Posted 12:51 PM by Raven

Life at 35,000 feet

This was recently posted to my journal but I liked it enough that I wanted to share it here as well. I was feeling inspired on my recent trip home to Dallas.

On my frequent journeys across the country I usually take the extraordinary beauty that lies right outside my window for granted. I'm caught up in a good book, working on something that didn't quite get finished at my work, or talking to one of the many single serving friends I have encountered over the years.

However, when I do take the time to look out the window at the world it's an amazing sight to behold. You would not believe how beautiful things look from 35,000 feet.

I see brilliant sunsets that no land bound person is privileged enough to gaze upon. Brilliant orange-red that gradually decreases in intensity to yellow and finally light blue which progresses to deep cobalt blue and finally a black canopy of stars.

I see great cities dwarfed and all laid out before me, their problems long forgotten. I see trees that look like someone dropped little bits of color on them with some grand paintbrush or a child spilled a bowl of colorful candies on the ground. The trees are truly a sight to see in autumn.

I gaze out the window and see Mt. St. Helens, her top blown, looking so small and powerless when that couldn't be farther from the truth. I see the Puget Sound wind its way out to the pacific through the mountains with a light mist hovering above the valleys, trying to peek over the hills.

I see the formidable snow tipped caps of the Rockies right outside my window. They seem to jeer at me as if to say "how dare you so easily traverse us?"

The clouds far below me look like little bits of cotton that at times appear to be great fantasy cities in their own right. I watch as the moisture that has collected inside the window crystallizes and turns to ice in the sub zero temperatures. There is such a miniscule amount of water that you can see the crystals taking on form and becoming rigid before your very eyes.

Cities are extraordinarily beautiful at night. San Francisco, Seattle, Los Angeles, Dallas, Houston, Chicago, Boston all lit up and beautiful. Lines of traffic reduced to streams of red and white lights.

I have seen great thunderstorms with lightning that envelops the entire sky. The plane lurches and drops as it powers its way through the storm.

Yes, things look very beautiful from 35,000 feet. It almost makes you want to forget what an ugly world awaits your landing below. Crime, hatred, violence, the will of evil men. It makes me wonder sometimes if we will really make it on this planet another 2000 years. But while I'm soaring through the clouds I can temporarily forget about all that and just admire the beauty.

It makes me forget the hardships I endure in order to behold this beauty. I'm rarely in the arms of the woman I love; I live my life out of a suitcase one week at a time. I enjoy the luxuries of life on the company dime but at what price?

Life at 35,000 feet; bittersweet.

Posted 12:43 PM by Blah blah

Poets You Like

From RBJ,

Belle wrote: Lifted from one of my poems. Just wanna share these with you.

Unrequited Love, by Belle

i drop a star,
it
f
a
l
l
s
slivering
at his hands
in my whispered breath
the full moon bleeds
covered
in dark-grey clouds,
weeping
with me.
i seldom find
a broken hope repaired
now,
my star
lay
s h a t t e r e d
at his feet.
______________________
Hey Belle, I like this poem! *CLAP* Like the visual effect. Did you write it while standing in a narrow phone booth? Looks like it.

I like various poets, especially funny ones. The ratio of depressing to funny poems is like 95:5. When I try to write my own poems, I usually make them rhyme and funny.

A favorite high school poem:

Pied Beauty, by Gerard Manley Hopkins

Glory be to God for dappled things--

For skies of couple-colour as a brinded cow;
For rose-moles all in stipple upon trout that swim;
Fresh-firecoal chestnut-falls; finches' wings;
Landscape plotted and pieced--fold, fallow, and plough;
And áll trádes, their gear and tackle and trim.
All things counter, original, spare, strange;

Whatever is fickle, freckled (who knows how?)
With swift, slow; sweet, sour; adazzle, dim;
He fathers-forth whose beauty is past change:
Praise him.

My favorite funny poet: Ogden Nash! Here's my old poetry page with more of his poems.

I Do, I Will, I Have, by Ogden Nash

How wise I am to have instructed the butler to instruct the first footman to instruct the second footman to instruct the doorman to order my carriage;
I am about to volunteer a definition of marriage.
Just as I know that there are two Hagens, Walter and Copen,
I know that marriage is a legal and religious alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
Moreover, just as I am unsure of the difference between flora and fauna and flotsam and jetsam,
I am quite sure that marriage is the alliance of two people one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgetsam,
And he refuses to believe there is a leak in the water pipe or the gas pipe and she is convinced she is about to asphyxiate or drown,
And she says Quick get up and get my hairbrushes off the windowsill, it's raining in, and he replies Oh they're all right, it's only raining straight down.
That is why marriage is so much more interesting than divorce,
Because it's the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force.
So I hope husbands and wives will continue to debate and combat over everything debatable and combatable,
Because I believe a little incompatibility is the spice of life, particularly if he has income and she...is pattable.

A Word to Husbands, by Ogden Nash

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.

A Lady Thinks She Is Thirty, by Ogden Nash

Unwillingly Miranda wakes,
Feels the sun with terror,
One unwilling step she takes,
Shuddering to the mirror.

Miranda in Miranda's sight
Is old and gray and dirty;
Twenty-nine she was last night;
This morning she is thirty.

Shining like the morning star,
Like the twilight shining,
Haunted by a calendar,
Miranda is a-pining.

Silly girl, silver girl,
Draw the mirror toward you;
Time who makes the years to whirl
Adorned as he adored you.

Time is timelessness for you;
Calendars for the human;
What's a year, or thirty, to
Loveliness made woman?

Oh, Night will not see thirty again,
Yet soft her wing, Miranda;
Pick up your glass and tell me, then--
How old is Spring, Miranda?

As you'd probably guess, I'm not a fan of Sylvia Plath.

