Posted 10:44 PM by Blah blah

New on my reading list: this great diary called Into Me, by Aloka, a 22-year-old girl in Chicago studying fashion design. It's as heartfelt and drama-filled as Felicity, plus it's very artistic. Aloka sounds like a sweetheart.

Raven and Mona have officially launched their wedding site!

Please say hi to them and wish them the best! They are getting married May 2003.

Posted 10:29 AM by Blah blah

Just had a delightful talk with my friend Ellen this morning. She just got back from several weeks of touring Europe. My new nickname for her is "Sweet Tomatoes" (or "Potatoes," depending on the season.) If you are her boyfriend reading this...uhhh...that wasn't me. It was my evil twin! *Slap* Bad boy!

Really, Sweet Tomatoes IS very sweet and funny. She is good at talking nonsense and making it sound important, a skill which I too share. What do you think you've been reading here all year? She studied broadcasting and wants to break into radio. Mira, go say say hi to her!

A sample of how we talk:

E: hihihihi!
R: hey, i've seen a lot of girls say "hihihihi"
R: where does that come from?
E: hmmmm
R: what's the etymological origin?
E: i guess it seems to be a more feminine way of laughing, maybe?
R: the mountain peoples of kazdoom?
R: but you never SAY "hihihihi" on the phone
E: it actually comes from the latin word hierus
E: which means to laugh daintily
R: Ohhhhhhh...perfesser
E: over the centuries, it has beenshortened to hihihi
E: ;)
R: Perfesser Sweet Tomatoes
E: lol
R: See...that's new to me
E: so now you know
R: I thought "hihihihi" meant Yesyesyesyes
E: and knowing is half the battle
E: ..gi joe
E: haha nope
R: but now you tell me it means "hahahaha"
R: i thought it meant "haha" (only 2 ha's)
E: no, hahaha is how i'm really laughingrightnow
E: lol
R: boy...i'm glad that's cleared up!
E: yeah
E: that's your lesson for today

What's with my obsession with Conan O'Brien? I feel this compulsion to sic his twisted humor on you. Here's a really in-depth profile of Conan and his new wife Liza Powel.

Here are two Conan interviews from his TV show, both actresses. I used to date a girl who looks like Claire Danes. She was in Romeo and Juliet with Leonardo DiCaprio. And Liv Tyler played Arwen, Aragorn's love interest in The Lord of the Rings.

Claire Danes visits the Playboy Mansion

Conan (C): How are you?
Claire Danes (D): I'm all right...
C: Well, it's nice to see you..
D: Nice to see you. It's a pleasure to be here.
C: Well, thank you. I think you mean that.
D: I do, I do!
C: Great. I was just in Los Angeles, actually Andy and I were both in Los Angeles doing some stuff last week. And I got this invitation to go to the Playboy mansion one night.
D: But I didn't see you there.
C: Well, because I couldn't go, I was working that night and I was leaving so I couldn't go...
D: You have to make a point of going.
C: You went, right?
D: Oh my gosh. I went kind of I went. I brought my friend Miya from school and I was with my boyfriend, and I called Scott who my friend who directed Mod Squad wondering if you wanted to go to dinner and he said he's going to Hugh Hefner's house and so I was totally inspired. So I brought my innocent Miya to the Playboy mansion...
C: I have read about the Playboy mansion since I was like ten years old, dreamed about the Playboy mansion. I'm still dreaming about the Playboy mansion right now I'm speaking to you. You went! Tell us all because we haven't been there. What was it like?
D: It's Xanadu, totally. Like it's the most fascinating place. But it's surprisingly non threatening, it was sort of like sex Disneyland?
C: (burst into laugh) The best kind of Disneyland!! (very cheerfully) Yay! I like this! I imagine it's like a topless hall of the president.
D: Well, it was kind of a cliche, but totally satisfying, like there was Hugh and his red robe and pipe...
C: He really does that?
D: Yeah and many many bottoms. It was great.
C: Not real women just ceramic bottoms that he has around for his amusement.
D: They were real. Believe me, I think.
C: So there women walking around wearing what?
D: Ah, you know roller skates nothing. Ah, some were wet, some were dry, so to speak. (sudden laugh from the audience) But no I mean it was really great there was like a game room.... that was my favorite part.
C: What's in the game room?
D: Well, it was exciting like... I mean it's totally second 1983 but there was Pacman, and Frogger... there was a pinball machine that had you know Hugh's image splashed all of it.
C: Did any one tell you that no one plays Pacman anymore?
D: I was enjoying it. I was good at... you know informed him that it was... but scared of Nintendo.
C: I remember when I was kid reading about James Karn and James Karn apparently has the record, I'm gonna get sued now for like slandering him or beaten senseless I hope the latter. James Karn has the record for sleeping with like the most consecutive Playboy bunnies that he would always be there. You didn't see James Karn.
D: I saw him there. He was in like the backgammon room. He was there in fine form...He was playing backgammon with his son and they were having a really intense conversation about bant cake, I remember.
C: What?
D: And I was really thrilled. I don't know. They were just taking about bant cake.
C: That is such a let down. It is like "You saw James Karn what was he doing, what was he talking about? Discussing bant cake with his son." What a drag.
Andy: What was he saying?
D: I don't know I think he was telling a joke....I don't know. All I caught was bant cake, I was like you know...
C: And you said I 'm getting out of here. Is it fun though at the end of the day did you have a good time?
D: Yeah, totally. I met Oscar De La Foiyo which is a total thrill and...
C: What was he doing there, just hanging out?
D: He was hanging out with his wife who was pregnant, and was very beautiful and he was fell in love...
C: I think that's an odd thing to take your pregnant wife, saying "Let's go check out the chicks at the Playboy mansion!"
D: I know it's a little strange but they seem very comfortable and I was very happy to meet him.
C: Ah, you also, you met a hero of yours recently.
D: I did indeed. Deborah Harry, my total heroine. And so while ago we actually a little while ago we went to a nsm club...
C: You tell great stories, by the way. You do not dissapoint every single story. It's really "I heard you went to buy a cookie the other day. Yes, I did and on my way I saw a stripper."
D: We did and it was vinyl night, you are only let to wear vinyl. But because you were with Debby who's like the queen of that world it was ok. But it was really exciting. John Horn's son was on the stage
C: Famous porn actor.
D: Famous porn actor,you know, Bogey nights that's lead character was based on him. But he was just sitting on the stage, actually standing, reading newspaper and fondling his penis. Very peculiar...
C: Is that part of the entertainment or is he killing time? I mean, "I think I'll just check out the sports page and take care of little business." What's going on? (wild applause from the audience) I was just curious. I've never been to one of these clubs.
D: All he does is performance act. And it was great I was like dancing and glancing at this peculious scene on stage.
C: (Sarcastically) Glancing. "Interesting! (imitates dancing and glancing)"
D: There was a cage where like audience member could.. well it's not, it was a club it's not receded or anything but different people in the audience could stand and transsexual would attack you.
C: Wait. It's as part of the, you can get into the cage if you want. And people would attack you? Are they in the cage with you, or do they poke you like through the cage?
D:You know, make fun of you and call your names and....
C: I would like that, actually.
D: Yeah, I was for with the idea of jumping in myself, but I decided to abstain.
C: Now how do you leave a party like that?
D: Well, I was kind of tired actually and it was overwhelming so I said to Debby I was like you know I think I better go I think this is so much, this is great experience. And she was like "No, Claire you can't go. They haven't had sex yet on stage." I was like "what?" you know, they were not even fully naked, they haven't you know not nearly closed to having intercourse.
C: Ah, you went to a Marylin Manson concert recently. I'm getting all my favorite topics done here but I understand you were at the concert where he got hurt which everyone's talking about.
D: It was pretty bizarre. Kind of amazing. It actually was sweet because where I was sitting I could see Rose Magazine, his girl friend.
C: Wait, I wanna here how this is sweet!
D: I think, I guess he is surprisingly normal fella.
C: You mean he gets out of his system on stage but the rest of time?
D: There was something, I don't know. But Rose Magazine was like clearly infatuated with him and he was so aggressive and confrontational when he was singing to the audience and he would sneak at few peeks at Rose and they would have this little, you know, sweet exchange and his face was sort of melt, and I was getting this great perspective of the scene, it was hilarious.
C: That is so weird to think him like, you know,sticking his tongue (imitating Manson)and turning to his girlfriend like (throwing kisses)"I'll be home a little late. Feed the cat."
D: It was very much like that.
C: But he got hurt on...
D: Well, yeah, I mean, he jumped on the speaker and jumped off and he's wearing five feet, five foot platform and he just tripped sprained his ankle, that was the end of the show. It was such a, you know, a let-down. I mean, I was ready for an overdose or something, but he was just tripped and fell. Manson just got a boo-boo.
C: And then they come on the loud speaker "The show has been canceled Marylin Manson has a boo-boo!"
D: I thought like he should've really been hard-core like sung in a wheel chair something, finish the show.
C: He just said I'm screwed I'm out of here.
D: Yeah, he was done.

