Posted 8:13 PM by e*star

Today, we got paid. I can't believe I'm already finishing my 4th full week at work. It honestly feels like i've been there for quite a long time. Maybe 2 months. I am just really thankful because I get along with my co-workers so well. They're great. I don't know if I could have it any better...lots of potential to make substantial financial gain, camaraderie with my co-workers, decent benefits and great managers. All in the name of hard work. I can't lie and say that things are easy right now--but I am intent on keeping my eyes far ahead so I know this is all worth it. Everything else just makes it easier.

Prior to everyone going home, one of my co-workers had dug himself in a hole on the topic of sex: "If I were a woman in this business, I'd sleep my way to the top." Noting that we would do our best to "not be offended", one of my other co-workers and I pretty much made him dig his hole even deeper. The thing is that I actually wasn't really that offended, knowing how harmless he really is and his remarks were made out of ignorance and no ill-will whatsoever.

Without getting into the details of the conversation, I think i realized that in the end, even though I *am* one of the only female brokers at this firm, I still feel more comfortable than I ever thought I could at a 98% male-dominated workplace.

Important factors are:

1) My managers are sympathetic to me. This helps so much more than I could ever imagine. They are, in general, great people to work with, regardless of sex, and I'm lucky to have them overseeing me. Additionally, it is so helpful and so encouraging to see that my managers see potential in me. The affirmations I've gotten so far have helped me progress expontentially since I've grown more and more confident in my abilities in this business because of them.

2) I've already disregarded my own sex as an issue. The moment I recognize it as a hurdle, the moment I've given myself an excuse not to succeed. Sure, addressing the problem is important--but as each issue arises I intend to deal with it accordingly. If my sex is ever a problem for anybody (because it's not a problem for me), even clients, then I need to not deal with them if they aren't going to take me seriously. If I lose a client, then it's his loss, not mine.

3) I'm one of the guys. This is *not* saying that women can't be feminine, or even girly--this is just how *I* am. In general, I'm just not girly. And in this situation, it's helped. Or, maybe I've just learned to use it to my advantage since it also lets me command respect. It's pretty funny how when I intially worked there, my managers and co-workers took it upon themselves to apologize to me whenever there was some sort of swearing in like, a meeting, or in any remarks being heard around the office. Gentlemanly, they are. I appreciated it, but I also let them know that it doesn't really bother me--and in fact, I don't want to be differentiated from anybody else. I don't want anybody making exceptions *for* me, and conversely it also means that I don't want anybody expecting less *from* me. The props I get for succeeding *despite* the hurdles i've come across because of my sex will come as a bonus, not as one of the conditions.

4) I'm ready to stand up to anything, meaning: sexist remarks, comments, etc. Sure, I am going to pick my battles--especially since I am a lone soldier at combat with an unsuspecting yet large army. But, because I've already gotten confidence in who I am as an Asian American female, the foundation is laid for establishing my existence in the workplace. Even now, I hear certain ignorant comments being made, and for now, more often I say nothing. Keep in mind--it's my 4th week. ;) This shall change, soon...

I know that all of this is so early, but somehow--I feel that my life's journeys are *beginning* to come full circle. I can see myself rounding the last bend. My life's journeys through ordeals of racism, sexism, everything...I often have wondered what it was all for. What if I were to be the next unconcerned female who only wanted to find a successful boyfriend, attain a fairly decent job after undergrad for myself and then just settle down and have a family...and be content with that? What is so wrong with that? Why couldn't I just be content with what I was given? I live richer than 95% of the world's population. I'm not in a 3rd world country. I'm educated. Why am I causing all this ruckus?

Finally, it's paid off. The purpose of all the struggles has been realized. Finally. Finally. I waltzed into a male-dominated workplace otherwise inaccessible because of that. And, I will be successful. It's mine. Because I've worked for it.

*e

Posted 7:02 PM by Anonymous

Esquire's What A Man Should Know About A Woman-CONT.

#12. Women who have two or more brothers are less likely to be disgusted by you.

My Commentary: Agreed. For once.

Posted 11:11 AM by Anonymous

The Anonymous Assclown Factor

Closely related to Raymond's topic Getting Regular Visitors to Your Site is the Anonymous Assclown Factor. This term was first coined (I believe) by Pjammer, but I'm borrowing it because I think its a nifty term.

Inevitably as your site becomes more popular you are going to have undesirable elements frequenting your site. The Anonymous Assclown Factor can be defined in the following way: The popularity and hit count of your website is directly proportional to the number of complete morons that frequent your site leaving negative comments and/or guestbook entries, a.k.a. anonymous assclowns. These people were most likely lacking in familial affection when they were younger. Now they use the "king maker" abilities of the internet to ruthlessly stalk people and assert power anonymously to cause hurt in an attempt to make up for a lack of meaning and power in their own lives.

I first experienced this a few months ago and my initial reaction of course was anger. However, sage advice from many of my friends online convinced me that the best way to deal with anonymous assclowns is to ignore them and quietly send an email to their ISP if you feel it is warranted. Giving them the attention they so desperately seek only exacerbates the problem.

So, while we are talking about building popularity of your website lets not forget some of the negative aspects of it. They can be mitigated but they are frustrating nonetheless.

Posted 6:37 AM by Blah blah

Korean Sandwich!

I just checked the RBJ Top 100 sites, and Tiger Cafe is ranked #32, after Key (#31) and before Susan (#33).

Hey, I'm in the middle of a Korean sandwich! Between two pretty girls. Not something that happens to a man every day. (I hope I don't get a taste of Susan's infamous "knuckle sandwich" now.)

Posted 3:16 PM by Blah blah

From David Letterman. Some of this is old stuff, but if you don't get it, you probably are either: 1) Not American or 2) Not worth it anyway:

Top Ten Signs You Have a Bad Airline Pilot
10. You overhear him say on the intercom "Hey Pedro, what's this gizmo do?"
9. For the past two hours, you've been going straight up
8. He says, "We're cruising at an altitude of 40 feet."
7. Co-pilot is sitting on his lap
6. When you take-off he yells, "Weeeeeeeeeeeee!"
5. At some point he announces, "Screw Chicago, let's go find that Mars Observer"
4. He's wearing a Domino's pizza uniform
3. Over the P.A. you hear "Heh, heh, heh, this plane sucks, heh, heh, heh."
2. As you get on the plane you recognize the pilot as the same guy who drove your cab to the airport
1. Keeps referring to the control tower as "Mommy"

Top Ten Rejected "60 Minutes" Stories
10. How come bald guys ain't got hair?
9. Morley fills his mouth with birdseed, yawns until a hummingbird flies in
8. The president's brother might be some kind of moron
7. Guys Mike Wallace made cry
6. TV newsmagazines whose name says they're a certain length, but when you subtract the commercials are really more like "44 minutes"
5. The 1970's disco group "Village People": Gay?
4. Mike Wallace is Beavis; Andy Rooney is Butthead
3. Is that Letterman's real hair?
2. Are Hugh Downs and Barbara Walters "Doing It"?
1. A few minutes with Mickey Rooney

Top Ten Ways To Make Arafat Angry
10. Load his burnoose with bees
9. Borrow some of his books on making explosives, don't return them
8. Don't let him in the room until he says "open sesame"
7. If he's chasing you, paint a tunnel entrance onto a big rock, then hide and watch as he runs straight into it
6. When you meet him, go "Whoa! You ain't exactly Omar Sharif, are you?"
5. Introduce him as chairman of the PTA
4. Show up at a party wearing the same tablecloth
3. Ask him why it's not PLO speedwagon anymore
2. In the middle of the cab ride, tell him you changed your mind and you want him to take you to Brooklyn
1. Shortsheet his head

Top Ten Signs Your Neighbor Is A Talk Show Host
10. Always asking if you brought a clip
9. Whenever he leaves, he says "I'll be right back"
8. Invites you over for dinner and when you get there he tells you that you've been bumped
7. At his cookout, "Who wants hamburgers?" is written out on a cue card
6. When you ask him to return your lawnmower, he has a list of ten reasons why he doesn't have to
5. No particular sign -- just a statistical likelihood that if you're not a talk show host, you're neighbor is
4. Ed McMahon mows the lawn
3. He chases squirrels around yard with a microphone screaming, "Is the caller there?"
2. During the summer he gains an awful lot of weight
1. Five words: Applause sign in the bedroom

Top Ten Signs You've Lost Control Of Your Country
10. At big public ceremonies, secret service guys play keep-away with your hat
9. People see you at the self-service pump filling up your pacer
8. Sharp drop in sales of "Yeltsersizer" workout machine
7. Stolichnaya withdraws its corporate sponsorship of your presidency
6. You misspell "potato" and no one cares
5. Your mother asks if you want to move back in for a while
4. Ted Koppel cuts your interview short for a late-breaking story on the "Full House" twins
3. You're denied access to the presidential hookers
2. Domino's doesn't deliver your pizza for almost an hour, still makes you pay
1. Chicks no longer dig you

Top Ten Hillary Clinton's Tips For Making Your Man Happy
10. Ketchup-flavored lip-gloss
9. On special occasions, have the marine band play Fleetwood Mac hits
8. "Air Force One mile high club"
7. Give him pep talks: "Compared to you, Lincoln was just a monkey in a top hat"
6. Lean close, put your mouth to his ear, and whisper, "Bubbaaaaaaa"
5. Spend plenty of time inside the beltway, if you know what I mean
4. Take him away for a quiet weekend of taxing and spending
3. Every once in a while, let him run the country
2. Add a little spice in the bedroom by dressing up as a McDonald's waitress
1. Two words: Fry everything