Posted 8:57 AM by Mira

Esquire's What A Man Should Know About A Woman-CONT.

#13. Women can tell if a man is the kind of man who likes women.

My Commentary: Just by sniffing them.

Posted 8:53 AM by Mira

So I finally talked to the Yellow Man Oprah of Kingdom Come.

Here are my observations/discoveries:

0. He has some kind of American accent.
1. He has a low voice. Lower than I had assumed.
2. He doesn't know how to work his battery-operated phone.
3. He can chat up a storm better than Oprah.
4. True to his Libra ways, he balances everything and is astute in that sense. (also balances his head on his pillow really well)
5. He has met a shitload of interesting people.
6. The whole time, the vision of his mouth moving on that picture he has up on the top right corner of Tiger Cafe flowed in and out of my head. Kind of like a basic animated GIF.
7. I'm pretty certain he's normal.
8. It was almost 1 a.m. when I pressed the end button.
9. Glad it was his phone bill and not mine. Muahhh ha ha.

Conclusion: I finally talked to my host on Blogger and that was nice. Who knew that there was so much RBJ gossip. We both laughed about the same people and that was uncanny and even better, it was funny as hell. Now, back to Esquire Daily. O.K. Raymond, now please go see that waif.

Posted 4:56 AM by Blah blah

Up early today. Need to keep studying!

This week I talked to both Mira and Corine on the phone for the first time. In both cases:

- We talked so long my phone's handset battery died and I had to switch to speakerphone.
- They came across differently than their blogs may seem. Mira talks more and sounds more easygoing than her short, crisp posts may have you believe. Light touch of a Canadian accent. Corine has a Malaysian accent and shows more depth than she may online. Less of a cartoon character. I told her: "Now you're actually talking paragraphs to me, while online you just say 'HAHAHAHAHA.' "

Lesson for today: call up those online friends you've been stalking for months. You'll be pleasantly surprised.

Posted 7:11 PM by Rasee

Happy Happy Joy Joy

It has been a long while since my last post and my sincerest apologies to Raymond for not being more consistent. Life tends to pick up her pace when you least expect it, giving your world a good hard shake as if to ensure that you haven't become complacent. My little world has been given a couple of violent shakes and I'm still reeling from it. Readers of my journal probably now know that I was diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) not too long ago, and that has taken quite a toll on me mentally even though I've been good about keeping a smile on my face and shoving negative thoughts away as soon as they begin to creep into my head. I have been uneasy and afraid and sometimes angry. Last night I was at my uncle's place for a Diwali (Indian New Year) puja (religious ceremony) that our family gathers to perform every year and I met my little cousin for the first time since I saw him when he was only two hours old. He was beautiful. My heart cracked and broke. The reality of my situation hit me just then--and quite hard.

Truth be told, I can't afford to have a child now. I don't want to have children for a few years yet. Even with a deadline of sorts being imposed on my ability to procreate, I cannot--in good conscience--make a monumental decision that I know is wrong for me just to have children before it's too late. This is what I have been thinking about very much lately. On one hand I could consider an arranged marriage, wed a nice man, and start trying to have children. On the other hand I can let Life unfold as it must and wait to fall in love. Whether I can have children by that point is something that is out of my hands. Adoption is always an option, and a good one. At twenty-one this is not something I want to think about and I think in a few days I will be able to make my peace with it and let things go.

But I am happy. The end of the year is my favorite time and as Christmas trees begin to go up and Diwali celebrations are in full swing, I feel joy swell up inside me and I am very excited about my life. This is a good time to sit back and take stock of all that has transpired and figure out where one is headed. Two days ago I celebrate Samhain with a heart full of love and happiness, and as the sun crawls through Sagittarius and into Capricorn on Yule, I will be rushing to the post office to send of Christmas cards and looking forward to the return of a very important Boy. When I turn twenty-two I have the privilege of actually beginning a new year. I am grateful for the love and magic and even the sorrow of the year that is winding down.

"Happiness is a healthy mental attitude, a grateful spirit, and a heart full of Love."

Late, but bright and sweet blessings to you and yours on Samhain.

Posted 1:13 PM by Blah blah

Flirting Advice

On RBJ, Shy asked: "So you're at the bookstore or supermarket. Right beside you is a very attractive person that's definitely getting your heart rate pumping... Assuming you are single, how would you get this person's attention?"

Scott said: "Well, I can tell what my baby Sun Su does. He will stare at you with his big dark eyes, pleading for attention and interest whether you return his gaze or not. Then when you approach him for a kiss, he quickly turns his head in the opposite direction like he lost interest. Then when you walk away, he looks back at you and does it all over again. Works every time. Coy boy."

I said:

Advice by the Smooth Flirt. Key, let's hear your professional opinion on this. Here's how to compete with Sun Su for a girl's attention at the supermarket:

Get a buddy to run interference for ya. Have him make kissing noises at Sun Su and play peek-a-boo with him while shaking two boxes of Chiclets. Now that Sun Su is distracted, stand between your target and the baby. Analyze your target.

If you're a GUY,
and she:

1. Carries a Handspring Visor and a copy of Java Developers' Journal, start talking about the latest code fix you read about last month. Say "Hey, what's your number, in case I find some cool CORBA components that will let you bypass RMI and make remote database access a piece of cake?"

2. Wears color-coordinated Ann Taylor blouses and is leafing through Vogue, compliment her style and say: "Hey, the last time I was in Paris, I saw the fall collection and I think they have this black thing that goes well with my blue jeans and cowboy boots! I'll tell you more. What's your number? " Leave out the fact that you're actually from Paris, TEXAS.

3. Wears bell bottoms, has hair like Felicity, and carries a shoulder bookbag, point to your half-eaten Togo's sandwich you're holding and say, "Man, I am so SICK of Togo's. What kinda food do you have at school? I'm new here and always can't find the cafeteria. I usually end up at the campus police instead. Would you mind giving me your number and showing me how to get there?"

