Posted 8:13 PM by e*star

Today, we got paid. I can't believe I'm already finishing my 4th full week at work. It honestly feels like i've been there for quite a long time. Maybe 2 months. I am just really thankful because I get along with my co-workers so well. They're great. I don't know if I could have it any better...lots of potential to make substantial financial gain, camaraderie with my co-workers, decent benefits and great managers. All in the name of hard work. I can't lie and say that things are easy right now--but I am intent on keeping my eyes far ahead so I know this is all worth it. Everything else just makes it easier.

Prior to everyone going home, one of my co-workers had dug himself in a hole on the topic of sex: "If I were a woman in this business, I'd sleep my way to the top." Noting that we would do our best to "not be offended", one of my other co-workers and I pretty much made him dig his hole even deeper. The thing is that I actually wasn't really that offended, knowing how harmless he really is and his remarks were made out of ignorance and no ill-will whatsoever.

Without getting into the details of the conversation, I think i realized that in the end, even though I *am* one of the only female brokers at this firm, I still feel more comfortable than I ever thought I could at a 98% male-dominated workplace.

Important factors are:

1) My managers are sympathetic to me. This helps so much more than I could ever imagine. They are, in general, great people to work with, regardless of sex, and I'm lucky to have them overseeing me. Additionally, it is so helpful and so encouraging to see that my managers see potential in me. The affirmations I've gotten so far have helped me progress expontentially since I've grown more and more confident in my abilities in this business because of them.

2) I've already disregarded my own sex as an issue. The moment I recognize it as a hurdle, the moment I've given myself an excuse not to succeed. Sure, addressing the problem is important--but as each issue arises I intend to deal with it accordingly. If my sex is ever a problem for anybody (because it's not a problem for me), even clients, then I need to not deal with them if they aren't going to take me seriously. If I lose a client, then it's his loss, not mine.

3) I'm one of the guys. This is *not* saying that women can't be feminine, or even girly--this is just how *I* am. In general, I'm just not girly. And in this situation, it's helped. Or, maybe I've just learned to use it to my advantage since it also lets me command respect. It's pretty funny how when I intially worked there, my managers and co-workers took it upon themselves to apologize to me whenever there was some sort of swearing in like, a meeting, or in any remarks being heard around the office. Gentlemanly, they are. I appreciated it, but I also let them know that it doesn't really bother me--and in fact, I don't want to be differentiated from anybody else. I don't want anybody making exceptions *for* me, and conversely it also means that I don't want anybody expecting less *from* me. The props I get for succeeding *despite* the hurdles i've come across because of my sex will come as a bonus, not as one of the conditions.

4) I'm ready to stand up to anything, meaning: sexist remarks, comments, etc. Sure, I am going to pick my battles--especially since I am a lone soldier at combat with an unsuspecting yet large army. But, because I've already gotten confidence in who I am as an Asian American female, the foundation is laid for establishing my existence in the workplace. Even now, I hear certain ignorant comments being made, and for now, more often I say nothing. Keep in mind--it's my 4th week. ;) This shall change, soon...

I know that all of this is so early, but somehow--I feel that my life's journeys are *beginning* to come full circle. I can see myself rounding the last bend. My life's journeys through ordeals of racism, sexism, everything...I often have wondered what it was all for. What if I were to be the next unconcerned female who only wanted to find a successful boyfriend, attain a fairly decent job after undergrad for myself and then just settle down and have a family...and be content with that? What is so wrong with that? Why couldn't I just be content with what I was given? I live richer than 95% of the world's population. I'm not in a 3rd world country. I'm educated. Why am I causing all this ruckus?

Finally, it's paid off. The purpose of all the struggles has been realized. Finally. Finally. I waltzed into a male-dominated workplace otherwise inaccessible because of that. And, I will be successful. It's mine. Because I've worked for it.

*e