Top Ten Signs You Have No Friends
10. No calls from salespeople pushing MCI's Friends and Family plan
9. You go to a video store and say out loud to yourself, "Well, what do you want to rent tonight?"
8. You send birthday cards to the members of the McLaughlin Group
7. You are one of the five best solitaire players in the world
6. Your initials are G.S. and you own a major league baseball team in the Bronx
5. At your funeral, the entire eulogy is, "Yep, he's dead."
4. Having a Super Bowl party means dressing up your dogs in sweaters and tying them to the furniture
3. James Taylor sings first few bars of "You've Got A Friend," notices you in the audience, and stops
2. You're still drinking from the same keg you bought on New Year's Eve '87
1. All your phone calls start with "976"

Top Ten Signs You're On A Bad Date
10. You can't think of anything else on your date except strangling Chuck Woolery
9. He seems to know an awful lot about your shower routine
8. His multiple personalities begin arguing after dinner about splitting check
7. You find yourself spending an inordinate amount of time lifting his head out of the soup
6. He's been on "Geraldo" three times
5. After two beers he starts calling you "Mommy"
4. All she wants to talk about is how much she loves working for her boss, Heidi Fleiss
3. Every place you suggest for dinner, he says "Nah -- there might be cops there."
2. Insists that she was a virgin, but you know she was married to Sean Penn
1. He takes you to a Met game

Top Ten Signs You're Being Investigated by "60 Minutes"
10. The Domino's Pizza guy looks a little like Ed Bradley 9. Your secretary tells you the men are here to install the hidden microphones
8. You see your accountant wearing brand new "60 Minutes" T-shirt, sweatshirt, and baseball cap
7. You own a sweatshop that is accused of hiring illegal aliens and a woman calling herself "Morlene Safer" applies for a job
6. Guy wearing CBS News cap always emerging from your shrubbery, asking to use your bathroom
5. Everywhere you look: Andy Rooney's eyebrows
4. Wherever you go you hear a really loud ticking noise
3. While lying in bed after seducing you, Leslie Stahl starts asking oddly detailed questions about your business
2. While lying in bed after seducing you, Morley Safer starts asking oddly
detailed questions about your business
1. There's a microphone in your pants

Top Ten Signs of Trouble in the Darryl Hannah/JFK. Jr. Relationship
10. She was overheard saying "Wait -- you're not President Kennedy?"
9. Loud public arguments over who's prettier
8. Lots of finger-pointing after they lost People magazine's "Sexiest Couple Alive" title
7. All of a sudden she doesn't want to wear the mermaid outfit in bed
6. Madonna's at the Garden
5. He keeps confusing her with Fabio
4. Every day, big fights over mirror time
3. He's jealous because she does better on Bar Exam
2. She's sick of him saying "Ask not what your country can do for you; ask if you can get me another beer"
1. Loni's available

Top Ten Signs Your Date Is Not Having A Good Time
10. Doesn't laugh when you give yourself ketchup sideburns
9. As you drop her off, she says "Do me a favor -- next time call a different escort service"
8. You catch her giving her phone number to the guy squeegeeing your windshield
7. "Whoa! Is it 8:15 already!?"
6. Seems unimpressed that you're the senior senator from Oregon
5. Lunges at you several times with a steak knife
4. Doesn't even finish her "Whopper"
3. It's been 4 hours since she left for the ladies room
2. You're Orville Redenbacher; she hates popcorn
1. Whispers to waiter "Please kill me"

Top 10 Reasons Dan Quayle Would Make a Great President
10. Would not seem like brainy egghead when visiting nation's injured professional wrestlers.
9. Boyish good looks would cause Mrs. Gorbachev to fall in love, reveal state secrets.
8. His willingness to don inspiring Eagle Man costume on national holidays.
7. Secret Service agents wouldn't have to take their jobs so seriously.
6. Hilarious hijinks when mischievous staffer tells him to go stand in corner of Oval Office.
5. State of the Union Address would be three minutes tops.
4. Might really enjoy the part where after signing a bill into law, he gets to pass out a lot of souvenir pens.
3. Would satisfy little-known constitutional requirement that Chief Executive be "dumb as a tree".
2. We'd get to watch him grow up on TV.
1. Impossible to pick himself as Vice President.

Top 10 Signs That People Are Getting Dumber
10. Detailed instructions now provided with all new socks.
9. Cher cologne.
8. Nobel Prize for literature given to guy who first hyphenated "oat-bran".
7. Quaylemania!
6. Japanese successfully marketing TV set that's just a cardboard box with a picture of Fess Parker inside it.
5. Disney gave me lots of money for movies I have no intention of making.
4. Most Americans can name no more than 2 of the 4 dancing raisins.
3. People will applaud even when no joke has been made.
2. Presidential Seal now reads "I'm not gonna pay a lot for this muffler.
1. I'm still on the air.

Posted 12:20 PM by Anonymous

Esquire's What A Man Should Know About A Woman-CONT.

#11. Women who come from big families are more fun.

My Commentary: I don't like that word 'fun.' What does that mean? That these women like to go to the amusement park more than the average four-person-family woman?

Posted 11:20 AM by Blah blah

Poll: One Ear or Two? What Color Ice Cream R U?

Thinking about yesterday's talk about how dumb the conversations on RBJ are getting, I realized that in all this time, I still have not started a meaningless topic myself.

Well today is the day I pop that cherry, dammit!

BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH... LOL *WINK* Oh I have a crush on Danny's panties ROWRRRRR...

If you get tired of this topic, other pointless topics to try:

1. Let's Play an Armpit Wrinkle Association Game!
2. What Dead People do You have a Crush on?
3. Debate: Oscar the Grouch or Big Bird? Who is Sexier?
4. Religion and Romance: What Pet Names Do You Call God?
5. Technology: Where Did I Lose My Spork?
6. Education: Can Someone Do My Homework for Me?

Whew...that felt GOOD!

Posted 11:08 AM by Blah blah

Friend's Wedding Pix in China

Christina posted these pix from her friend's wedding she attended. Nice glimpse into modern Chinese weddings.

Christina's group blog is super popular now. Gets like 300-400 visitors a day. I hadn't checked it for a while, but it has lots of members and people talk up a storm there! When I first knew her, she knew nothing about blogging. She was my first cowriter, back in March. She's why I have that "translation" button in the left column!

Posted 7:32 AM by Blah blah

Wow, look at this: Google Answers. Ask anything you want, for a price.

If you have problems/see bugs with Blogger and want someone to respond to your questions, Evan Williams has developed Blogger Control. Sign in with your normal Blogger name and enter your problems into their tracking database. Someone will get back to you.

Posted 11:12 PM by Blah blah

Celebrity Couples: Age Differences

You know, this list makes me feel like it's no biggie to date someone 10-15 years younger than I, if that ever happens. I'd better start scouring the high schools now.

1. Biggest age differences:

J. Howard Marshall II . . . Anna Nicole Smith: 63 years
Glynn Wolfe . . . Daisy: 63 years
Tony Randall . . . Heather Harlan: 51 years (She just had a baby last year, dang it. Tony is 80.)
Kirk Kerkorian . . . Lisa Bonder: 48 years
Cary Grant . . . Barbara Harris: 47 years
Anthony Quinn . . . Kathy Benvin: 47 years
Tony Curtis . . . Jill Vanden Berg: 45 years
Fred Astaire . . . Robyn Smith: 44 years (Yeah Fred! He's a stud in my book, and eternally young, so I can see this.)

2. Biggest difference in which the WOMAN is older:

Joan Collins . . . Percy Gibson: 32 years, Husband #5

3. The next one is usually younger:

Joan Collins . . . Robin Hurlstone: 25 years (Boyfriend)
Joan Collins . . . Percy Gibson: 32 years (Husband 5)

John Derek . . . Ursula Andress: 10 years (Wife 2)
John Derek . . . Linda Evans: 16 years (Wife 3)
John Derek . . . Bo Derek (Mary Collins): 30 years (Wife 4)

Cary Grant . . . Virginia Cherrill: 4 years (Wife 1)
Cary Grant . . . Betsy Drake: 19 years (Wife 3)
Cary Grant . . . Dyan Cannon: 33 years (Wife 4)
Cary Grant . . . Barbara Harris: 47 years (Wife 5)

4. Hot older woman pattern:

Elizabeth Taylor . . . Larry Fortensky: 20 years
Vanna White . . . Colby Donaldson: 17 years
Raquel Welch . . . Richard Palmer: 14 years
Vanessa L. Williams . . . Rick Fox: 6 years
J.K. Rowling . . . Neil Murray: 5 years

As you know, I really enjoy reading blogs by Sex and the City type of women (or women who identify with that show). When I saw Michelle (below) liked that show, I snatched her up for Tiger Cafe. It's a litmus test. I don't get cable and have never even seen the show! But I've seen the women who like it.

Here's a new SATC woman on my reading list. Kinda reminds me of Key. She's in San Francisco: Honeydew. Read. Go!

Posted 7:29 PM by Anonymous

Clockwatching

Clockwatching is the fine art of trying to appear busy at work without really being busy while watching the clock for the earliest possible opportunity to escape. I don't actually find myself practicing this art very much, but today was one of those days. Since I work in consulting I'm usually trying to meet unreasonable requirements on an unreasonable time table, thus the typical 12+ hour days. Today I got to see what its like to be a regular 8 to 5'er. I strolled in, worked a little bit took frequent breaks, kept some documents open to easily switch to in case someone walked by since I was surfing the internet. It was refreshing, but I couldn't do it all the time; my type A personality wouldn't allow it.

