Posted 11:35 PM by Blah blah

225 Dollar Poem

I was such a dope today. In a rush, I drove to San Francisco without my wallet.
Parked in the wrong zone without reading the sign carefully.
Couldn't find my car later. Had been TOWED.
Had no money or cards since I had no wallet.
Called my friend for help but found my cell phone battery dying.
His sister works there and she caught up with me after work.
Let me use her BART ticket and took me home.
My friend will take me to SF tomorrow to pick up my car from the tow yard.
Total damage: 225 bucks.
Say hi to moi, the dope du jour.

Stupidity should be cured, says DNA discoverer (New Scientist): "[Nobel Prize-winning biologist James] Watson says that low intelligence is an inherited disorder and that molecular biologists have a duty to devise gene therapies or screening tests to tackle stupidity. 'If you are really stupid, I would call that a disease,' says Watson." Sigh. Too late for me.

Programmer bets IT lobbying org that it can't find job for unemployed friend. Oh I so identify with this. Damn the H-1B visa program.

Posted 7:11 AM by Blah blah

A very eloquent case against Bush's policy on the war on Iraq:

U.S. Diplomat's Letter of Resignation (NY Times):

"The following is the text of John Brady Kiesling's letter of resignation to Secretary of State Colin L. Powell. Mr. Kiesling is a career diplomat who has served in United States embassies from Tel Aviv to Casablanca to Yerevan.

...It is inevitable that during twenty years with the State Department I would become more sophisticated and cynical about the narrow and selfish bureaucratic motives that sometimes shaped our policies. Human nature is what it is, and I was rewarded and promoted for understanding human nature. But until this Administration it had been possible to believe that by upholding the policies of my president I was also upholding the interests of the American people and the world. I believe it no longer."

Posted 10:42 PM by Blah blah

Blogging comes to Harvard (CNET).
Lawyers Who "Blawg" (ABA Journal).

Dave Winer, founder of UserLand Software, received a fellowship at the Berkman Center at Harvard Law School, for him to help promote and organize blogging there.

Harvard Weblogs.
Duke, you and Esther (in Korea) would enjoy checking out the Legal blog webring.

Posted 7:02 PM by Blah blah

audioBLOGGER: Raymond Speaks!

Hey, want to hear my voice? I just tried this new feature Blogger set up, called audioBLOGGER! They give you one free recording. You call a number on the phone and they turn your recording into an MP3 file! I'd love to hear some of you too, especially those I've never talked to on the phone. Hear me:

audblog audio post

Posted 5:39 PM by Blah blah

Don't want to be too serious. Want to laugh? Browse through the stories here at Ananova: News Quirkies. Your life is SOO much better than some people's!

Couple still courting after 30 years:

A Brazilian couple have been dating for 30 years and say they have no plans to live together.

Rodolfo Sibin, 48, and Elizete, 50, from Sao Joao da Boa Vista, have been going out together since 1973.

They live three blocks apart, speak on the phone at least three times a day and go out for dinner every night.

Rodolfo told Folha de Sao Paulo newspaper: "I still have butterflies on my stomach every time I see her. It is a crazy passion I have for her."

Elizete added: "Dating is much better than marrying, we do not have to worry about day-to-day problems. There are less fights and you don't have to put up with things you don't agree with."

They are planning a trip to Europe to celebrate their 30 years dating.

Rodolfo added: "I swear we will get married in December, I just don't know of which year."
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Other sample stories:
Couple get married before meeting each other: "A Brazilian woman and a Japanese man who 'met' on the Internet have got married without ever meeting each other in the flesh."
German beauty queen seeking peace date with Saddam.
Suicidal man sues manufacturers after rope snaps. It's so Ally McBeal, yo!

Premarital sex becomes test case of China society (Washington Post). "Louis Lin and Mary Ma sued a university in Chongqing, China, after being expelled for having sex before marriage. Greater freedom in China is expanding sexual mores."

