Posted 6:58 PM by Blah blah

Please read Eric

Eric Cheng is one of the most amazing and accomplished people I've ever met. A very modest, down-to-earth, likeable guy. Have been admiring his brilliant photos and site again recently. To get a view of a very cultured, good life in San Francisco, please see Eric! One day, Eric, I'd love to take you up on that offer to visit your home during classical music performances.

Posted 12:51 PM by Anonymous

I'm very honored to have the distinction of contributing the weirdest words to the blog, Raymond. Unfortunately, today I'm all weird-worded out, but I'll be submitting more for further amusement in the future. Happy National Coming Out Day, folks!

Posted 7:25 AM by Blah blah

From RBJ, about the harassment story,

Mira said: "Please excuse Raymond. He's just protective of his very lovely, very talented, very sexy, drop-dead-gorgeous-can't help-it co-writers. ;)"

Hahahahaha! You got that right, baby!

The other day, I had a wonderful chat with Jocelyn and Mira. We definitely made a connection. Jocelyn recently started her new blog. Check her out! From Jocelyn's comments on our talk,

Danny (her husband): "Raymond is the KING!!!!!!" (repeated NINE times)

Arnold: "dang.. 9 times.. sounds like you got a little crush danny. :D"

Jocelyn: "Holy Shit.. I think my own husband has a crush on you, Ray! I was shocked to find 12 comments on my page.. I thought I was *that * loved... Stop invading my damn site! Jeez... go away for once, you already have RBJ to take over, I am not gonna let you take control of this place.. It be mine."

Posted 6:57 PM by Blah blah

I Write Too Much

I feel like a character in an Aaron Sorkin drama. They talk too much. Despite how much I try to cut this blog's writing to its bare essentials, Tiger Cafe seems like the wordiest blog I know.

If you count all the articles and excerpts I quote, this blog averages around say 15 to 22 pages a week. That's in plain text. Adding cowriters has boosted the page numbers. Multiply that by 52 weeks, and Tiger Cafe churns out from 780 to 1140 pages a year! If you get that far without konking out, you'll almost have read enough crap for the Lord of the Rings!

Tiger Cafe Statistics

Number of pages written per week: 15 to 22.
Number this week: 20.
Number of pages per year: 780 to 1140.
Number of words this past week: 11,500.
Number of unique words: 2600.
Number of words per year: 600,000! God. Shoot me now.
Number of times we used the word "you" this week: 124 (the hell with high school English teachers. You you you you you!)
Number of "girl" or "girls" used: 41.
Number of "lady": 0. (Cheshire would be proud of me.)
Who wrote the weirdest words: Sylvia.
They were: "Sylvia-land" and "LABIA" (Lesbians Against Boys Invading Anything).

Posted 5:38 PM by Blah blah

Unica Hija wrote today:

"I've made such a ruckus in ray's blog with my 'stolen kiss' account. didn't know it would raise such a furor. anyway, that's past. talked to r already. it will never happen again."

Posted 4:52 PM by Blah blah

Aaron Sorkin Interview

Fast-talking Aaron Sorkin recently came on Charlie Rose, my favorite interview show on TV, period. (I wrote here about my love for Charlie Rose.) If you are curious about writing solid gold drama for TV or movies, study him. He is a master at writing vivid, highly intelligent, ripped-from-the-headlines dialogue. For me, he's a writing god.

He created the Emmy-winning TV show, The West Wing, and wrote the excellent screenplays for A Few Good Men (read it) and The American President (read it).
__________________
Profile of Sorkin (Seattle Post-Intelligencer, March 7, 2000):
"Someone accused me of writing as if I'm perpetually on a first date with a girl I really want to have a second date with," Sorkin says.

He doesn't dispute it. Both "Sports Night" and "The West Wing" have an ingratiating eagerness that's not unlike a splash of Hai Karate: A little goes a long way.

"For me, the (writing) experience is very much like a date," Sorkin says. "It's not unusual that I'm really funny here and really smart here and maybe showing some anger over here so she sees maybe I have this dark side. I want it to have been worth it for everyone to sit through it for however long I ask them to."...

[Sorkin] smokes cigarettes as fast as he talks and has the overall demeanor of someone on the Juan Valdez All-Caffeine Diet. But you'd be buzzed too if you were the main man, the principal writer, on two network TV shows. For those keeping score, that's 44 episodes in a span of 36 weeks, September to May.

The only other person doing that right now is David E. Kelley, with "The Practice" and "Ally McBeal."

Last summer, Sorkin said he spoke with Kelley and learned that Kelley is a Zenlike master of personal discipline. Sorkin recalls, "He said, 'Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday I write 'Ally McBeal,' Thursday, Friday, Saturday I write 'The Practice,' Sunday I'm with my wife and kids.' And I thought, I have a real schedule, too. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday I freak out cuz I haven't thought of what next week's show is. Thursday I start yelling at people because I haven't thought of what next week's show is. Friday I go, 'Ohmigod, there's going to be a half hour of dead air on ABC next week,' and then it finally gets done."
__________________
Interview with him on the NewsHour with Jim Lehrer.

Listen to his Charlie Rose interview. (RealPlayer) He discusses how he can write fake intelligent-sounding talk about stuff he knows little about! Talks about his drug arrest at the airport.

From transcript of Charlie Rose interview (October 2, 2002):
__________________
Charlie Rose: Can you argue to your motion picture brethren that there's every bit as good a writing on television today in the best dramas than there is in film?

Aaron Sorkin: I would take myself out of the equation, because I'm biased, and tell you that my motion picture brethren by and large would have no argument with that statement. That certainly recently, while the quality of television has really gone up, something's happened to movies. We can all list the exceptions. There have been terrific films this year and last year and the year before. But the more studios depend on the opening weekend being everything, the less it becomes important to have a good movie; what you need is a good ad campaign. And that's what I think, what we're seeing more of these days....