That brings me to my question. What did people do before they had the internet to occupy their time? The internet itself is a fairly recent phenomena but having information available in the sense it is today is even more recent. I would venture to say that there were not any web sites worth frequenting until about 1996 or so, maybe later. So what did all of those people with office jobs or administrative jobs do all day? Our workload most certainly has not changed from 10 or 15 years ago. People still were idle for portions of the day at work. So what did they do, count the dots on the ceiling? I think its amazing people made it through the day because lets face it, plenty of jobs are boring and the only thing saving most people from complete insanity is the internet.

Posted 4:39 PM by Anonymous

Esquire's What A Man Should Know About A Woman-CONT.

#10. Showering a woman with gifts after the first date is the romantic equivalent of a comb-over.

My Commentary: And what is so wrong with that my friend? I love comb-overs. Especially when using a Goody brush with rubber tipped bristles.

Posted 1:04 PM by Blah blah

Gratuitous Eye Candy

In New York City, Key just posted these sexy pix of herself from a Halloween party. Rowrrr...

To be fair to those of you on the West Coast, here's my West Coast response to Key. This is my housemate, K. Yeah, I live with her. No, we're just friends. She usually walks around in red or golden silk lingerie, but you didn't want to know that, right?


For larger pix, I want your credit card number.

Posted 9:40 AM by Clementine

Say Hi to Michelle!

I just woke up, still have five chapters of William's Obstetrics to read for my 8 am class, and it's already 1:15 am. Times like this, what does a typical med student do?

Cram like hell.

But I'm not typical. So I'm blogging. :) Yeah, even when I'm experiencing massive menstrual cramps right now. Oops, am I grossing you out? If no, good. If yes, well, get used to it.

So I'm supposed to introduce myself here. Hmn. To put some order into my otherwise chaotic thoughts, I'll follow Unica Hija's (one of my favorite blogs)lead, and do it in a Top Ten fashion.

1. I'm 24 years old, female, from Manila, Philippines. But I've been told I act 17, walk like a man on testosterone overload (wa-poise), and have such far-off ideas my friends sometimes wonder if I'm even from this planet.

2. I'm a middle child. But I grew up getting all the attention in my family, being the only girl. I was always the target of my two brothers' pranks, though. I often kid that this honed me for bitchhood, but my friends say no, it's inherent. I was born with it. :P

3. I'm a rare breed - I'm probably the only slacker in medical school. I'm so lucky thus far coz I get by with minimal studying. I just rely on my stocked knowledge and superior IQ for that. Oh, did I say I'm an airhead? :) Kidding aside, superior IQ my foot. I'm just plain lucky. If I were the patient, I won't go consult myself.

4. I'm very olfactory. I love nice smells. I love perfume. I love fragrant body washes. I love guys that smell absolutely yummy. Given a choice between a hunk who hasn't bathed in a month and a not-so-hot guy who smells great, I'd go for the latter. Anytime.

5. I'm a Diet Coke (now Coke Light) junkie. Seriously. I drink 6 cans a day, minimum. My whole family is, too. I know. Time for Diet Coke Addicts Anonymous.

6. I'm a self-diagnosed obsessive-compulsive. I check locks, wash my hands, even pray several times. I listen to the same CDs, watch the same movies, read the same books over and over. I'm a stickler for details - well, details I'm interested in anyway. I want everything to be in place.

7. I'm a sleepyhead. I sleep at least 8 hours a day, exam week or not. I don't need expensive sleeping pills to doze off - just the thought of a bed, or a pillow, or heck, anything, makes me want to close my eyes and travel to dreamland. I suspect I can even sleep in a vertical position - although I haven't tried that yet. But I once fell asleep while drying my hair. Now top that.

8. I absolutely have no sense of direction. I remember I got lost inside my university when I was already in third year pre-med. Yeah, that bad.

9. I'm a hypochondriac. Maybe an offshoot of reading all those stone-tablet-thick books of diseases, etc. I once thought I had a breast lump, until my friend pointed out that well, that lump was my breast. Just recently, I found a small mass inside my inner lip and thought it was cancer. Two hours later, it burst - mouth sore pala.

10. I'm a virgin.

So there. My first appearance. Excuse me, I'm dying of pain here. I should go get some Advil.

Posted 8:14 PM by Anonymous

Say Hi to Raven!

I have known Raymond (in an online sense) since about July of this year and have been an avid reader of Tiger Cafe since that time. I got an email from him the other day asking me if I wanted to co-write here. I'm honored to have been asked because Tiger Cafe is home to a lot of witty and talented writers. I'll try to live up to that.

So, without further ado I believe introductions are in order. My name is Raven and several of you may know me from The RBJ Forums, to everyone else "Hello." I'm in the consulting business and oddly enough I have never had my own journal until this past year. So, I'm relatively new to the whole online journaling craze. I guess I owe the fact that I am writing this today to my fiancee, Mona. She has kept an online journal for years and pushed me to do the same so that we would have a record of our thoughts before the wedding. I was a bit apprehensive at first but I'm glad that I decided to do it because it has given me the opportunity to better express myself. It has actually worked out fairly well because I live most of my life on the road and its great to be able to write about my experiences from anywhere.

So, I'm looking forward to sharing my thoughts, wisdom, humor and a smidgen of controversy with all of the readers of Tiger Cafe. It's great to be aboard!

Posted 5:09 PM by Blah blah

Parting words from Unica Hija:
Top 10 Things a Young Single Woman Should Know

1. You'll get over that devastating heartbreak. And you will love again. Yes, you will even though you feel your life is falling apart right now.
2. Never put your life on hold for anyone, not even for that man you love so dearly.
3. Love is never enough. Whenever possible, use the brain over the heart.
4. Then again, all things being equal, follow your heart as long as your thought process also involves the brain.
5. Keep your virginity as long as you can. This is only for you to be able to exercise your brain when you so decide to finally lose it to someone you love. But don't think it's the end and be all of your existence. It isn't.
6. It's the year 2002. Do yourself a favor and learn about birth control.
7. When it comes to men, always opt for character over anything else. Ask about a guy's beliefs and values. That's the real him.
8. Know what you want. This will take some doing. But once you know what you want, there will be less nights torturing yourself solving any problem you will face. And it's also a character trait extremely attractive to men.
9. Always have a little black dress in your wardrobe.
10. About 90% of the time, when a guy is a bumbling idiot each time he talks or faces you, he is actually in love with you. If not, and he's a tad too smooth or a tad too confident, you may just be another conquest. Be wary of this guy.

Posted 3:23 PM by Anonymous

I'm sorry to say that I, like UH, am going to be taking a break from Tiger Cafe for a while. Life is busier than usual around my house, what with Sarah moving in and all -- as we claim the house for ourselves, we are repainting almost the entire interior, and after that there's a raft of garden work we're going to undertake. The wonderful thing is that we're going to end up with a house that is both home and haven. In the meantime, though, it affords me less time for writing. It's hard enough keeping my own journal going (it's on hiatus until the beginning of next month), leaving aside trying to post here often enough.

I'll still be reading and commenting from time to time. I hope all goes well for everyone!

Cheshire

Posted 2:47 PM by fan777

i've taken this road before
to the edge of rain.
i've wandered beyond the somnambulant reach of sun.
i've seen a haunted world search for stars
beneath the shadows of rocks.
i've gone from yesterday to today
in the blink of an eye.
i've died a thousand times
in a thousand tell-tale cities,
looking for you.

so tell me, Love, where will you
be in the days that are coming?
if i haven't found you yet
in my memories of yesterday,
at least i might have you
in the smoke of tomorrow.

Posted 12:47 PM by Anonymous

Esquire's What A Man Needs to Know About A Woman-CONT.

#8. Love does not mean never having to say you're sorry. It means having to say you're sorry over and over again, in new and different ways, every day, every week, every month, even when you don't want to, every year, until God grants you his mercy and you finally, blissfully die.

My Commentary: That last part was a little over the top, wasn’t it? But if you’re an ardent believer, you’d like nothing more than death. Still that part about apologizing even when you don’t want to...is right on the money. Sometimes, you gotta delude yourself momentarily and cough it out; for better or worse. *bless you*

On another note, a personal farewell to Unica Hija and happy trails. I wish you greener pastures. -Mira.

Posted 8:51 AM by Blah blah

Bye to Unica Hija! WANTED: New Cowriters.

Unica Hija is leaving Tiger Cafe. This superwoman is busy with the following:

1. Working in advertising
2. Getting her masters degree
3. Starting a consulting business
4. Dealing with her boyfriend

and

5. Taking those long elaborate baths. Hehe...

We will miss you and your sense of humor, you big flirt! Make sure to keep in touch, ok?

Now we have space here at Tiger Cafe for another flirtatious cowriter with a good sense of humor. Anyone? I'm taking new people who can write at least once a week. Guys and girls. This site gets at least 200 visitors/day.

Posted 8:42 AM by Blah blah

Thank You (Part 2). Corine's Stalker.

Corine started a new RBJ topic, showing her thanks for everyone who helped in this suicide incident. She said:

"after all that has happened with mr. sparkles and all...i've been getting lots of IM and PMs thanking me for what happened and stuff. but i just want all of you to know that i wasn't the only one who did all this.

all of you guys -Kitty, Eugene, Arnold, Raymond, Aard, Brandon, Chinky, Frostee, Archesray, Carlos, Lavish, and others who truly care about mr. sparkle.

this wasn't effort by me alone. eugene for example, stood up here to stay watch for any updates while i went offline. raymond made an effort to track mr. sparkle down just in case anything happened. aard was up all nite trying to encourage him and she had a paper tomorrow morning. this are just some of the things i knew of what happened that nite, there could be so many more.

whatever i have said wrong or expressed wrongly at that point of time to offend any of you, i'm sorrie. mr. sparkle is a life that matters to all of us i'm sure. with whatever i wrote, i didn't mean to attract attention to myself. if u know me well enough, i'm not one who seeks for attention, instead i hate it. i'm not as noble or good as Raymond says i am. like i always say, we all did this together.

mr. sparkle is now better and i thank God for that. thank you guys! this only shows how wonderful you guys all are! let the community spirit of RBJs live on!"