Chinese TV Series to Promote Sex Education (People's Daily). "In a move to break the nation's ancient taboo on discussing sex, China has started shooting its first TV series focusing on sex education for young people."

Posted 11:52 AM by Blah blah

Excellent post by Scott Rosenberg, managing editor of Salon.com.

Laurie Garrett and Davos: What do journalists really think?

"James Grimmelmann has posted an extremely lengthy and thoughtful piece on LawMeme about the whole Laurie Garrett e-mail brouhaha. (This is the saga of a well-known Pulitzer-garlanded science journalist who attended the Davos conference this year, sent a bunch of her friends a sizable e-mail describing her experiences, and then became outraged when she discovered that somehow one of those friends had forwarded it beyond her circle, and it wound up all over the Net.)"

Please read Laurie's private email. It's a shocker but makes great sense. She wrote about her trip to the Davos conference and what world leaders REALLY think. "Davos is the frigid, snowy Swiss town where the annual World Economic Forum--'Committed to improving the state of the world'--brings together everybody who is anybody (and an abundance of nobodies) in global politics, global business and global do-gooderism. In 18 hours a day we endured a battery of 260 sessions on business, economics, geopolitics and governance, including a whopping 55 sessions on 'values,' to plumb the world's problems."

Excerpt from her private email:

- The global economy is in very very very very bad shape. Last year when WEF met here in New York all I heard was, "Yeah, it's bad, but recovery is right around the corner". This year "recovery" was a word never uttered. Fear was palpable -- fear of enormous fiscal hysteria. The watchwords were "deflation", "long term stagnation" and "collapse of the dollar". All of this is without war.

- If the U.S. unilaterally goes to war, and it is anything short of a quick surgical strike (lasting less than 30 days), the economists were all predicting extreme economic gloom: falling dollar value, rising spot market oil prices, the Fed pushing interest rates down towards zero with resulting increase in national debt, severe trouble in all countries whose currency is guaranteed agains the dollar (which is just about everybody except the EU), a near cessation of all development and humanitarian programs for poor countries. Very few economists or ministers of finance predicted the world getting out of that economic funk for minimally five-10 years, once the downward spiral ensues.

- Not surprisingly, the business community was in no mood to hear about a war in Iraq. Except for diehard American Republicans, a few Brit Tories and some Middle East folks the WEF was in a foul, angry anti-American mood. Last year the WEF was a lovefest for America. This year the mood was so ugly that it reminded me of what it felt like to be an American overseas in the Reagan years. The rich -- whether they are French or Chinese or just about anybody -- are livid about the Iraq crisis primarily because they believe it will sink their financial fortunes....

- The Middle East situation has never been worse. All hope for a settlement between Israel and Palestine seems to have evaporated. The energy should be focused on placing painful financial pressure on all sides in that fight, forcing them to the negotiating table. Otherwise, the ME may well explode. The war in Iraq is at best a distraction from that core issue, at worst may aggravate it. Jordan's Queen Rania spoke of the "desperate search for hope"....

- US unilateralism is seen as arrogant, bullyish. If the U.S. cannot behave in partnership with its allies -- especially the Europeans -- it risks not only political alliance but BUSINESS, as well. Company leaders argued that they would rather not have to deal with US government attitudes about all sorts of multilateral treaties (climate change, intellectual property, rights of children, etc.) -- it's easier to just do business in countries whose governments agree with yours. And it's cheaper, in the long run, because the regulatory envornments match. War against Iraq is seen as just another example of the unilateralism.

- For a minority of the participants there was another layer of AntiAmericanism that focused on moralisms and religion. I often heard delegates complain that the US "opposes the rights of children", because we block all treaties and UN efforts that would support sex education and condom access for children and teens. They spoke of sex education as a "right". Similarly, there was a decidedly mixed feeling about Ashcroft, who addressed the conference. I attended a small lunch with Ashcroft, and observed Ralph Reed and other prominent Christian fundamentalists working the room and bowing their heads before eating. The rest of the world's elite finds this American Christian behavior at least as uncomfortable as it does Moslem or Hindu fundamentalist behavior. They find it awkward every time a US representative refers to "faith-based" programs. It's different from how it makes non-Christian Americans feel -- these folks experience it as downright embarrassing.