Liv Tyler

Conan (C): You are very tall!
Liv Tyler (L): You are very tall.
C: Oh, no, you are tall! 45 minutes later..."You are tall." How tall are you exactly?
L: 5' 10" but I have enormous shoes on.
C: Giant shoes. When I wear heels I'm like 7 feet tall. Were you always told that you would get tall? Did you get tall young? I'm curious about it because I developed, I was a late bloomer, I hit puberty like 26, it's just....
L: (asking Andy) What about you?
Andy: Yeah, about the same time. I was waiting for him, just to be polite.
L: I wasn't born this tall.
C: Seriously?
L: I've been a beast pretty much in my whole life.
C: A beast? Is that what you said?
L: I found a picture of me when I was a kid recently, it's school, I was in like 4th grade and all of my friends came up to like about here (showing comparison of her and her friends used to be)
C: So you were that big. That's hard. That's very hard for a woman that grows that tall that quickly, you know.
L: I was really strong and hyperactive and I was kind of proud of it.
C: So you were just tossing the other kids around in gym class.
L: I was the best tire swing pusher. I was really good at pushing tire swings.
C: You know it's really weird, I've met your dad, Steven Tyler, Aerosmith fame. He is about your height, he looks a lot like you and everything. Is he about the same height as you?
L: He is like about half an inch shorter than me. My mom and overall we're all about the same.
C: Right. You could wear his cloths, couldn't you? Couldn't you do that?
L: We do. We share cloths all the time.
C: Do you really? Seriously?
L: He had a fire a few years ago and they keep adding on the house and they built this massive closet for him, it's like as big as this whole room practically. And there's rocks and rocks of stuff and we always have big fashion shows.
C: That's a nice father-daughter thing. "I like your feather bower dad!" "It looks good on you kid." He got scarves, he got...
L: In Armageddon video, he wore a coat made of human hair.
C: (laughing) What! I didn't know who's made it. Let's talk about this! "He's a serial killer! They've been looking for him" You are, I saw you in the audience at the Oscars. Now, what was that like, because most of us were watching it on TV.
L: It's pretty intense. I think there is something so thrilling being at home and making back from the commercial break.
C: Or else to starting to tune out for 40 minutes if it's not holding your attention. And going and cutting origami or something? You had to be in the audience the whole time. What was that like?
L: It's pretty deadly, you can only move during commercial breaks so you are sort of stuck there and the really funny thing happened where I came back from doing my presentation and this guy was sitting in my seat and I was like "Excuse me. Can you get up?" and he wouldn't get up and he kicked my boyfriend out of the seat for like an hour and half I was stuck there alone.
C: Who is this guy?
L: Actually it wasn't his fault, and in the end but there were fillers so somebody gets up there someone that comes in and sit. So she's been like hiding out the whole time and didn't tell anybody but it was a big drama.
C: I would think if you are a celebrity and you have a seat at the Oscars, it's weird go to the bathroom and come back a guy sitting there. "Hi, I'm Liv Tyler, that's my seat." "I don't care! Get lost! I'm not leaving."
L: If the New Yorker of me came out, I must have started a fight with them.
C: That would have picked up the whole show. They cut to the audience "Liv Tyler is beating a man to death!" with her shoe, that would be kind of fun. Armageddon. This is an unprecedented movie, it costs something like a hundred and forty million dollars.
L: Pretty extravagant.
C: And I'm thinking one thing. THIS show has a budget of, I think we spend 200 dollars a week. Did we send a school bus to pick you up? We rented out from a public high school. We have like sugar cookies and we think that's really swank. A hundred and forty million dollar budget, what kind of stuff, on the movie set what kind food do they serve on a hundred and forty million dollar movie?
L: They have everything you could ever dream of, like ten thousand doughnuts and they have ...
C: What a waste of money! Bring in the doughnuts! [Acts as if forklift is coming in and unloading the doughnuts.]
L: You could shoot a film with the amount of money they spent on club service on the film.
C: I would think so, yeah.
L: They have like a sushi bar, a pasta bar, a barbecue happening...they have unbelievable things.
C: I noticed Bruce Willis is chewing throughout most of the movie. He is like [with chewing impression] "Yeah, I'll get that asteroid! Damn coming right now." Ah, now, Cookie's Fortune is a very different kind of movie. That was of course a big epic. This is a movie that has a great cast. You shot this in...
L: Harryspring in Mississippi, a really small town. It was June, it was very hot.
C: That gets miserably hot, doesn't it?
L: It was unbelievable. We had to keep these rugs and cooler all the time to sort of like you know, recycled rug to keep everybody cool. I actually had a little bit of an accident where...It was my first day of shooting, I wasn't nervous at all, everything was going really well, I knew everybody, I felt like I had been there for years. I went to the set and I was standing there getting ready, work with Gren Cross and Julian Mullen, started getting really hot and started like fanning myself and I was like "Well, I'm kind of nervous. I've never been this nervous before!" I realized I had to leave the room because I couldn't go out and do the scene, and I turned around and I fainted on top of this guy.
C: Now known as the luckiest man in Mississippi. Did he catch you?
L: Yeah, he was like [making happy face] He told me what happened because I didn't even know what's going on, I was sort of conscious, and medic came over and he intervened us to give me Gatorade. I was so embarrassed.
C: That's not a good medic. "Don't panic! Lime Gatorade is being pumped into your aorta."
L: But I was so embarrassed. I wasn't nervous, I just had a heat stroke.
C: You know what's weird is that a lot of guys fantasize that a really attractive woman will faint and they'll catch them, and just as they are waking up he says "Don't worry. I caught you. I love you." That didn't happen, did it?
L: I don't know.
C: Ok, you can talk about that later.

Posted 8:04 AM by Blah blah

Love Letter #6

The novels of F. Scott Fitzgerald (1896 - 1940) perfectly captured the spirit of the 1920s. His best-known novel, The Great Gatsby, made him an instant success and subjected both Fitzgerald and his wife, Zelda, to intense publicity. Much of that attention was negative, dwelling on Fitzgerald's battles with alcohol and Zelda's mental breakdown. It is evident in this letter, written just before their marriage, the extent of their devotion to each other.