Mr. Sparkle himself left this comment on Corine's blog:

"one time, a homeless person was lying still on the cold cement. no one knew or people simply over looked the fact that the person was all blue. one woman cared stopped and called for help.

another time, i noticed that someone was bleeding badly infront of the subway. one woman aleady took charge of the situation and held the the person's bleeding head up.

both cases no one ever found out who those people were. i myself was too shy to ask. only this time i know... and feel."

This soap opera is continuing for Corine in a new form! Yesterday (Oct. 26) she wrote that this Malaysian girl, an ex-girlfriend of Corine's friend, has been stalking her online for the last two months:

"she started getting nasty. calling up her ex, begging and crying over the phone, threatening suicide etc etc...u want to know all the tricks a girl could use to keep a man, she's got it man. and then she started visiting my page and leaving nasty comments like these on my flooberbox

7 icono lying bitches!!!! September 12, 2002, 3:08 pm
8 cor i wanna die September 12, 2002, 3:11 pm
9 cor gone with the wind... forever.... September 12, 2002, 3:13 pm

using my name, pretending to be me saying those things. writing me nasty emails, calling me up any time and not saying a word. she's a freak. and her latest cheap thrill is signing up at RBJs as 'sandbird' and posting stupid stuff and lies about me. yes, she needs professional help."

Corine started an RBJ topic on her stalker here.

Corine, I really think you need to spend LESS time online and MORE time on your SCHOOL! Take a break from RBJ and all of this drama for a while. You need to focus on your immediate life first. Don't avoid your real-life problems, ok?

Posted 4:43 PM by Anonymous

Esquire's What A Man Should Know About A Woman-CONT.

#8. Don't kiss and tell, even if you're really proud of yourself.

My Commentary: Um, maybe only if she's a slut and the whole world already knows it. Otherwise, I doubt you would if she was a real keeper, right guys? Let's hear it for those locker room ego-trips! *towel snap*

Posted 12:49 AM by e*star

Unsent Letter

In a recent entry in my personal site, I noted the more angst-ridden people that Diaryland tends to attract as opposed to the more commercial Blogger. NOT to say that one is better than the other. Honestly, I just liked the free comments and stats that came with the fee to get rid of the banners. :)

Just wanted to show you a small, personal work: an entry in the site, Unsent Letter. The site is for people to post letters that they were obviously thinking but would not send.

Here's my unsent letter. It's to my ex.

I guess I *am* angst-ridden. :)

*e

[See Miss angst-ridden Esther's new bio section! She looks hungry...for customers. Sorry, I edited your post, Esther, for clarity. -RG]

Posted 10:26 PM by Blah blah

From my quotes page:

Happiness, I have discovered, is nearly always a rebound from hard work. It is one of the follies of men to imagine that they can enjoy mere thought, or emotion, or sentiment! As well try to eat beauty! For happiness must be tricked! She loves to see men at work. She loves sweat, weariness, self-sacrifice. She will be found not in palaces but lurking in cornfields and factories and hovering over littered desks: she crowns the unconscious head of the busy child. If you look up suddenly from hard work, you will see her,---but if you look too long she fades sorrowfully away.

---David Grayson

Posted 6:10 PM by Anonymous

Esquire's What A Man Should Know About A Woman-CONT.

7. Women do not desire to be introduced to a new brand of perfume.

My Commentary: ?

Posted 5:16 PM by Blah blah

Asians on American TV

On RBJ, Ben wrote:

"I would like to see Asian representation that doesn't involve:

-delivering food
-being a gang member
-fighting or kung-foolery
-playing an FOB who's crazy about American white women
-playing a prostitute
-portraying a robotic (or inhuman) businessman
-as some jungle-inhabiting enemy fighting against the forces of "good" or western civilization

In effect, I want Asians to represented as ordinary people devoid of stupid stereotypes and novel hype."

Good one, Ben.

Posted 1:20 PM by Blah blah

Take It Seriously. No "Tough Love" Crap.

At the end of yesterday's debate on RBJ about Mr. Sparkle's suicide threat, it turned nasty. Some people lashed out at him, telling him to "be a man, stop whining," etc. While it might make those people feel good for five minutes to tell some total stranger off, it could have serious consequences on someone, that vulnerable, who has come to US for help.

Someone who is forced to post his struggles with suicide publicly on a message board must not have anyone to talk to in his own life. He must be at the brink already. He has hit bottom. He hates himself. For people to kick him while he's down is like spitting on a dying dog. We must respond with tact and extreme caution. We must show respect and compassion for what he's going through and TAKE ACTION.

The Internet lets us all get lazy as passive spectators to others' ups and downs. We are used to clicking through from blog to blog, using them for our own amusement, like channels on TV. But these people's anguish is real. It's not for our entertainment. When the time comes and you are needed, please please act!

I quote from a memorial website for Kevin Hogue, the Berkeley student I mentioned below, who jumped off of a 10th-floor balcony this April.

"I was one of the last people Stars Pyre [Kevin Hogue] 'spoke' to before he made that fateful decision. I knew he was having a difficult time sorting things out but had no idea how close he was to the breaking point. You can imagine my horror when I gave him the online equivalent of a slap on the back and a hug, told him I would be out of town Saturday and most of Sunday, but would speak to him on Monday....and then came home to find he suicided soon after I talked to him. I don't know what I could have done since I had no idea his life had reached that inevitable turning point. Maybe I should have left him my cell phone number. Maybe I shouldn't have gone; perhaps he thought I was brushing him off or trying to get rid of him. There had to have been something I could have done. I dropped the ball on this one and now I can only say that I am sorry and hope I do better the next time.

If you never do anything else, please read the next words I have to say and take them to heart. I'm speaking as someone who has tried all too often to cross that final bridge and failed for whatever reasons. Always, always take talk of suicide seriously. To say that the ones that talk about it or don't succeed aren't serious or won't do it is a myth. Don't try the 'tough love' crap on them if you aren't going to be around to monitor the results; you just might push them over the final edge into oblivion. Sympathy and pity might not be what they need or what they will respond to, but by the gods, don't lash someone already in obvious conflict and pain with harsh words and then walk away. Have the courage to stand by them and finish what you started because you don't KNOW what affect your words will have on the person in crisis.

I hate the word 'threat' in 'suicide threat'; it makes it sound as though these people are playing with their lives and trying to solicit favors from their friends and family. It also makes the situation sound a lot less serious than it really is. I don't know what you would call it, but it isn't a threat. The person talking about killing themselves feels they have nothing to gain with any other action and so most standard input (attention, gifts, etc) isn't going to change how they feel. Treat these comments for what they are --- the preliminary planning sessions for the taking of a life. Friends are precious commodities and I didn't have very many of them, certainly not enough for any of them to consider their lives worth throwing away. Stars Pyre stood up for me on an important issue once because he felt I was right even though my side of the argument wasn't the popular one. I owe him my existence because he understood the concepts I expressed above and took the time to connect with me at a crucial moment when things could so easily have gone the other way. I am alive and able to have an impact on others' lives because he had an impact on mine through one simple act of kindness. I wish I could have made him see that; maybe then he wouldn't have been so willing to throw his life away."

Posted 2:58 PM by Blah blah

Carlos wrote this about yesterday's incident. Thank you, Carlos!

Thank you

I wanted to express my heartfelt thanks to everyone who worked on talking to, calming, and encouraging Mr. Sparkle today. People involved included Carlos, Frostee, Brandon, Ami, Arnold, Eugene, and I. Brandon posted an especially touching story about the death of his girlfriend in a car accident.

Most of my thanks go to Corine (aka Babysakura), who spent at least TWELVE HOURS working on this problem. (See her website for more details.) She helped calm him down, encourage him, and open him up to talk. She didn't eat. She prayed for him. When he finally realized that people DID care about him, that he WAS making an impact, he slowly started to change and think about others instead of just his own problems. He said he'd go see a doctor---a breakthrough!

I was very impressed by Corine and applaud how she acted in this crisis. She was persistent, compassionate, and very sweet and caring. She was also clever and made wise decisions. Three cheers for you, honey!!! You were his guardian angel.

I also asked Sandy if she would share, with the man, some of her experiences with deep depression. She wrote a long entry on her blog about her story. Read it. An excerpt:

Life is not worth living if all I feel is pain. I carried the same mentality with me into the psych. ward where I was kept for 2 weeks. The notion of "finding happiness within myself" seemed inconceivable.

And I won't lie and say that I'm fully recovered from that incident. I still have my "bad" days, and a bad day for someone who is depressed isn't just waking up late in the mornings and not having a cup of coffee. Some days I feel like I weigh 300 lbs and everyone I run into is staring at me, silently mocking me behind their cold stares....thanking the dear lord that they're not me and they don't have to face that wretched reflection everyday. And yes, I feel like that often...just a few days ago actually....

Suicide came to me like a evil force digging into my brain, whispering its deluded promises of resolution to me. I don't know how, but I drove those voices out.....I rode it out on my mountain bike, I smoked it out, drank it out, cried it out...did whatever it took to get me into the next day. That's all it takes to start your new path. First, baby steps...soon you're striding along and you won't look back at suicide as a option... I often laugh and make jokes to my friends that everyone should be "institutionalized" at least once in their lifetime. It really opened my eyes to many things and forced me to realize that life is precious and having to shave your legs in front of a guard is NO fun!