She writes a LOT more juicy stuff. Read it. I own her book The Coming Plague, about the new diseases and viruses like Ebola that threaten the world.

I agree with what the world community is saying according to Laurie, including the disgust with religious moralism and the frustration with the Middle East. Besides the heavy cost in loss of life and national reputation for the U.S., I mainly oppose the war on Iraq for economic reasons. Unless Saddam is planning to attack someone, we risk just more world recession and maybe depression if Bush keeps going down the bullying path.

If you want to help express your view AGAINST the war on Iraq, please go to the Virtual March on Washington, guys!

Just wanted to feed you some reality today. Tomorrow it's back to relationships!

Posted 4:09 PM by Blah blah

Why I'm Doing This

Poor Mira is having relationship problems again. Some of you might be wondering about me and my emphasis on relationships recently. It's just that I've seen SO many bad ones up close or been affected by their aftermath that I became super interested in preventing those problems in MY relationships, in MY future family. I am sick of the mind games and amount of tolerance people have for bad relationships. It's really shocking if you think about it. They affect not just you, but your future children and grandchildren. Everything. Think about it. We need to fight back against bad treatment! Of ourselves, and by ourselves of others. It pains me to hear and see all this disrespect and mental anguish people inflict on each other.

Posted 2:24 PM by Blah blah

Interview with John Gottman

How's your relationship? Quizzes from John Gottman.

Recent interview with Prof. Gottman in the Seattle Weekly:

A lot of love in the lovemaking: Avoiding chaos, relationshipwise.
BY MARK D. FEFER

PROFESSOR John Gottman is the doctor of love, at least love of the conventional sort--he's an internationally known researcher on what makes marriage last and what makes it fall apart. In his work at the University of Washington, he has managed to apply strict scientific rigor to what seems like the most subjective of areas, and he's popularized his findings in a string of best-selling books (The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is the most recent).

At his "love lab" near the UW, Dr. Gottman videotapes married couples as they go about a lazy day "at home" and monitors physiological signs like heart rate and blood pressure as they discuss areas of conflict. By toting up the "positive" and "negative" interactions, checking "repair attempts" during fights, watching for incidents of contemptuous behavior, etc., Gottman is able to predict the ultimate fate of the pair with over 90 percent accuracy, he says.

However, as a single guy, I wanted to know how I can keep from getting into a bad marriage in the first place. Wouldn't that save us all a lot of trouble? Warm and affable, the professor met me at the Grateful Bread bakery near his home to discuss the issue.

Seattle Weekly: You study a lot of couples that are on the rocks. And you talk about the four behaviors that foretell divorce--criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling. But I'm sure that, at one time, most of these couples were in love and gushing about each other. How can I know if my current relationship is going to end up like that?

Dr. Gottman: People used to think, "Well, you're in love, you're blissed out, you're not going to be doing a lot of real nasty shit, not going to be contemptuous toward your partner, not going to be disrespectful." Not true. If you keep going back and looking at relationships earlier and earlier, to the newlywed phase, the same variability [in behavior] exists for couples there as for later on. Even in the dating relationship--researchers have looked--the same signs are predictive. If you've been going together for six months, you can take a look at what's going on and decide if you want to be in that relationship or not.

So how do I make that decision? How can I know if a relationship is right or not?

First, what is the quality of the friendship? Are you guys really friends? In other words, is it easy to talk? Like, before you know it, four hours have gone by. It's really a lot like same-sex friendship. It's about being interested in one another, remembering stuff that's important to one another, being affectionate and respectful, and it's about noticing when your friend needs something from you.

