Posted 11:57 AM by Blah blah

I'm stealing this from someplace on the Net. Don't ask:

Dear Backtalk Betty,

I heard something at the Power Exchange the other night about the erotic possibilities of paper cuts. Do you know anything about this? How does it work? What about other office oriented sex play? Mouse pads? Post-It notes? The hot glass of an over-used photocopier?

-A Cut Above the Rest


Dear Cut Happy,

I've heard about sickos like you. You're the kind of lecher who lurks in the shadows near the coffee urn waiting for someone to scald their tongue on their morning java so you can get your Jolly Roger launched. It'd be just your dream come true if some femme fatale sauntered into your cubicle bleeding effusively from a stapler incident, right? Betty thinks you've been cooped up in corporate America a little too long. It's my humble opinion that you need a little dose of what ails you. Someone ought to harness you up to the Clockwork Orange Special and force you to watch endless hours of "It's a Wonderful Life" and "The Bells of St. Mary's". Drum a little purity back into your jaded and twisted soul. Perhaps you should spend your lunchtime breaks taking nice long strolls through a pretty meadow or eating penny candy from the fountain at the General Store. Now behave, or Betty will have to discipline you.

Betty