Thank you, Sandy! Of course this story is not over. But we all accomplished something important today. And I am very proud of that.

Posted 6:41 AM by Blah blah

Suicide Threat

Oh my God. This guy Mr. Sparkle started a debate on RBJ about One Good Reason for Him Not to Commit Suicide!

We've never heard much from him before. I take all suicide threats VERY VERY SERIOUSLY. I cannot believe that what people tell him in this public debate may actually influence his decision to take his life.

Please show him your support! And help to find out more about him (in case we need to call the police). He is not the first person on RBJ to talk about suicide. Anna (Enygma) also posted a very suicidal entry a few weeks back. I was alarmed and wrote Carlos about it. We both wrote to her privately.

Esther, the Korean Berkeley grad, told me how in March and April 2002, two guys at UC Berkeley (my university) killed themselves within three and a half weeks of each other. In March, Nicolai Rosen suffocated himself in an office with a plastic bag. Then April 4, Kevin Hogue jumped off of a 10th-floor balcony to his death. What's more eerie: both of them had websites and wrote blogs. Both killed themselves at Evans Hall, one of the tallest buildings on campus (and thus a suicide magnet). When you know someone online and read him daily, then he's gone, it's a doubly tremendous shock. You wonder how much more you should have paid attention, should have tried to get him outside help.

PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE SQUEAMISH:
- Here's Nicolai Rosen's website. See how much he takes a "fuck the world" attitude and follows anarchists like Eric Raymond.
- A memorial page to Kevin Hogue (Stars' Pyre). Kevin Hogue's LiveJournal site. See how, just days before he did it, people would not take him seriously and mocked his depressing rants. Could that have helped drive him over the edge?

I am no stranger to suicide threats. Someone close to me threatened suicide once on a website. This was no joke. I read it and freaked out. I like to think I helped save this person.

A pretty, intelligent Taiwanese girl, Theta (YunJu Tai), whom I knew only from a series of emails we wrote each other, killed herself on Feb. 10, 2001. I've linked her website too. She was a physics student at Taiwan's top school, National Taiwan University. I wrote the whole story here and here.

Let's show support to Mr. Sparkle, everyone!

Posted 2:24 AM by fan777

one morning... you fall out of bed and the light hits your eyes and outside, it is blue and white and green and, for a moment, you don't remember where you are or when it is. somehow the stray beam entering your window seems all too familiar, like a stray beam that entered a different window a different year ago... a memory that belonged in oblivion... and you think she's still beside you. the perfume of light slips in; mistaking the warmth for her is easy... you turn around...

and what if she were still there beside you?

would the ocean of worry, frustration, and sorrow you've bottled up inside your head find a way out through the corner of your eyes? a prelude to storms, the life you've been leading would be a nightmare dismissed... and then you turn around and blink, she's gone, turning to nothing and you can't help but think... was the moment all that magical or is memory a sweet wine, the slow ferment of thought into something more delectable than ever before?

i'd die if you were the coffin. morbidity and this localized, concentrated, centralized consciousness. how sad a life must be when it insists upon dwelling in the dark of yesterday. a year ago, life made sense. two years ago, life was beautiful. three years ago, life made the upswing into zen.

i'm wasting, wasted. the fractal mind that implodes... you're my opium if life were a drug. addicted to your illusion. illuminated.

i bet you think this song is about you. it very well could be. or you could very well be mistaken. good afternoon.

Posted 7:13 PM by Anonymous

Esquire's What A Man Should Know About A Woman - CONT.

#6. Less than .05 percent of the male population is attractive enough to ignore chivalry, and most women over the age of twenty-five prefer to admire such men from a distance.

My Commentary: I guess that's true. An ugly chivalrous man is hard to miss.

Posted 3:00 PM by Blah blah

I can't believe I forgot to post this:

Nobel Peace Prize Awarded to Carter, With Jab at Bush (NY Times). BRAVO, President Carter, sir!!! I've admired his post-presidential career ever since he founded the Carter Center in Atlanta and willingly got down and dirty to help build houses with Habitat for Humanity.

Jimmy Carter is a noble and inspiring man. This prize is well-deserved and long overdue. I have the greatest respect for him. Another men whom I think should win the Prize are diplomats like Richard Holbrooke (now U.S. Ambassador to the U.N.), an important mediator in Bosnia, and statesmen like ex-Senator George Mitchell (D-Maine), famous as mediator in a 22 month set of negotiations in N. Ireland. They have had to help negotiate peace between peoples with the most atrocious, deeply visceral hatreds.

"The Nobel Peace Prize, which carries a stipend of $1 million, recognizes the 39th president for his 'vital contribution' to the Camp David Accords in 1978 (text of the Accords), his 'outstanding commitment to human rights,' his work fighting tropical diseases like guinea worm and river blindness and his continuing interest in furthering democracy. On Monday, Mr. Carter, 78, is off to Jamaica to monitor elections.

More than any other ex-president, Mr. Carter, a Democrat and former Georgia governor, has stretched the gravitas and star power of the Oval Office to promote democratic values across the world. Unlike his peers, he never joined corporate boards or went on the lecture circuit.

Instead, with seemingly endless energy and his signature toothy grin, he has trudged up mountains to meet with warlords, cajoled dictators into granting more freedoms and found a second career of 'waging peace,' as he calls it. Everywhere he goes, so does his wife, Rosalynn, his most trusted confidant." There is a great love story enveloped in there between Jimmy and Rosalynn.

Posted 8:54 AM by Blah blah

Sour Bob in Chicago is a 27-year-old guy in the process of getting divorced. I find him witty, eloquent, and touching. He's now on my reading list. He wrote:

I Am A Hell Of A Personal Ad

NOT YET DIVORCED MALE Paunchy, premature-gray, pasty white. Underemployed, financially unstable, potential problem drinker. Poor disposition, nakedly narcissistic self-pity streak. Seeking intelligent, sensitive female who won't mind that I'm still married to and in love with my first wife. Baseball fans preferred.

Ladies look out!

By Eleanor:

You know he/she is bad news...

...when your second date is basically a booty call.

...when you've been dating for a year and a half and you have yet to meet his parents whom he sees like every weekend.

...when you've been dating for a year and a half and you ask him to call you later, and he says "Why, what is there to talk about?"

...when you've been dating for a year and a half and you ask him if he wants to go out Friday night and he says, "I don't know what I'm doing yet Friday night."

...he tells you on your third or fourth date that he isn't looking for a relationship but you try to make it one anyway.

...when he tells you he is trained in Israeli hand combat and can kill another person with his bare hands.

(or so I've heard.)

Moment of Zen
By Mary:

You know, it's sad to watch a relationship deteriorate before your eyes but not be able to let go of it, to keep hoping some great miracle will occur because you both want it to work out so much. Opposites may attract, but there's something to be said for having things in common.

Bad signs:
1. He never laughs at your jokes (i.e. you're actually funny, too)
2. You cannot find any common ground in one of the following: movies/tv/music/restaurants/interests
3. You hug, but never kiss.
4. The common silence between you is not a comfortable one.
5. You don't know his friends, but you're pretty sure if you did, you'd hate them.
6. He knows your friends and your friends hate him/think he's a tool.

Don't let this happen to you. Don't think it can't. Be on the alert, friend, or you too will be in a loveless relationship that you're not sure you want out of; some might call this laziness, but I prefer convenience enthusiast.

P.S. Sour Bob advises me to find a nice, cool Texas boy to move on to. I have a nice, cool Texas boy, but you see the issues above still apply. Also, I'm not convinced there's a ready supply. Pity.

Posted 4:47 PM by Anonymous

Esquire's What A Man Should Know About A Woman-CONT.

5. Women do not wish to be trifled with should they, on occasion, order dessert.

My Commentary: Dessert is a woman's right. None of that 'a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips either.' Eat up!

Posted 9:44 AM by Blah blah

Found this from Lucee. If it slows down the loading of this page, I'll remove it:

[Removed]

Posted 12:58 AM by Blah blah

From Crush to Love

[Syclick replied to what we said below. Click on his link. HILARIOUS:

Me: My view is: commitment helps to build and develop love. It's not the other way around. Love is a conscious decision, not just "a feeling." Feelings tend to be as unreliable as the wind.

Syclick: Yes, folks... You can find this and many more wisdom-packed quotes in Memoirs from Raymond's Blog, now on sale at Amazon.com

You picked my kissy kissy face, Syclick!]

I just posted in RBJ again. Jo (Sodapop), a girl in Toronto, said:

"Sigh... I think I'm really flighty when it comes to relationships and such. I've never been in a serious relationship before. Not because I can't commit (well.. this is part of my question), but I don't go out searching for dates. If someone that catches my eye comes along, then it's a good thing. Other than that, I don't mind being single.

But the thing is, sometimes it happens that, if I'm crushing on a guy, no matter if it's someone I know well or not, I always let it get in the way of something. Right now, there's a guy that I'm starting to crush on. I don't know him well though. But we've met. But I know I've been more attracted to other guys, like my previous crush. I know a crush isn't pure love, but...

How do you know or how do you let go? I can see a bigger chance of something happening with this guy than the other, but I don't feel as attracted. Not yet at least. But I seem to always find myself pulling back to something that can be good, just because I don't feel the initial attraction that I've felt with other guys (even if I've never dated them)..."

I replied:

HUH? Sodapop, I cannot understand your post. You sound like you're contradicting yourself.

Please clarify your post. Maybe it will help you work out your jumbled thoughts.

It sounds to me like you are expecting love to follow some neatly planned script:
1) You feel initial attraction
2) You get a crush
3) You start feeling more serious
4) Then if all the initial doubts and the probation period are passed, you start making a commitment

You're confused and not sure if you're following the script, and now you are thinking of bailing out???