Then there's the quality of sex, romance, and passion. Do you feel special to this person? Do you feel attractive? Are you really attracted and turned on by them? Is there a lot of love in the lovemaking? Does it feel passionate?

But everybody feels this stuff at first, don't they?

That's the surprising thing: People get married and they don't really like each other, and they're not having good sex together, and they don't feel like their partner's really that interested in them . . . they get married anyway! They're not taking a hard look at their relationship.

OK, but so what if it's really passionate at first--isn't that going to fade?

The common belief that passion and good sex start early and then fade is totally wrong--totally wrong. Passion can grow over time in a relationship if people pay attention to it. [In our studies of long-term couples] the thing that came out among those who had a great sex life was friendship--"We've remained really close friends, we're really buddies, we try to understand and help each other."

What about fighting? From what you've written, it seems like fighting in itself isn't bad, right?

Right. Conflict does exist in the very beginnings of romantic relationships; it comes out. [But] what's the balance in terms of destructive vs. constructive? Constructive conflict is about accepting influence from your partner, compromising. Destructive conflict is about insulting, being domineering, being defensive, denying any responsibility, withdrawing. Those predict a bad end to the relationship.

How do you get through a time when you're feeling distant, or you're not so sure about the relationship, or you're arguing a lot? Can you repair effectively? It's kind of a sense of confidence. You develop a feeling that you can weather any storm--not that you like the storms. Conflict is inevitable, but coping with it is a way of building the friendship.

Should I feel wildly in love, swept off my feet?

You'd be surprised what a small percentage of relationships have had that. Psychologists have called it "limerance," that stage. You're mostly just projecting on your partner what you wish would be there. And when we started interviewing newlyweds about it, couples who had experienced it didn't necessarily have better relationships. It didn't seem necessary or sufficient, except that it is so pleasant to go through. It's very good if you can build from there.

What else should I be on the watch for?

There's something called "negative sentiment override." You tend to be walking around with a chip on your shoulder, hypervigilant for put-downs, for ways your partner is saying, "I don't really love you, you're not that special to me." And if you're in that state, it's bad, particularly if you're a male, because that's something that is going to be very difficult to change. And it's really just a question of perception. Two women may be identical in how angry they get, but the one guy is saying, "Boy, she's really stressed right now, but it's OK; I get that way myself sometimes." The other guy's saying, "Nobody talks to me like that; fuck this, who needs this crap." What determines the perception, we've discovered, is friendship. If you feel like your partner respects you, is interested in you, turns toward you, then you're in positive sentiment override.

Why are we so bad at this? More than half of all marriages end in divorce. Are we just choosing badly? Are we just bad at being married like we're bad drivers?

There are lots of ways to destroy things, and usually only a few ways to really maintain things and keep them working. Things fall apart--this is the entropy idea. Chaos is the more likely event. It really takes a lot of energy to maintain a system that's working well.

Gottman’s Marriage Tips 101:

Since 1973, Dr. John Gottman has studied what he calls the "masters and disasters" of marriage. Ordinary people from the general public took part in long-term studies, and Dr. Gottman learned what makes marriages fail, what makes them succeed, and what can make marriages a source of great meaning. By examining partners’ heart rates, facial expressions, and how they talk about their relationship to each other and to other people, Dr. Gottman is able to predict with more than 90% accuracy which couples will make it, and which will not. What advice does Dr. Gottman have to offer? Below are some of his top suggestions for how to keep your marriage strong.

