Posted 2:55 PM by Blah blah

Tired of the Dating Game

On RBJ they talk of starting a dating game. Maybe that's something I need now. I've been so lackluster and passive about dating much since I stopped seeing N. My heart just wasn't in it.

Oh I have a lot of female friends, yes. But is it some rule of fate that the girls I get along with the best, who are smart, sexy, within my age group, and inspire me to work for them and plan for the future---all these girls are either TAKEN or FAR FAR AWAY?

Sigh. Sometimes I feel like I need to get out of this land of malls and overworked engineering families called Silicon Valley. This place of an overbearing male:female dating ratio and an average older population. (Given so many socially inept geeks live here, the women complain too that "The odds are good, but the goods are odd.")

But still, the odds are so much more in their favor. Over a year ago I posted a fake ad as an Asian girl on Craigslist to see how many guys would respond. Within 12 hours, THIRTY-NINE GUYS had written back! How much response does a guy get from a typical ad? ZERO.

I see this disparity in normal life too. One time I took a classmate out for ballroom dancing at Starlite. That place, like many dance places, is a serious meat market. While she is a great person, very nice, intelligent, and accomplished, I would not call her "pretty" or very attractive. (Sorry, it's my honest view.) She had once thought of becoming a professional dancer because she loves it so. She was much better than I, but she was kind and took time to teach me, so when we took a break, I told her "Go ahead and keep dancing! Show your stuff!"

No sooner had I sat down at the bar when guys started coming on to her, pleading with her to dance with them. She's a regular there and knows a bunch of people. Guys were flirting with her right in front of me, and I was thinking: "Whoa buddy...though we are just friends, if I were her boyfriend I'd be pissed off."

You see this kind of lamb-chasing mentality at so many social events in Silicon Valley. I expect it but am so sick of it. Guys making the sales pitch. Girls becoming more stuck up as they consider their options. And the genuinely engaging girls, those attractive but kind-hearted and modest girls---they are either married or on the verge. As a guy, you feel like you need to import women. In fact, a lot of Indian guys here do just that. Arranged marriages by relatives to a girl in India. My housemate and I have talked about it many times. Importing.

Just this morning I was talking to a friend in New York. She's attractive, hardworking, gentle, and cheerful, and we always have fun talking. And by the way, Raymond dummy, she's in NEW YORK.

Yesterday I went to this huge BBQ sponsored by the National Association of Asian American Professionals. This attractive Japanese girl was sitting there smiling and cheerful with everyone. I didn't talk to her till I was close to leaving the party. It was very easy to make her laugh, and she'd stare at me in this cartoonish way.

For guys, that's ALWAYS a great thing. Guys are always looking for signs that they can make you, the girl, happy. That the girl IS satisfied and having the time of her life with the guy. If you are a girl, one of the MOST attractive ways a girl can act is just to laugh at a guy's jokes, listen carefully to what he says, and look so happy to be with him, like she'd rather be nowhere else at that moment. Guys just DREAM of those types of moments. (Now some of you may be cynical and say this is just acting. I hope you find a guy you can be this way with naturally. My point is even though you may be happy with a guy, do remember to SHOW it, through your laugh, your body language, and your face. My little flirting advice.)

Anyhow, I was reluctant to ask, because I knew it would spoil the mood. Of course I did. "Where are you from?" Then it came, the inevitable: "Ohhh...I'm from Kyoto, Japan! I'm going home tomorrow. Haha!"

Haha indeed. Rub it in, girl. :(

For the curious, here's my ideal list of things I seek in a girl. I stress this is ideal and I am flexible, ok?