CR: You started out as a playwright.

AS: Yeah, I still am.

CR: There was something even before "A Few Good Men."

AS: I had this one act in a basement here in town that got a lot of attention. And then "A Few Good Men" and another play. But it was "A Few Good Men" that took me to Hollywood to do the screenplay adaptation, and I was just going to stay there for ten minutes while I did the screenplay adaptation, but I stayed there for that and another movie and another movie after that. And then two TV series--there was one before this called "Sports Night."

CR: Good writing again.

AS: Thanks very much. I love movies because they're big and they're American, and they're two hours and twenty minutes long--

CR: "The American President" was a big movie.

AS: Right. There are no commercials, and you have the entire language available to you, which is what's nice about them. What's nice about television is that you have a continuing relationship with the thing that you write. You know, with a movie, you're done writing the screenplay and you kind of--you're not really necessary on the set, but you hang out there anyway cause you can't tear yourself away, so you eat a lot of donuts at craft service and then it's another three months in post-production. You enjoy the milk and cookies during premiere week and, you know, then it's done. And with this--What this is is summer stock with a lot of money....

CR: Okay, well, I want to get at one of those at least. Okay, it is this notion that you wrote "A Few Good Men;" you are not a 50-year-old ex-Marine. People see you write about things and it's almost things that you're not that interested in, but you can infuse them with a powerful sense of reality and powerful writing that makes the lines, you know, stand up and shout.

AS: Yeah.

CR: Now, what's that about? I mean, that was one point that seemed to me to have some reality. Does it or not?

AS: It does. There's a bit of a Chauncey Gardner thing going on with me, I think, and it's--When I was ramping up to my thirteenth birthday--believe me, I'm not going to drag you through my entire life here--I have no religious training at all; I'm Jewish but never went to Hebrew school. But in the seventh grade, nearly every Saturday I was going to a friend's bar mitzvah. And I was just beginning to develop kind of my love of theatre. And this was great theatre. These people were up there, and there was a robe, and they were singing and speaking, and there was an audience, and they were getting--you get a pat on the back. So it's about six weeks before my birthday where there was just going to be, you know, the boys in my family had big parties on their thirteenth birthday. And I opened up a local phone book and called a local rabbi and said, "Rabbi, I'm going to be thirteen in six weeks, so I want you to teach me the Torah." He said, "It's going to take me a lot more than six weeks." And I said, "No, no, no. You don't understand, If you just say it into a tape recorder, I've got a very good ear, and I can learn it phonetically." And he pointed out that's hardly the reason for doing it.

CR: Good for him.

AS: And I'm mentioning this because I grew up surrounded by people a lot smarter than I am. Whether it was--

CR: Are you sure?

AS: I'm certain. Whether it was at my dinner table or at a poker game--my friends.

CR: You were the least smart person in the room?

AS: By far. I was the person terribly interested in doing the drama club productions. These were all the people headed for Harvard and Yale and Princeton. And have since graduated from there and have gone on to do extraordinary things.

CR: They've gone on to work for you is where it's going.

AS: And I, just like with learning the Torah phonetically, I began to just learn the sound of intelligence, what that sounded like.

CR: This is great.

AS: And that's how I would write. This is happening that I'm developing--

CR: So you actually learned the courtroom drama from the idea of how--?

AS: Well, with the courtroom drama with "A Few Good Men," I had a small window in. My sister at the time was a lawyer with the Navy Judge Advocate General's court. So I'd ask her to give me things, to give me pamphlets--nothing confidential at all. To give me any pieces of paper that had the jargon of this place on it. And I would really start to fall in love with phrases and the sound of things, and I'd want to put this into the scene. I also loved, from a very young age--my parents took me to the theatre all the time when I was a little kid. And they took me--They didn't take me to little kid plays; they took me to plays I had no business being at, like "Championship Season" when I was eleven years old, "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf" when I was twelve. And I didn't--

CR: Those are pretty good plays.

AS: Those are great plays.

CR: A couple of Pulitzer Prizes, I think.

AS: Yes, but an eleven-year-old doesn't know what "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf" is about. But what I loved was the sound of dialogue; it was like symphony music to me. It was just terrific. And I wanted to make that. And so I phonetically create the sound on "The West Wing" of people who are much more politically sophisticated than I am. I look for a point of friction. You've got to have--for drama, two people have to disagree on something--and I---

CR: But do you know politics?

AS: No. No, I don't know politics at all.

CR: Do you watch poliltics? I mean, have you ever seen C-SPAN?

AS: Oh, sure, sure. And I watch--there are shows that I think are terrific, like "Crossfire" and "The Capital Gang" and all those shows because they're--

CR: Bill O'Reilly.

AS: Yeah. They're drama. People are disagreeing, and it's interesting to me. And when people are talking about something, it isn't so much their position that I'm trying to imitate as the way they're presenting it. I'm just trying to phonetically recreate the sound of political sophistication and knowing what you're talking about. And oftentimes in things that I've written, whether it's "A Few Good Men" or I wrote a movie called "Malice" or "The American President" or "Sports Night" or "The West Wing," there'll be a quick passage that will go by and somebody--the studio or the producer--someone will say, "Gee, no one's going to know what these two people are talking about." I'll say, "It's not actually important that they do. What's important is that the audience say, 'Wow! These guys really know what they're talking about. That's interesting.'" And that's what I try to do.

