Posted 4:38 PM by Blah blah

Richard Chamberlain: Gay! (Entertainment)

Out in the Open (People magazine).

Well you can hit me with a door frame. This just proves what I wrote before about the irresistible allure of the slightly gay heterosexual man: "The secret is that combination of masculine and feminine traits," says my colleague Russell Smith. "A touch of gay flair, or at least what an extremely conservative, repressed society perceives as effeminacy or gay flair, is a very effective technique. An interest in clothes, in how things look, in aesthetics and services, a certain narcissism and vanity and, oh, classical music -- it scores chicks."

"Dr. Kildare" Comes Out (E! Online):
_____________
The actor, whose matinee idol looks set female hearts aflutter as the handsome nurse-magnet medic in the 1960s TV series Dr. Kildare and as the sexy priest in love with a woman in the 1983 miniseries The Thorn Birds, has finally revealed his sexual orientation.

No longer the sex symbol he used to be, Chamberlain says he was tired of nursing his secret, sick of the habit of pretending.

"I can talk about it now because I'm not afraid anymore," Chamberlain reveals in an interview airing Sunday on Dateline NBC....

[H]is impact on the big screen never matched his small-screen appeal. His other TV successes included the role of the heroic English adventurer shipwrecked in feudal Japan in the historical drama Shogun and the heroic title role in Wallenberg: A Hero's Story.

Posted 3:41 PM by Blah blah

Silicon Valley: Less Relevant? (Business)

Falling Off of the Cutting Edge (Washington Post): "Silicon Valley is engaged in the sort of soul-searching that families go through when a beloved elder starts teetering. Is this a passing crisis, they whisper, or the onset of something more serious?

The valley's revered elder, in this case, is information technology, and lately industry insiders have been debating whether the sector is on the edge of strategic obsolescence.

The source of consternation is an article published this month in the Harvard Business Review. In his provocatively titled 'IT Doesn't Matter,' Editor at Large Nicholas Carr argues that since everyone uses information technology to run his business these days, maybe no one gains strategic advantage from it anymore. As a result, he writes, corporate managers should rethink their whole approach to buying digital goodies.

It is Carr's prescription for corporations that has the titans in the high-tech world up in arms. To remain competitive, he says, companies today should spend less on information technology, and delay adopting the latest hardware and software since the older stuff is often more than adequate. Carr goes on to say companies should worry more about safeguarding against computer outages and similar glitches than about using technology to exploit new business opportunities."

He's probably right. Most people are very stingy here about paying for new technology, and most are skeptical about the real financial benefits from it. We've been smacked across the face by oversupply and overengineering, by all these promised gains from the latest hot technology that didn't show and left us stranded at the altar.

Posted 3:41 PM by Blah blah

"Beautiful People" Have Zits Too (Beauty)

High-definition TV exposes Hollywood's ugly truths: Extra-clear TV reveals stars' imperfections, including once-concealed skin conditions (Ottawa Citizen).

"Cameron Diaz has skin problems, according to high-definition television, which is threatening to expose the previously invisible 'flaws' of the world's most physically beautiful people.

As HDTV spreads its digital clarity into homes worldwide, Hollywood is sounding the alarm. The stars are running for cover, warts and all, only to find the most advanced makeup wizardry to date failing to save perfect face.

Plastic surgeons are drooling. The makeup industry is strategizing. As the ugly truth reveals itself to an ever-expanding digital audience, some of the beautiful people have come clean.

Faced with the horror of a sudden acne attack, Ms. Diaz reportedly skipped a premiere showing of Gangs of New York.

'I want girls to realize that nobody looks like the women in the glossy photos without the help of a load of talented people,' she recently confessed to Glamour magazine.

Those talented people, who make up the 'Hollywood glamour machine,' are looking for new answers, television industry columnist Phillip Swann explained in Television Week.

On Ms. Diaz, a regular on People magazine's list of the world's most beautiful, Mr. Swann writes, 'the magazine's editors -- and most of the Western world -- do not have high-definition TV. If they did, they would see that Diaz's face is spotted with small pockmarks, the unfortunate consequence of a longtime acne problem.'

'When seen on film,' Mr. Swann says, 'Diaz's skin imperfections are not noticeable, thanks to Hollywood's talented makeup artists. However, with HDTV, the picture is so precise that the acne damage cannot be hidden. In a high-def broadcast of Charlie's Angels on HBO, Diaz looks like a different person. She's still very pretty. But to be frank, I doubt that she would make People's most beautiful list.' "
-----------------------------------
This is exactly why I don't see the value of getting HDTV. I want my fantasy to go on. I think it's ridiculous for people to expect actors (or bloggers, for that matter) to have perfect skin, or to use those fantasy airbrushed magazine ads to judge their girlfriends or friends. Good skin is SO hard to keep and maintain. I'm one of those who has struggled with acne and scarring for most of my life. It's hell to deal with it. Most people I know, including the "beautiful people," have some kind of skin blemishes.

Some people don't realize that acne can stay alive and well after age 30, and people like Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise have remains of acne scars on their faces, which are hidden by makeup.

Next time you worry about the perfect complexion, please remember that most of us battle this every day too.

Posted 3:02 PM by Blah blah

Google U.S. Puzzle Championship (Math)

I just tried the Google U.S. Puzzle Championship today. It's an international test, open to anyone, to check your skill in math and logical thinking. People who do very well get on a national team and have a chance to be hired by Google.

The test time is over, but you may try it, if you dare. (They have a link to the answers too. You need to download their two PDF files. You open each file with the password shown for each.) I used to compete in math contests in high school, but it's been a damned long time since I've had to think this way, and my math skills really suck now. I could only solve three questions out of 23. This is one of the hardest math tests I've ever taken. I only got #4, 14, and 17 right. Boo. :(

They asked many questions that require visual and spatial imagination. If anyone knows how to deal with these crossword and Tetris types of problems systematically, please let me know. I was totally lost. Also, does anyone understand the answer to #3 (Making Change)? I don't get it.

Posted 7:29 PM by Blah blah

Frasier Script (Drama)

One of my favorite TV comedy shows of all time is Frasier.
Each episode feels like a finely crafted play. I worship their writers and need to study their scripts.

Season 3, Show 22: Frasier Loves Roz

Written by Suzanne Martin, Directed by Philip Charles MacKenzie
==================================================
Production Code: 3.22
Episode Number In Production Order: 70
Original Airdate on NBC: 7th May 1996
Transcript written on 27th February 1999, by Shawne Wang
Transcript revised on 14th April 2001
Transcript Revised 2nd on 22nd December 2002

Act One.

Scene One - KACL

Nearing the end of another show.



Frasier: Go ahead, Tom.  I'm listening.

    Tom: [voice-over] Hi, Dr. Crane.  Uh, it's about my girlfriend.

         My problem is, I don't know if I love her for herself or

         because things are so great between us physically.

Frasier: Well, how long have you two been together?

    Tom: Six years. 



Frasier is surprised.  Roz mouths, "Wow."



Frasier: And the sex is still that good?

    Tom: Oh man, Dr. Crane, every morning, night, three times a day

         on weekends.  But I'm not sure we have much else in common.

Frasier: Well, common interests are of course the foundation of...

         three times, you say?

    Tom: Is that abnormal?

Frasier: Well, uh, no, no, it's not abnormal.  It's not fair, but it's 

         not abnormal. 



Roz laughs.  The phone in her booth rings, and she answers.



Frasier: Um, but you know, perhaps you share more things than you 

         think you do actually.  I'll tell you what, try this: why 

         don't you pick up a catalogue from a local university, go 

         through it with her and see if there are any courses you'd 

         like to take together?

    Tom: That's a good idea!  Thanks, Doc.  Have a great weekend.

Frasier: Well, I'd wish you the same but it hardly seems necessary. 



He pushes a button to disconnect Tom and sighs.  Roz signals him to wrap it up. 



Frasier: Well, that's it for today, Seattle.  This is Dr. Frasier Crane, 

         wishing you all good mental health. [goes off the air]

    Roz: Niles called from the airport; he wants you to call him back. 

         He sounded frantic!

Frasier: [walking into her booth] I'll call him from the car.  He's

         flying to a conference in Switzerland; I promised to talk

         him through it.

    Roz: Surely he's flown before?

Frasier: Well, not coach! 



He pauses, appalled by the lime-green dress with the horrendous 

pink bow across the midriff hanging behind Roz's console.



Frasier: Roz, is this the dress you're wearing to the wedding?

    Roz: I have to, I'm a bridesmaid.

Frasier: [trying to be tactful] Is there a reason it has to be so, so...?

    Roz: Hideous?  It's supposed to be, so that way, the bride, by

         comparison, will glow! [holding the dress up to her 

         distastefully] Next to this baby, she'll light up like a bug

         zapper.  You know, of all my friends in Wisconsin, this girl

         was the last one I thought would beat me to the altar.

Frasier: Not the Dairy State's comeliest chunk of cheddar?

    Roz: Let's just say she works in her father's ice cream parlour

         and she eats her mistakes.  The groom's family makes cones.

Frasier: Oh, well, we don't need Freud for that, do we? 



He has picked up some messages and walks back into his booth. 

Roz follows, dress in hand. She hangs it up to the window 

behind Frasier's console.