- Seek help early. The average couple waits six years before seeking help for marital problems (and keep in mind, half of all marriages that end do so in the first seven years). This means the average couple lives with unhappiness for far too long.
- Edit yourself. Couples who avoid saying every angry thought when discussing touchy topics are consistently the happiest.
- Soften your "start up." Arguments first "start up" because a spouse sometimes escalates the conflict from the get-go by making a critical or contemptuous remark in a confrontational tone.
- Accept influence. A marriage succeeds to the extent that the husband can accept influence from his wife. If a woman says, "Do you have to work Thursday night? My mother is coming that weekend, and I need your help getting ready," and her husband replies, "My plans are set, and I'm not changing them," this a guy is in a shaky marriage. A husband's ability to be persuaded by his wife (rather than vice-versa) is so crucial because, research shows, women are already well practiced at accepting influence from men, and a true partnership only occurs when a husband is able to do so as well.
- Have high standards. Happy couples have high standards for each other even as newlyweds. The most successful couples are those who, even as newlyweds, refused to accept hurtful behavior from one another. The lower the level of tolerance for bad behavior in the beginning of a relationship, the happier the couple is down the road.
- Learn to repair and exit the argument. Successful couples know how to exit an argument. Happy couples know how to repair the situation before an argument gets completely out of control. Successful repair attempts include: changing the topic to something completely unrelated; using humor; stroking your partner with a caring remark ("I understand that this is hard for you"); making it clear you're on common ground ("This is our problem"); backing down (in marriage, as in the martial art Aikido, you have to yield to win; and, in general, offering signs of appreciation for your partner and his or her feelings along the way ("I really appreciate and want to thank you for.…"). If an argument gets too heated, take a 20-minute break, and agree to approach the topic again when you are both calm.
- Focus on the bright side. In a happy marriage, couples make at least five times as many positive statements to and about each other and their relationship ("We laugh a lot") as opposed negative ones (“We never have fun”). A good marriage must have a rich climate of positivity. Make deposits to your emotional bank account.

Published research articles by Gottman.

Posted 8:07 PM by Blah blah

[Saddam] Hussein Interview Is a Coup for CBS and [Dan] Rather: First Time Iraqi Leader Talks to a U.S. Journalist in 13 Years (Washington Post). Wow. Good job Dan Rather!

John Gottman: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

Bought a 2nd relationship book recently. I highly highly recommend it! The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, by John Gottman. He's a psychology professor at the U. of Washington.

Gottman rejects some of the typical things marriage counselors tell you, like it's better for couples to vent about their problems, that validating your partner's ideas in an argument is necessarily helpful, and so on.

So view this book as the more scientific alternative to Susan Page's book. I love it! Gottman actually set up this apartment at the university that he calls the Seattle Love Lab. He wired it with cameras, microphones, etc. and invited couples to spend weekends there and be taped and studied from 9 am to 9 pm each day. No bedroom recordings. He tried his best to more scientifically see what patterns he could find in happy couples' behavior vs. disastrous couples'. His group studied several THOUSAND volunteer couples.

He says he can predict divorce.

Gottman says:

I am now able to predict whether a couple will stay happily together or lose their way. I can make this prediction after listening to the couple interact in our Love Lab for as little as five minutes!...[In] 91 percent of the cases...time has proven me right. These predictions are not based on my intuition or preconceived notions of what marriage "should" be, but on the data I've accumulated over years of study.

I've skimmed this book, and trust me, it makes a GREAT deal of sense! After Susan Page's book, I will profile Gottman's. Again, I appreciate all feedback from you.

Posted 9:14 AM by Blah blah

You must read this juicy juicy dating story which happened last Friday night to Edie, the woman who blogs solely about her dating life in New York City. Hope she finds him again!

Susan Page: How to Make Your Relationship Thrive (Part 1)

Raymond turns Oprah again. I just bought this book, The 8 Essential Traits of Couples Who Thrive, by Susan Page. I don't often buy relationship books, but her first few chapters made a lot of sense, so I decided to really study this book. The next few days, I'm gonna skin, gut, and digest this book for you. Right here!

Susan's bio. From this page of her site:

"Q: Susan, what makes your books so different from other books about relationships?

A: Two qualities distinguish my work:

First, most information about relationships is written by psychologists who spend their time with dysfunctional, unhappy couples or singles. I studied happy couples to see if I could find qualities or behavior that they all have in common. I uncovered a gold mine. These are qualities you won’t read about in other books, because troubled couples don’t have them, yet they are qualities we can all learn!