Spring 1919 (from Zelda)

Sweetheart,

Please, please don't be so depressed -- We'll be married soon, and then these lonesome nights will be over forever -- and until we are, I am loving, loving every tiny minute of the day and night -- Maybe you won't understand this, but sometimes when I miss you most, it's hardest to write -- and you always know when I make myself -- Just the ache of it all -- and I can't tell you. If we were together, you'd feel how strong it is -- you're so sweet when you're melancholy. I love your sad tenderness -- when I've hurt you -- That's one of the reasons I could never be sorry for our quarrels -- and they bothered you so -- Those dear, dear little fusses, when I always tried so hard to make you kiss and forget --

Scott -- there's nothing in all the world I want but you -- and your precious love -- All the material things are nothing. I'd just hate to live a sordid, colorless existence -- because you'd soon love me less -- and less -- and I'd do anything -- anything -- to keep your heart for my own -- I don't want to live -- I want to love first, and live incidentally -- Why don't you feel that I'm waiting -- I'll come to you, Lover, when you're ready -- Don't don't ever think of the things you can't give me -- You've trusted me with the dearest heart of all -- and it's so damn much more than anybody else in all the world has ever had --

How can you think deliberately of life without me -- If you should die -- O Darling -- darling Scott -- It'd be like going blind. I know I would, too, -- I'd have no purpose in life -- just a pretty -- decoration. Don't you think I was made for you? I feel like you had me ordered -- and I was delivered to you -- to be worn -- I want you to wear me, like a watch -- charm or a button hole boquet -- to the world. And then, when we're alone, I want to help -- to know that you can't do anything without me.

I'm glad you wrote Mamma. It was such a nice sincere letter -- and mine to St. Paul was very evasive and rambling. I've never, in all my life, been able to say anything to people older than me -- Somehow I just instinctively avoid personal things with them -- even my family. Kids are so much nicer.

Posted 1:18 AM by Blah blah

From Craigslist:

RE: Where to meet Professional Asian Guys

"depends on what professional asian guys youre talking about.

Professional Asian guys with HB1 visas (or whatever you call them): Go to a Chinese restaurant during lunch hour, or visit your company's engineering department.

Professional Asian guys who only hang out with other Asians: Karaoke bar, bowling allies, Chinese, Japanese, Korean restaurants, Blockbuster, Stonestown.

Professional Asian Guys who only hang out with White people: This is difficult b/c most Asian guys cant handle alcohol so they cant really hang out with white people at bars/clubs while everyone else is drinking. Thus this category doesnt really exist. Hence the dilemma of the Asian-American male.

Professional Asian Guys who try to hang out with White People but cant b/c of the alcohol factor: Find these guys anywhere whites go, but the Asians are always in their own group talking about how it sucks not being able to handle alcohol. Gyms, bars (but not drinking alot), Giants/Niners games. And here's a really good place to meet us: Take an extension class at Berkeley--something in finance or engineering.

Really, as an Asian male, I know. We lack an enzyme that allows us to break down alcohol so it stays in our system longer."

Oh my God! He makes us sound SO geeky! Yuck. What stereotypes.

Speak for yourself, buddy. FYI, I can handle my liquor. Although I've known girls who get tipsy with a few gulps of alcohol, I've NEVER gotten drunk in my life.

Posted 12:21 AM by Blah blah

Esther Earns the Right to Wear That Conservative Suit

Esther, our cowriter from LA, would like to make an announcement.

After spending the last few weeks in nerddom, having washed NONE of the dishes piling up in her kitchen sink, she passed her six-hour-long Series 7 stock trading exams today! One more exam to go, in ethics. Since stock traders are known for ethics, she says it will be a piece of cake.

Esther is THIS close to becoming an official stockbroker! It's her first step on the road to becoming a Taiwanese Louis Rukeyser. Please send her all your questions about pork bellies, hostile takeovers, and that CNBC babe Maria Bartiromo's phone number. One of the stock indexes I follow most often is the Maria Bartiromo Market Hairdex.

Also, Esther just moved her blog from here to here. I think she was trying to shake those SEC regulators off her tail. Change those bookmarks! Esther, I promise not to tell the government about this.

Posted 4:13 PM by Blah blah

Eric sent me a nice note about those funny pix of Jiang Zemin I posted in April, in my bid to get Tiger Cafe banned in China. (To see my Chinese pages in Internet Explorer, go to View->Encoding->Chinese Simplified(GB).) Running the Chinese government ain't all fun, games, and executions by firing squads, y'know. Presidents get bored too.

Eric also posted pix of his pianist friend Vienna Teng at the Blue Rock Shoot in Saratoga, one of my favorite cafes. It's not far from my parents' house. Eric takes beautiful photos in general, so explore his site if you haven't before.

By the way, that April page has some of the funniest comments I've ever seen on Tiger Cafe. Check out this post. Christina actually woke me out of bed with a phone call to tell me this. At that time she had just started as my cowriter, when this guy (a reader) Sean started this huge chain of comments:

Hi tina,It is my pleasure to read your article,It makes you so attractive . But I think Nick's photo is more attractive. [Nick is Christina's friend in Shanghai. Nick is not gay.] Can you help to introduce him to me ? I want to communicate with him and share his and my experince to eachother.
Sean ¡¤ Apr 17 2002, 10:47 pm

ohmmmmmm....GOD!
Thanks for Sean!
You can find Nick's E-mail address in commetns on Tiger Cafe.
Christina ¡¤ Apr 17 2002, 11:09 pm

!!!!!!! Sean,where r u from? I warn u dont infest me!
Christina,pls shut up!
nick ¡¤ Apr 17 2002, 11:21 pm

Tina,I really need your help.I do not wish he refuse me because I am a little bit shy sometimes.If I send email to him directly . Maybe he will be frighten .So PLS give me your soft hand.
Sean ¡¤ Apr 17 2002, 11:21 pm"

(etc...read her post for the full story)

Finally Sean gave up and started to hit on Christina:

Christina,I really thank you for sending my photo to nick [she also sent me his picture],It's very kind of you.I found you are so lovely that I have to change my interest on you.
Nick is hopeless and he is too cold to touch his heart.
Sean · Apr 18 2002, 06:24 pm

Awww Sean. I am sorry. Do you understand that Nick likes girls, not boys?
Raymond · Apr 18 2002, 06:44 pm

Sean,I I I ....don't understand your meaning,and and and ..I don't know what can I do for you?!I am sorry.
Christina · Apr 18 2002, 06:50 pm

Tina,check your e-maill,you will find the truth .
Sean · Apr 18 2002, 07:09 pm

haa...haa...
nick · Apr 18 2002, 07:11 pm

hei,Sean
I'm sorry to tell you the truth that Tina likes neither girls nor boys, in fact, she is narcissistic elder girl.
jackey · Apr 18 2002, 07:35 pm

I think I need an English to English translator, Jackey. What the hell are you guys talking about? :o
Raymond · Apr 19 2002, 03:37 am

Posted 12:52 PM by Blah blah

Between Conan O'Brien, Jay Leno, and David Letterman, Conan is my king (make it "frat boy") of late night TV. I relate to him and his nerdiness the best. With that self-deprecating humor, the potshots at show biz, and down-to-earthiness, he's as familiar and cuddly as a Yoda action figure. This comes from James in New York City, a new guy on my reading list. Read what James writes about all his rejections in life, and you'll think Woody Allen trapped in a buffed Korean body.