    Roz: The whole thing is just so depressing.  Lately everyone I

         know is settling down, getting married, having children. 

         What am I doing wrong?

Frasier: [packing his briefcase] Well, do you want me to answer 

         as a friend, or a therapist?

    Roz: As a friend!

Frasier: See a therapist. [he turns back to his briefcase]

    Roz: Frasier!

Frasier: [relenting] Well, Roz, I think your whole problem stems from 

         some unresolved issues that cause you to choose the men you 

         date.  Always flashy and superficial, offering no prospect 

         of a lasting relationship.

    Roz: Why would I do that?

Frasier: Maybe fear of commitment, fear of being hurt.  But maybe 

         it's time you started looking at different kinds of men. 

         You know, men who are more settled, a little less flash 

         and more substance.

    Roz: You're probably right, Frasier.  Hey, if I were smart, 

         I'd go out with the next guy I see I'm not the least bit 

         attracted to.



As Frasier pulls open the door, laughing, Bulldog comes in, rolling 

his usual trolley.  He walks over to Roz after wheeling it to the side.



Bulldog: Roth, Roth, I juth bit my tongue.  Can you kith it and 

         make it better? [sticks it out]

    Roz: The next one after him. [Frasier nods in tacit understanding]

Bulldog: Oh, Doc, Doc. [takes a camcorder from the trolley] Here's 

         my video camera.

Frasier: [accepting it] Oh, thank you, Bulldog.

Bulldog: What do you need it for?

Frasier: Well, I'm going to record my father.  I'm going to have his

         life on tape so Frederick can enjoy it in years to come.

    Roz: What a good idea!

Bulldog: [seeing the dress] Whoa!  That's the ugliest thing I 

         ever saw!

    Roz: [snapping] I'm going to a wedding.

Bulldog: Oh, I love weddings.  Never been to a wedding where I didn't

         bag at least one bridesmaid.  And the uglier the dress, the

         quicker they want to get out of them.  This one would hit the 

         floor before the rice!



He goes into the next booth.  Roz checks the clock and takes the dress down.



    Roz: I've got to get going.  Can you believe I actually have to 

         be seen in public in this thing?

Frasier: Well, Roz, it's only for a few hours.  After that you can 

         donate it to the Salvation Army... and one day make some Irish 

         drag queen very happy.



Roz laughs.  They go their separate ways.



NO ONE SAID ANYTHING 

PARTICULARLY AMUSING FOR TWO WEEKS, 

AND THEN...



Scene Two - Cafe Nervosa

Niles and Frasier are enjoying a coffee together.



  Niles: What's the point of going to Switzerland without spending a

         day on the slopes?  So I ducked out of the conference and who

         should I run into, but Maris?  She'd just flown in for her

         yearly goat placenta treatments!

Frasier: Good Lord, is it placenta treatment time again already?

  Niles: We had a set-to on the slopes.  She ran, I tried to follow

         her tracks in the snow, but alas, she made none.

		 

A tall, bearded man in glasses walks into the cafe and stands in line.



  Niles: [putting a hand to his face] Oh, dear. 

Frasier: What is it?  What's the matter?

  Niles: I just spotted someone.  It's my least favorite patient.  

         The man's a compulsive womaniser.  He goes through so 

         many women, he calls them all by the same odious nickname, 

         "Sunshine," to avoid slip-ups.

Frasier: Oh, God.

  Niles: Frasier, what do you do when you don't like a patient?

Frasier: Well, it's a tricky subject, isn't it? [Niles nods] 

         How long have you been seeing him?

  Niles: Six months.  We've made no progress whatsover.  Sometimes I

         feel he comes in not so much for help, as to brag.  He claims

         to have been with, at last count, one hundred and fifty women!

Frasier: Oh puh-leease!  A hundred and fifty!

  Niles: As if anything over, say... seven weren't absurd.

Frasier: Well, I would say eleven, but I get your point.



Behind Frasier's back, Niles sees the man now embracing Roz.



  Niles: Oh, now serving one hundred and fifty-one.

Frasier: [turns and gasps] Good God!  He's here to see Roz?

  Niles: Yes, well, no doubt they met when Sealy Posturepedic named

         them Man and Woman of the Year.

Frasier: [panicking] Niles, you don't understand.  She-she's

         been very vulnerable lately.

  Niles: [getting up and taking his coat] Well, I hope you'll forgive 

         me if I don't stick around. I'd like to leave before she makes

         introductions.

Frasier: I've got to warn her!

  Niles: [alarmed] Warn her how?  What I just told you was in 

         strict confidence, therapist to therapist. You can't 

         go repeating it! 

Frasier: But-but-

  Niles: No!

Frasier: Oh... of course, of course, you're right, I won't.  

         But that is the last man that Roz should be with!

  Niles: Well, don't worry.  Knowing Roz, he won't be.



Niles leaves in a hurry just as Roz spots Frasier.



    Roz: Hey, Frasier!

Frasier: [uncomfortably] Oh, Roz!

    Roz: I'd like to introduce you to someone.  This is Ben Collins.

Frasier: [standing and shaking his hand, obviously discomfited]

         Frasier Crane, pleasure.

    Ben: Likewise.

    Roz: Is it all right if we join you?

Frasier: Oh, why not??

    Ben: I'll grab our coffees.



Ben leaves as Roz comes and settles in across from Frasier.



    Roz: He is the greatest guy!  You know, when I first met him, 

         I thought, "He's not my type."  Then I remembered what you 

         said.  And I'm so glad you gave me that advice, Frasier, 

         because without it, I would never have given him a second 

         look.

Frasier: Well, Roz, let's not rule out that all-important third look.

    Roz: Would you stop worrying about me, Frasier?  This one's

         different.  I can tell he really cares about me.



At this moment, Ben returns and saves Frasier from his obvious discomfort.



Ben: [ominously] Here you go, Sunshine!



Frasier looks up at Ben with a suspicious smile plastered on his face.



Fade to black.



ANOTHER CURIOUSLY UNAMUSING WEEK PASSED, UNTIL...



Scene Three - Frasier's apartment

Martin enters through the front door.



Martin: Why can't you be like other dogs?  Why can't you bring home 

        bones or animals you kill? 



Eddie follows into the apartment almost sheepishly, holding a

few yellow tulips in his mouth.



Martin: [taking the flowers] Give me those!  Relax, I'm just going to 

        put them with the roses you picked yesterday.



Frasier comes in.



Frasier: Oh hey, Dad!  Fresh from your walk?  I think now is as good 

         a time as any to crank up the ol' camcorder.

 Martin: Nah, maybe later.

Frasier: Oh Dad, you've been saying "no" for weeks now!

 Martin: Well, gee, some people would take that for a hint!

Frasier: All you have to do is just sit here and talk about your

         life.

 Martin: Life's got nothing to do with it!  This is about me dying 

         and you having something to look at after I'm dead. The whole

         thing gives me the creeps!

Frasier: I can't believe you're refusing to record your history, the

         story that only you, Martin Crane, can tell, because it gives 

         you the creeps!

 Martin: OK then, I'll tell you the real truth. [mockingly holds

         the limp tulips to the back of his head] My Indian heritage

         forbids it.  I'm afraid your magic box will rob me of my 

         spirit.



The doorbell rings.  Frasier goes to answer it.



Frasier: I don't know why you're being so negative about this.  It's

         not really for when you're dead.  It's for when you've lost

         your mind.



Martin leaves the room.  Frasier opens the door to Roz.



    Roz: Hey, Frasier.

Frasier: [sarcastic] Oh hello, Roz!  Why, after waiting for forty-five 

         minutes, did I assume you'd forgotten our appointment?

    Roz: Sorry, but uh... I was on my way out, when Ben called.

Frasier: Oh yes... Ben. 

    Roz: Oh, what's with you?  Every time I bring him up, you make that

         face.  I'm getting the sense that you don't like him that much.

Frasier: It's just that I know something about Ben...

    Roz: What?

Frasier: [improvising] He's a little old for you.

    Roz: He's thirty-six!

Frasier: Exactly my point! [clumsily] When you were a freshman, he was 

        a senior.  That never works out! [changes the subject] 

        I'm getting my briefcase!

   Roz: I'll go get a Coke.



Frasier walks off toward his bedroom; Roz walks into the kitchen and

sees Daphne there, just generally puttering around.



   Roz: Oh, hi, Daphne! [gets a Coke from the fridge]

Daphne: Hello, Roz.  How are you?

   Roz: OK... can I ask you something?  Does Frasier seem weird 

        to you-?

Daphne: Oh God, yes.

   Roz: I haven't finished my question yet.

Daphne: Yes, well, when you know the answer, it's hard not to hit the

        buzzer.

   Roz: [laughs, then] Well, this is strange.  I mean, for the 

        first time in years, I'm in a really solid relationship, 

        and instead of being happy for me, Frasier seems upset.

Daphne: Oh, that is odd.  Unless... 

   Roz: Unless what?

Daphne: Well... [conspiratorial] Dr. Crane is jealous of Ben

        because he wants you for himself.

   Roz: Huh? [laughs] Ohhh, no, no, no!

Daphne: Yes, what else could it be?

   Roz: Fra-Frasier?  What, you really think so? [pushes Daphne playfully]

        Daphne, no!  No way!  No, he doesn't - Frasier is the one 

        who told me to find myself a new boyfriend.  Someone who 

        is settled, someone more nurturing, someone with substance

        over flash.