C'mon girl. Life and love are messy. Nothing follows a script. Be patient, try to appreciate and enjoy your relationship and dating RIGHT NOW, without thinking of the past or future. Live in the moment.

Let it simmer. Don't be a jumbled mess of doubts, worries, and confusion. How do you think that makes a guy feel, seeing you so indecisive and unsure of yourself like that? It hurts his confidence and makes you seem less attractive.

Then MAYBE after enough time, you both will trust each other more, open up more to each other, and that simmering pot will begin to BOIL.

Give it a chance!

My view is: commitment helps to build and develop love. It's not the other way around. Love is a conscious decision, not just "a feeling." Feelings tend to be as unreliable as the wind.

You make a tentative decision to stick with a person on whom you have a "crush." That means trying to appreciate him, work out potential issues, and deepen the relationship. It means not looking at other guys for now. Sure, it's a risk and, yes, you don't have all the information.

But if you keep waiting for more certainty before that initial commitment, you will not be able to make the essential first step towards love.

(And Grace, if you are reading this, I AM trying to follow my own advice. Wink.)
______________________
My 2nd post:

Sodapop, I don't mean to sound all wise and infallible myself. I struggle to maintain these ideals too.

Here's an example:

I have been writing my online journal for over TWO YEARS now. And I "love" my journal.

Now which came first? How have I lasted this long, when most people quit after a few months?

Did I feel an attraction to journalling, write a few entries, develop a mad crush on my journal, then deepen that into a commitment?

NO!

I know I enjoy writing. First I worked very hard at laying the foundation for a successful website. Then I posted some good quality entries. Then I just simply decided to write write write, no matter what.

At first, I didn't have much substance. Not enough info to tell if I sucked or not. If it was worth spending all this time.

But I didn't care. I believed in it. I had decided to do it, and damn it I did it.

Now I can truly say I LOVE my journal. Is it because my journal somehow seduced me? No. My love is in proportion to the amount of effort and sweat I put into this project. Love was the byproduct.

The same with relationships and with everything else.

Posted 11:09 PM by e*star

"Picasso had his blue period, his red period...I'm in my platinum-blonde period."

-Hugh Hefner, on MTV's Cribs, regarding his seven platinum-blonde live-in girlfriends.

My thoughts: I could go on and on about unashamedly objectifying women and women's tendency to accept this common practice in society as such and even milk it for all its worth (e.g. living it up in the Playboy Mansion as a Playmate), but really. I think we've been through this all, before.

*e

Posted 4:39 PM by Anonymous

Esquire's What a Man Should Know About a Woman-cont.
#4. If you're single, the tango will do the trick. If you're married, the tango will also do the trick.

Possibly even with your wife.

My commentary: It sure is sexy as hell. And if a man can pull that off with a daub of Polo's eau de toilette, man, I'm puddy.
____________________
Mira's sexy new avatar:

Posted 3:26 AM by Blah blah

I LOVE this story! Hahaha!

Charities find that nudity pays (Cox News Service):
___________________
In today's precarious economy, charities seeking to raise money are finding that bake sales just don't cut it anymore. But stripping sure does.

Taking it all off is really taking off as a new crop of bare-all calendars featuring plain folks shedding their inhibitions for worthy causes is on sale for 2003.

The groups range from female wool spinners who seek to confront "the ageism and size ism in our culture" to the Rotary Club in Brattleboro, Vt.

The Rotarians persuaded 53 men -- bankers, lawyers, real estate agents and physicians -- to appear mostly nude in its 2003 "Men of Brattleboro" calendar....

The calendars all have one thing in common: They aren't beefcake or cheesecake calendars featuring thong-clad stick figures with breasts, but ones that show the bags and sags and every last wrinkle of do-gooders of all ages.

And if you think people won't pay to see their pear-shaped neighbors draped only in a bit of netting, think again.

The various charitable groups all say they were inspired by the highly successful "Ladies of Rylstone" in England. Those British ladies, ages 45 to 60, were pillars of their community who posed nude for a calendar to raise money for leukemia research. Their 1999 calendar was so popular it was published again in 2000 and wound up generating an eye-popping $700,000.

Selling well in the United States is the $25 "Still Magnolias" calendar. It features 26 women from Aiken, S.C., each at least 60 years old (some are in their 80s), wearing little more than jewelry and strategically placed props.

Posted 12:37 AM by Blah blah

Please check out the new people I've linked, guys. I've marked them with *'s on the left column. All good.

School Shooting in Australia

Oh my God! A man brought handguns to the Humanities Dept. at Monash University in Melbourne. He shot two dead and injured five. Frostee says the shooter was an Asian guy and the two dead were also Asian.

Corine's friend Ami says: "I was just outside the building about to walk in when it happened. Sigh....God I'm in tears right now. As I stood outside the building frozen, I suddenly realised my friend coming towards me with blood on her hair. She was on the same floor as the shooting."

Here's the RBJ discussion about it, going on right now.

I'm awfully sorry to hear this, Ami, and I'm very happy you are safe! You and your schoolmates have my deepest sorrow and condolences.

We ourselves here in Silicon Valley came "this" close to a similar experience in January 2001. A cute 19-year-old Filipino guy planned to massacre huge numbers of students at DeAnza Community College, in Cupertino. It's close to my parents' place. He planned to walk into the school cafeteria at lunchtime armed with pipe bombs, Molotov cocktails, and two sawed-off shotguns.

Posted 5:26 PM by Anonymous

Things That a Man Should Know About a Woman-cont. Esquire Online.

#3. One follow-up to an unreturned phone call is acceptable; two is stalking.

My commentary: Well, not really. But you gotta know when to take a hint if it's there.

Posted 9:27 PM by fan777

Say Hi to Charlie!



nothing to win, and nothing left to lose...

because, baby, i've got a heart out in the dark. wanderlust and an itch in the soles of my shoes. walking in the rain yonder east in shadow and fog, oblivion my middle name, destined for nothing, to own nothing, to know nothing but my mind in a paper bag and a suitcase of notebooks. look for me, and you can't find me... i lean over the rooftops of morocco, smoke in one hand and a poem stuck in the pen between the cold fingers of the other, musing about the emptiness in this lunar world. bleak landscapes and a desert wind shivers me to dreaming.

and you give yourself away...

find me down the cobbled streets of london, paris, rome. the waterways of italy, canals and poling gondolas, touching the shores of greece and stepping into worlds far afar from here. singing into sunsets, drunk on wine and careless abandon... i've lived long enough to know that i don't care anymore. take a stroll down the lighted boulevard, black thrush night like the wings of raven, i'm out i'm out and maybe, maybe, someday, i'll miss home, i'll miss home, and i'll come walking back...

with or without you...

because i don't know where i stand in the world and i'm out to find out. to know that i own nothing but a mind and a suitcase filled with notebooks, to come back knowing afar and to come back to know home and where my heart lay after all these years. the dusts and the webs, in attics or cupboards or bookshelves.

a dark that follows but isn't my shadow.

call me fool but i'm different from you. wide eyes and a complacency for normalcy, take your time but i'm not ready yet to pause between those steps. this fire that burns in, slow to anger and slow to simmer, a starship soul tied to a wide green harbor full of dismal anchors, a life of regret and mistakes, and mistakes and regrets, looking back too often, trying to undo yesterday, trying to be this object unattained, trying to... breathe.

will i forever be a puppet learning to walk your ways, this way, that way...

i'm walking on my own.

Posted 7:25 PM by Anonymous

Things that a Man Should Know About a Woman. Esquire Online

#2. Never ask a woman why she's mad at you, as she will only get madder at your not knowing.

My commentary: very true.

Posted 7:22 PM by Anonymous

Hiatus, yeah right.

Erm, listen up. *trumpet* More from the planet[s] of MARS and VENUS...presenting the 1st 'thing' from Esquire's list on "THINGS THAT A MAN SHOULD KNOW ABOUT A WOMAN."

#1. Most women do not like ice fishing, golf, bowling, or poker, which is why every man must take up at least one of these hobbies, because, while unin-teresting, they allow for the woman-free consumption of liquor and the unfettered discussion of, you know, women.Those few women who do like ice fishing, golf, bowling, or poker are the reason God invented the Elks club.

My commentary: Hardy har har. Pass the beer boys.

Posted 5:44 PM by Blah blah

My Birthday

Everyone, THANK YOU SO MUCH for your birthday wishes (including your RBJ ones).

I am old enough to crawl back in my crib and drool on my thumb now.

My RBJ response:

I am all CHOKED UP, guys, especially now that Carlos is singing to me in the Filipino style of Marilyn Monroe!

-First, Grace, thank you for your kind wishes and encouragement. When will we ever get to see your OTHER eye in your avatar?
-Sophia, I just had a nice lunch with my parents. Warm wishes to you and Kris Kris Kris. We should call him "Triple K."
-To fellow notorious flirt, Gongju Key, *wink wink*, from Gochu.
-Julienne, whoa, who is that masked lady? *Hugs*
-Syclick, I'm old enough to be an OPPA now. Wait---is a girl OPPA called an OMMA?
-Danny, stop flirting with me the rest of the year please. Today it's fine! *wink* Thank you for showing me how I look bald.
-Larz, thank you "maen." You're funny.
-To fellow Libra, Iris, Happy recent Birthday to you too! We Libras gotta stick together. I'm proud to be a Libran, as long as people don't confuse that with "librarian."
-Ben, nice colors! Beautiful new design, by the way. Thank you for being supportive. I need to learn some photography from you, man.
-Chris, thank you for being such a cool guy! Next time I go to SF or we have a chance to meet, I'll call you in advance!
-Corine, I had fun just writing this long reponse! Thanks for being soooo...TEASABLE.
-Cameron, I never watch that show, but I will try to imagine I'm Ray Romano when someone doesn't laugh at my jokes.
-Shway, I'm perfectly open to seeing that "naked Asian man" privately, after hours. As long as it's not someone I know.
-Miyu, nice to see you again! How's your dancing? Make sure to give me your autograph now, when I can still afford it.
-Brian, thanks.