CONAN O’BRIEN'S SPEECH TO THE HARVARD CLASS OF 2000:

I’d like to begin by thanking the class marshals for inviting me here today. The last time I was invited to Harvard it cost me $110,000. So I was reluctant to show up. I’m going to start before I really begin by announcing my one goal this afternoon. I want to be half as funny as tomorrow’s Commencement speaker, moral philosopher and economist Amartya Sen. That’s the job. Must get more laughs than seminal wage-price theoretician. By the way, enjoy that. Bring a calculator. It’s going to be a nerd fest.

Students of the Harvard class of 2000, 15 years ago I sat where you sit now. And I thought exactly what you are now thinking. What’s going to happen to me? Will I find my place in the world? Am I really graduating a virgin? Still have 24 hours. Roommate’s mom very hot. Swear she’s checking me out. There was that Rob Lowe movie.

Being here today, on a sincere note, is very special for me. I do miss this place. I especially miss Harvard Square. Let me tell you, (you don’t know this) Harvard Square is unique. Nowhere else in the world will you find a man wearing a turban and a Red Sox jacket working in a lesbian bookstore. I’m just glad my dad’s working.

It’s particularly sweet for me to be here today because—this is true—when I graduated I wanted very badly to be a Class Day speaker. Unfortunately, my speech was rejected. So if you’ll indulge me I’d like to read a portion of that speech. This is the actual speech from 15 years ago. “Fellow students, as we sit here today listening to that classic A-ha tune which will definitely stand the test of time, I would like to make several predictions about what the future will hold. I believe that one day a simple governor from a small southern state will rise to the highest office in the land. He will lack political skill, but will lead on the sheer strength of his moral authority. I believe that justice will prevail and one day the Berlin Wall will crumble, uniting East and West Berlin forever under Communist rule. I believe that one day a high-speed network of interconnected computers will spring up worldwide, so enriching people that they will lose their interest in idle chitchat and pornography. And finally, I believe that one day I will have a television show on a major network seen by millions of people at night which I will use to reenact crimes and and help catch at-large criminals.” Then I had a section on the death of Wall Street, but you don’t need to hear about that.

The point is that although you see me as a celebrity, a member of the cultural elite, a demigod if you will, and potential husband material, I came here in the fall of 1981 and lived at Holworthy Hall as a student much like you. I was, without exaggeration—this is true—the ugliest picture in the freshman facebook. When Harvard asked me for a picture the previous summer, I thought it was for their records, so I jogged in the August heat to a passport photo office and sat for a morgue shot. To make matters worse, when the facebook came out, they put my picture right next to Catherine Oxenberg, a stunning blonde actress who was expected to join the class of ‘85, but decided to defer admission so she could join the cast of Dynasty. Folks, my photo would have looked bad on any page, but next to Catherine Oxenberg, I looked like a mackerel that had been in a car accident.

You see, in those days, I was 6 feet 4 inches tall and I weighed 150 pounds. True. Recently, I had some structural engineers run those numbers into a computer model, and according to the computer, I collapsed in 1987, killing hundreds in Taiwan.

After freshman year, I moved to Mather House. Mather House, incidentally, was designed by the same firm that built Hitler’s bunker. In fact, if Hitler had conducted the war from Mather House, he would have shot himself a year earlier. Saved us a lot of trouble.

1985 seems like a long time ago now. When I had my Class Day, you students would have been seven years old. Seven years old! You realize what that means? Back then I could have beaten any of you in a fight. And I mean really badly. Like no contest at all. If anyone here has a time machine, seriously, I will kick your seven-year-old butt right now.

A lot has happened in 15 years though. When you think about it, we come from completely different worlds. When I graduated in 1985, we watched movies starring Tom Cruise and listened to music by Madonna. I come from a time when we huddled around the TV set and watched the Cosby Show on NBC, never imagining that there would one day be a show called Cosby on CBS. In 1985 we drove cars with driver’s-side air bags. But if you had told us that one day there would be passenger-side air bags, we’d have burned you for witchcraft.

Of course I think there is some common ground between us. I remember well the great uncertainty of this day, the anxiety. Many of you are justifiably nervous about leaving the safe, comfortable world of Harvard Yard and hurling yourself headlong into the cold, harsh world of Harvard grad school, a plum job in your father’s firm, or a year abroad with a gold Amex card and then a plum job at your father’s firm. Let me assure you that the knowledge you gained here at Harvard is a precious gift that will never leave you. Take it from me, your education is yours to keep forever. Why, many of you have read the Merchant of Florence, and that will inspire you when you travel to the island of Spain. Your knowledge of that problem they had with those people in Russia, or that guy in South America—you know, the guy—will be with you for the rest of your life.

There’s also sadness today. A feeling of loss that you’re leaving Harvard forever. Let me assure you that you never really leave Harvard. The Harvard fundraising committee will be on your ass until the day you die.

This is true. I know for a fact that right now a member of the alumni association is at the Mount Auburn Cemetery shaking down the corpse of Henry Adams. They heard he has a brass toe ring and they aim to get it. These people just raised $2.5 billion and they only got through the Bs in the alumni directory. Here’s basically how it works. Your phone rings, usually after a big meal when you’re tired and most vulnerable, and a voice asks you for money. Knowing—you’ve read in the paper—that they just raised $2.5 billion, you ask, “What do you need it for?” There is a long pause, and the voice on the other end of the line says, “We don’t need it, we just want it.” (Sinister laugh).

Let me see—by your applause—who here wrote a thesis? That’s nice. A lot of hard work went into that thesis. And no one is ever going to care. I wrote a thesis—this is true, I don’t lie—“Literary Progeria in the Works of Flannery O’Connor and William Faulkner.” Let’s just say that during my discussions with Pauly Shore, it doesn’t come up much. For three years after graduation I wanted to show it to everyone, and so I kept my thesis in the glove compartment of my car, so that I could show it to a policeman in case I was pulled over.

What else can you expect in the real world? Let me tell you. As you leave these gates and re-enter society, one thing is certain. Everyone out there is going to hate you. Never tell anyone in a roadside diner that you went to Harvard. In those situations, the correct response to, “Where did you go to school?” is “School? I never had much in the way of book learnin’ and such.” And then get in your BMW and get the hell out of there. Go.

You see, kids, you’re in for a lifetime of “And you went to Harvard?” Accidentally give the wrong amount of change in a transaction, and it’s “And you went to Harvard?” Ask at the hardware store how the jumper cables work, and hear “And you went to Harvard?” Forget just once that your underwear goes inside your pants, and it’s “And you went to Harvard?” Get your head stuck in your niece’s doll house ‘cause you want to see what it’s like to be a giant, and it’s “Uncle Conan, you went to Harvard?”

So you really know what’s in store for you after Harvard, I have to tell you what happened to me after graduation. I’m going to tell it simply, I’m going to tell it honestly, because, first of all, I think my perspective may give many of you hope, and, secondly, it’s such a cool, amazing rush to be in front of 6,000 people and just talk about yourself. It’s just great. It’s so cool. And I can take my time.

You see, kids, after graduating in May, I moved to Los Angeles. I got a three-week contract at a small cable show. I got a $380-a-month apartment, a terrible dump, and I bought a 1977 Isuzu Opal, a car Isuzu only manufactured for a year because they found out that technically it’s not a car. Quick tip, graduates—no four-cylinder used vehicle should have a racing stripe.

