Posted 8:00 AM by DUH

The Period

There's a reason why people call it that.

It puts a period on your life, puts all activity on "hold" and makes you struggle through your day wishing to God you were made male instead of female. It stops you from doing anything else. Except, of course, get cranky and grumpy and angry at everyone and get all weepy over everything. But only for a few days, thank God.

My good friend and I were discussing this phenomena on our way to the mall for some shopping this morning. We both find that when we find ourselves sad, weepy and irritable one day, sure enough, the next day or two days later, the period arrives.No fail.

My megapatient doctor ex would always tell me in that "doctor" voice of his during those turbulent times (of which he was a constant victim): "Honey, it's your hormones, not you. It's okay for you to vent! Here, take ibuprofen." This even after I've released all my hatred of the world on unsuspecting him. Now that I look back at his infinite patience with me, I realize how really very Gandhi he was that way. But then again, he's had patience practice in the emergency room. Nothing ruffles his composure (is that why they call them "patients" because they test the doctor's patience? just wondering).

But I digress. And that first day! Jeez, it cripples us women, debilitates us women, even. When my female friends at work walk in looking out of it, they only have to say, "It's my first day" and we understand each other completely. We hand over the green tea or the Midol, and the sisterhood is silently sealed. Because we get how terrible it can get: you're sore, you're face and ankles are bloated, you're doubled over in creamps, you feel icky with that bulky thing in between your legs, you breakout and you just feel ugly and weepy as hell. It's a nightmare.

Boyfriends only have an inkling of how it feels like. Well, except maybe if you're a doctor. So it really is a relief when you find a boyfriend who can take it all in stride and understand that at these times, when we turn into cobras and spew out all the hidden venom you never realized was collecting inside us instead of the usual sweetness, see it like this:

You're not really dealing with your girlfriend; you're dealing with a girl possessed by her hormones.

So be patient for just a few days till all the venom is spewed out. After that, you'll see your girlfriend again all sweetness and light once more. : )