Posted 2:46 PM by Anonymous

My opinion on the matter: UH's situation was complicated, particularly considering the former relationship. The client clearly overstepped the bounds, at least by American standards, and it's UH's right to deal with it as she did. However, she should never have had to deal with it, and absolutely not during office hours with people around. Raymond, you're right that with the way people work these days, it's difficult to meet people outside of work. However, office romances are fraught with problems, most notably when one person is at a different place in the office hierarchy, which was not really the case here, but it all too often is.

Pjammer's comment in Sylvia's most recent post smacked of knee-jerk anti-PC*, but then I went to his site, and it seems he actually had some thoughts he had worked out around the issue. I do think, though, that the one who is naive is pjammer, not Sylvia. The transgression wasn't just "clumsy and unprofessional"; it trampled over a line into UH's personal space. OK, so you're comfortable enough in your own hetero space that you know that any advance by a man is subject to a verbal warning, followed by an ass-kicking upon further transgression. Um, congratulations. For a lot of other people, the lines are more difficult to determine, especially right in the moment, a moment that one doesn't usually see coming, by the way. So she responded a tiny bit to his kiss. So what? If he could read her so well, he'd have read her response better and not tried to kiss her a couple more times. He was after what he wanted, not what she/they wanted, and he hadn't bothered to find out what she wanted.

*What's ironic is that, these days, it's politically correct to be politically incorrect (or at least anti-PC), until you say something the majority disagrees with (cf. Bill Maher, who expressed an unpopular opinion in the wake of September 11 and now finds himself without a television program). Being anti-PC is a lazy excuse to keep from challenging yourself to find out whether there's anything to that PC stuff. It's hard work to admit that there is, because it means living less self-centeredly.

Posted 10:28 PM by Anonymous

Okay, what does "Internet Marriage" even mean? I don't get it. It seems funny though!

Single bloggers, eh? I think part of it is that successful bloggers are people who have the time and energy to write good blogs. Frankly, I just don't have either. It's not just that I have a boyfriend, but I have craploads of other obligations to take care of; between the Greens and my triathlon training and homework and the GSA... People who are single probably have more time and energy on their hands to make great blogs that we enjoy reading. This is just a crass generalization on my part, so I apologize.

I also read Unica Hija's story and I think it's really deplorable of that guy. Raymond did a good job of going through the legal stuff! But beside the law, it's so morally wrong that it really upsets me that our society could even consider it not being a problem. You should not have to go to work worrying about fending off kisses from clientele. It's not professional! You shouldn't worry about fending off sexual advances from people ever. Bunch of savages in this town. I've certainly never dated anyone I've worked with though. Although actually, the intern coordinator I worked for in Senator Joe Lieberman's office this summer was kind of sketchy. He was young, only 28, and seemed to have had "unprofessional" relationships with the female interns from the session before us. One time we went out to some bars after work and he was asking us some rather inappropriate questions. Stuff like which staff members we preferred over others and why. I mean, it was silly and he meant them in jest but it made me uncomfortable because he was after all, my "boss." Maybe I'm still young and naive.

Anyways, brief update from Sylvia-land: I've been really busy with the Greens - I made the new website, helped plan recent peace actions that are still going on and helped work on the Spearhead and Franti concert. Whoo. I'm all activisted out though. Time to chill out. I got a silkscreening kit the other day though, so I'm going to start making t-shirts on sweatshop-free clothes! I made a crapload of "Why War?" patches already and am making a t-shirt for a lesbian friend of mine that says: "LABIA: Lesbians Against Boys Invading Anything". Hehe. Anyone have any good ideas for t-shirt slogans or designs?

Posted 11:40 AM by Blah blah

Internet Marriage

And now for something completely different...

We had Sophia, then Johnny, and now...

Jason (of Complete Square) just proposed "Internet Marriage" to Sarah (of Que Sera Sera)!

They plan to register at the Internet registry, then have lots of cybersex and dancing babies (animated GIF).

Ismat: "OK, we all know how perfect it is...but my question is this...is there something we should know? Like, did Jason propose because he had to? I'm trying to be delicate, but you know, I've never been good at that: Is there a little 'Que Sera Squared' already on the way?...Come on, Sarah, you can tell. Just between friends."

Jason: "to be honest, we are saving ourselves for our wedding night. it is just like the weddings in that one book, um, what is it called? oh yeah, the bible... i haven't even seen her, we have never held hands, and my dad had to give her dad four lot of goat and his largest oxen as her bride price. but rumor has it i can impregnate one with my words."

Ulesim: "Will there be entertainment? MC Hammer, perhaps? Or the delightful Dolly Parton. She would be great, hmm. Wonderful."

Jason: "this is an internet wedding. so the entertainment will be pirates, ninjas, heavy metal kittens, and fat chicks with party hats."


Have you noticed?

Some of the most popular online journallers are still SINGLE? As far as I know, the list within my circle includes:

Amabelle, Christina, Christine, Eric, Ernie, Felicia, Key, Min Jung, Miyu, Pjammer, Rasee, Sarah B., Sarah Hatter, Susan, and...um...me.

(Let me know if you're off the market.)

It's proof that in terms of finding good dates, being Internet popular means less than a heap of dirty socks. Christine set up this matchmaking forum last year for her and several of her girlfriends. She abandoned it with zero success. Ginny told me what happened when they met that one guy who actually visited Taipei. Sorry, it's private. Even Mr. Popularity himself, Ernie, tried posting a personal ad a while back!

Here's the truth: we stay single for YOU, the readers! Purely for your entertainment. It's like Friends. Once Rachel had the baby, and once Monica and Chandler hooked up, things started to go downhill. No more embarrassing rejections. No more psycho dating stories (like that girl who wanted to borrow my car). Think about what we are sacrificing for YOU the next time you click on us.