So I worked on that show for about a year, feeling pretty good about myself, when one day they told me that they were letting me go. I was fired. I hadn’t saved any money. So I tried to get another job in television as best I could and couldn’t find one. So with nowhere else to turn-true story—I went to a temp agency and filled out a questionnaire. I made damn sure that they knew I had been to Harvard, that I had written this thesis, and that I expected the very best treatment. And so the next day I was sent to the Santa Monica branch of Wilson’s House of Suede and Leather.

When you have a Harvard degree, and you are working at Wilson’s House of Suede and Leather, you are haunted by the ghostly images of your classmates who chose graduate school. You see their faces everywhere—in coffee cups, in fish tanks, you think you’re going crazy, and they’re always laughing at you as you stack suede shirts no man in good conscience would ever wear.

I tried a lot of things during this period. Acting in corporate infomercials. Serving drinks in a nonequity theater. I even took a job entertaining at a seven year-old’s birthday party. In desperate need of work, I put together some sketches and scored a job at the fledgling Fox network as a writer and performer for a brainy show called the “Wilton North Report.” I was finally on a network and really excited. The producer told me the show was going to revolutionize television. And, in a way it did. The show was so hated and did so badly that when four weeks later news of its cancellation was announced to the Fox affiliates, they burst into spontaneous applause.

Eventually, though, I got a big break. I had submitted along with my writing partner a batch of sketches to Saturday Night Live, and after a year and a half they read it, and they gave us a two-week tryout. The two weeks turned into two seasons, and I felt, hey, this is success, I’m successful now. Successful enough to write a TV pilot for an original sitcom. When the network decided to make it, feeling good, I left Saturday Night Live.

This TV show was going to be groundbreaking. It was going to resurrect the career of TV’s Batman, Adam West. It was going to be a comedy without a laugh track or a studio audience. It was going to change all the rules. And here’s what happened. When the pilot aired, it was the second-lowest-rated television show of all time. It is actually tied with a test pattern they show up in Nova Scotia.

So I was 28 and, once again, no job. I had good writing credits in New York, but I was filled with disappointment and I had no idea what I was going to do next. And that is when the Simpsons saved my life. I got a job there and started writing episodes about Springfield getting a monorail or Homer going to college. I was finally putting my Harvard education to good use—writing dialogue for a man who is so stupid that in one episode he forgot to make his own heart beat. Life was good.

And then an insane, inexplicable opportunity came my way, a chance to audition for host of the new “Late Night” show. I took the opportunity very seriously, but at the time—I have to be honest—I had the relaxed confidence of someone who knew he had no real shot, so I couldn’t fear losing a great job that I could never hope to have. And I think that actually that attitude made the difference.

I will never forget being in the Simpsons recording basement that morning when the phone rang. It was for me. My car was blocking a firelane. But a week later I got another call and got the job. So this, finally, was undeniably it. The truly life-altering break that I had always dreamed of. And so I went to work. I gathered all my funny friends and poured all my years of comedy experience into building the show over the summer. I gathered the talent, figured out the sensibility, found Max, found Andy, found my people. We debuted on September 13, 1993, and I was really happy, really happy, with our effort. I felt like I had seized the moment, that I had put my very best foot forward.

And this was what the most respected and widely read television critic, Tom Shales, wrote in the Washington Post. “O’Brien is a living collage of annoying nervous habits. He giggles and jiggles about and fiddles with his cuffs. He has dark, beady little eyes like a rabbit. He is one of the whitest white men ever. O’Brien is a switch on the guest who won’t leave: he’s the host who should never have come. Let the Late Show with Conan O’Brien become the late Late Show, and may the host return to whence he came.” There’s more, but it gets kind of mean.

Needless to say, I took a lot of criticism, some of it deserved, some of it excessive, and, to be honest with you, it hurt like you would not believe. But I’m telling you all this for a reason. I’ve had a lot of success. I’ve had a lot of failure. I’ve looked good. I’ve looked bad. I’ve been praised. And I’ve been criticized. But my mistakes have been necessary. I’ve dwelled on my failures today because, as graduates of Harvard, your biggest liability is your need to succeed, your need to always find yourself on the sweet side of the bell curve. Success is a lot like a bright white tuxedo. You feel terrific when you get it, but then you’re desperately afraid of getting it dirty, of spoiling it.

I left the cocoon of Harvard, I left the cocoon of Saturday Night Live, I left the cocoon of the Simpsons. And each time it was bruising and tumultuous. And yet every failure was freeing, and today I’m as nostalgic for the bad as I am for the good. So that’s what I wish for all of you—the bad as well as the good. Fall down. Make a mess. Break something occasionally. Know that your mistakes are your own unique way of getting to where you need to be. And remember that the story is never over.

If you’ll indulge me for just a second, I’d like to read a little something from just this year. “Somehow, Conan O’Brien has transformed himself into the brightest star in the late-night firmament. His comedy is the gold standard, and Conan himself is not only the quickest and most inventive wit of his generation, but quite possibly the greatest host ever.”

Ladies and gentlemen, class of 2000, I wrote that this morning. As proof that when all else fails, you always have delusion. I will go now to make bigger mistakes and to embarrass this fine institution even more. But let me leave you with one last thought. If you can laugh at yourself, loud and hard, every time you fall, people will think you’re drunk. Thank you.

Posted 8:04 AM by Blah blah

Love Letter #5

Friday 8 p.m.

If only I were a clever woman, I could describe to you my gorgeous bird, how you unite in yourself the beauties of form, plumage, and song!

I would tell you that you are the greatest marvel of all ages, and I should only be speaking the simple truth. But to put all this into suitable words, my superb one, I should require a voice far more harmonious than that which is bestowed upon my species - for I am the humble owl that you mocked at only lately, therefore, it cannot be.

I will not tell you to what degree you are dazzling and to the birds of sweet song who, as you know, are none the less beautiful and appreciative.

I am content to delegate to them the duty of watching, listening and admiring, while to myself I reserve the right of loving; this may be less attractive to the ear, but it is sweeter far to the heart.

I love you, I love you. My Victor; I can not reiterate it too often; I can never express it as much as I feel it.

I recognise you in all the beauty that surrounds me in form, in colour, in perfume, in harmonious sound: all of these mean you to me. You are superior to all. I see and admire - you are all!

You are not only the solar spectrum with the seven luminous colours, but the sun himself, that illumines, warms, and revivifies! This is what you are, and I am the lowly woman that adores you.

Juliette

Juliette Drouet, French actress, to Victor Hugo, French writer, some time in 1835. She wrote passionate and lyrical love letters to Hugo for over 50 years.

Wow. Do women like this still exist, in the age of Sex and the City? Yeah, but they're secretly dolls made from soybeans.

Posted 7:41 PM by DUH

Everyone thought this was by Bill Gates, as that forwarded email tells everyone. It's actually an excerpt from the book "Dumbing Down our Kids" by educator Charles Sykes.  I'd say the same things to my own kids. : )

11 Things I Did Not Learn from School

RULE 1. Life  is not fair - get used to it.

RULE 2. The  world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you  feel good about yourself.

RULE 3. You  will NOT make 40 thousand dollars a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice president with car phone, until you earn both.

RULE 4. If  you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. He doesn't have tenure.

RULE 5. Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping they called it Opportunity.

RULE 6. If  you mess up,it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

RULE 7. Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying  your bills, cleaning your clothes and  listening to you talk about how cool  you are. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

RULE 8. Your  school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has not. In some schools they have  abolished failing grades and they'll  give you as many times as you want to  get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

RULE 9. Life  is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself. Do that on your own  time.

RULE 10. Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to  jobs.