WHEW, it's like I just signed all of your high school yearbooks! I have such fun reading and talking to you, learning about sex from Danny, etc. that all my lost income and missed dates have been worth it.

Posted 6:05 AM by e*star

This needs no commentary...other than I can't believe anybody could even think about manufacturing anything like this:

Martial Arts Costume

*e

Posted 3:17 PM by Blah blah

Hi everyone, I'm going on hiatus indefinitely. Have a lot of things to get done. Today, I talked to this guy in SF who gave me a TON of career ideas. He runs his own marketing consulting company. He talked EXTREMELY fast and was a baby factory of creativity.

By the way, a few weeks ago I produced and directed two more tapings of our political TV talk show. Our first guest was Elaine, this business lawyer who's the Democratic candidate for Congress for the 11th District. The election is next month! Second guest: Rosemary, a Mountain View City Councilwoman and former candidate for the California State Assembly. She came to discuss her trip to Afghanistan (see her photos) this May as part of a delegation of Afghan-Americans working on the country's post-war reconstruction. She met Afghani President Karzai. For both shows, we used Dolly as our host. She's a Cupertino City Councilwoman and former board member of the DeAnza-Foothill College District. She did an excellent job. We shot in DVCAM and used a round table and two mugs of water for the guests, with a black background. Our show looked very similar to Charlie Rose, my talk show idol.

Both Elaine's campaign manager in Pleasanton and the TV station in Morgan Hill (in her district) confirmed this week that they had received the completed tapes I mailed them. The interview will air in Morgan Hill on Oct. 19, once in the morning and once at night.

Got a letter from my old college friend Takuro this week. He studied philosophy at Berkeley and later the University of London. I described him here. He started a publishing company back home in Niigata, Japan called Taiyo Shobo. He writes:

I published a heavy literature, Siddhartha [Japanese title: Descendant of the Sun] last July, and now I'm writing a new novel, which is about Uesugi Kenshin, a samurai prince in Japan about 550 years ago.

I'm also reading novels by John Updike and Ken Ishiguro. Especially, I like the style of Updike, which has the real/rich taste of serious literature....

[For the novel I wrote, Siddhartha,] I am using a pseudonym, "Ryutaro Mizuno." As you would guess, the novel is about the historical figure Gautama Siddhartha [Buddha]. It is the first novel written about Siddhartha in the history of Japanese literature.

Congratulations, Takuro-san! Gambatte kudasai! I hope your novel becomes famous. In college, he asked me for help on his English essays! I remember we argued all night over one of his papers. Imagine that.

For Tiger Cafe, I've recruited two new, good writers. One girl and one guy. Both have been busy or unavailable to write. I will let them introduce themselves to you. Go ahead, you two.

My birthday is this Friday the 18th! See ya soon!

Posted 12:50 AM by e*star

Real World Vegas Commentary...And More

so i've been watching the real world vegas on mtv. is anybody else watching? is this not the most scandalous real world ever? is it me, or is it as the real world seasons get more and more successive, the IQ decreases while the drama factor itself increases exponentially? there are no overweight people, they all have great bodies and are all great-looking, which in and of itself aren't horrible things, but the only thing remotely intriguing about these people is that they all have great drama-causing potential. remember the seasons of the first new york? the first san francisco? like pedro...he is a legacy. the real world peeps now are all drama queens.

or, am i just old?

so brynn threw a freaking fork at steve. w00t. so brynn finally admits that she's an ass to steve because she likes him. and she had trouble expressing her emotions to him and the whole time she's been jealous of trishelle so therefore...she threw a fork at him. how juvenile.

dieselgrrrrl: i'm watching real world
Scoobie329: me too
Scoobie329: what a pimp
Scoobie329: i want 2 girls fighting over me
dieselgrrrrl: lol
Scoobie329: steve is a pimp
Scoobie329: is he even good loooking?
Scoobie329: i can't tell
dieselgrrrrl: who's the other girl
dieselgrrrrl: i don't know steve i don't watch it
Scoobie329: trichelle and brynn...
Scoobie329: steve is the one arguing right now
dieselgrrrrl: oh yah
dieselgrrrrl: i thought you were still talking about smallville
Scoobie329: LOL!
Scoobie329: in smallvillle
Scoobie329: there's two girls also
Scoobie329: lana and chloe!
dieselgrrrrl: oh i see
Scoobie329: brynn's a baby!
dieselgrrrrl: yah
dieselgrrrrl: she's emotionally a wreck
dieselgrrrrl: she can't handle her feelings
Scoobie329: she's an "attention monger"
dieselgrrrrl: lol
Scoobie329: or whatever you call it
dieselgrrrrl: are you making fun of me!
Scoobie329: no no
Scoobie329: it's true
dieselgrrrrl: haha okay
dieselgrrrrl: you know her whole bi- and "i make out with girls" thing?
dieselgrrrrl: it's because she wants attention from guys
Scoobie329: yes
Scoobie329: and she's on TV also
Scoobie329: so it's double the fun
Scoobie329: for her
dieselgrrrrl: because guys like the girl on girl thing
dieselgrrrrl: honestly i think a lot of girls are like that
dieselgrrrrl: when they dance w/say, other girls at a club
dieselgrrrrl: all grinding and stuff
dieselgrrrrl: they're attention whores
Scoobie329: wow. i wanan grind
Scoobie329: haha
dieselgrrrrl: lol you're disqualified
Scoobie329: i see your point
dieselgrrrrl: bc you're a guy
Scoobie329: yah
Scoobie329: so true
dieselgrrrrl: and grinding with a guy means other guys don't wanna watch
Scoobie329: true true
Scoobie329: so i should find a girl who doesn't do that
dieselgrrrrl: so why have the attn of 1 guy when you can have all guys in the club
dieselgrrrrl: watching you
Scoobie329: b/c it shows she needs attention
dieselgrrrrl: yah
Scoobie329: yes
Scoobie329: i see your point now
Scoobie329: hmmm
dieselgrrrrl: haha yah find a girl who wants only yours!
dieselgrrrrl: bc if she likes the attn of as many guys as possible it just introduces problems later on in the relationship
Scoobie329: yes. agreed.
dieselgrrrrl: insecurity is the worst thing to have in a relationship, they start picking fights and shite
Scoobie329: and she's prolly "low maintenance" also
dieselgrrrrl: yah totally
dieselgrrrrl: she doesn't need excessive proof that you care for her
dieselgrrrrl: like monetary too--gifts and roses all the time and shite

so in the end, steve gets to decide whether or not brynn has to leave the house since he's the one who got assaulted. during his whole confessional during this ordeal, he mentions that brynn reminds him of what he was going through (e.g. emotional trauma and jealousy) when he was 18-19. i mean, as if steve was even really that much more emotionally and intellectually superior to brynn. he's the one who hooked up with a roommate (trishelle) in front of his other roommate, who was obviously into her from the beginning. while drunk. i HATE people using "i'm drunk" as justification for stupid behavior. such a cop-out and default for the inability to take responsibility for stupid actions.

i can only get started on trishelle, the "sweet girl" from the south who suddenly started acting all "loose" once she got on the real world. she's led that poor, shy guy on(i forgot his name) like she liked him...and then she hooks up with steve. and then she also hooks up with eric from road rules when they had their road rules/real world challenge? yeah, you know it--it's because her dad never gave her his approval. in my opinion, it totally reflects a trend with some girls these days, in my opinion... girls who seek approval and even just mere attention from guys(even the worst kind--only bodily attraction) because they were never emotionally nurtured at a young age. combined with our secondary place in society, women sometimes end up craving it their whole lives, thinking that a male's attention gives them worth.


but i'm not one to judge. hee hee. but, this brings me to like, an important point with how i've been cold-calling with people today. mind you, today was my first day cold-calling. hey, i'm a broker and i admit it. it's part of my business and my vestige in my future income. anyway, this whole time i've been doing my pitch to the men in the household. i would get both names of the husband and wife under the same telephone number in the high wealth section of the directory and lo and behold, because it was inferred that i do this during this past week and a half of training, i would ask for the male counterpart of the household. perhaps it was all in my imagination, and i'm not really as immune to the subtle sexual inequalities of life as it seems. i'm pitching bonds, a financial investment. who am i, as a woman, to even participate in surpassing the wife, the female counterpart in the household, to pitch a financial investment to the "man of the household"? after talking to a veteran broker, i realized...this is how society is. i learned my pitch from men. part of the pitch was to talk to the "man of the household". other men can do this, because wives will accept being passed over when being prospected or being pitched on anything.

then, i realized, not i. i won't follow suit. that won't be me, and my strategy will be different. far be it from me to fail to realize, i, as another woman, can't get away with it like they can. **why should** women let another woman by-pass them, going straight to the husband, anyway? (not to mention, that if they are elderly/retired, what can the wife do except assume i am selling something?) anyhoo. i will use it to my advantage as much as possible. i will "pitch the bitch" (thank you, Boiler Room) and i will make women my niche market. i will make them comfortable because i am a fellow female...and all at the same time, i am uniform with my feminist beliefs.

heh. now, on to more cold-calling in absolute volumes. what is quite interesting is that it is not as painful as i expected it to be. don't get me wrong--it's brutal. but, i am absolutely sure i am here to stay and make the most of it. it's all part of the job, i guess (mind you, i am saying all of this quite early in the game).