Second, my books do not emphasize communication skills but focus instead on loving actions and gentle experiments that can transform your relationship more quickly and with less effort."

What makes Tiger Cafe unique is I go deeper than most blogs. I assume you have a brain and a longer attention span. But I always try to keep it fun and interesting. I just ask today that you write me feedback on what YOU think about Susan's ideas. Many of you come here daily but never write me. I don't know who you are. Let's have a two-way dialogue for this book. Maybe I'll ask permission to post something you said. Then we all can learn from each others' stories. Fair? Ok, let's go!
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How do we make our relationships last? And not just last, but be fun, vibrant, and evolving? Most of us want this. I do. How do we deal with the biggest problem of most relationships: the dreaded "changing my partner"? Susan says we need to stop trying to change our partners and start changing ourselves and our approach to them.

So going into Susan's book, I hope we can find a way to be creative about relationships. To find the win-win solution. To kill nagging and all of those psycho-childhood feelings from our equation.

The 8 Essential Traits of Couples Who Thrive:

Table of Contents

Trait 1: Desire, Belief, and Commitment
Trait 2: Goodwill
Trait 3: Clear Values Part A: Time
Trait 3: Clear Values Part B: Aliveness
Trait 4: Boundaries
Trait 5: Perspective
Trait 6: Relationship-Enhancing Communication
Trait 7: Intimacy
Trait 8: Pleasure Part A: Sex
Trait 8: Pleasure Part B: Passion
Creating a Thriving Marriage in a Troubled World

Stay tuned! And please write me (I won't nag).

Posted 3:41 PM by Blah blah

From Science Blog:

- Study: People Can Be Led to Believe They Experienced the Improbable (UC Irvine): "During a recent study of memory recall and the use of suggestive interviewing, a cognitive psychologist successfully planted false memories in volunteers of several study groups -- memories that included such unlikely events as kissing frogs, shaking hands with Bugs Bunny at Disneyland, and witnessing a demonic possession. Her success at planting these memories challenge the argument that suggestive interviewing may reliably prompt real memories instead of planting false ones."

- Nation's brightest increasingly shun science (U. of Washington): "America's top college graduates increasingly reject careers in science and engineering, researchers have found, raising concerns about America's technological future. Faced with the prospect of low-paid apprenticeships and training lasting a decade or more – and constricted job opportunities even after that – more of the brightest young Americans are instead pursuing the quicker and surer payoffs offered by business and certain professions, according to the Washington study. 'With the notable exception of biological sciences, many of the top U.S. students with potential to become scientists are turning toward other career paths,' said one of the study's co-authors."

I completely identify with the sentiment to leave science. Or at least research. I originally wanted to be a scientist. But the reality of working in science changed that. And maybe for engineering as well, nowadays.

- Self-control comes in limited quantities, must be replenished

Kid's Love Letter

Ernie pointed us to these funny episodes in the blog world:

From the LiveJournal Drama Files, a place where LiveJournal users post their favorite twisted Net drama from LJ, we have this...

Jonathan's love letter.

Awwwww....so adorable!

Posted 11:53 AM by Blah blah

Hollyblog: Are movie bloggers part of weblogging's natural evolution, or just a sign that another cool Net thing has been co-opted? (Salon.com) Oh wow! The girl who's writing this movie blog mentioned, a record of the making of the film I Love Your Work, is one of our Bay Area bloggers: Helen Jane! She participated in Ernie's Blind Date Blog and was MY favorite from there. She's very cool. Helen Jane actually gets PAID to write this movie blog. She got the offer last year.

Another thing: this movie is being produced by Josh, head of an indie film company called Cyan Pictures (also a blog). Josh is a 23/24 year old wunderkind from Yale who also was a player in Blind Date Blog. Ah, I see how Helen Jane got the job!

The Pianist Wins Best Film & Best Director in Both Britain AND France!