This celibacy is worse than the priesthood, because it's celibacy in front of thousands of people worldwide per week.

Posted 9:12 AM by Anonymous

Re) What about your stories Mira?

Raymond, you're lucky Wednesdays are my day off and I have no pressing errands to run (besides, I'm not feeling well). So I set myself the arduous task of filtering through my past diaries for a good story and I can't seem to locate one. I've come to a couple of conclusions.

Either I was:

1. Too jilted about the experience
2. Too confused
3. Too uninspired to write about it
4. Avoiding the risk...or
5. Consciously aware of my brother's increased diary break-in rate at the time.

I'm older now and living alone, so I write to my heart's content. All I can offer now is that the incidences that I did encounter were partly my fault (I think I may have contributed to inducing such acts as cause to my transparent and curious naivete amidst my imbibed sexual vibe). I've since learned from my mistakes (which I don't regret) and girls, sometimes dressing the way you want just isn't worth it (I know, it's unfair).

Moreover, the blatant incident that I can recall now (acting on my boss's advances) resulted in a full-blown consensual relationship that flourishes till this very day (albeit it has its difficulties). What more can I say? I have to worry about dinner and vitamins now. P.S., my boyfriend (then boss) is no longer at that post nor near that vicinity. So, yes, it does have its corporate risks. Of the white-collared, there are the talkers, the mindful, the opportunist hounds, and the jealous all rolled into one. As an Asian woman, I felt offensively objectified the entire time.

Posted 8:09 AM by Blah blah

Working with Someone You Dated

Pjammer and others brought up some excellent points yesterday about how tricky it is to date someone at work. How do you know if someone is really interested in you or just friendly, and how far may a guy (or girl) go without walking into the thorny bush of harassment? For good flirts like Unica Hija (not that she was flirting in this case!), Key, and I, what limits does that put on the fun of flirting? I don't mean that, because we may be good flirts outside of work, that we are trying to flirt at work. Of course people are focused first on their jobs.

It's funny that Pjammer's readers are so articulate and love to talk talk talk, but some of them barely looked at Tiger Cafe for the details. One person thought I, with my enthusiasm, was a "Filipina lawyer." Another is a feminist who said "I demand women put the water bottle on the cooler instead of asking for a guy to help. I demand that day care and maternity leave are not paid for by the company I work for." She finally ended her long talk by saying "Who the fuck is Raymond? :)"

Hahaha! I wish Tiger Cafe's readers would speak up more and leave more entertaining comments. :D

Once, I ended up working with someone I had very briefly dated. Here's the story:

I met her by chance, thought she was gorgeous, and got her number. The next day I asked her out and she said yes. We went out a few times, had dinner, studied together, etc. At that time she was looking to change jobs. She had been applying to different companies. Later when a job fell through, I offered to refer her to my company. She was called for an interview and guess what? She got the job.

At first, we were in different groups. She'd walk over to see me several times a day with questions. She was still that sexy and the guys definitely noticed. Most girls wore more ordinary clothes, but she'd wear dresses covered with leopard spots. I found myself becoming VERY businesslike and serious when I talked to her in the office. I was extra concerned about giving the impression we were more than friends or that I was flirting. I acted almost like a strict father.

Pretty soon after going out, we saw that we had little in common. It was hard to talk to her in much depth. We didn't really persue any relationship.

After a few months, we ended up working in the same group! We saw each other daily. By then, any initial infatuation had cooled off. We gradually drifted into "acquaintance" mode. She still wore those sexy dresses though.

So this could have been an especially tricky situation if we were still interested in each other and had to work together. But I wasn't, and I felt myself going overboard to act professionally and non-flirtatious and boring.

What about your stories? Mira?

Posted 5:55 PM by DUH

My response:

I'd like to thank everyone who posted their support and advice. They were highly appreciated.

Let me make things clear. I posted that experience of mine 'cause it was such a shock to me. I was caught flatfooted, to say the least, and I was a bumbling fool the entire time. I didn't know what to do because I knew the guy well enough to know his good side. He is not entirely a jerk, but the fact that he made the advances within a professional mode jarred me and made me feel extremely uncomfortable. His advances were highly unwelcome. The fact that I responded to his kiss was just a physical knee jerk reaction--much like an unwanted erection would be with a guy I suppose. I am, after all, a healthy, sexual female. Am not a lifeless log!

Initially, I wanted to know what people's opinions were about the issue so I made that post. I didn't know what to do at that moment because God, I had no past experiences to draw from!

I'd like to put on record that as a rule, I avoid office romances, no matter how irresistible. I have never had one because I've seen such relationships complicate--even ruin-- people's careers too much to indulge in one. I value my career that much.

I agree with some of you people out there who say this situation is not really a clear-cut sexual harassment case. It's not that simple. First, r and I dated before we started working together. We never had a committed relationship thought it was apparent we had some degree of liking for each other at the time we were dating. But I didn't like him enough to go on and bring the relationship to the next level. I'd like to stress that we had no professional ties whatsoever when we were still dating. The dates stopped naturally, we drifted apart and I went on dating other men until I finally reconciled with my ex-boyfriend (now my boyfriend).

Then came this business oppportunity which came about to a large extent because of his help. And because of this, I was extremely grateful and appreciative of his efforts. I am very fond of this guy and I consider him a very, very good friend. He is, to a large extent, a very decent person--and I know this for a fact. He has shown me enough goodness for me not to judge him harshly. If it were another guy, I think, I would have responded with a slap on his face, or even a kick to his groin.

I don't think I'd like to mess things up right now by filing a case. The consequences will be too difficult for me to handle. My decision, as of this moment, is to talk to him personally the next time we meet and tell him I would appreciate if he didn't do anything like that in the next few months of the project. Knowing him, I know he would stop his advances. And for good measure, I would try to avoid putting myself into situations that would make it easy for him to do that again.