Daphne: They could put that on Dr. Crane's tombstone.

   Roz: [starting to believe it] Oh, come on!  No way!

Daphne: Yes!  Wait, there's something else. 

   Roz: What?

Daphne: I probably shouldn't tell you this.  But earlier this morning, 

        Dr. Crane was on the phone with his brother and he said that your 

        relationship with Ben was driving him crazy, [Roz's jaw drops] 

        and that he was dying to tell you but he can't.

   Roz: [almost screeching] Oh my God, did you hear him say that?!

Daphne: I certainly did!

   Roz: Oh, this is too weird, this is too weird!  What am I going to 

        say?  Maybe I won't say anything.  Maybe he'll just see how 

        happy I am with Ben.



Frasier storms into the kitchen, banging around. 



Frasier: Oh, Ben, Ben, Ben!  My God, Roz, would you just drop it with

         Ben for a minute and pay some attention to me? [storms back out]

    Roz: Oh-kaay!



She picks up her coke and leaves the kitchen after exchanging a

glance with the knowing Daphne. 



End Of Act One.



Act Two. 

Scene Four - KACL 

Frasier is sitting in his booth, reading a magazine.  Roz enters from 

his door and stops short, seeming a bit embarrassed to see him.



Frasier: Morning, Roz!

    Roz: [nervous] Hi, Frasier!

Frasier: Hey, you look lovely, that colour's very flattering!

    Roz: Thanks.

Frasier: You know, I think this calls for a hug!

    Roz: [backing away instinctively] Oh, I don't look that good.

Frasier: No, no, no, no, Roz.  Look! [holds up the magazine] 

         My God, the ratings are in, and we did better in our timeslot 

         this week than ever before!  Congratulations, partner!



He folds her into a hug, which she returns very uncomfortably.



Frasier: Why don't we have dinner tonight, celebrate?

    Roz: That sounds so fun... but I kinda have plans.

Frasier: I should have known. [laughs uneasily] Another time,

         perhaps.

    Roz: Yeah sure, that sounds great.



She moves off into her booth just as Bulldog enters Frasier's.



Bulldog: Yo, Doc.  When are you going to return my video camera?  

         I got a hot date tonight and I want to record certain events 

         for posterity, if you know what I mean.

Frasier: Uh... tomorrow, Bulldog. [Bulldog starts to protest] 

         Well, maybe tonight you could just have a police sketch artist 

         crouch on your balcony.



Bulldog seems to accept this suggestion and leaves.  

Frasier gets up and heads into Roz's booth.



Roz: [on the phone as she files her nails] So Mom, let me ask you 

     something.  How long did you know Dad before you told him you

     loved him?  Mom?  Mom?  Mom, you've been divorced fifteen years!

     Let it go! 



She doesn't notice Frasier come in behind her.



Roz: Listen, Ben is coming over to dinner tonight, and I think 

     I'm going to tell him I love him.



Frasier is so flustered by this that he drops the tape he was carrying. 

Roz, startled by the noise, hangs up quickly.



    Roz: I gotta work, bye!

Frasier: [fumbling] Oh I'm, I'm sorry, Roz. I should have knocked.

    Roz: [just as flustered] It's OK, it's OK, it's OK!

Frasier: I couldn't help overhearing the last part of your

         conversation there.  You think you're not rushing things 

         a little bit with Ben?  Are you really that serious?

    Roz: Yes, I am.

Frasier: But you know, there are a lot of men in the world.

    Roz: And lots of women, too!

Frasier: [beat] Well, that's more of a personal preference but I... 



He hurries into his booth.  Roz, confused, follows him.



    Roz: I meant for you!  Look, Frasier, what I'm trying to say is 

         I know you have a problem with me and Ben, but we're happy 

         together.

Frasier: Well, it's just that you've only been going out for a month!

    Roz: Well, sometimes, that's all it takes. [noticing the time]

         Fifteen seconds!  Listen Frasier, I'd like to think that

         there's some small part of you that is happy for me.  After

         all, it WAS your advice that got me this far! 

Frasier: Of course I'm happy for you. 

    Roz: Thanks.



She goes into her booth, closes the door, and hits a button on her console.



Frasier: [to himself] Me and my stupid advice... [notices the "On-Air" 

         light] will be with you for the next three hours, Seattle!



Scene Five - Frasier's apartment.

That afternoon, Niles is sitting on the couch with the 

video camera, trying to persuade Martin to do the tape.



Martin: I'm not doing it, it's morbid.

 Niles: It's not morbid.  And besides, if you don't do it, the only

        footage we'll have of you in the family archives is you

        pretending your stomach was a face that summer at the lake.

Martin: [puts down his paper] Alright Niles, if it'll shut 

        you up, I'll do it.

 Niles: Thanks, Dad!  We'll make this quick and easy. [he adjusts the

        camcorder, then looks at Martin] Is that what you're wearing? 

Martin: Forget it. [picks up the paper again]

 Niles: No, no no, all right.  Here we go, here we go. [starts recording]

        OK...



P.O.V. Through the viewfinder of the camera:



Martin: My name's Martin Crane.  When I made this tape, I was sixty-

        four years old.  But now... I'm DEAD! 



Niles starts getting disconcerted. 



Martin: Trapped in a box, underground... [snickers] Pretty scary, huh? 

       

He throws his head back and laughs evilly.  Niles stops the tape. 



 Niles: Dad, surely you must have some message you want to leave for 

        the Cranes of the twenty-first century?

Martin: Alright, alright, I do. [Niles starts the tape again] 

        Remember to always work hard, and that family comes first. 

        And... I have a million bucks in unmarked bills that I took 

        off a drug dealer that I have stashed in my old army foot 

        locker. The combination is left fifteen, right thirty-two, 

        le-le... 



He starts choking and kicks back in his Barcalounger, shaking, 

his tongue lolling out of his mouth.  By now, Niles has given up. 

He turns the camcorder onto himself.



Niles: Future generations: see what I had to put up with?



Frasier enters the apartment.



Frasier: Hello.

 Martin: Hello. [getting up]

  Niles: [to Frasier] Hello. [to Martin] I suppose this means we're

         finished?

 Martin: Well, unless you want future generations to see me go to

         the can! [he goes off]

Frasier: Niles, actually I'm glad you're here.  I have to talk to you

         about Roz.

  Niles: Oh, no, no, no.  I've breached my ethics once already.

Frasier: Niles, please, I've gotten desperate! 

  Niles: [puts his fingers in his ears] No, no, no!

Frasier: Niles, she plans to tell him that she loves him tonight!

         [Niles takes his fingers out] From what you told me about 

         Ben's patterns, that will be the end of it and Roz will be 

         shattered.  God, there has got to be some loophole in this 

         confidentiality rule that will allow me to warn her and still 

         preserve your ethics. [looks at the bookcase] Niles!  Help me 

         look through these textbooks!

  Niles: [starts leaving] No, I'll have no part in this!

Frasier: Please, Niles!  Think of Roz!

  Niles: I'm thinking of my license!

Frasier: Well then, think of what Freud said!  "We are never so

         helplessly unhappy as when we lose love." 



Niles stops at the door and turns back reluctantly.



  Niles: Oh, all right!  But that was dirty pool, using a Freud 

         quotation. 

Frasier: I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

  Niles: It's the Crane boys' kryptonite.

Frasier: I know, I know.  Thank you.



Scene Six

Obviously, time passes.  The two brothers are seated at the coffee

table, poring over psychiatry books, ties loosened and Niles has 

his jacket off.



Frasier: Say, here's a possibility.  According to this, it says we 

         can warn her if he means to do her bodily harm.  Does he?

  Niles: No.

Frasier: Damn!

  Niles: It would be so much easier if Roz were mentally incompetent.



They stop poring and look up, interested.



Frasier: Go on...

  Niles: Well, then there'd be some justification for protecting her.

         [puts down his textbook] Is she irrational?

Frasier: She did attack a vending machine once, when a Twinkie came

         out of the oidal chute.

  Niles: Borderline, borderline.  Does she ever act delusional?

Frasier: Well, she often claims that she is responsible for the

         success of our show.

  Niles: Building, building.  Does she display below-average

         intelligence?

Frasier: [triumphantly] She once ordered a bottle of white Zinfandel!

  Niles: Jackpot! [stands and points at the door] Go to her, she's a 

         threat to herself!

Frasier: It's amazing they even let the woman drive!



He rushes out.



BRIDESMAID REVISITED



Scene Seven - Roz's apartment

Frasier pounds on Roz's door.



    Roz: [from inside] Who is it?

Frasier: It's Frasier!



Roz pulls it open: she looks a mess.  She's clad in the awful lime-green 

bridesmaid's dress, her hair wildly tangled and her mascara smeared so much 

so that her eyes resemble that of a panda's. A decidely unlovely sight.



Frasier: Oh my God!  What happened?

    Roz: [sobbing] He dumped me, Frasier!



She falls back from the door.  He follows her in, and hugs her.  

He notices a bottle of champagne on the table, with two glasses.



Frasier: Oh, oh, honey!  I - come here.  Oh God...

    Roz: Everything was going great! [sinks into a dining chair] 

         Until I said "I love you, Ben."  Then he got this look on his 

         face, like he'd taken a wrong turn in a really bad neighbourhood!  

