Posted 1:13 PM by Blah blah

Flirting Advice

On RBJ, Shy asked: "So you're at the bookstore or supermarket. Right beside you is a very attractive person that's definitely getting your heart rate pumping... Assuming you are single, how would you get this person's attention?"

Scott said: "Well, I can tell what my baby Sun Su does. He will stare at you with his big dark eyes, pleading for attention and interest whether you return his gaze or not. Then when you approach him for a kiss, he quickly turns his head in the opposite direction like he lost interest. Then when you walk away, he looks back at you and does it all over again. Works every time. Coy boy."

I said:

Advice by the Smooth Flirt. Key, let's hear your professional opinion on this. Here's how to compete with Sun Su for a girl's attention at the supermarket:

Get a buddy to run interference for ya. Have him make kissing noises at Sun Su and play peek-a-boo with him while shaking two boxes of Chiclets. Now that Sun Su is distracted, stand between your target and the baby. Analyze your target.

If you're a GUY,
and she:

1. Carries a Handspring Visor and a copy of Java Developers' Journal, start talking about the latest code fix you read about last month. Say "Hey, what's your number, in case I find some cool CORBA components that will let you bypass RMI and make remote database access a piece of cake?"

2. Wears color-coordinated Ann Taylor blouses and is leafing through Vogue, compliment her style and say: "Hey, the last time I was in Paris, I saw the fall collection and I think they have this black thing that goes well with my blue jeans and cowboy boots! I'll tell you more. What's your number? " Leave out the fact that you're actually from Paris, TEXAS.

3. Wears bell bottoms, has hair like Felicity, and carries a shoulder bookbag, point to your half-eaten Togo's sandwich you're holding and say, "Man, I am so SICK of Togo's. What kinda food do you have at school? I'm new here and always can't find the cafeteria. I usually end up at the campus police instead. Would you mind giving me your number and showing me how to get there?"

4. Carries a briefcase, dayplanner, and scowl on her face, point angrily at your watch and say, "Don't you just HATE waiting in line to buy something? In these five minutes, I could have been buying companies, cashing out my options, and buying this whole damn store!" Nod and say, "I know what it's like. In fact, I have just the thing to save you time: me. Let's make a deal. Skip the romance, you and me at Rivoli's Friday night at 6, and I'll take you home by 7, in time to watch Wall Street Week. Just sign your home number here, on the back of my cufflink."

If you're a GIRL,
it's easier to get her attention. Like pipSy said in Silly Talents, just:

Lick your nipple.
__________________
Scott replied: "Please. The only thing that will get you is girls' shoemarks on your face as they run over you to Sun Su's irresistible charms. The only safe place is BEHIND Sun Su. Take it from me.

But not before Sun Su vomits on your peek-a-boo buddy's pants.

His momma didn't raise no fool."

Me: "Haha! Bring an extra pair of pants."