RULE 11. Be  nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

Posted 6:23 AM by Blah blah

Last night I saw this fantastic performance of Ragtime at the Mountain View Center for the Performing Arts. One of the talented black actors in the cast, Carmichael, was actually my classmate in high school! We were on the Speech and Debate team together. I had seen him play Tony in West Side Story at Foothill College, and boy does he have an incredible singing voice. Carmichael actually is the understudy for the main character last night, Coalhouse Walker, Jr. Bravo to him.

Gossip Heaven

Great. :( Now I'm getting hits worldwide, since this site is one of the top three searches on both Google and Yahoo for Tripp Murray and other people involved in Mary Callahan's embarrassing email. See how easy it is to damage someone's reputation if you have a highly ranked website? Realize if you post something here, within two to three days it may be read around the world on Yahoo and Google, by friends and family of the very people you discuss. If you post here, please do so with a sense of responsibility.

More on the stuck-up Jacqueline Kim email: "According to 30-year-old day trader Casey O'Brien, now of e-mail fame, the lengthy report was a "pretty accurate" depiction of his date with Jacqueline Kim, the author of the letter. He had a second date with Miss Kim a few days after the first, but the budding romance was brought to an abrupt end by her now notorious e-mail and the worldwide reaction to it.

Others close to the beginning of the burgeoning chain of forwards also confirmed the authorship of the piece and reported the Jacqueline has since been flooded with calls in response to her assessment of that night out. (Her signature line offered up both her work address and phone number, a definite no-no those intent upon distributing sensitive personal comments from the office should keep in mind before pressing the 'send' button.)"

For you cowriters who have been too busy to write, I understand. Please write when you can. (I am your mom without the Catholic guilt!)

Love Letter #4 (By the way, letters back then seem so much nobler, more innocent, and purer of heart than these dumb PWC emails.)

Renowned physicist Pierre Curie (1859 - 1906) shared more than a house and bed with his wife Marie: in 1903 they shared the Nobel Prize. Born in Poland, Marie Sklodovska was not only young and charming, but also Pierre's intellectual equal. The following letter contains one of his many marriage proposals, which she initially refused. Eventually, however, he won her heart and they were married in 1895.

August 10, 1894

Nothing could have given me greater pleasure than to get news of you. The prospect of remaining two months without hearing about you had been extremely disagreeable to me: that is to say, your little note was more than welcome.

I hope you are laying up a stock of good air and that you will come back to us in October. As for me, I think I shall not go anywhere; I shall stay in the country, where I spend the whole day in front of my open window or in the garden.

We have promised each other -- haven't we? -- to be at least great friends. If you will only not change your mind! For there are no promises that are binding; such things cannot be ordered at will. It would be a fine thing, just the same, in which I hardly dare believe, to pass our lives near each other, hypnotized by our dreams: your patriotic dream, our humanitarian dream, and our scientific dream.

Of all those dreams the last is, I believe, the only legitimate one. I mean by that that we are powerless to change the social order and, even if we were not, we should not know what to do; in taking action, no matter in what direction, we should never be sure of not doing more harm than good, by retarding some inevitable evolution. From the scientific point of view, on the contrary, we may hope to do something; the ground is solider here, and any discovery that we may make, however small, will remain acquired knowledge.

See how it works out: it is agreed that we shall be great friends, but if you leave France in a year it would be an altogether too Platonic friendship, that of two creatures who would never see each other again. Wouldn't it be better for you to stay with me? I know that this question angers you, and that you don't want to speak of it again -- and then, too, I feel so thoroughly unworthy of you from every point of view.

I thought of asking your permission to meet you by chance in Fribourg. But you are staying there, unless I am mistaken, only one day, and on that day you will of course belong to our friends the Kovalskis.

Believe me your very devoted
Pierre Curie

I actually saw their underground tomb at the Pantheon in Paris, where most of France's greatest have been buried:



Better pictures than mine.

Posted 4:43 PM by Blah blah

HAPPY 24th BIRTHDAY Chris!!! Yeah, we finally have permission to talk about his birthday. I met him and his friends some time ago to celebrate. But Chris is too popular (hehe), so he wanted to keep it private and quiet.

Boy, your Malaysian menu makes me salivate all over again! I LOVE Malaysian (and Thai and Filipino) food. Better than Chinese food.

Posted 11:49 AM by Blah blah

Can you tell who is Chinese, Japanese, or Korean? Test yourself at

All Look Same,

started by Dyske, this Japanese creative director in New York City. Check out his very cool links and other sections, especially Ms. Wu's entries.

I guessed totally wrong on the CJK test. I only got 5 out of 18 questions right!

People (including Asians) sometimes have a hard time telling my ethnic background. My Taiwanese friend Irene says I definitely don't look native Taiwanese. I get my hair cut by Vietnamese barbers, who tend to speak to me in Vietnamese. Once when I was at 99 Ranch Market, these Korean salespeople started chatting with me in Korean. At this San Francisco dinner party, someone said I look like a Hong Kong guy, especially last year when my hair was highlighted light brown. And several times, Japanese tourists have come to me asking for directions, in Japanese!

If it's night outside a gospel church, would people think I'm black? :D

What's the real story?

I'm totally Chinese. My grandparents are from Fujian province in southern China. They emigrated to the Philippines in the 1930s, where my parents' generation and I were all born.

Southern Chinese may look like this: Christina's photos from Lushan Mountain. They are usually shorter than northern Beijingers, who are supposed to eat more thick noodles, which are supposed to help you get bigger somehow.

Grace and Christina, after Grace's engagement:


I'm curious. What do YOU think I look like?

Posted 8:36 AM by Blah blah

Love Letters #2 and 3

Before marriage

In addition to being a brilliant military mind and feared ruler, Napoleon Bonaparte (1763 - 1821) was a prolific writer of letters. He reportedly wrote as many as 75,000 letters in his lifetime, many of them to his beautiful wife, Josephine, both before and during their marriage. This letter, written just prior to their 1796 wedding, shows surprising tenderness and emotion from the future emperor.

Paris, December 1795

I wake filled with thoughts of you. Your portrait and the intoxicating evening which we spent yesterday have left my senses in turmoil. Sweet, incomparable Josephine, what a strange effect you have on my heart! Are you angry? Do I see you looking sad? Are you worried?... My soul aches with sorrow, and there can be no rest for you lover; but is there still more in store for me when, yielding to the profound feelings which overwhelm me, I draw from your lips, from your heart a love which consumes me with fire? Ah! it was last night that I fully realized how false an image of you your portrait gives!

You are leaving at noon; I shall see you in three hours.

Until then, mio dolce amor, a thousand kisses; but give me none in return, for they set my blood on fire.

After marriage

Spring 1797

To Josephine,

I love you no longer; on the contrary, I detest you. you are a wretch, truly perverse, truly stupid, a real Cinderella. You never write to me at all, you do not love your husband; you know the pleasure that your letters give him yet you cannot even manage to write him half a dozen lines, dashed off in a moment! What then do you do all day, Madame? What business is so vital that it robs you of the time to write to your faithful lover? What attachment can be stifling and pushing aside the love, the tender and constant love which you promised him? Who can this wonderful new lover be who takes up your every moment, rules your days and prevents you from devoting your attention to your husband?

Beware, Josephine; one fine night the doors will be broken down and there I shall be. In truth, I am worried, my love, to have no news from you; write me a four page letter instantly made up from those delightful words which fill my heart with emotion and joy. I hope to hold you in my arms before long, when I shall lavish upon you a million kisses, burning as the equatorial sun.