I know I am disappointing a lot of people with this response. But that's my take on what happened. Again, thanks everyone.

Posted 5:17 PM by Blah blah

Making the Case

People both on Rice Bowl Journals and on Pjammer's journal are disagreeing that Unica Hija's story is really clear-cut sexual harassment. (Sorry, Unica Hija, to publicize it this way.)

Some are saying that since she did kiss him back (and let him kiss her three times, not just once), that it clouds the issue.

If you don't know the story, folks, those are totally valid questions, and I see what you mean. Let me make the case for harassment.

First, I am totally against knee-jerk political correctness too. (I studied at Berkeley and was fed up by protesters calling everything sexist or racist, etc.) I would not be as angry about what happened if it weren't so CLEARLY harassment. Remember, this is the Philippines, not the U.S., so I am going by Philippine law.

Second, she DID say she did not want it. Please read again. Yes, she was nervous and trying to be polite when she said it. And no, she was not as forceful as a guy like you would be, Pjammer. But what do you expect? It was a delicate situation! She was in SHOCK.

Regardless if she agreed or not, the Philippine law is VERY clear. It makes no difference!!!

Putting on my lawyer's cap, let's go again to the Philippine Anti-Sexual Harassment Act of 1995, signed by then-President Fidel Ramos:
_________________
Section 3 says:

"Work, education or training-related sexual harassment is committed by an employer, employee, manager, supervisor, agent of the employer, teacher, instructor, professor, coach, trainer, or any other person who, having authority, influence or moral ascendancy over another in a work or training or education environment, demands, requests or otherwise requires any sexual favor from the other, regardless of whether the demand, request or requirement for submission is accepted by the object of said Act.

(a) In a work-related or employment environment, sexual harassment is committed when:

(1) The sexual favor is made as a condition in the hiring or in the employment, re-employment or continued employment of said individual, or in granting said individual favorable compensation, terms of conditions, promotions, or privileges; or the refusal to grant the sexual favor results in limiting, segregating or classifying the employee which in any way would discriminate, deprive or diminish employment opportunities or otherwise adversely affect said employee;

(2) The above acts would impair the employee's rights or privileges under existing labor laws; or

(3) The above acts would result in an intimidating, hostile, or offensive environment for the employee....

Any person who directs or induces another to commit any act of sexual harassment as herein defined, or who cooperates in the commission thereof by another without which it would not have been committed, shall also be held liable under this Act."
_________________
I only quoted the part that relates to her story. Please read the law for other situations that are considered harassment.

1. This guy is her client. He obviously has the power to influence her work and the business of her company in a substantial way. Although he just STARTED to harass her, his attitude was so cocky that it was clear he would keep going unless she did something.

2. He just helped to bring his business to her company. Her company is grateful to him and NEEDS him. This is a high-profile project for her. Even though he hasn't threatened her, she knows that he can always cancel his business with them. There's always that underlying threat, which could hurt her business reputation and career. "Discriminate, deprive or diminish employment opportunities or otherwise adversely affect said employee."

3. He and she are supposed to work on this project together for several months. He knows that she is tied to this project and to him. Every day now, she has to feel embarrassment and guilt when she sees him. She has to make polite excuses to not spend too much time with or be alone with him. For months. "The above acts would result in an intimidating, hostile, or offensive environment for the employee."

4. Not only is he her client, he's her FRIEND. He knows her. He probably knows that she has a boyfriend already. He's not a stranger who just made a pass. And even if he didn't know her, she's in a vulnerable state and this is taking unfair advantage of her position.

I know it's sometimes a fine line between dating someone at work (which is ok sometimes) and harassment. Note the law says "regardless of whether the demand, request or requirement for submission is accepted" or not. But this is very CLEARLY harassment.

Posted 10:50 PM by Blah blah

Clear Case of Sexual Harassment

Reading Unica Hija's last post really pissed me off.

Damn that SOB! How strict are sexual harassment policies in the Philippines?

He's obviously not a true friend if he knew you had a boyfriend and didn't care about the consequences.

One of my friends had her breasts fondled during a company party by the guest of honor. Whom she trusted and has to work with. He is married with children. She said nothing.

Think of it this way: you'll be embarrassed and guilty and avoiding him for the next few months while this project forces you to work together. And it will affect your work.

Client, friend, or not, report the bastard. Otherwise he took your reaction as a challenge and will keep going.

Don't go easy on him. Make him face up to the consequences. You have other clients I am sure. Let me know what happens.


_______________________
From the Philippine Anti-Sexual Harassment Act of 1995 (Republic Act No. 7877):

SECTION 3. Work, Education or Training -Related, Sexual Harassment Defined. - Work, education or training-related sexual harassment is committed by an employer, employee, manager, supervisor, agent of the employer, teacher, instructor, professor, coach, trainer, or any other person who, having authority, influence or moral ascendancy over another in a work or training or education environment, demands, requests or otherwise requires any sexual favor from the other, regardless of whether the demand, request or requirement for submission is accepted by the object of said Act.

(a) In a work-related or employment environment, sexual harassment is committed when:

(1) The sexual favor is made as a condition in the hiring or in the employment, re-employment or continued employment of said individual, or in granting said individual favorable compensation, terms of conditions, promotions, or privileges; or the refusal to grant the sexual favor results in limiting, segregating or classifying the employee which in any way would discriminate, deprive or diminish employment opportunities or otherwise adversely affect said employee;

(2) The above acts would impair the employee's rights or privileges under existing labor laws; or

(3) The above acts would result in an intimidating, hostile, or offensive environment for the employee....

