drunk.
In the restroom you will admire
yourself in the mirror,
touch up your lipstick,
and pretend you don't know I'm
watching.
When the club closes at four,
I will walk you home, in the
still cold air with the
lonely wash of cars passing,
and we will talk of the things
that you refuse to discuss in
the day.
At your apartment, you will
invite me in, and we will get
drinks from your kitchen,
and go up to your bedroom.
You will call one of your men
and tell him about your day
while I lie across your bed
and calculate the number of
items of clothing you are
wearing.
As you talk about nothing,
I will come behind you
and slide my arms around your
waist, breathe on the back of
your neck, and kiss
your ear
gently,
gently.
Slowly I will
slide my tongue over
salt smooth skin and run
light fingers through the
waves of your hair.
When I reach your shoulders,
you will hang up and turn
to me,
and I will kiss my way up
the long line of your neck
and the curve of your chin.
My mouth will meet yours
in one slow fragment of
time and I will taste the
fruit scent of your
lipstick, your perfume,
your hair.
Your eyes will fall shut,
your hands will tighten
around me as mine hold
you close.
We will kiss,
we will kiss,
we will fall to the bed
and four a.m. will
become five,
then six.
Tonight I will bring you tulips,
and tomorrow,
and tomorrow,
and tomorrow the same.
I will never
tire of this game.

bg : soundtrack to the thomas crown affair

forever
26-07-02, 13:53:16 by halo

forever was
not so long ago,
when milk ran
red with blood and
the sun shone in
spear-glints off the
rings in your ears.
i am the
voice in your ear,
the whisper in your heart.
i make the dolls dance,
the sea churn
and the
stones break.
you pay no
attention to the things
that are forever.
in your tongue,
life lasts
as long as it needs to
and whatever melts,
melts.

taste
25-07-02, 18:34:41 by halo

the night hangs in
dark folds about
us and everywhere
in the red blood is
this pounding beat
of sound.
in the dusk i will
wrap your coils
around me,
top and toe.
i will taste the
scent of
sweat and leather
on my tongue
and in that
one sure instant of
silvered flash and
fevered movement i
will know.
the joy will
come in bitter
shreds somewhere
between the flames of
purgatory and hell,
as certain as the
shattered
dreams you sell.
i will wind your
strength around me
and with that taste
of darkness i
will know.
but where i go,
and what i know,
i will not tell.