4. Carries a briefcase, dayplanner, and scowl on her face, point angrily at your watch and say, "Don't you just HATE waiting in line to buy something? In these five minutes, I could have been buying companies, cashing out my options, and buying this whole damn store!" Nod and say, "I know what it's like. In fact, I have just the thing to save you time: me. Let's make a deal. Skip the romance, you and me at Rivoli's Friday night at 6, and I'll take you home by 7, in time to watch Wall Street Week. Just sign your home number here, on the back of my cufflink."

If you're a GIRL,
it's easier to get her attention. Like pipSy said in Silly Talents, just:

Lick your nipple.
__________________
Scott replied: "Please. The only thing that will get you is girls' shoemarks on your face as they run over you to Sun Su's irresistible charms. The only safe place is BEHIND Sun Su. Take it from me.

But not before Sun Su vomits on your peek-a-boo buddy's pants.

His momma didn't raise no fool."

Me: "Haha! Bring an extra pair of pants."

Posted 12:22 PM by fan777

at the edge of the world there's nowhere to go but down and the wind is an ember of a moan, tonight the ghosts are out for blood. i've written to darkness in lengths before, in scrawls with arms reaching out to empty corners but there's nothing here tonight, ghosts of a dream and my memory burning calloused fingertips. dead puffs of mist.

a month long standstill, stalemate between the battalions of pen and page, darkness seeking white but no military genius to sweep through the ranks. harsh line stand file, i thumb a hundred pages waiting for you but all i could hear was a hound baying at the moon.

so i sang in low howls to the midnight sun, watched the stars turn in their restless sleep, and spoke to the grass quivering with dew. a division grows from the rocks, and when i fell through the chasm and broke, could you fill me with your lips and make me whole? because since that night i've been moving without my own motion, lost in the current that you've established, moving to the ripples of your breath to find the mouth that could fit mine.

if you asked, i would not know how to reply. i did not write this because it was dark tonight nor did i write it for the ghosts out my door, i wrote because you fell into my mind and put me into shades of primrose, knowing your smile makes me smile, your laughter finds my laughter, your peace becomes my peace.

i missed you.

Posted 8:13 PM by e*star

Today, we got paid. I can't believe I'm already finishing my 4th full week at work. It honestly feels like i've been there for quite a long time. Maybe 2 months. I am just really thankful because I get along with my co-workers so well. They're great. I don't know if I could have it any better...lots of potential to make substantial financial gain, camaraderie with my co-workers, decent benefits and great managers. All in the name of hard work. I can't lie and say that things are easy right now--but I am intent on keeping my eyes far ahead so I know this is all worth it. Everything else just makes it easier.

Prior to everyone going home, one of my co-workers had dug himself in a hole on the topic of sex: "If I were a woman in this business, I'd sleep my way to the top." Noting that we would do our best to "not be offended", one of my other co-workers and I pretty much made him dig his hole even deeper. The thing is that I actually wasn't really that offended, knowing how harmless he really is and his remarks were made out of ignorance and no ill-will whatsoever.

Without getting into the details of the conversation, I think i realized that in the end, even though I *am* one of the only female brokers at this firm, I still feel more comfortable than I ever thought I could at a 98% male-dominated workplace.

Important factors are:

1) My managers are sympathetic to me. This helps so much more than I could ever imagine. They are, in general, great people to work with, regardless of sex, and I'm lucky to have them overseeing me. Additionally, it is so helpful and so encouraging to see that my managers see potential in me. The affirmations I've gotten so far have helped me progress expontentially since I've grown more and more confident in my abilities in this business because of them.

2) I've already disregarded my own sex as an issue. The moment I recognize it as a hurdle, the moment I've given myself an excuse not to succeed. Sure, addressing the problem is important--but as each issue arises I intend to deal with it accordingly. If my sex is ever a problem for anybody (because it's not a problem for me), even clients, then I need to not deal with them if they aren't going to take me seriously. If I lose a client, then it's his loss, not mine.

3) I'm one of the guys. This is *not* saying that women can't be feminine, or even girly--this is just how *I* am. In general, I'm just not girly. And in this situation, it's helped. Or, maybe I've just learned to use it to my advantage since it also lets me command respect. It's pretty funny how when I intially worked there, my managers and co-workers took it upon themselves to apologize to me whenever there was some sort of swearing in like, a meeting, or in any remarks being heard around the office. Gentlemanly, they are. I appreciated it, but I also let them know that it doesn't really bother me--and in fact, I don't want to be differentiated from anybody else. I don't want anybody making exceptions *for* me, and conversely it also means that I don't want anybody expecting less *from* me. The props I get for succeeding *despite* the hurdles i've come across because of my sex will come as a bonus, not as one of the conditions.

4) I'm ready to stand up to anything, meaning: sexist remarks, comments, etc. Sure, I am going to pick my battles--especially since I am a lone soldier at combat with an unsuspecting yet large army. But, because I've already gotten confidence in who I am as an Asian American female, the foundation is laid for establishing my existence in the workplace. Even now, I hear certain ignorant comments being made, and for now, more often I say nothing. Keep in mind--it's my 4th week. ;) This shall change, soon...

I know that all of this is so early, but somehow--I feel that my life's journeys are *beginning* to come full circle. I can see myself rounding the last bend. My life's journeys through ordeals of racism, sexism, everything...I often have wondered what it was all for. What if I were to be the next unconcerned female who only wanted to find a successful boyfriend, attain a fairly decent job after undergrad for myself and then just settle down and have a family...and be content with that? What is so wrong with that? Why couldn't I just be content with what I was given? I live richer than 95% of the world's population. I'm not in a 3rd world country. I'm educated. Why am I causing all this ruckus?