Any person who directs or induces another to commit any act of sexual harassment as herein defined, or who cooperates in the commission thereof by another without which it would not have been committed, shall also be held liable under this Act.

SECTION 4. Duty of the Employer or Head of Office in a Work-related, Education or Training Environment. - It shall be the duty of the employer or the head of the work-related, educational or training environment or institution, to prevent or deter the commission of acts of sexual harassment and to provide the procedures for the resolution, settlement or prosecution of acts of sexual harassment. Towards this end, the employer or head of office shall:

(a) Promulgate appropriate rules and regulations in consultation with and jointly approved by the employees or students or trainees, through their duly designated representatives, prescribing the procedure for the investigation of sexual harassment cases and the administrative sanctions therefor.

Administrative sanctions shall not be a bar to prosecution in the proper courts for unlawful acts of sexual harassment.

The said rules and regulations issued pursuant to this subsection (a) shall include, among others, guidelines on proper decorum in the workplace and educational or training institutions.
(b) Create a committee on decorum and investigation of cases on sexual harassment. The committee shall conduct meetings, as the case may be, with officers and employees, teachers, instructors, professors, coaches, trainors, and students or trainees to increase understanding and prevent incidents of sexual harassment. It shall also conduct the investigation of alleged cases constituting sexual harassment.

In the case of a work-related environment, the committee shall be composed of at least one (1) representative each from the management, the union, if any, the employees from the supervisory rank, and from the rank and file employees....

The employer or head of office, educational or training institution shall disseminate or post a copy of this Act for the information of all concerned.

SECTION 5. Liability of the Employer, Head of Office, Educational or Training Institution. - The employer or head of office, educational or training institution shall be solidarily liable for damages arising from the acts of sexual harassment committed in the employment, education or training environment if the employer or head of office, educational or training institution is informed of such acts by the offended party and no immediate action is taken.

SECTION 6. Independent Action for Damages. - Nothing in this Act shall preclude the victim of work, education or training-related sexual harassment from instituting a separate and independent action for damages and other affirmative relief.

SECTION 7. Penalties. - Any person who violates the provisions of this Act shall, upon conviction, be penalized by imprisonment of not less than one (1) month nor more than six (6) months, or a fine of not less than Ten thousand pesos (P10,000) nor more than Twenty thousand pesos (P20,000), or both such fine and imprisonment at the discretion of the court.
_______________________
From the Philippine Administrative Disciplinary Rules On Sexual Harassment Cases (Resolution No. 01-0940). These rules apply to all officials and employees in government:

Section 3. For the purpose of these Rules, the administrative offense of sexual harassment is an act, or a series of acts, involving any unwelcome sexual advance, request or demand for a sexual favor, or other verbal or physical behavior of a sexual nature, committed by a government employee or official in a work-related, training or education related environment of the person complained of.

(a) Work related sexual harassment is committed under the following circumstances:...

(3) the act or series of acts might reasonably be expected to cause discrimination, insecurity, discomfort, offense or humiliation to a complainant who may be a co-employee, applicant, customer, or word of the person complained of....

Section 5. The following are illustrative forms of sexual harassment:
(a) Physical
i. Malicious Touching;
ii. Overt sexual advances;
iii. Gestures with lewd insinuation.

(b) Verbal, such as but not limited to, requests or demands for sexual favors, and lurid remarks;
(c) Use of objects, pictures or graphics, letters or writing notes with sexual underpinnings;
(d) Other forms analogous to the forgoing.

Posted 8:37 PM by DUH

Unica Hija wrote on Oct. 10, 2002:

"I've made such a ruckus in ray's blog with my 'stolen kiss' account. didn't know it would raise such a furor. anyway, that's past. talked to r already. it will never happen again."

blush-fest blues

i thought this only happened in the movies but. . . .

producer i and me went to r's office and discussed next steps with his communications officer. then communications officer left for a meeting. a few minutes later, i excused himself and left, too. so it was just r and me in his office. i wanted to finalize the next steps before i left, so i stayed on to talk with him.

i was trying to prove how bad his boss's idea was while trying not to say that at the same time. i went on and on about how a commercial should not be a series of scenes, but one which had a story, a central character, how it should have a beginning and end. how an ad should have an insight that's based on reality and not just pulled out from thin air. r was half listening, signing some papers on the table. then he suddenly stood up and said "excuse me." i attempted to move my chair so r would be able to pass through behind me. i was seated in front of some book shelves so i thought he was going to get a book or something. so i thought.

before i knew it, he was kissing me. i held on to the handles of my chair, shocked.

when he pulled back for air, he was smiling. "you're blushing."

i was speechless. "i am?" i felt my cheeks. they were warm. "well, because . . . because. . . " i couldn't find the right words so i just shook my head. "ikaw talaga (you're really. . . )," i said. he noticed my frown.

"ako talaga ano (am really what)?" the stupid smile was pasted on his face. he kept staring at my mouth.

"wala (nothing). basta (it just is). anyway, where was i?" i went on babbling to dispel the tension: about how a commercial is more compelling when it makes use of the "power of the specific." was trying in vain to make my nervousness disappear by chattering inanely. then i stood up to gather my things.

"well," i said. "i have to go now."

he stood up too, and i thought he was going to walk me to the door. he kissed me again. harder this time. i caught a whiff of Marlboros, Cool Water and soap. i felt myself starting to kiss him back. i stopped myself.

"no!" i said.

"why?"

i gave him a pained smile. "ano ka ba, hindi puwede (what's wrong with you? we can't do this)!"

"ayaw mo (you don't like)?"

"well, what do you think!?" pause. he was still smiling. "sige na, i have to go."