         He didn't even touch the champagne.

Frasier: Oh I'm... I'm sorry, Roz.  Here. [hands her a handkerchief]

    Roz: Thank you.

Frasier: When you... [she blows her nose loudly] when you professed 

         your love for him, uh... were you dressed like that?

    Roz: No!  After he left, I went in to change, and I saw all these

         old bridesmaid dresses hanging in the closet.  And that's 

         when it hit me.  That's what I am, a bridesmaid!  I might 

         as well wear the uniform!

Frasier: Oh Roz, no, no!  Now, now, come on! 

    Roz: Yes!

Frasier: Come on!  Now look, look, you know, I find that whenever 

         I'm low, it always lifts my spirits when I just spruce up a 

         bit.  It wouldn't hurt to run a brush through your hair... 

         or through your teeth.

    Roz: Oh God! [pushes him back and goes to the dresser] 

         I must look awful!

Frasier: No, no, not at all.

    Roz: You're a big fat liar. [turns back to the mirror] 

         But you were right about Ben, and I just didn't see it.  

         What made you come over here anyway?

Frasier: Well, actually, I was coming over here to take one last 

         stab at convincing you that Ben was the wrong man for you.  

         You deserve someone better, Roz.

    Roz: Oh, yeah, [trying to tug a brush through her snarled hair] 

         I'm a real catch! [gives up and sinks onto her bed] Hell...

Frasier: Oh, now, things really aren't all as dark as they seem.

         You know, you're a-a beautiful, intelligent, desirable... 



She just looks at him, the brush dangling from her hair.



Frasier: Why don't you let me just take a stab at that, will you? 

         [starts brushing her hair out] I can't imagine any man not 

         thinking himself the luckiest in the world to be with you.

    Roz: You really do... think that, don't you?

Frasier: Yes, and I'm surprised you even had to ask me that.

    Roz: I guess I didn't.  I've known that you've had these romantic

         feelings toward me, for a while.

Frasier: [shell-shocked] What?

    Roz: Oh come on!  Don't deny it.  Those hints about finding 

         someone with substance over style, the way you hated Ben.  

         And then Daphne told me she overheard you telling Niles that 

         you couldn't stop thinking about me and wanted to tell me the

         truth!

Frasier: Daphne told you that?

    Roz: Yeah - don't be mad at her.

Frasier: No, no, I'm not.  It's just that when she said that...

    Roz: No it's OK, Frasier.  I'm glad she told me.  The only thing

         keeping me from completely falling apart right now is

         knowing that someone like you could be interested in me.



Frasier thinks fast, but is unable to say anything more effective.



Frasier: Well, then... there's no point in denying it, is there? 



He starts brushing her hair mechanically, placing a hand on her head 

and dragging the brush through her hair.  This motion becomes repeatedly 

rougher.



    Roz: You know, maybe the idea of you and me isn't so crazy.  

         You are the kind of man I should be with!  Smart, gentle... 

         Ow!  I said gentle!

Frasier: [stops brushing] Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Roz.  

         Uh, you know, it's just that there are so many...

    Roz: I know, I know.  Workplace romances always fail. 

Frasier: Exactly my point!

    Roz: And I'm on the rebound.  I've got to give myself time to

         heal. 

Frasier: [nods enthusiastically] Yes yes, lots of time.



Pause.



    Roz: On the other hand, you are the one who always says the best

         relationships start with friendship.

Frasier: Well, I do say that, yes.  It's true, but...

    Roz: And we're friends, aren't we?

Frasier: [smiles] We're very good friends.

    Roz: Right now we are both free.

Frasier: Oh well, in my case, painfully free.

    Roz: [suggestively] You know, maybe if we both went into it 

         with our eyes open...?



They move closer together, and look into each other's eyes. 

They seem about to kiss, and then they break apart, laughing.



    Roz: Oh no, what am I saying?  My relationship with you is 

         probably the healthiest one I've ever had with a man!  

         I don't want to screw that up.

Frasier: Now that you mention it, my relationship with you is

         probably the best one I've ever had with a woman!

         [dejectedly] Not that it's been much of a horse race, but...



They sit at the dinner table.  She picks up a champagne glass.



    Roz: To friendship?

Frasier: [takes the other] Here's hoping the next time you tell 

         a man you love him, he says it back.



They clink glasses, and drink.



    Roz: Well, let's see.  I love you, Frasier.

Frasier: I love you too, Roz. [she laughs] You gonna be alright?

    Roz: Yeah.

Frasier: Well, I'd better run. [gets up]

    Roz: Yeah, my saying "I love you" seems to have that effect on

         men.

Frasier: No, no, I'll-I'll stay if you like!

    Roz: No, no.  Don't you worry about me.  I will not be alone.  

         I will be sliding into a hot tub with my good friends, 

         Ben & Jerry.

Frasier: See you tomorrow, Roz.

    Roz: See you, Frasier. 



She pats him on the back and he closes the door behind him.



We see both Frasier and Roz hesitating on their respective sides of the 

door, possibly wondering what being together would be like.  Then she realizes 

she hasn't heard him leave yet.  He catches himself and runs away as quickly as 

possible.



End Of Act Two.



Credits:



We see Roz in her bedroom-cum-living-room, packing all her bridesmaid dresses 

into a cardboard box. She does so determinedly and almost proudly, as if she 

were making a definitive break with her past.  Picking up the box, she brings it to 

the door and passes it to a delivery man outside, who in turn hands her a receipt 

of sorts. She closes the door with finality. 



We then see the delivery man standing outside Roz's apartment, holding the 

lime-green dress up from the box speculatively. 



The scene changes to a street pavement, and we see the same delivery man with 

the dress on, complete with make-up and long, curly red wig.  He walks proudly 

towards the screen as Roz walks by him, and as he disappears off-screen, she 

halts and turns, her mouth dropping open in recognition.

Guest Appearances

  

 Guest Starring

 MICHAEL MITZ as Ben

 

 Guest Callers

 DAVID DUCHOVNY as Tom 

Legal Stuff

 This episode capsule is copyright 1999 by Nick Hartley and Shawne

 Wang. Shawne Wang transcribed this episode and Nick Hartley edited

 this transcript. This episode summary remains property of Frasier,

 Copyright of Paramount Productions and NBC. Printed without

 permission. Mike Lee revised this script.

Posted 7:05 PM by Blah blah

Writing Fiction Vs. Non-Fiction (Writing)

Cheshire Dave just wrote this great blog entry about his difficulty in writing fiction vs. non-fiction, about how he feels more a bent for essays rather than scripts. I feel the same way. I've never had much practice with scripts and writing drama and short stories. Essays and letters are my forte, as well as non-fiction journalism and reporting. I also went to Berkeley to see the play Cheshire wrote that was performed by the Impact Theatre.

I feel your pain, Cheshire. With all the unoriginal and boring blogs out there, all the overly serious and depressing ranting, I keep thinking of how to be more fresh, more personal without invading my friends' privacy, etc. I'm not as witty as Sarah and don't have as sexually dramatic a life as Anna.

Plus to write good fiction or comedy is damned hard. It takes meticulous crafting. It takes lots of heartburn, groaning, and hitting your head against the wall. It's like hanging from a bar over a rushing river. And I need more life experience. My life is dull. Too tame, too provincial. I haven't really "lived" yet. I've lived in the suburbs way too long. The characters I invent would be flat. Their dialogue would sound like "Raymond's guess at a redneck's patter" rather than feel like you were actually there. I realize my limitations.

I'm good at describing psychological motivations, internal turmoil. Like Dostoevsky in Crime and Punishment. But in recreating how people might talk at a party? I need work.

And comedy. If I had more comedic skill I'd flaunt it. I love comedy. My friends find me very funny, and I find my sense of humor works best one-on-one, in conversations and chats. If you read my chat records with people you may burst out laughing. But when I speak monologues here, I don't feel that give-and-take shows up.

Anyway, I want to try posting some TV or other scripts on here as a reference for myself. A way to study other people's talent. Maybe it will help my fictional writing. Let's start! These will be very long multi-part entries. You will enjoy them.

Please email me your thoughts about me and how well I do comedy or fiction.

Posted 6:39 PM by Blah blah

TV Networks Showing Less Reruns (Television)

TV economics is changing: Reruns get bad reception (USA Today): "In recent years, the network rerun has been slowly fading from the nation's TV screens.

This summer, more than ever, viewers will be able to click through at least 20 fresh series on the networks, from ABC following Roseanne as she cooks up a new show to the drama of Fox's Keen Eddie, about a New York City detective in London.

Truth is, not only do viewers hate reruns — some of television's top dramas lose more than half their audience in repeats — but the networks just can't afford to lose those viewers anymore:

• Cable has gained at networks' expense. For the first time, cable's combined audience outstripped the broadcast networks' last season, although cable has yet to catch up in prime time. The damage is particularly intense in the summer months: Nielsen figures show that while overall TV viewership declined only 8% to 10% last summer, the major networks lost 30% of their viewers and cable gained, says Steve Sternberg of media-buying firm Magna Global USA.

• Among the broadcast networks themselves, intense competition has left them less tolerant of the smaller audiences repeats increasingly deliver. Networks need a large base of viewers to successfully promote and launch their crucial fall lineups.