Finally, it's paid off. The purpose of all the struggles has been realized. Finally. Finally. I waltzed into a male-dominated workplace otherwise inaccessible because of that. And, I will be successful. It's mine. Because I've worked for it.

*e

Posted 7:02 PM by Mira

Esquire's What A Man Should Know About A Woman-CONT.

#12. Women who have two or more brothers are less likely to be disgusted by you.

My Commentary: Agreed. For once.

Posted 11:11 AM by Raven

The Anonymous Assclown Factor

Closely related to Raymond's topic Getting Regular Visitors to Your Site is the Anonymous Assclown Factor. This term was first coined (I believe) by Pjammer, but I'm borrowing it because I think its a nifty term.

Inevitably as your site becomes more popular you are going to have undesirable elements frequenting your site. The Anonymous Assclown Factor can be defined in the following way: The popularity and hit count of your website is directly proportional to the number of complete morons that frequent your site leaving negative comments and/or guestbook entries, a.k.a. anonymous assclowns. These people were most likely lacking in familial affection when they were younger. Now they use the "king maker" abilities of the internet to ruthlessly stalk people and assert power anonymously to cause hurt in an attempt to make up for a lack of meaning and power in their own lives.

I first experienced this a few months ago and my initial reaction of course was anger. However, sage advice from many of my friends online convinced me that the best way to deal with anonymous assclowns is to ignore them and quietly send an email to their ISP if you feel it is warranted. Giving them the attention they so desperately seek only exacerbates the problem.

So, while we are talking about building popularity of your website lets not forget some of the negative aspects of it. They can be mitigated but they are frustrating nonetheless.

Posted 6:37 AM by Blah blah

Korean Sandwich!

I just checked the RBJ Top 100 sites, and Tiger Cafe is ranked #32, after Key (#31) and before Susan (#33).

Hey, I'm in the middle of a Korean sandwich! Between two pretty girls. Not something that happens to a man every day. (I hope I don't get a taste of Susan's infamous "knuckle sandwich" now.)

Posted 5:59 AM by Blah blah

Getting Regular Visitors to Your Site

On RBJ, our cowriter Charlie keeps saying he has writer's block. How the hell can you say you are out of ideas, Charlie, when your blog is so eloquent and your poetry is incredibly good! I've read a LOT of blogs, Charlie. Trust me. You are good.

Sidney, a precocious teen in San Francisco, asked how you build up a regular set of visitors to your site.

I've been blogging for over two years now. To get more regular visitors, you must:

1. Build up a set of high quality entries.
2. Make your website easy to read, navigate, and skim through. Pick a large font size.
3. Understand the blogging format, which is shorter and more bite-sized than a magazine or book. Be short, witty, and positive. Never bore.
4. Write deliberately for an audience. Have them or certain people you are addressing in mind as you write. Too many of those "I hate my mom/I had an argument with my girlfriend" entries will turn people off.
5. Update regularly. If you are taking a break, say so. Don't leave people hanging.
6. Gain a sense of marketing. Develop relationships with people whom you think might enjoy your site. Promote other people's sites. They will promote yours.
7. Show the occasional babe/hunk pix. Get your pretty friends to model for you one day.
8. Sometimes readers have a crush on you.
9. Wait. Eventually people will get hooked on you, like crack cocaine.

Posted 3:16 PM by Blah blah

From David Letterman. Some of this is old stuff, but if you don't get it, you probably are either: 1) Not American or 2) Not worth it anyway:

Top Ten Signs You Have a Bad Airline Pilot
10. You overhear him say on the intercom "Hey Pedro, what's this gizmo do?"
9. For the past two hours, you've been going straight up
8. He says, "We're cruising at an altitude of 40 feet."
7. Co-pilot is sitting on his lap
6. When you take-off he yells, "Weeeeeeeeeeeee!"
5. At some point he announces, "Screw Chicago, let's go find that Mars Observer"
4. He's wearing a Domino's pizza uniform
3. Over the P.A. you hear "Heh, heh, heh, this plane sucks, heh, heh, heh."
2. As you get on the plane you recognize the pilot as the same guy who drove your cab to the airport
1. Keeps referring to the control tower as "Mommy"

Top Ten Rejected "60 Minutes" Stories
10. How come bald guys ain't got hair?
9. Morley fills his mouth with birdseed, yawns until a hummingbird flies in
8. The president's brother might be some kind of moron
7. Guys Mike Wallace made cry
6. TV newsmagazines whose name says they're a certain length, but when you subtract the commercials are really more like "44 minutes"
5. The 1970's disco group "Village People": Gay?
4. Mike Wallace is Beavis; Andy Rooney is Butthead
3. Is that Letterman's real hair?
2. Are Hugh Downs and Barbara Walters "Doing It"?
1. A few minutes with Mickey Rooney

Top Ten Ways To Make Arafat Angry
10. Load his burnoose with bees
9. Borrow some of his books on making explosives, don't return them
8. Don't let him in the room until he says "open sesame"
7. If he's chasing you, paint a tunnel entrance onto a big rock, then hide and watch as he runs straight into it
6. When you meet him, go "Whoa! You ain't exactly Omar Sharif, are you?"
5. Introduce him as chairman of the PTA
4. Show up at a party wearing the same tablecloth
3. Ask him why it's not PLO speedwagon anymore
2. In the middle of the cab ride, tell him you changed your mind and you want him to take you to Brooklyn
1. Shortsheet his head