Posted 6:39 PM by Blah blah

Love Letters

Starting today, I will post a collection of famous love letters. The letter is the ideal form for a blog. You could think of what I write as daily letters to you, daily offerings of affection. Linger over their lines. Chuckle at how they compare to ones you have received in the past. Laugh at how even the greatest will fumble and stammer over the simplest words. Inhale their healthy aroma of melted cheeziness. Let's bring 'em on!

Love Letter #1

December 23, 1782

My Dearest Friend,

...should I draw you the picture of my heart it would be what I hope you would still love though it contained nothing new. The early possession you obtained there, and the absolute power you have obtained over it, leaves not the smallest space unoccupied.

I look back to the early days of our acquaintance and friendship as to the days of love and innocence, and, with an indescribable pleasure, I have seen near a score of years roll over our heads with an affection heightened and improved by time, nor have the dreary years of absence in the smallest degree effaced from my mind the image of the dear untitled man to whom I gave my heart.

Abigail Adams to John Adams, her husband. He became the second president of the United States.

Posted 1:13 PM by Blah blah

Totally unrelated subjects...

I'm proud to say I fixed my toilet the other day. Went to Home Depot and got a replacement for the drain cover and chain in the tank, which had broken. Home Depot is one of the most crowded megastores around here in Silicon Valley, along with Costco (the huge store that sells everything in bulk.) In this down economy, people are either staying home, selling their home, or patching the holes in their homes more than ever!

Big trouble in the world of "Big Physics" (Salon.com): "Six months ago, Jan Hendrik Schön seemed like a slam dunk nominee for a Nobel prize. Then some of his colleagues started to take a closer look at his research."

Love in the age of irony (Part 1) (Salon.com)
Love in the age of irony (Part 2) (Salon.com):

"Readers weigh in on what it's like to be young and searching for love, sex and a way to make sense of the boomer generation....Attention, baby boomers: We are sick of you."

Posted 1:20 PM by Blah blah

How Low Can You Get?

I felt very reluctant to post this email from a woman in Manhattan. Since it's already public, I'm gonna post it, sadly, as a lesson for us. Another reputation goes down the drain with the flick of the Reply button. Reminds me of the notorious email by Peter Chung last year that got him fired. Irony of ironies!
__________________________
From: Tripp Murray
To: Mary B Callahan/US/ABAS/PwC@Americas-US.com
cc:
09/05/2002 10:01
Subject:

So are you off to the Bon Jovi show tonight in Times Square? Sounds like it is going to some turnout. What division of audit are you in for PWC?

Are you heading out tonight? A friend of mine is leaving for MBA School in France so, he is throwing himself a going away party at Park, ever been? What are the plans for this weekend, recovery from the long weekend or adding just a little more hurt to the situation?

TTFN,
Tripp Murray
Associate
TM Capital Corp.
__________________________
From: mary.b.callahan@us.pwcglobal.com
[mailto:mary.b.callahan@us.pwcglobal.com]
Sent: Thursday, September 05, 2002 10:48 AM
To: Tripp Murray
Subject: All time low

Ok first -- here is the e-mail I received from Tripp, the new guy I met last week. If you want to go out, perhaps we can get him to pay for drinks at the Park. Since we have not slept together, he will of course be trying to impress me and will, therefore, do anything I ask. Unlike John, who fell asleep during sex last night. I went over to his place last night around 11:30. We started having sex. When I noticed his eyes were closed for a little too long, I said "John wake up." At which, point he shot up saying "what'd I miss." Yes, I think that is a new low.

Let me know about tonight. I think you need company.
__________________________
From: Tripp Murray
To: Christopher R Cattani
cc:
01:38 PM
Subject: FW: All Time Low

Please, read my email first. Then read her email, I think that she was forwarding my email to a friend but hit reply instead. You will love this
__________________________
----- Forwarded by Christopher R Cattani/JPMCHASE on 09/05/2002----
(etc.)
__________________________
This email is already in the press.

Here's talk about it on Metafilter.

New topic: here's a set of emails from a materialistic Korean girl this May that also flew all over the place! While she worked at the American Heart Association, she had NO heart to give. Here, the bitch got what she deserved:

From: "Brom, Jennifer A."
To: "'blicharz@hotmail.com'"
Subject: FW: The dish...
Date: Wed, 22 May 2002 12:17:53 -0500

Jenn, I had to forward this on to you, apparently this e-mail from Jackie Kim regarding her date with Casey has been floating around. It is hysterical. The e-mail says alot about what a stuck-up shallow chick Jackie is. Advise Casey to stay away........ especially this summer on the boat.

"Makar, Tim R - (DET)"

To:

ALL- This could possibly be the funniest email I have ever read. while many of you know the person involved, you don't have to know her to enjoy her detachment from reality...

Scroll down to the bottom for the original message.....

-----Original Message-----
From: Mccrory, Andrea (A.) [mailto:amccrory@ford.com]
Sent: Wednesday, May 22, 2002 9:28 AM
To: Makar, Tim R - (DET)
Subject: FW: The dish...

You'll get a kick out of this.

Andrea McCrory
MFE-Material Handling & Packaging Engineering
Small Car & Commercial Truck Ops.
email: amccrory@ford.com phone: 313-322-5646
fax: 313-323-8279

-----Original Message-----
From: Stephanie Breese [mailto:SBreese@michcpa.org]
Sent: Tuesday, May 21, 2002 2:57 PM
To: 'amccrory@ford.com'
Subject: FW: The dish...

You will not believe this (actually you will). Kristen Luckhardt sent me this, and it was sent to her by another random person. People are sending around this email from Jackie just because it is funny how gay she is. I didn't think it was possible, but she actually has become more shallow and materialistic since she moved to Chicago.

-----Original Message-----
From: KLuckhardt@wsgr.com [mailto:KLuckhardt@wsgr.com] Sent: Tuesday, May 21, 2002 2:34 PM
To: SBreese@michcpa.org Subject: FW: The dish...


I got this from one of the girls I lived in London with....

-----Original Message-----
From: blivingston@chubb.com [mailto:blivingston@chubb.com] Sent: Wednesday, May 15, 2002 2:02 PM
To: Luckhardt, Kristen
Subject: The dish...

I cannot believe you know these people? Please advise as to what you think?

Bridget R. Livingston
Underwriter
Chubb Executive Protection
(312)831-3796
blivingston@chubb.com ----- Forwarded by Bridget R Livingston/ChubbMail on 05/15/02
04:01 PM
-----

I think I'm shallow sometimes, take a look at what one of Amanda's semi-friends wrote. This is the Asian girl that was at her apartment the night that we went there for her little party.

----- Message from "Amanda Moore" on Wed,
15 May
2002 15:17:35 -0500 -----

To: ag1347@wayne.edu
Subject: Fwd: RE: The dish...


From: Sarah Cicero
To: 'Jacqueline Kim' , 'Amanda Moore'
, "'doyleall@hotmail.com'", [etc...]
Subject: RE: The dish...
Date: Wed, 15 May 2002 10:20:11 -0400

Are you kidding me? Jackie you might want to read your e-mails before you hit the send button. I just here about all of this shit. How do you all deal with her on a daily basis. JK. And, yes this is Cicero, I didn't fall off the face of the earth. I hope everybody is doing good and I usually enjoy hearing from Jackie and all of her updates about
everybody.