• Competition for viewers' attention, particularly the younger viewers advertisers seek, also has heated up with newer forms of entertainment, from video games and the Internet to DVDs — which, oddly enough, have become a new way to market reruns, as "collector's edition" box sets.

• And the recent boom in reality shows has demonstrated that the shows can win back those younger viewers from cable, making them ideal summer strategic weapons.

That's why this TV summer, which officially began last week with the end of the traditional September-to-May season, prompted an even earlier kickoff to what's shaping up as the largest concentration of original programming yet on the major networks."

Posted 10:51 AM by Blah blah

Bob Hope's 100th Birthday (Comedy)

Happy Birthday, Bob! The legendary comedian had his 100th birthday yesterday. He is in the Guinness Book of Records as "most honored entertainer in the world." I like his old "The Road" movies with Bing Crosby and Dorothy Lamour. He's also well-loved for entertaining U.S. troops during both World War II and the Vietnam War. He'd travel to the Philippines when Gen. MacArthur was there with Dorothy and others on his comedy team, in the humid midst of fighting, and get all the G.I.'s whistling and pounding their feet.

Interview with Bob Hope (1986), NPR.

Here's a great Library of Congress site about Bob Hope.

Transcript of a Hope radio show from the Hollywood Canteen, with its head, actress Bette Davis. She helped found the Hollywood Canteen in World War II to give soldiers free food and entertainment and a chance to meet stars.

Everything I Know About Selling I Learned from Bob Hope: "I was a script writer for Bob Hope and worked with him almost daily between 1977 and 1992 and during that time I observed him in countless situations doing what he knew best --- SELLING BOB HOPE."

From National Public Radio, check out Comedy College: Lessons in Laughter. Hosted by Steve Martin, Rita Rudner, Bob Newhart, and Lily Tomlin, "Comedy College is first and foremost a comedy show. It’s about the comedy. It’s about the unedited presentation of complete works: full episodes of old radio shows, entire live stage performances, and uninterrupted improvisational sketches and scripted routines." Under "Past Shows," you can hear several of the old masters' comedy routines over the Net.

Posted 9:35 PM by Blah blah

Flying Pear

From Eric, just noticed this cool blog by Pear, who's in China (I think). She posts many cool pix from her life in both China and Japan.

As usual, too much to say. Too much going on in my brain. No time to write. Use your imagination.

Posted 6:36 AM by Blah blah

Matrix Geeks: Pseudo-Deep (Entertainment)

Whoa. People on Gothamist are wasting way too much brain power analyzing The Matrix Reloaded (131 comments). Enough already. It's a badly written movie, ok? Why try to explain every little incoherent detail like it were scripture?

Not that it's not worth seeing. It is. But all that quasi-religious, philosophical bullshit? Excuse me while I read Plato and go eat an ice cream cone instead. With a real Spoon.

There's No Exit from the Matrix (NY Times): "The genius of the P.R. strategy was its exploitation of the original film's geeky cult status as a thinking kid's kung fu extravaganza. The Matrix Reloaded would not be just another bloated Hollywood sequel but instead would have the philosophical heft to fuel a new generation of metaphysical Web sites. And so every puff piece about the film has emphasized that its creators, the siblings Andy and Larry Wachowski, do not give interviews — as if behaving like Thomas Pynchon would give their movie the gravitas of Gravity's Rainbow."

The first Matrix would be great as a short story. The second as a comic book. But to treat its intellectual depth with the reverence you'd treat something as meaty as The Lord of the Rings novels---that's hogwash.

By the way, The Matrix Reloaded is being pirated online (BBC), using the file-sharing program BitTorrent, which has a faster download algorithm.

Posted 11:25 PM by Blah blah

Coming up: I've just joined the staff of a magazine. Will let you know soon which one.

Breakup Girl (Relationships)

Breakup Girl lives again! This is the BEST relationship advice website I've ever seen, past or present. Lynn Harris, the Manhattan comedian who writes Breakup Girl, is BACK after a two year absence. (Oprah Winfrey's Oxygen cable TV network bought Breakup Girl, then they DUMPED her.) I have seriously missed her. Breakup Girl's advice really changed me and taught me about relationships during the years I religiously read it.

Her site covers all possible relationship problems you can think of, besides murdering your spouse. :D She's wise, compassionate, and super funny. Breakup Girl is the best love advice writer, period.

Lynn Harris also wrote this article in Salon.com about the Soulmate Calculator.

Read more than three years of her advice! Read her funny but educational comics and Flash animations.

For love advice in the Philippines, check out the Dear Tita blog.

Posted 2:16 PM by Blah blah

Bay to Breakers Pix (Photos)

Patrick just posted his pictures from San Francisco's yearly Bay to Breakers race almost two weeks ago.

Sam also ran in the Bay to Breakers. He had a different view, full of the backs of naked guys.

Posted 8:10 AM by Blah blah

Eating AOL (Funny)

Just found a CD in my box of Honey Bunches of Oats this morning. It had the words "AOL Free Trial" on it. Does eating an AOL CD add to my recommended daily allowance of fiber and plastic? No matter. I got a knife and sliced up the disk, which now had a great stringy texture---better than those granola bumpy things. It was like I'd added old uncooked macaroni to my milk and bananas.

After I took a few bites, my teeth began to chatter. My head buzzed: "Bdrrrrrr....Dee-do-dee-duh-doot! WOOOOOOONNNGGG!" Yow---that's loud! I yanked on my ear trying to down the volume. "Blinnnng!" went the happy AOL chime as it logged in. "You've Got Mail," I found my lips saying.

Whenever I blinked, ads for the X10 Webcam popped up in my eyelids, followed by appeals for a free month of Netflix, a trailer for Jim Carrey's Bruce Almighty, and an offer to enlarge my breasts. I wrote down the toll-free number for the last one, since you never know...

I rolled my eyes down, scrolling through my mail, when another "Bling!" went off inside my skull. "ThumbSuckingGirl" wanted to chat with me.

"ASL?" she IMed.
"Uhh, hi Thumb!...who's this?"
"I asked u furst," she typed.
"This is weird. What do you want to talk about?"
"Wut? I dunno. Clay Aiken is a hottie. Wait. brb"
After she came back, I said: "Fine. I'm 90/M/Florida. I live in an old folks' home and this is my only contact with thumb sucking girls I ever get. I have one leg. They cut off the other one during the war. My only leg is all yellowed with saggy skin. When can we meet?" I said.
"I'm 15/F EWWWWWW. u r sic!!"

She blocked me.

I finished breakfast. I took my skull with both hands and jerked it up. "Goodbye!" my lips said. For a brief moment, Neo, Trinity, and I had been one.

Posted 9:32 AM by Blah blah

Salon.com: Havana Honey Stories (Journalism, sexy)

One more post before I go rollerblading this morning. Check out Alysia Vilar's sizzling stories in Salon.com, starting with Havana Honey. It's a new hot series in Salon Sex.

With four parts already published, Vilar talks about her life as a Cuban-American blonde who works as a prostitute in Cuba so she can afford to stay and find her father. Also talks about the whole seedy lifestyle of young girls there who must fuck to eat. The brutal economics of Cuba:

"There is a word, in fact, for women seeking out a rich boyfriend, either for marriage or regular remittances, and that word is jinetera. Spanish for 'jockey.' Jockeying boys and girls are the hopeful light of their supportive families. For to jockey is to dream of a successful future, to dream in a country that feels so bereft of hope, of promising careers, of stable relationships. It's also the only way for many to make dollars, in a country where lawyers earn $18 a month and a meal in a restaurant costs twice as much....

In actual time with Terence, I've earned about $2.85 an hour. Or, conversely, if you add up my sexual tricks (seven blow jobs; 11 tries at intercourse; two hand jobs; and public sex in the Jacuzzi on the rooftop of the Parque Central) it comes to about $22.85 per act.

A biochemist makes $13 per month.

Roach poison is $6 a bottle.

Band-Aids are not sold."

Posted 8:58 PM by Blah blah

Thomas Rothman: Chairman of Fox Filmed Entertainment.
Cast of The Matrix Reloaded. (Entertainment)

Excellent educational interview with Thomas Rothman about the movie business. I love this kind of talk. "Thomas Rothman, chairman of News Corp.'s Fox Filmed Entertainment, talks with Charlie Rose about the success of 20th Century Fox's X2: X-Men United, consumer adoption of DVDs and his concerns about downloadable movies." He started as an entertainment lawyer.

Listen to the Charlie Rose interview. (12 min.)

Also, Charlie interviews the cast of The Matrix Reloaded. "Producer Joel Silver and actors Keanu Reeves, Laurence Fishburne and Carrie-Anne Moss talk with Charlie Rose about the filming of The Matrix Reloaded and the impact of making the movie on their personal lives." The Matrix Reloaded has too much philosophical mumbo-jumbo for my blood.

Listen to interview. (42 min.)

Posted 6:11 AM by Blah blah

Comments or Not? (Blog)

I'm wondering if you guys would like to be able to write comments on my blog again. My old commenting system with HaloScan still exists.

A main problem I have with using comments is it slows down page loading. Every remotely hosted system I've tried has been overloaded with users and new accounts. Every one has eventually crashed.

A second problem is people don't seem to want to comment much here. Maybe they are too busy, too afraid, I don't know. I'd suffer the slower page load only if more people use comments.