Top Ten Signs Your Neighbor Is A Talk Show Host
10. Always asking if you brought a clip
9. Whenever he leaves, he says "I'll be right back"
8. Invites you over for dinner and when you get there he tells you that you've been bumped
7. At his cookout, "Who wants hamburgers?" is written out on a cue card
6. When you ask him to return your lawnmower, he has a list of ten reasons why he doesn't have to
5. No particular sign -- just a statistical likelihood that if you're not a talk show host, you're neighbor is
4. Ed McMahon mows the lawn
3. He chases squirrels around yard with a microphone screaming, "Is the caller there?"
2. During the summer he gains an awful lot of weight
1. Five words: Applause sign in the bedroom

Top Ten Signs You've Lost Control Of Your Country
10. At big public ceremonies, secret service guys play keep-away with your hat
9. People see you at the self-service pump filling up your pacer
8. Sharp drop in sales of "Yeltsersizer" workout machine
7. Stolichnaya withdraws its corporate sponsorship of your presidency
6. You misspell "potato" and no one cares
5. Your mother asks if you want to move back in for a while
4. Ted Koppel cuts your interview short for a late-breaking story on the "Full House" twins
3. You're denied access to the presidential hookers
2. Domino's doesn't deliver your pizza for almost an hour, still makes you pay
1. Chicks no longer dig you

Top Ten Hillary Clinton's Tips For Making Your Man Happy
10. Ketchup-flavored lip-gloss
9. On special occasions, have the marine band play Fleetwood Mac hits
8. "Air Force One mile high club"
7. Give him pep talks: "Compared to you, Lincoln was just a monkey in a top hat"
6. Lean close, put your mouth to his ear, and whisper, "Bubbaaaaaaa"
5. Spend plenty of time inside the beltway, if you know what I mean
4. Take him away for a quiet weekend of taxing and spending
3. Every once in a while, let him run the country
2. Add a little spice in the bedroom by dressing up as a McDonald's waitress
1. Two words: Fry everything

Top Ten Signs You Have No Friends
10. No calls from salespeople pushing MCI's Friends and Family plan
9. You go to a video store and say out loud to yourself, "Well, what do you want to rent tonight?"
8. You send birthday cards to the members of the McLaughlin Group
7. You are one of the five best solitaire players in the world
6. Your initials are G.S. and you own a major league baseball team in the Bronx
5. At your funeral, the entire eulogy is, "Yep, he's dead."
4. Having a Super Bowl party means dressing up your dogs in sweaters and tying them to the furniture
3. James Taylor sings first few bars of "You've Got A Friend," notices you in the audience, and stops
2. You're still drinking from the same keg you bought on New Year's Eve '87
1. All your phone calls start with "976"

Top Ten Signs You're On A Bad Date
10. You can't think of anything else on your date except strangling Chuck Woolery
9. He seems to know an awful lot about your shower routine
8. His multiple personalities begin arguing after dinner about splitting check
7. You find yourself spending an inordinate amount of time lifting his head out of the soup
6. He's been on "Geraldo" three times
5. After two beers he starts calling you "Mommy"
4. All she wants to talk about is how much she loves working for her boss, Heidi Fleiss
3. Every place you suggest for dinner, he says "Nah -- there might be cops there."
2. Insists that she was a virgin, but you know she was married to Sean Penn
1. He takes you to a Met game

Top Ten Signs You're Being Investigated by "60 Minutes"
10. The Domino's Pizza guy looks a little like Ed Bradley 9. Your secretary tells you the men are here to install the hidden microphones
8. You see your accountant wearing brand new "60 Minutes" T-shirt, sweatshirt, and baseball cap
7. You own a sweatshop that is accused of hiring illegal aliens and a woman calling herself "Morlene Safer" applies for a job
6. Guy wearing CBS News cap always emerging from your shrubbery, asking to use your bathroom
5. Everywhere you look: Andy Rooney's eyebrows
4. Wherever you go you hear a really loud ticking noise
3. While lying in bed after seducing you, Leslie Stahl starts asking oddly detailed questions about your business
2. While lying in bed after seducing you, Morley Safer starts asking oddly
detailed questions about your business
1. There's a microphone in your pants

Top Ten Signs of Trouble in the Darryl Hannah/JFK. Jr. Relationship
10. She was overheard saying "Wait -- you're not President Kennedy?"
9. Loud public arguments over who's prettier
8. Lots of finger-pointing after they lost People magazine's "Sexiest Couple Alive" title
7. All of a sudden she doesn't want to wear the mermaid outfit in bed
6. Madonna's at the Garden
5. He keeps confusing her with Fabio
4. Every day, big fights over mirror time
3. He's jealous because she does better on Bar Exam
2. She's sick of him saying "Ask not what your country can do for you; ask if you can get me another beer"
1. Loni's available

Top Ten Signs Your Date Is Not Having A Good Time
10. Doesn't laugh when you give yourself ketchup sideburns
9. As you drop her off, she says "Do me a favor -- next time call a different escort service"
8. You catch her giving her phone number to the guy squeegeeing your windshield
7. "Whoa! Is it 8:15 already!?"
6. Seems unimpressed that you're the senior senator from Oregon
5. Lunges at you several times with a steak knife
4. Doesn't even finish her "Whopper"
3. It's been 4 hours since she left for the ladies room
2. You're Orville Redenbacher; she hates popcorn
1. Whispers to waiter "Please kill me"

Top 10 Reasons Dan Quayle Would Make a Great President
10. Would not seem like brainy egghead when visiting nation's injured professional wrestlers.
9. Boyish good looks would cause Mrs. Gorbachev to fall in love, reveal state secrets.
8. His willingness to don inspiring Eagle Man costume on national holidays.
7. Secret Service agents wouldn't have to take their jobs so seriously.
6. Hilarious hijinks when mischievous staffer tells him to go stand in corner of Oval Office.
5. State of the Union Address would be three minutes tops.
4. Might really enjoy the part where after signing a bill into law, he gets to pass out a lot of souvenir pens.
3. Would satisfy little-known constitutional requirement that Chief Executive be "dumb as a tree".
2. We'd get to watch him grow up on TV.
1. Impossible to pick himself as Vice President.