"where are you going?"

"i have another meeting." i was lying. i wanted to get out of there. fast.

"ok."

he gave me a smack on the lips.

i bolted out of his office and went straight to the bathroom. i checked my image on the mirror: my cheeks were flushed. my lips were red. i was breathing hard. i thought of e, and i felt a wave of guilt. i drove back to the office like a zombie, and managed to call my team about the recent developments.

and here i am, still very much confused, still very much shaken. i have to work with r for the next few months. ugh. i feel like a ravished female character in a mills and boon pocketbook.

i have a boyfriend. r is a friend AND a client.

what would YOU do?

Posted 4:15 PM by Anonymous

It has begun to occur to me, without having actually observed Raymond in a mating-ritual environment and only going on the information from the stories and essays that he writes here, that he may be suffering from nice-guy syndrome (NGS). NGS sufferers are liable to hear the following phrases from women in whom they're interested: "I'm so glad I can talk to you about everything." "You're like a brother to me." "Hey, let's go to the ballet sometime."

A friend of mine, A, who suffers from NGS had recently gotten the number of B, an attractive young woman, after chatting her up at an art opening of a mutual friend, and when A actually called B up to ask her out to dinner, she called another friend, C, who in turn called me, since I introduced A to this crowd in the first place. C told me B thought A was gay (i.e., someone she could talk to easily without wondering whether he was thinking about getting into her pants).

Now, not all sufferers of NGS are mistaken for gay men (my friend A, however, is more likely than most, as he works for a gay Web site), but a good number are. I, myself a former NGS sufferer, have been mistakenly thought to be gay, but then, I often wear a t-shirt that advertises "The Joy of Gay Sex." (It's a play, and I designed the poster. Ask me to tell you sometime about the time I ran into a bunch of people on BART who were on their way back from a Promise Keepers rally.)

Anyway, it is possible that our Raymond may be suffering from NGS, and we, as Tiger Cafe readers and cowriters, must make it our duty to rid Raymond of this debilitating dating disease. I overcame mine partially by becoming more outgoing and forthright about sexuality, which can often take conversations out of safe zones and into places that can be much more interesting. This may not be Raymond's path, but we must help him find his own path out of this murky swamp called Nice-Guy Syndrome.

[What's wrong with Nice Guys? from Heartless Bitches International---Raymond]

Posted 4:02 PM by Blah blah

Final Worship Service

I went to my pastor friend Marcus's place last night. He started up this small church two years ago (when I first met him). He recently made the difficult decision that God had other plans for him at this point in his life than this church. He'd been praying about starting a church even before he graduated from Harvard Divinity School. So last night was his final service, the final time he put this baby to sleep, and he ended it upbeat and in such an inspirational way. I was very touched by him and the people I met. Will go more into all this later. Stay tuned!

Posted 2:33 PM by Blah blah

Public Says Bush Needs to Pay Heed to Weak Economy (NY Times) Yes! Forget about Iraq, dammit:

"A majority of Americans say that the nation's economy is in its worst shape in nearly a decade and that President Bush and Congressional leaders are spending too much time talking about Iraq while neglecting problems at home, according to the latest New York Times/CBS News poll.

The poll found signs of economic distress that cut across party and geographic lines. Nearly half of all Americans are worried that they or someone in their household will be out of a job within a year.

The number of Americans who said they believe the economy is worse than it was just two years ago has increased markedly since the summer. The number of Americans who approved of the way Mr. Bush has handled the economy 41 percent was the lowest it has been in his presidency. Many people said they worried that a war in Iraq which most Americans view as inevitable would disrupt an already unsettled economy."

Study: Depression from Job Loss Is Long Lasting (Reuters). This is SO true, guys. Trust me. I will say more about this later:
__________________
While it may not be surprising that job loss and the resulting financial strain can lead to depression, new study findings show that this and other negative consequences of unemployment can last for up to 2 years, even after a person gets another job.

It is not simply the loss of employment that keeps individuals in a prolonged state of depression or otherwise poor health, the report indicates, but rather the "cascade of negative events" that follows that loss.

"It is the crises that follow job loss that are more damaging than the loss itself," study author Dr. Richard H. Price of the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor, told Reuters Health....

Overall, the financial strain that resulted from the participants' unemployment led to what Price called a "cascade of negative life events."

For example, if someone loses their job, they may have difficulty making a car payment, which can cause them to lose their car, thus hindering their ability to search for a job, the author explained. In addition, losing healthcare benefits due to unemployment will affect the person's ability to care for a family member with a life-long illness, all of which can create a "huge strain on relationships," Price said.

Such negative events seem to have caused the study participants to have higher symptoms of depression and a greater perception that they had lost personal control, including lowered self-esteem, study findings indicate.

Further, this depression and perceived loss of personal control remained evident in follow-ups conducted 6 months and 2 years later, when 60% and 71% of the study participants, respectively, had been re-employed and were working at least 20 hours a week, Price and his team report in the current issue of the Journal of Occupational Health Psychology.

What's more, the study participants' perceived loss of personal control led to reports of poor health and poor emotional functioning in daily tasks, both of which also remained evident in subsequent follow-ups, the researchers note.

"Some effects reflected in disability and depression linger for some people," Price said. Also, the "sense of job security is eroded," which Price says is "another hidden cost of job loss."

Finally, the participants' depression appeared to affect their later chances of reemployment, study findings indicate.

"These people become 'discouraged workers,' not searching for a job, and the personal, family and societal costs are very high," Price said.

Posted 9:35 AM by Blah blah

Changing commenting systems

Guys, I'm saying goodbye to YACCS and moving to Haloscan. Please be patient while I figure out what's wrong with my setup. Haloscan loads much faster and is less overused than YACCS. Your old comments are all still there, though you won't be able to read them. If you want to find something you or someone else wrote a while back, please ask me.