A third problem is the stalkers and other nasty jokers who've visited me. We might see a rise in them.

What do you think? Bring back comments? We could try it for a week.

Posted 12:56 AM by Blah blah

Computer Science: More Thumbs Down (Technology)

Computing's Lost Allure (NY Times):

"At the height of the Internet boom in the late 90's, computer science talent was in such demand that recruiters offered signing bonuses to students who agreed to drop out of school. Now, spooked by layoffs and disabused of visions of overnight riches, many undergraduates are turning away from computer science as if it were somehow cursed....

Berkeley's experience is mirrored elsewhere. At Carnegie Mellon University, applications to the School of Computer Science for next fall are down 36 percent from their peak in 2001; applications to Virginia Tech's computer science department have declined 40 percent since 2001. At M.I.T., renowned for its computer science curriculum, 20 percent fewer freshmen declared electrical engineering and computer science as their central focus this spring than did in 2001 or 2002."

Posted 12:14 AM by Blah blah

Soulmate Calculator: Why I Will Never Meet Anyone (Relationships)

Tira mentioned this very cool site about soulmates. Tira is a fascinating woman, if you haven't read her yet. She's an "overpaid secretary surrounded by 'angry, perpetually stressed-out lawyers' while 'enjoying a normal, balanced, happy life' as an underworked musician." She, like Bich Ngoc (in our photo below), is in Washington, D.C. She's a "secretary/musician/activist," a single mom, has been on the radio, a Filipina, a Libra like me, and a very sensual lesbian. :D

(Tira, you might be interested in saying hi to Bich Ngoc. BN knows a lot of musicians and helps promote singers like Fisher. She's also a political activist.)

Tira writes way more juice than I, like some of the people she links. Like this girl Bunnie (aka Metrosexual)---whoo ee! HOT hot hot writing.

The soulmate site is SolveDating, with sections like The Soulmate Manifesto. I tried entering my preferences into the Soulmate Calculator, which "will calculate the number of American singles you must meet to find your soulmate. It uses the latest statistics from the U.S. Census and the National Center for Health Statistics."

My first, careless try shows I deserve a thousand lashes for my unrealistic pickiness, giving me a probability of 6.47211020769928E-08 for meeting my soulmate. It says I need to meet 15,450,911 American single females to have a decent chance.

If I give myself 3 years to do it, that means I must meet 14,110 American women/day, almost 10 women/minute. Taking a more realistic frequency, say meeting 1 woman every 2 weeks, it would take me 216 million days to meet all 15 million women. Or 593,000 years. By then I'd be a doddering 600,000 year-old idiot, slobbering more than Kirk Douglas, trying to hook up with the majority of single women, who tend to be below 25.

Reading the 2000 U.S. Census Bureau statistics on this site may be very depressing for you if you are very picky, like you want:

- a man six feet or taller (15% of the male population),
- a Korean (0.4% of the population),
- a Filipino (0.7%),
- a Chinese (0.9%),
- or a woman between 25-29 who's never been married (7%).

Believe it or not, pure Asians only make up 3.6% of the U.S. population, or 10.2 million people.

Which means if you want to increase your dating chances, you need to date: 1) white folks (75% of the U.S. population), 2) outside the U.S. (i.e. import from Asia), 3) divorced people with emotional baggage, 4) virtually and have cybersex, or 5) change your sexuality.

Sigh.

Posted 6:45 PM by Blah blah

Practical Stuff (Personal)

Busy fixing my car today and tomorrow.

Had a flat yesterday, on the highway. Parked in the emergency lane and scaled a high fence to reach a phone. Found myself in the back of a bakery. Smelled all the fresh dough while I called AAA and the bakery workers stared at me.

(This isn't the first time I've had to climb something to escape from a situation. I used to work at a museum. One Friday night, I left work by a back door which led to a courtyard. This courtyard had 12-foot high walls that are usually open. That night, they were shut, and the back doors locked after me. I was trapped. No one would come to open the walls until next Monday.

Not wanting to become the museum's first human skeleton exhibit, I thought of something I'd seen in that Jackie Chan movie Rush Hour. Seriously. I moved this trash can up next to the wall and stood on it. The tips of my fingers were still several feet from the top. I had a backpack too. I jumped and barely caught the top of the wall. Got out of there feeling like a bad-ass kung fu monkey.)

Changed all my tires today and will change all my brakes tomorrow. Costco gives a great, low-cost deal on tires, compared to Goodyear, where I first went. By sheer coincidence, I met the bakery guy from yesterday at the auto shop where I fixed my car today. The mechanic also maintains that bakery's trucks!

Did you know our environmental laws are so strict in California that it's illegal to carry more than FIVE tires in your vehicle without a permit? You may have dozens in your garage, but more than five tires constitutes "hazardous waste" and you can get a ticket. You learn these kinds of things at auto shops and used tire centers.

Also met a very interesting Indian guy at Costco's tire center and got his number. He left the corporate world five years ago, after 15 years of R&D engineering at AMD. And my auto mechanic was a Greek guy who reminded me of Anthony Quinn. He said My Big Fat Greek Wedding was only so-so.

Today inspired me in such practical ways! I learned so much about the world from a flat tire.

Posted 2:45 PM by Blah blah

My Housemates (Photos)

I live with my friend and his girlfriend. They're actually planning to get married, and I'm gonna be one of his best men. I need to make a speech at the wedding. Should I talk about him leaving his socks on the carpet, the way she wears silk lingerie around the house on a regular basis, the scented candles they light every night as part of a silent ritual? Gosh, I've known him longer than his girlfriend. I've been there through the exes, through the ups and downs, through the family dramas. I've been lucky to be a small part of it.

Pix of my housemates, taken at our house for a consulting website. On the side, my friend has been getting into independent IT projects. This is our home! Click for full-size.


My housemate's recent birthday:


See my older pix of my housemates and their friends.

Posted 11:56 PM by Blah blah

Shy's Blog (Internet drama)

Friends have been telling me tonight about Queen Shy's temper tantrum about me on her blog. Go read it if you like, for some high-powered entertainment.

I hear she needs two things: Valium and a spell checker.

I honestly have no interest in reading her blog, unless she posts naked pix of me taken with a hidden camera.

(Well, I guess pix of HER would be better... :p)

Posted 11:34 PM by Blah blah

The Way You Walk (Technology, Funny)

My first response: HAHAHAHA! Pentagon System Hopes to Identify Walks (AP):

"Watch your step! The Pentagon is developing a radar-based device that can identify people by the way they walk, for use in a new antiterrorist surveillance system.

Operating on the theory that an individual's walk is as unique as a signature, the Pentagon has financed a research project at the Georgia Institute of Technology that has been 80 to 95 percent successful in identifying people.

If the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, or DARPA, orders a prototype, the individual 'gait signatures' of people could become part of the data to be linked together in a vast surveillance system the Pentagon agency calls Total Information Awareness.

That system already has raised privacy alarms on both ends of the political spectrum, and Congress in February barred its use against American citizens without further congressional review."

But what if he walks like Ze Frank in How to Dance Properly? A definite terrorist walk. Hehehe...

Posted 7:52 AM by Blah blah

Why I Left RBJ

For those of you interested, I have written a detailed letter about why I left Rice Bowl Journals for good. Please email me for the details.

Posted 12:30 AM by Blah blah

Bich Ngoc, Sandy, and Brent (Photos)

I had dim sum with Sandy, her boyfriend Brent, and Bich Ngoc today! Our talk was really fast and funny, and we ate much shrimp. We teased Bich Ngoc for her "Daria" look. Hehe... She bubbled with talk like how she as a journalism student had to fight to get stories from the police department. She also took a rambling journalism class recently from Richard Reeves. Sandy and Bich Ngoc actually are from the same city! Sandy talked about their noisy upstairs neighbors and how they had to keep hitting a broom handle on the ceiling. Brent was very cool too. He told us a way to spam spammers with a Perl script.

By the way, Bich Ngoc and I are not really only as tall as a chair. We are kneeling.

From left to right: I, Bich Ngoc, Sandy, and Brent. Click pix for full-size.

Posted 4:02 PM by Blah blah

Au Revoir, Rice Bowl Journals (Sad)

Certain stuff happened the last couple of days that disgusted me and caused me to lose what remaining respect I ever had for certain RBJ members. As one of the oldest members, who has supported and promoted RBJ here from the beginning, I am saddened and disappointed by the maliciousness and immaturity I witnessed and experienced the last two days. It's been a big pain in the butt.

I happily quit Rice Bowl Journals and will never come back.

Some of those on RBJ who dislike me will probably try to trash talk and spread gossip about me. Well wait till you hear my side before jumping to conclusions.

One thing you should know about me: I have not shied away from controversy when I thought an issue was very important. I do not get intimidated easily, and I don't care if I'm unpopular. I care about fairness and what I believe to be the truth.

Next!