Thank you,

Sarah E. Cicero
Alberici/Clayco, Field Engineer
AAM Global Headquarters
Ph: 313-872-0935
Fax: 313-872-0177


-----Original


Message-----******************************************************
From: Jacqueline Kim [mailto:Jacqueline.Kim@heart.org]
Sent: Wednesday, May 15, 2002 10:05 AM
To: [29 people]
Subject: The dish...

The update

Well...Mr. Casey O'Brien showed up at my door at about 8:15ish. Sporting a pair of cute jeans, a button up and a black jacket. For his outfit I would give him about a B. As for looks, he was cute but on the shorter side and his hair was a little too long. Far from a mullet but longer than I would prefer but let's not dwell on that because he can kinda get away with it.

So for looks, I would probably give him another B. Car- BMW, like I stated before. A great car, he'll have to get and A for that. He gets and A+ for his manners and politeness. Marcie, he opened the car door everytime!

Super polite. Overall general appearance will cap at a B+.

AS for the place we went to, another "A". The Tasting Room is an excellent date place. I was never the wine connoisseur but I'm gradually thinking I could become one. We had 4 glasses each of different white wines and a cheese flight, which was the perfect food mecca to go with the wine.

Place is awesome, I recommend all of you guys to attend this place for a night out with your man/woman. We also headed over to this place called the Black Duck. Another great place! The date place itself gets an overall "A".

By the way Girls- this summer we must hang out on Randolph, so many awesome places!

I can go into great detail of what we talked about and such but, that would make for an extremely long email.

The date ended with me getting intoxicated but not like crazy intoxicated, but I was drunk. No hangovers. I'm assuming he was fairly intoxicated but since he was driving, I didn't want to know, so I never asked.

By the way, as for myself, I get an overall A+ for how damn cute I looked. I sported a pair of fun longer Capri pants from Guess in a darker khaki color with my white shirt from Hanger 18, that has my lower back showing with my new cute fitted black jacket with empire sleeves from Armani.

I was a BABE. He didn't stand a chance. My worries of not being cute were so swept under the rug with the outfit I pulled off last night.

Before jumping to any conclusions, YES, I stayed the night, only because I semi passed out on his couch and he was polite to ask if I wanted to head home and I just said he could take me home in the morning, NOTHING happened.

Honestly only a kiss derived from this date and it didn't even happen at his place. I believe it might have been executed at the Black Duck but I'm not so sure on the exact time and location. But can I add, GREAT kisser.

The date kiss gets an "A". Really, I haven't had that great of a kiss since, well we won't go there but it has been a long time. I might have to go with the fact that I might have mastered the skill of French kissing, no joke.

As long as I have potential to work with, I can execute a pretty intense kiss.

Lauren- you would have loved Casey's attitude. Actually I think all of would have appreciated how he called me out on my stupid logic of thinking.

Somehow, it came up on how random it was for us to meet and shit and how when he said the very first time we talked for me to give him a call and my response was, "Really, I'll let you know now, I won't call you, so I suggest you write my number down and give me a call". Hence the wait of a week or so for his first initial call was due to my shallowness or whatever you would like to call my way of playing the field. Doesn't really matter, he still called and I didn't.

So, question is, where do I stand on the whole outlook of Mr. Casey O'Brien and the date...

The car, the money, the job, the cute apartment, the boat-which by the way only seats 6 people, so I really don't consider that really amazing, his mannerism and his great kiss will probably lock in another date but...I can tell you now unless he cuts his hair and sends me gifts, it won't lead me to seek anything more than my 1st 30 year old FRIEND (Oh by the way, I think he's only 29, but still, I'm rounding up). Plus, the summer is just around the corner and guys are EVERYWHERE, I need to keep the options open and my schedule free to lock in some other great summer flings...

Well, I hope you've enjoyed the day in the life of Miss Jackie Kim and please feel free to comment on my date, my outfit, the kiss, or whatever else. If you need any more major details of the date please contact me in one of the following ways: phone, email, personal visit or text messaging.

Oh, I might be heading to a Cubs game with him next week. We'll see.

Oh by the way ladies- His cute friend Brian, is single and also a day trader.

Which by the way, being a day trader is pretty money, literally in a sense but he gets to throw on lounge wear for work and is home no later than Noon.

Are you kidding me? Where was being a day trader on career day in Elementary school?
________________
Jacqueline Kim
Major Gifts & Planned Giving

American Heart Association, Midwest Affiliate
208 S. LaSalle Street, Suite 900
Chicago, IL 60604

Posted 11:46 AM by Blah blah

The Homeless Guy weblog. Blog of a real homeless man! He's educated, a good writer, and blogs from the public library.

Peace Corps a haven for dot-com refugees (San Jose Mercury News):

"For Jessica Hsu, who arrived in Haiti in March, joining the Peace Corps was a chance to escape all that was wrong with the dot-coms. Hsu, 27, spent 2 1/2 years at i-traffic, an online advertising firm bought by Agency.com in 1999. By the time she left her job as a project manager in the creative department in i-traffic's San Francisco office in early 2001, Hsu had become disillusioned with the industry.

'I was very turned off from the world of dot-coms,' she said. 'You had 23-year-olds making over six figures and there were three to four parties a night with open bars and tchotchkes galore. It was excessive. What we did seemed insignificant. I wanted to do something I felt passionate about.' "

Hear hear, Jessica.

Posted 8:49 AM by Blah blah

Imaginary Meeting

Our lyrical cowriter Rasee just posted this entry for the Rice Bowl Journals Sept. 2002 Collaboration. She describes what it might be like for some of us in RBJ to meet. You are so sweet, Miss Dreammaker!

If I could bottle your sweetness and sell it by the glass, I'd be rich!

Posted 1:06 PM by Blah blah

My housemate, his girlfriend, and their friends

I've created a dummy account on Sony Imagestation so you can see my photos! Please click on my photos link and type

Login: tigercafe
Password: password

Then click on my photos link AGAIN to get into my photo folders!

This whole time, you've never seen my housemate(s). My housemate, his girlfriend, and I all live together. I've finally uploaded their pix (96 of them!) onto Sony Imagestation. Enjoy the eye candy!

Here's a sample. Top left: my housemate and his girlfriend. Top right: their friends.






They are all Vietnamese. See all their pix here, starting on Page 10.

Posted 4:33 AM by Blah blah

From Dateless, the shy guy north of San Francisco who writes about his efforts to find a girlfriend:

The Rejection Hotline

If you are constantly approached by unattractive people asking for your phone number, give them one of these numbers:

* New York City: 212-479-7990
* Boston: 617-658-7083
* Los Angeles: 310-217-7638
* San Francisco: 415-356-9833
* Atlanta: 770-908-7383
* Charlotte: 704-559-4169
* Chicago: 773-509-5096
* Cleveland: 216-556-0051
* Denver: 303-575-1696
* Las Vegas: 702-387-2619
* Miami: 305-460-3285
* Seattle: 206-781-3928
* Washington, DC: 202-452-7468

When they call the number, they get a message saying that they were rejected. [and no, someone did not use this on me].
________________
The local number cracks me up!!! Here's part of what I remember hearing:

"Welcome to the San Francisco Rejection Hotline, brought to you by AskTheCollegeGuy.com. I know this sucks, but don't be too devastated. Maybe you're not this person's type. Maybe you're just short, fat, ugly, dumb, or just a general loser. Maybe you just exude that creepy smelly stalker vibe. Maybe the idea of going out with you seems as appealing as playing leapfrog with unicorns....Do your best to forget about this person, for I guarantee they've already forgotten about you. The Rejection Hotline is brought to you by Beer---helping ugly people have sex since 1827."

OUCH! :D