Top 10 Signs That People Are Getting Dumber
10. Detailed instructions now provided with all new socks.
9. Cher cologne.
8. Nobel Prize for literature given to guy who first hyphenated "oat-bran".
7. Quaylemania!
6. Japanese successfully marketing TV set that's just a cardboard box with a picture of Fess Parker inside it.
5. Disney gave me lots of money for movies I have no intention of making.
4. Most Americans can name no more than 2 of the 4 dancing raisins.
3. People will applaud even when no joke has been made.
2. Presidential Seal now reads "I'm not gonna pay a lot for this muffler.
1. I'm still on the air.

Posted 12:20 PM by Mira

Esquire's What A Man Should Know About A Woman-CONT.

#11. Women who come from big families are more fun.

My Commentary: I don't like that word 'fun.' What does that mean? That these women like to go to the amusement park more than the average four-person-family woman?

Posted 11:20 AM by Blah blah

Poll: One Ear or Two? What Color Ice Cream R U?

Thinking about yesterday's talk about how dumb the conversations on RBJ are getting, I realized that in all this time, I still have not started a meaningless topic myself.

Well today is the day I pop that cherry, dammit!

BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH... LOL *WINK* Oh I have a crush on Danny's panties ROWRRRRR...

If you get tired of this topic, other pointless topics to try:

1. Let's Play an Armpit Wrinkle Association Game!
2. What Dead People do You have a Crush on?
3. Debate: Oscar the Grouch or Big Bird? Who is Sexier?
4. Religion and Romance: What Pet Names Do You Call God?
5. Technology: Where Did I Lose My Spork?
6. Education: Can Someone Do My Homework for Me?

Whew...that felt GOOD!

Posted 11:08 AM by Blah blah

Friend's Wedding Pix in China

Christina posted these pix from her friend's wedding she attended. Nice glimpse into modern Chinese weddings.

Christina's group blog is super popular now. Gets like 300-400 visitors a day. I hadn't checked it for a while, but it has lots of members and people talk up a storm there! When I first knew her, she knew nothing about blogging. She was my first cowriter, back in March. She's why I have that "translation" button in the left column!

Posted 7:32 AM by Blah blah

Wow, look at this: Google Answers. Ask anything you want, for a price.

If you have problems/see bugs with Blogger and want someone to respond to your questions, Evan Williams has developed Blogger Control. Sign in with your normal Blogger name and enter your problems into their tracking database. Someone will get back to you.

Posted 11:12 PM by Blah blah

Celebrity Couples: Age Differences

You know, this list makes me feel like it's no biggie to date someone 10-15 years younger than I, if that ever happens. I'd better start scouring the high schools now.

1. Biggest age differences:

J. Howard Marshall II . . . Anna Nicole Smith: 63 years
Glynn Wolfe . . . Daisy: 63 years
Tony Randall . . . Heather Harlan: 51 years (She just had a baby last year, dang it. Tony is 80.)
Kirk Kerkorian . . . Lisa Bonder: 48 years
Cary Grant . . . Barbara Harris: 47 years
Anthony Quinn . . . Kathy Benvin: 47 years
Tony Curtis . . . Jill Vanden Berg: 45 years
Fred Astaire . . . Robyn Smith: 44 years (Yeah Fred! He's a stud in my book, and eternally young, so I can see this.)

2. Biggest difference in which the WOMAN is older:

Joan Collins . . . Percy Gibson: 32 years, Husband #5

3. The next one is usually younger:

Joan Collins . . . Robin Hurlstone: 25 years (Boyfriend)
Joan Collins . . . Percy Gibson: 32 years (Husband 5)

John Derek . . . Ursula Andress: 10 years (Wife 2)
John Derek . . . Linda Evans: 16 years (Wife 3)
John Derek . . . Bo Derek (Mary Collins): 30 years (Wife 4)

Cary Grant . . . Virginia Cherrill: 4 years (Wife 1)
Cary Grant . . . Betsy Drake: 19 years (Wife 3)
Cary Grant . . . Dyan Cannon: 33 years (Wife 4)
Cary Grant . . . Barbara Harris: 47 years (Wife 5)

4. Hot older woman pattern:

Elizabeth Taylor . . . Larry Fortensky: 20 years
Vanna White . . . Colby Donaldson: 17 years
Raquel Welch . . . Richard Palmer: 14 years
Vanessa L. Williams . . . Rick Fox: 6 years
J.K. Rowling . . . Neil Murray: 5 years

As you know, I really enjoy reading blogs by Sex and the City type of women (or women who identify with that show). When I saw Michelle (below) liked that show, I snatched her up for Tiger Cafe. It's a litmus test. I don't get cable and have never even seen the show! But I've seen the women who like it.

Here's a new SATC woman on my reading list. Kinda reminds me of Key. She's in San Francisco: Honeydew. Read. Go!

Posted 7:29 PM by Raven

Clockwatching

Clockwatching is the fine art of trying to appear busy at work without really being busy while watching the clock for the earliest possible opportunity to escape. I don't actually find myself practicing this art very much, but today was one of those days. Since I work in consulting I'm usually trying to meet unreasonable requirements on an unreasonable time table, thus the typical 12+ hour days. Today I got to see what its like to be a regular 8 to 5'er. I strolled in, worked a little bit took frequent breaks, kept some documents open to easily switch to in case someone walked by since I was surfing the internet. It was refreshing, but I couldn't do it all the time; my type A personality wouldn't allow it.