Posted 1:53 PM by Blah blah

Typical Libra (Astrology)

Please read my old post about my astrological profile and what's true and not true about it. You'll learn much about me. Start reading at "Sun in Libra." :D

In so many ways I am a typical Libra. I think most, but not all, of this description below is true about me:

Libra: the Scales (September 23 - October 22)

The seventh sign of the zodiac is concerned with

partnership, relationships
ideas, opinions, politics, diplomacy (Librans are the main diplomats of the Zodiac)
music, harmony, balance, romance
tact, argument, self-control
good manners, personal appearance
refinement, sophistication, good taste
rational thought, ideas for social well-being

Elemental quality:

Libra is the cardinal air sign of the zodiac. It can be likened to a finely tuned wind instrument, producing powerful, moving music in perfect harmony. Air is the breath of life, and cardinal air is a metaphor for ideas put into action. Libras are doers rather than thinkers, although they may spend a long period thinking about a situation before making a decision and acting upon it.

Spiritual goal: To learn the meaning of selfless love.

The Libran personality:

Positive characteristics

cooperative
good companion
artistic
refined
has clear opinions
good negotiator
very strong beliefs
loving and romantic
sense of fair play
able to lead on behalf of good causes
uses intellect when going into action
sincere
charming
communicative
an excellent mediator

Negative characteristics

narcissistic
indolent or sulky
fearful
indecisive
manipulative
overbearing
flirtatious

Secret Libra

Inside anyone who has strong Libran influences is a person who is terrified of being alone. The fear is usually well controlled so the typical Libra always looks calm, collected, and in charge of the situation. Good natured and loving, Libras can also be petulant, and even objectionable, when asked to take orders. Similarly, they are extremely intelligent, yet sometime gullible; they enjoy talking to people, yet can also be very attentive listeners. The Libra symbol (the scales) is a clue to understanding thus apparent inconsistency in behavior. In attempting to gain an even balance, the scales first tip one way and then the other. this is how the typical Libra behaves---constantly trying to attain that perfect balance.

Ruling planet and its effect

Venus rules the zodiac sign of Libra, so anyone whose birth chart has a strong Libran influence will tend to be a gentle, loving peacemaker---until the scales tip too far and need to be adjusted. In astrology, Venus is the planet of values, self possessions, beauty, and love. Librans tend to express these attributes in words and actions.

Posted 9:13 AM by Blah blah

Suicide (Morbid)

Yeah! I'm finally meeting Sandy and her boyfriend Brent tomorrow! We're having dim sum with Bich Ngoc, who's visiting this week.

Talked to Sandy about suicide last night. I've luckily never ever felt suicidal, but I've had to deal with others who wanted to do it.

Everyone who has thought about suicide MUST read this nine-page article. "Written in 1983, this CoEvolution Quarterly article has helped people decide not to attempt suicide, by showing them what might, realistically, happen to them if they take the leap. 90% of the people who try don't actually pass away; instead, they lose control of their bodies, their health, their time, their rights, and even their depression."

How Not to Commit Suicide: "The information that people need to know is how not to commit suicide. They think if they take an overdose of sleeping pills they'll just go to sleep and never wake up. Instead they wake up choking on their own vomit, and there's the emergency room and stomach pumping and brain damage, and it's the opposite of relief for their suffering. People try all sorts of things that don't work, all horrible." The article is full of stupid things people do that don't work. Please send this article to all of your suicidal and depressed friends!

"Need a guide to suicide?

Don't overdose on aspirin, Tylenol, caustics such as lye or oven cleaner, psychiatric drugs such as Thorazine or Elavil, tranquilizers, or sleeping pills.
Don't slash your wrists.
Don't shoot yourself.
Don't jump from a not-very-high place or try to hang yourself.
(All these common techniques are unreliable and have often terrible effects on the survivor.)"

As a bonus, read ACTUAL suicide notes, taken from coroners' offices. Fascinating.
_______________________
The first time I had to deal with suicide online was when a pretty girl in Taiwan I had corresponded with killed herself two years ago. I told the story in more detail here. Theta (aka YunJu Tai) was a sophomore at National Taiwan University in Taipei, a brilliant physics student. To this day I'm still not sure why she did it.

The second time was when someone I know wrote on his website about how he would like to die, how people wouldn't notice him if he left the planet. I freaked out, completely stunned, when I stumbled upon those words on his site. I immediately took action, dealt with a super arrogant psychiatrist, and helped prevent him from taking the next step. I made sure people NOTICED him.

The third time was when a member of Rice Bowl Journals (a girl) wrote a blog entry about wanting to do it. I immediately sent Carlos a message. The two of us worked to convince her to cheer up. She removed her post and cheered up.

The fourth time was last October, when "Mr. Sparkle" threatened on Rice Bowl Journals to kill himself. He started a discussion thread about finding one reason not to commit suicide. A bunch of bloggers mainly in Malaysia, Corine, Frostee, Brandon, Ami, and Eugene, as well as Arnold, Carlos, and I, worked on getting Mr. Sparkle to back down. Corine had the most effect on him. She spent most of the day chatting with him, listening to his problems. She'd asked me for help as soon as I logged in that morning, and I exchanged messages with him too. I even filed a police report. (Yup, I take all suicide threats very seriously.) We happily succeeded, and now Mr. Sparkle is still cynical and sarcastic, but alive. The debate on RBJ turned nasty and pissed me off about some of the people who cynically told him to go ahead with it. That whole experience, as well as the nasty messages some people wrote about me and Corine, soured me on RBJ and made me leave the message board completely.

Other online-related suicides:

- Nicolai Rosen and Kevin Hogue both killed themselves within a month, in the same building at UC Berkeley, Evans Hall. Both had been Berkeley students. Both wrote blogs (which I link in my post). In Kevin Hogue's LiveJournal, some guy even told him to stop whining and go do it, never taking him seriously. Well he did.

- Brandon Vedas, a guy in Arizona, killed himself accidentally with an overdose of prescription drugs this January as "friends" watched live on his webcam. He was chatting with them on IRC and some even egged him on to take more drugs! Read the horrifying chat log. See what the world press said about this story. Watch the Internet video of his family and the guy "Smoke2k," who kept saying "Take more!" Click on the RealPlayer video of the "John Walsh Show."

I end with Archy's poem the lesson of the moth (1927):

i was talking to a moth
the other evening
he was trying to break into
an electric light bulb
and fry himself on the wires

why do you fellows
pull this stunt i asked him
because it is the conventional
thing for moths or why
if that had been an uncovered
candle instead of an electric
light bulb you would
now be a small unsightly cinder
have you no sense

plenty of it he answered
but at times we get tired
of using it
we get bored with the routine
and crave beauty
and excitement
fire is beautiful
and we know that if we get
too close it will kill us
but what does that matter
it is better to be happy
for a moment
and be burned up with beauty
than to live a long time
and be bored all the while
so we wad all our life up
into one little roll
and then we shoot the roll
that is what life is for
it is better to be a part of beauty
for one instant and then cease to
exist than to exist forever
and never be a part of beauty
our attitude toward life
is come easy go easy
we are like human beings
used to be before they became
too civilized to enjoy themselves

and before i could argue him
out of his philosophy
he went and immolated himself
on a patent cigar lighter
i do not agree with him
myself i would rather have
half the happiness and twice
the longevity

but at the same time i wish
there was something i wanted
as badly as he wanted to fry himself

archy

Posted 8:15 AM by Blah blah

Don Marquis: Archy and Mehitabel (Poetic)

Dave of dratfink was explaining why his blog is all in lowercase. I said it reminded me of that newspaper poet from the 1930s, Don Marquis, who is famous for writing 10 years of poetry in the New York Sun and New York Tribune.

Marquis created the very human and lovable characters Archy and Mehitabel. "Archy is a cockroach with the soul of a poet, and Mehitabel is an alley cat who traces her lineage back to Cleopatra....'expression is the need of my soul,' declares Archy, who labored as a free-verse poet in a previous life. At night, alone, he dives furiously on the keys of Don Marquis' typewriter to describe a cockroach's view of the world, rich with cynicism and humor. It's difficult enough to operate the typewriter's return bar to get a fresh line of paper; all of Archy's dispatches are written lowercase, and without punctuation, because he is unable to hit both shift and letter keys to produce a capital letter."

With simple animals and simple language, Marquis expressed charming and wise views on society that hit home with the general public. Don Marquis and Ogden Nash are my favorite poets from that part of the 20th Century.