*e

Posted 9:57 PM by Blah blah

Have a slight fever. Am not feeling myself recently. My right shoulder and elbow still hurt, though not as much as yesterday. Arrgh.

Another thing I dislike: VERY shy girls. Timid girls. Passive girls who usually wait for the guy to make the first move. Double arrgh. Slightly shy is fine---I can deal with that. Usually my shy friends DON'T act shy with me. They will usually be acting loud and crazily with me, then later say: "By the way, I'm shy. I usually don't talk to strangers." Those kinds of girls---ones who are shy with strangers but NOT shy with me---I can work with them.

But those who are insecure and can't show some guts when they talk to or deal with me, no thanks. I dated someone like that from Singapore once. Total disaster.
_________________
10/16 Followup Whew! Feel better today, with less of a headache. Whoa, so many people responded. Before I turn off half of the people reading this blog, let me explain.

To Kiki:

I'm being honest. It's tremendously frustrating to have to pull actions and words from very shy girls. I've dealt with a lot of girls like that and get fed up.

To Rasee:

Friends are different from dating. I don't think you're timid when you talk to people and express yourself. You talk a tremendous amount online. You sing in a MUSICAL, for heaven's sake. You interview people for a magazine. You teach! All non-shy activities.

I'm talking about people who lack much self-confidence. Who never speak up. Your kind of shy is the first type I mentioned. By nature you are introverted, which is great for writing your lyrical poetry, for your perceptive insights. When I write I'm in a more introverted mood too.

In college I had a lot of friends from Japan, and you know Japan has some of the shiest people on earth. But they felt comfortable opening up to me and didn't act that shy in my view. I HAVE several shy friends and get along well with shy people. I try to support and encourage them. And slight shyness---coyness---is attractive. Moderate shyness is attractive.

I have a problem with brazen girls, ENTJ bossy girls, or girls who are totally in-your-face. That's too much the other direction.

To Corine:

I understand most Asian girls are shier. My problem is AFTER that getting-to-know you stage is over. If they still act very tentative, very reluctant to talk, don't return emails, don't return phone calls, etc---that annoys me. I can be VERY patient, waiting for a girl. In the past, I've waited YEARS. Yeah, years. Not usually, but I could be that way. Everyone has his limits.

To Thea:

Good for you that you are arranging a social meeting! That's a first step out of the biology lab. Remember we talked before about this? I'm a guy who loves good conversation. Give and take. Feedback. A woman with her own opinions. If I hear nothing back, that's not my type.

To "intractable" Belle:

Great poem on virginity, by the way! I enjoyed it. Yes, you seem very traditional Filipina. Good that you are not timid. There's a difference between timidity and shyness, and I'd say timidity (e.g. being fearful of many things) is worse to me.

On making the first move, I am perfectly comfortable with me doing that. I'm the type of person who prefers to talk on the phone rather than chat or email. I don't mind doing most of the calling, and I tend to do that anyway. I'm talking about AFTER the initial ice is broken, after we already know each other. If she never calls you first. Never writes first. Always waits for the guy to initiate. Doesn't have ideas for things to do when we go out. No thanks. I like someone more aggressive, with courage.

To spunky Mira:

Haha! You be funny yourself! :D I don't think of you as shy. I think you have a lot of passion bubbling underneath. So acting shy for you is a way to tell a guy "you don't have a chance"? "A bee to honey"...you must strike fast, like a cobra. Boy, I'd like to see a video of that!

Some other stuff I wrote about shyness:

- I must be a soft pillow for shy people
- Advantages of being shy

Posted 5:54 PM by Anonymous

So today I was lucky enough to be able to go swimming without having my soap stolen. In case you're an avid reader of my personal blog, you may have been able to deduct that this has been a problem. I've only been at school for about four weeks, and I've already had two bottles of Dr. Bronner's stolen from my bag in the locker room while I was in the pool. Isn't that ridiculous? Anyways, I am heartened by today's experiences. Also today at the pool, the lifeguard told me that I swim like a Chinese person. Apparently she went to China for a swimming trip this summer and the swim coaches there tell people to swim like I do, kind of open-armed. Weird, huh?

So yesterday I went to see a debate on the war - whether it was morally justified - between a features editor at the Wall Street Journal, Max Boot, and Princeton professor and editor of The Nation, Richard Falk. It was an interesting debate and all, but the noteworthy event of the evening took place afterwards as my anti-war cohorts and I were passing out fliers and holding signs by the exit. I was asking my fellow pacifists how you pronounced this other girl's name - Thienny. I suspect that Thienny is Vietnamese, but I'm not sure, and anyways, I couldn't remember how to pronounce her name. Even if her name was Chinese, people have different preferences as to how they like Chinese words pronunced in English. Right? Anyways, I was asking around and this one girl responds, "Wait, shouldn't you know?"

I kind of stared at her for a minute to give her a chance to explain herself but she didn't, so I responded, "Why? Because I'm Asian?" And she says, "Yeah!" Then I had a short rant about how she's white, shouldn't she know how to speak German and Flemish and Russian?! She justified her response by explaining that in her school, "all the Asians were like that". Like what? They knew how to speak every other Asian language? I don't get it. Anyways, that's my small outrage of the week.

Posted 12:08 PM by Blah blah

Which One am I?

On RBJ, Kiki posted a ton of pix of her and friends at a party in Bangkok. She asked people to guess which one was she.

She's the one who keeps hugging the girl in the red T-shirt. She keeps sticking her tongue out.

First try, I got it right.

S X (our old cowriter) did the same to me. She sent me a group pic and I picked her out right away.

*Blowing my knuckles* NEXT!

Posted 8:06 PM by Blah blah

I'm feeling sick today, guys. I pressed ice on my elbow and shoulder, because they are inflamed and in sharp pain. Hard to lift my arm. Going to bed early. In the meantime, look at our new index, The Best of Tiger Cafe.

I think I've said everything I've needed to say about love, don't ya think? I should start talking about stuff people never talk about on blogs, like how to clean bathroom tile.

Posted 2:12 PM by Blah blah

On TV advertising. The Myth of '18 to 34' (NY Times):
_________________
But if you consider that a TV network's true audience is advertisers, then you're on your way to understanding why Tuesday night is, in fact, a big moneymaker for the WB. The network more than makes up for its abysmal ratings by charging an inflated ad rate for those few viewers its shows manage to attract. A 30-second commercial spot on ''Gilmore Girls'' costs about $82,000 -- nearly threequarters of the fee for advertising on an episode of, say, ''Law and Order: SVU,'' an NBC program that regularly has about three times the number of viewers. The WB gets away with this because its overall ratings, poor as they appear, were up 5 percent in the 18-to-34-year-old category last season, and while ''Gilmore Girls'' may be among the least-watched series on television, it's also No. 2 in its time slot among viewers aged 18 to 34.

Eighteen to thirty-four: for decades, conventional advertising wisdom has attached the adjective ''coveted'' to this slice of the viewing audience. According to an analysis by the former NBC News president Lawrence K. Grossman, advertisers pay an average of $23.54 to reach 1,000 viewers in that age bracket, versus $9.57 per 1,000 over the age of 35. And since commercial television, whatever else it may be, is fundamentally a system for delivering audiences to advertisers, network executives lose a lot of sleep trying to figure out what will hold fast the slippery attention of people in their late teens, 20's and early 30's. It is, as it has been for 40 years, the principle by which a great deal of our popular culture -- not just TV, but music, movies, radio -- comes into existence.

The odd thing is, there's no real reason for it anymore.

People over the age of 50 account for half of all the discretionary spending in the United States. Proportionally speaking, there are more of them than there ever were, and they are voracious cultural consumers. They watch more television, go to more movies and buy more CD's than young people do. Yet Americans over 50 are the focus of less than 10 percent of the advertising....

And what of the theory of brand loyalty -- the idea that winning over the young consumer means winning him or her over for life? There the big change has come about not so much in the young but in the old. The baby-boom generation, raised in front of the TV, just never became brand-loyal in the way their parents were. Everyone is pretty malleable these days: 67 percent of female heads of household between 18 and 34 were willing, in a Nielsen study, to try a new brand even if it went against their customary buying habits; the corresponding number in the 35-to-64 age bracket was 70 percent.

Even the argument that most pop culture is for young people because young people consume the most pop culture has begun to fall apart. ESPN's highly promoted X Games, a kind of ''alternative'' Olympics featuring skateboarders, BMXers and the like (referred to by The Wall Street Journal as ''the Holy Grail of youth marketing'') was outperformed this summer on the network's primary channel by the bargain-basement Great Outdoor Games, a decidedly non-youth-oriented event featuring lumberjack contests and the talents of various sporting dogs. Over the last decade, the proportion of the national moviegoing audience between the ages of 50 and 59 doubled, while the proportion of teenagers shrank steadily. The percentage of CD's sold to consumers over 45 doubled as well.

And yet the romanticization of youth persists: the adjective ''coveted'' has been joined by the phrase ''hard to reach'' as a justification for the premium advertisers continue to pay to speak to the 18-to-34 crowd. Put aside for the moment the fact that these so-called hard-to-reach young adults spend an awful lot of time with the TV on -- men between 18 and 24 watch more than 20 hours a week, according to the Nielsen people; put aside the fact that those young X Games rebels come plastered head to toe with corporate logos. What logic suggests that, because there are proportionally fewer young people than there used to be, because they have less money than they used to and because it's harder to separate them from that money than ever, advertisers should spend more money trying to court them? It would make as much sense to say that advertisers really ought to pay top dollar for viewers who don't have any spending money at all.