That brings me to my question. What did people do before they had the internet to occupy their time? The internet itself is a fairly recent phenomena but having information available in the sense it is today is even more recent. I would venture to say that there were not any web sites worth frequenting until about 1996 or so, maybe later. So what did all of those people with office jobs or administrative jobs do all day? Our workload most certainly has not changed from 10 or 15 years ago. People still were idle for portions of the day at work. So what did they do, count the dots on the ceiling? I think its amazing people made it through the day because lets face it, plenty of jobs are boring and the only thing saving most people from complete insanity is the internet.

Posted 4:39 PM by Mira

Esquire's What A Man Should Know About A Woman-CONT.

#10. Showering a woman with gifts after the first date is the romantic equivalent of a comb-over.

My Commentary: And what is so wrong with that my friend? I love comb-overs. Especially when using a Goody brush with rubber tipped bristles.

Posted 1:04 PM by Blah blah

Gratuitous Eye Candy

In New York City, Key just posted these sexy pix of herself from a Halloween party. Rowrrr...

To be fair to those of you on the West Coast, here's my West Coast response to Key. This is my housemate, K. Yeah, I live with her. No, we're just friends. She usually walks around in red or golden silk lingerie, but you didn't want to know that, right?


For larger pix, I want your credit card number.

Posted 9:40 AM by Clementine

Say Hi to Michelle!

I just woke up, still have five chapters of William's Obstetrics to read for my 8 am class, and it's already 1:15 am. Times like this, what does a typical med student do?

Cram like hell.

But I'm not typical. So I'm blogging. :) Yeah, even when I'm experiencing massive menstrual cramps right now. Oops, am I grossing you out? If no, good. If yes, well, get used to it.

So I'm supposed to introduce myself here. Hmn. To put some order into my otherwise chaotic thoughts, I'll follow Unica Hija's (one of my favorite blogs)lead, and do it in a Top Ten fashion.

1. I'm 24 years old, female, from Manila, Philippines. But I've been told I act 17, walk like a man on testosterone overload (wa-poise), and have such far-off ideas my friends sometimes wonder if I'm even from this planet.

2. I'm a middle child. But I grew up getting all the attention in my family, being the only girl. I was always the target of my two brothers' pranks, though. I often kid that this honed me for bitchhood, but my friends say no, it's inherent. I was born with it. :P

3. I'm a rare breed - I'm probably the only slacker in medical school. I'm so lucky thus far coz I get by with minimal studying. I just rely on my stocked knowledge and superior IQ for that. Oh, did I say I'm an airhead? :) Kidding aside, superior IQ my foot. I'm just plain lucky. If I were the patient, I won't go consult myself.

4. I'm very olfactory. I love nice smells. I love perfume. I love fragrant body washes. I love guys that smell absolutely yummy. Given a choice between a hunk who hasn't bathed in a month and a not-so-hot guy who smells great, I'd go for the latter. Anytime.

5. I'm a Diet Coke (now Coke Light) junkie. Seriously. I drink 6 cans a day, minimum. My whole family is, too. I know. Time for Diet Coke Addicts Anonymous.

6. I'm a self-diagnosed obsessive-compulsive. I check locks, wash my hands, even pray several times. I listen to the same CDs, watch the same movies, read the same books over and over. I'm a stickler for details - well, details I'm interested in anyway. I want everything to be in place.

7. I'm a sleepyhead. I sleep at least 8 hours a day, exam week or not. I don't need expensive sleeping pills to doze off - just the thought of a bed, or a pillow, or heck, anything, makes me want to close my eyes and travel to dreamland. I suspect I can even sleep in a vertical position - although I haven't tried that yet. But I once fell asleep while drying my hair. Now top that.

8. I absolutely have no sense of direction. I remember I got lost inside my university when I was already in third year pre-med. Yeah, that bad.

9. I'm a hypochondriac. Maybe an offshoot of reading all those stone-tablet-thick books of diseases, etc. I once thought I had a breast lump, until my friend pointed out that well, that lump was my breast. Just recently, I found a small mass inside my inner lip and thought it was cancer. Two hours later, it burst - mouth sore pala.

10. I'm a virgin.

So there. My first appearance. Excuse me, I'm dying of pain here. I should go get some Advil.

Posted 8:14 PM by Raven

Say Hi to Raven!

I have known Raymond (in an online sense) since about July of this year and have been an avid reader of Tiger Cafe since that time. I got an email from him the other day asking me if I wanted to co-write here. I'm honored to have been asked because Tiger Cafe is home to a lot of witty and talented writers. I'll try to live up to that.

So, without further ado I believe introductions are in order. My name is Raven and several of you may know me from The RBJ Forums, to everyone else "Hello." I'm in the consulting business and oddly enough I have never had my own journal until this past year. So, I'm relatively new to the whole online journaling craze. I guess I owe the fact that I am writing this today to my fiancee, Mona. She has kept an online journal for years and pushed me to do the same so that we would have a record of our thoughts before the wedding. I was a bit apprehensive at first but I'm glad that I decided to do it because it has given me the opportunity to better express myself. It has actually worked out fairly well because I live most of my life on the road and its great to be able to write about my experiences from anywhere.

So, I'm looking forward to sharing my thoughts, wisdom, humor and a smidgen of controversy with all of the readers of Tiger Cafe. It's great to be aboard!

Posted 5:09 PM by Blah blah

Parting words from Unica Hija:
Top 10 Things a Young Single Woman Should Know

1. You'll get over that devastating heartbreak. And you will love again. Yes, you will even though you feel your life is falling apart right now.
2. Never put your life on hold for anyone, not even for that man you love so dearly.
3. Love is never enough. Whenever possible, use the brain over the heart.
4. Then again, all things being equal, follow your heart as long as your thought process also involves the brain.
5. Keep your virginity as long as you can. This is only for you to be able to exercise your brain when you so decide to finally lose it to someone you love. But don't think it's the end and be all of your existence. It isn't.
6. It's the year 2002. Do yourself a favor and learn about birth control.
7. When it comes to men, always opt for character over anything else. Ask about a guy's beliefs and values. That's the real him.
8. Know what you want. This will take some doing. But once you know what you want, there will be less nights torturing yourself solving any problem you will face. And it's also a character trait extremely attractive to men.
9. Always have a little black dress in your wardrobe.
10. About 90% of the time, when a guy is a bumbling idiot each time he talks or faces you, he is actually in love with you. If not, and he's a tad too smooth or a tad too confident, you may just be another conquest. Be wary of this guy.