Here's life from the view of Archy the soulful cockroach:

warty bliggens, the toad (1927)

i met a toad
the other day by the name
of warty bliggens
he was sitting under
a toadstool
feeling contented
he explained that when the cosmos
was created
that toadstool was especially
planned for his personal
shelter from sun and rain
thought out and prepared
for him

do not tell me
said warty bliggens
that there is not a purpose
in the universe
the thought is blasphemy
a little more
conversation revealed
that warty bliggens
considers himself to be
the center of the same
universe
the earth exists
to grow toadstools for him
to sit under
the sun to give him light
by day and the moon
and wheeling constellations
to make beautiful
the night for the sake of
warty bliggens

to what act of yours
do you impute
this interest on the part
of the creator
of the universe
i asked him
why is it that you
are so greatly favored

ask rather
said warty bliggens
what the universe
has done to deserve me
if i were a
human being i would
not laugh
too complacently
at poor warty bliggens
for similar
absurdities
have only too often
lodged in the crinkles
of the human cerebrum

archy

the flattered lightning bug (1927)

a lightning bug got
in here the other night a
regular hick from
the real country he was
awful proud of himself you
city insects may think
you are some punkins
but i don t see any
of you flashing in the dark
like we do in
the country all right go
to it says i mehitabel the
cat and that green
spider who lives in your locker
and two or three cockroach
friends of mine and a
friendly rat all gathered
around him and urged him on
and he lightened and
lightened and lightened you
don t see anything like this
in town often he says go to it
we told him it s a
real treat to us and
we nicknamed him broadway
which pleased him
this is the life
he said all i
need is a harbor
under me to be a
statue of liberty and
he got so vain of
himself i had to take
him down a peg you ve
made lightning for two hours
little bug i told him
but i don t hear
any claps of thunder
yet there are some men
like that when he wore
himself out mehitabel
the cat ate him

archy

mehitabel and her kittens (1927)

well boss
mehitabel the cat
has reappeared in her old
haunts with a
flock of kittens
three of them this time

archy she says to me
yesterday
the life of a female
artist is continually
hampered what in hell
have i done to deserve
all these kittens
i look back on my life
and it seems to me to be
just one damned kitten
after another
i am a dancer archy
and my only prayer
is to be allowed
to give my best to my art
but just as i feel
that i am succeeding
in my life work
along comes another batch
of these damned kittens
it is not archy
that i am shy on mother love
god knows i care for
the sweet little things
curse them
but am i never to be allowed
to live my own life
i have purposely avoided
matrimony in the interests
of the higher life
but i might just
as well have been a domestic
slave for all the freedom
i have gained
i hope none of them
gets run over by
an automobile
my heart would bleed
if anything happened
to them and i found it out
but it isn t fair archy
it isn t fair
these damned tom cats have all
the fun and freedom
if i was like some of these
green eyed feline vamps i know
i would simply walk out on the
bunch of them and
let them shift for themselves
but i am not that kind
archy i am full of mother love
my kindness has always
been my curse
a tender heart is the cross i bear
self sacrifice always and forever
is my motto damn them
i will make a home
for the sweet innocent
little things
unless of course providence
in his wisdom should remove
them they are living
just now in an abandoned
garbage can just behind
a made over stable in greenwich
village and if it rained
into the can before i could
get back and rescue them
i am afraid the little
dears might drown
it makes me shudder just
to think of it
of course if i were a family cat
they would probably
be drowned anyhow
sometimes i think
the kinder thing would be
for me to carry the
sweet little things
over to the river
and drop them in myself
but a mother s love archy
is so unreasonable
something always prevents me
these terrible
conflicts are always
presenting themselves
to the artist
the eternal struggle
between art and life archy
is something fierce
my what a dramatic life i have lived
one moment up the next
moment down again
but always gay archy always gay
and always the lady too
in spite of hell
well boss it will
be interesting to note
just how mehitabel
works out her present problem
a dark mystery still broods
over the manner
in which the former
family of three kittens
disappeared
one day she was talking to me
of the kittens
and the next day when i asked
her about them
she said innocently
what kittens
interrogation point
and that was all
i could ever get out
of her on the subject
we had a heavy rain
right after she spoke to me
but probably that garbage can
leaks so the kittens
have not yet
been drowned

archy

the big bad wolf (1935)

i went to a movie show
the other evening in the cuff
of a friends turned up trousers
and saw the three little pigs
and was greatly edified by the moral lesson
how cruel i said to myself
was the big bad wolf
how superior to wolves are men
the wolf would have eaten those pigs raw
and even alive
whereas a man would have kindly
cut their throats
and lovingly made them into
country sausage spare ribs and pigs knuckles
he would tenderly have roasted them
fried them and boiled them
cooked them feelingly with charity
towards all and malice towards none
and piously eaten them served with sauerkraut
and other trimmings
it is no wonder that the edible animals
are afraid of wolves and love men so
when a pig is eaten by a wolf
he realizes that something is wrong with the world
but when he is eaten by a man
he must thank god fervently
that he is being useful to a superior being
it must be the same way
with a colored man who is being lynched
he must be grateful that he is being lynched
in a land of freedom and liberty
and not in any of the old world countries
of darkness and oppression
where men are still the victims
of kings iniquity and constipation
we ought all to be grateful in this country
that our wall street robber barons
and crooked international bankers
are such highly respectable citizens
and do so much for the churches
and for charity
and support such noble institutions and foundations
for the welfare of mankind
and are such spiritually minded philanthropists
it would be horrid to be robbed
by the wrong kind of people
if i were a man i would not let
a cannibal cat me unless he showed me
a letter certifying to his character
from the pastor of his church
even our industrial murderers
in this country are usually affiliated
with political parties devoted
to the uplift
the enlightenment and the progress
of humankind
every time i get discouraged
and contemplate suicide
by impersonating a raisin and getting devoured
as part of a piece of pie
i think of our national blessings
and cheer up again
it is indeed
as i have been reading lately
a great period in which to be alive
and it is a cheering thought to think
that god is on the side of the best digestion
your moral little friend

archy the cockroach

Posted 5:05 PM by Blah blah

Mag

I met up with my friend Magdalene yesterday. She just got her MS in Software Engineering last year and is looking for a job. Help! She's a real sweetie. Originally from Malaysia.

Here are a few more pix of her.

Posted 2:55 PM by Blah blah

Getting Along with People (Thoughtful)

Having been in many MANY arguments throughout my life, some where I acted like a complete jackass, I've learned a little about how to avoid arguments and get along with people. Of course I'm always failing in a small way myself and still have much to learn. But for those of you who may be quick to anger and have a love for scoring debate points, please read this.

In high school I read Benjamin Franklin's Autobiography, which taught me a great lesson about persuading people. I believe that no matter stupid or wrong you may think someone's idea is, you must always show RESPECT for it and him throughout the whole discussion. From Benjamin Franklin and His Enemies:
____________________
[H]is capacity for friendship, though appearing early in his life, was actually an acquired characteristic. He tells us in his Autobiography that as a youth he was "fond" of argument, was in fact of a "disputatious turn," a bad habit, he soon realized, "productive of disgusts and perhaps enmities where you may have occasion for friendship." He had "caught it by reading my father's books of dispute on religion. Persons of good sense, I have since observed, seldom fall into it, except lawyers, university men, and men of all sorts who have been bred at Edinburgh."

Giving up his taste for argument, he next "put on the humble enquirer." This role he learned first from an English grammar and then from Xenophon's Memorable Things of Socrates. The Socratic method reinforced his natural hunger for trapping his adversaries in positions they really did not wish to defend---"entangling them in difficulties out of which they could not extricate themselves, and so obtaining victories that neither myself nor my cause always deserved." He liked to win---he gave no quarter even in chess---but he soon saw that scoring in this fashion was pointless. It convinced no one, and it cost him friends. He then adopted "the habit of expressing myself in terms of modest diffidence," a practice he followed all his life that, one suspects, allowed a freer expression of his own desire to learn. It also helped draw men and women as well as children to him. And in time it became his natural style; what began in artfulness led him to what he really was.
____________________

Also, see Ralph Waldo Emerson's essay "Manners." Emerson is my favorite essayist:
____________________
Defect in manners is usually the defect of fine perceptions....Moral qualities rule the world, but at short distances, the senses are despotic. The same discrimination of fit and fair runs out, if with less rigor, into all parts of life. The average spirit of the energetic class is good sense, acting under certain limitations and to certain ends. It entertains every natural gift. Social in its nature, it respects everything which tends to unite men. It delights in measure.

The love of beauty is mainly the love of measure or proportion. The person who screams, or uses the superlative degree, or converses with heat, puts whole drawing-rooms to flight. If you wish to be loved, love measure. You must have genius, or a prodigious usefulness, if you will hide the want of measure. This perception comes in to polish and perfect the parts of the social instrument. Society will pardon much to genius and special gifts, but, being in its nature a convention, it loves what is conventional, or what belongs to coming together. That makes the good and bad of manners, namely, what helps or hinders fellowship.

For, fashion is not good sense absolute, but relative; not good sense private, but good sense entertaining company. It hates corners and sharp points of character, hates quarrelsome, egotistical, solitary, and gloomy people; hates whatever can interfere with total blending of parties; whilst it values all peculiarities as in the highest degree refreshing, which can consist with good fellowship. And besides the general infusion of wit to heighten civility, the direct splendor of intellectual power is ever welcome in fine society as the costliest addition to its rule and its credit.

The dry light must shine in to adorn our festival, but it must be tempered and shaded, or that will also offend. Accuracy is essential to beauty, and quick perceptions to politeness, but not too quick perceptions. One may be too punctual and too precise. He must leave the omniscience of business at the door, when he comes into the palace of beauty.

Society loves creole natures, and sleepy, languishing manners, so that they cover sense, grace, and good-will; the air of drowsy strength, which disarms criticism; perhaps, because such a person seems to reserve himself for the best of the game, and not spend himself on surfaces; an ignoring eye, which does not see the annoyances, shifts, and inconveniences, that cloud the brow and smother the voice of the sensitive....

The secret of success in society, is a certain heartiness and sympathy. A man who is not happy in the company, cannot find any word in his memory that will fit the occasion. All his information is a little impertinent. A man who is happy there, finds in every turn of the conversation equally lucky occasions for the introduction of that which he has to say. The favorites of society, and what it calls whole souls, are able men, and of more spirit than wit, who have no uncomfortable egotism, but who exactly fill the hour and the company, contented and contenting, at a marriage or a funeral, a ball or a jury, a water-party or a shooting-match.