Posted 2:55 PM by Blah blah

Tired of the Dating Game

On RBJ they talk of starting a dating game. Maybe that's something I need now. I've been so lackluster and passive about dating much since I stopped seeing N. My heart just wasn't in it.

Oh I have a lot of female friends, yes. But is it some rule of fate that the girls I get along with the best, who are smart, sexy, within my age group, and inspire me to work for them and plan for the future---all these girls are either TAKEN or FAR FAR AWAY?

Sigh. Sometimes I feel like I need to get out of this land of malls and overworked engineering families called Silicon Valley. This place of an overbearing male:female dating ratio and an average older population. (Given so many socially inept geeks live here, the women complain too that "The odds are good, but the goods are odd.")

But still, the odds are so much more in their favor. Over a year ago I posted a fake ad as an Asian girl on Craigslist to see how many guys would respond. Within 12 hours, THIRTY-NINE GUYS had written back! How much response does a guy get from a typical ad? ZERO.

I see this disparity in normal life too. One time I took a classmate out for ballroom dancing at Starlite. That place, like many dance places, is a serious meat market. While she is a great person, very nice, intelligent, and accomplished, I would not call her "pretty" or very attractive. (Sorry, it's my honest view.) She had once thought of becoming a professional dancer because she loves it so. She was much better than I, but she was kind and took time to teach me, so when we took a break, I told her "Go ahead and keep dancing! Show your stuff!"

No sooner had I sat down at the bar when guys started coming on to her, pleading with her to dance with them. She's a regular there and knows a bunch of people. Guys were flirting with her right in front of me, and I was thinking: "Whoa buddy...though we are just friends, if I were her boyfriend I'd be pissed off."

You see this kind of lamb-chasing mentality at so many social events in Silicon Valley. I expect it but am so sick of it. Guys making the sales pitch. Girls becoming more stuck up as they consider their options. And the genuinely engaging girls, those attractive but kind-hearted and modest girls---they are either married or on the verge. As a guy, you feel like you need to import women. In fact, a lot of Indian guys here do just that. Arranged marriages by relatives to a girl in India. My housemate and I have talked about it many times. Importing.

Just this morning I was talking to a friend in New York. She's attractive, hardworking, gentle, and cheerful, and we always have fun talking. And by the way, Raymond dummy, she's in NEW YORK.

Yesterday I went to this huge BBQ sponsored by the National Association of Asian American Professionals. This attractive Japanese girl was sitting there smiling and cheerful with everyone. I didn't talk to her till I was close to leaving the party. It was very easy to make her laugh, and she'd stare at me in this cartoonish way.

For guys, that's ALWAYS a great thing. Guys are always looking for signs that they can make you, the girl, happy. That the girl IS satisfied and having the time of her life with the guy. If you are a girl, one of the MOST attractive ways a girl can act is just to laugh at a guy's jokes, listen carefully to what he says, and look so happy to be with him, like she'd rather be nowhere else at that moment. Guys just DREAM of those types of moments. (Now some of you may be cynical and say this is just acting. I hope you find a guy you can be this way with naturally. My point is even though you may be happy with a guy, do remember to SHOW it, through your laugh, your body language, and your face. My little flirting advice.)

Anyhow, I was reluctant to ask, because I knew it would spoil the mood. Of course I did. "Where are you from?" Then it came, the inevitable: "Ohhh...I'm from Kyoto, Japan! I'm going home tomorrow. Haha!"

Haha indeed. Rub it in, girl. :(

For the curious, here's my ideal list of things I seek in a girl. I stress this is ideal and I am flexible, ok?

Posted 2:55 PM by Blah blah

Engagement

Oh my God! Johnny and his Korean girlfriend Se-hee are getting engaged!!! Wahoooo!

I just got off the phone with him. I'd met them both before in Berkeley. Some details: it was Se-hee's birthday yesterday. They had been talking about it for a while, so it wasn't a total surprise. He jokes that since he couldn't get her much physically for her bday, why not a proposal? Johnny says he's not the romantic type, but I'm sure Se-hee was seeing those stars in her eyeeeeessss!

Congratulations, bro! You WILL call me later to spill more details when you get home.

Posted 12:02 PM by Blah blah

10 realizations today by Unica Hija:

1. driving around in an air conditioned car with automatic transmission is tiring, however comfortable it may seem
[Awww, poor baaa-by. Try the jeepney.]

2. i'm a player. i hate to admit it, but i think i am.
[Why am I not surprised? Am losing track of your letters of the alphabet. :p]

3. i can withstand lots of stress and pressure and come out of it intact
[You seem like it, especially with my pressure on you to write ONCE a week.]

4. when one project comes, several others come one after the other
[You mean "projects" or "guys"? :p]

5. i like being an entrepreneur better than working for someone else
[What do you sell, pray tell?]

6. i accomplish supermega a LOT when i work for my own business
[Lend me some of that drive. I need that or a shot of Tabasco sauce.]

7. i didn't realize it, but i can charm my way out of a LOT of situations--i think it's because i've learned the art of harmless flirting and genuinely appreciating the nice things in different people. boss d told me once: "why can't anybody get mad with you?! you have this charm thing going."
[That's why people put up with babies too. It's what helps the human species propagate. Survival of the cheekiest.]

8. i can get bossy. very bossy. when i want to, that is
[Ditto.]

9. i hate details and would rather work on the "big picture"
[Ditto for some things.]

10. tropical hut hamburgers (juicy and wrapped in foil) is the absolute BEST fast food burger around
[They make huts out of foil now?]