Posted 3:23 PM by Cheshire

I'm sorry to say that I, like UH, am going to be taking a break from Tiger Cafe for a while. Life is busier than usual around my house, what with Sarah moving in and all -- as we claim the house for ourselves, we are repainting almost the entire interior, and after that there's a raft of garden work we're going to undertake. The wonderful thing is that we're going to end up with a house that is both home and haven. In the meantime, though, it affords me less time for writing. It's hard enough keeping my own journal going (it's on hiatus until the beginning of next month), leaving aside trying to post here often enough.

I'll still be reading and commenting from time to time. I hope all goes well for everyone!

Cheshire

Posted 2:47 PM by fan777

i've taken this road before
to the edge of rain.
i've wandered beyond the somnambulant reach of sun.
i've seen a haunted world search for stars
beneath the shadows of rocks.
i've gone from yesterday to today
in the blink of an eye.
i've died a thousand times
in a thousand tell-tale cities,
looking for you.

so tell me, Love, where will you
be in the days that are coming?
if i haven't found you yet
in my memories of yesterday,
at least i might have you
in the smoke of tomorrow.

Posted 12:47 PM by Mira

Esquire's What A Man Needs to Know About A Woman-CONT.

#8. Love does not mean never having to say you're sorry. It means having to say you're sorry over and over again, in new and different ways, every day, every week, every month, even when you don't want to, every year, until God grants you his mercy and you finally, blissfully die.

My Commentary: That last part was a little over the top, wasn’t it? But if you’re an ardent believer, you’d like nothing more than death. Still that part about apologizing even when you don’t want to...is right on the money. Sometimes, you gotta delude yourself momentarily and cough it out; for better or worse. *bless you*

On another note, a personal farewell to Unica Hija and happy trails. I wish you greener pastures. -Mira.

Posted 8:51 AM by Blah blah

Bye to Unica Hija! WANTED: New Cowriters.

Unica Hija is leaving Tiger Cafe. This superwoman is busy with the following:

1. Working in advertising
2. Getting her masters degree
3. Starting a consulting business
4. Dealing with her boyfriend

and

5. Taking those long elaborate baths. Hehe...

We will miss you and your sense of humor, you big flirt! Make sure to keep in touch, ok?

Now we have space here at Tiger Cafe for another flirtatious cowriter with a good sense of humor. Anyone? I'm taking new people who can write at least once a week. Guys and girls. This site gets at least 200 visitors/day.

Posted 8:42 AM by Blah blah

Thank You (Part 2). Corine's Stalker.

Corine started a new RBJ topic, showing her thanks for everyone who helped in this suicide incident. She said:

"after all that has happened with mr. sparkles and all...i've been getting lots of IM and PMs thanking me for what happened and stuff. but i just want all of you to know that i wasn't the only one who did all this.

all of you guys -Kitty, Eugene, Arnold, Raymond, Aard, Brandon, Chinky, Frostee, Archesray, Carlos, Lavish, and others who truly care about mr. sparkle.

this wasn't effort by me alone. eugene for example, stood up here to stay watch for any updates while i went offline. raymond made an effort to track mr. sparkle down just in case anything happened. aard was up all nite trying to encourage him and she had a paper tomorrow morning. this are just some of the things i knew of what happened that nite, there could be so many more.

whatever i have said wrong or expressed wrongly at that point of time to offend any of you, i'm sorrie. mr. sparkle is a life that matters to all of us i'm sure. with whatever i wrote, i didn't mean to attract attention to myself. if u know me well enough, i'm not one who seeks for attention, instead i hate it. i'm not as noble or good as Raymond says i am. like i always say, we all did this together.

mr. sparkle is now better and i thank God for that. thank you guys! this only shows how wonderful you guys all are! let the community spirit of RBJs live on!"

Mr. Sparkle himself left this comment on Corine's blog:

"one time, a homeless person was lying still on the cold cement. no one knew or people simply over looked the fact that the person was all blue. one woman cared stopped and called for help.

another time, i noticed that someone was bleeding badly infront of the subway. one woman aleady took charge of the situation and held the the person's bleeding head up.

both cases no one ever found out who those people were. i myself was too shy to ask. only this time i know... and feel."

This soap opera is continuing for Corine in a new form! Yesterday (Oct. 26) she wrote that this Malaysian girl, an ex-girlfriend of Corine's friend, has been stalking her online for the last two months:

"she started getting nasty. calling up her ex, begging and crying over the phone, threatening suicide etc etc...u want to know all the tricks a girl could use to keep a man, she's got it man. and then she started visiting my page and leaving nasty comments like these on my flooberbox

7 icono lying bitches!!!! September 12, 2002, 3:08 pm
8 cor i wanna die September 12, 2002, 3:11 pm
9 cor gone with the wind... forever.... September 12, 2002, 3:13 pm

using my name, pretending to be me saying those things. writing me nasty emails, calling me up any time and not saying a word. she's a freak. and her latest cheap thrill is signing up at RBJs as 'sandbird' and posting stupid stuff and lies about me. yes, she needs professional help."

Corine started an RBJ topic on her stalker here.

Corine, I really think you need to spend LESS time online and MORE time on your SCHOOL! Take a break from RBJ and all of this drama for a while. You need to focus on your immediate life first. Don't avoid your real-life problems, ok?