The Pianist Wins at British Film Awards (AP)!

The Pianist, Roman Polanski's searing film about a young Polish musician's fight for survival during the Holocaust, won best film Sunday at the British Academy Film Awards. Polanski also took best director....

Polanski, the Paris-born Polish director, was a mighty presence at the ceremony even in his absence. The film's American star, Adrien Brody, accepted the best director prize on Polanski's behalf, saying he was "brilliant filmmaker ... (who) over time has had an enormous amount of loss in his life."

A child of the Holocaust, Polanski, 69, later suffered the murder of first wife Sharon Tate in 1969.

"I appreciate you, Roman," Brody said, "and you deserve this."

The Pianist also won seven Cesar awards in France, including best film and best director, on Saturday. [The film also won Best Actor for Adrien Brody.]

Didn't I tell you it was the best movie of 2002? *Blows knuckles* Next mountain to climb: The Oscars!

What makes the win for Roman Polanski even more laden with soap opera meaning is that Polanski is in exile from the United States. He fled to Paris in 1978 after pleading guilty to having sex with a 13 year old girl, which is a felony. If he ever sets foot back in the U.S., any policeman could arrest him for sentencing in Los Angeles. Sad that a great director like him has had this Sword of Damocles hanging over his head for 25 years. The Pianist was my first Polanski film, and I adored it. I think people should view his work completely separate from his personal life. The victim, "Samantha Geimer...dropped a civil suit filed against Polanski in 1990. Geimer told the Times of London in 1997 that she believed the filmmaker should be pardoned."

Polanski Victim Speaks Out on His Behalf (AP)

So The Pianist incorporates not only Wladyslaw Spzilman's drama, but Polanski's personal struggle with his demons as well. Watch it or suffer the wrath of Raymond.
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ARRRGH! I am really fed up with Blogspot recently. I can't get my archives page to publish properly for the last two weeks, and sometimes it goes to a error page when I try to reach my archives. For two weeks I have no archives, and then I tried changing the setting from weekly to monthly. After setting MONTHLY archives, I finally got my WEEKLY archives back. Are any of you having the same problems? C'mon Evan, give us some news on what's going on, at least.

Posted 6:08 PM by Blah blah

Roller Hockey

Six weeks ago, I couldn't even brake. Now, my rollerblading has improved enough that we starting playing hockey yesterday! We practiced manuvering the puck down the rink smoothly, pivoting around it at the ends, passing to another guy, and shooting for the goal.

Saw my first testosterone-laden roller hockey game tonight, at Rollin' Ice. Patrick, my blading teacher, invited me to watch his "gray team" play a "yellow team." Four players plus a goalie play on each side at any time. (If a team fouls, the referee makes them play with only three players for a while.) Play is blindingly fast, aggressive, and dramatic. Guys, usually tall, sprint at full speed on wheels down a white tile-covered rink. They joust with their sticks for the slippery puck. *BOOM BOOM* go the clear plastic walls as the pair slam into them again and again. Players do quick fakes, bouncing the puck off of their skates to distract their opponents' eyes. They rocket towards the edge of the rink with an opponent hot on their tail, then flip direction and chop the puck back. They dribble their pucks like we toss salad.

The Official USA Hockey InLine Playing Rules.

Each half of the San Jose game was 22 minutes. Only 22 you ask? Five minutes of play seems like a hour, based on the amount of *BOOM*s, clashes, reversals, HURRAHs, and goals. The game is so exhausting that players stay on the rink for periods of up to two minutes before rotating out. I didn't see any deliberate violence. Just once during the game, guys from the next rink started a short fight, which I missed.

The game starts badly for Patrick's side. He is #10 and plays defense at first. During the first 10 minutes, the yellow team already whops in three to four goals by the valiant goalie. I talk to this 40-50-ish guy next to me, also watching. His intense son, #88 on the yellow team, is their lead scorer, socking in three goals.

"How did your son get started? He watched you play?" I say.

"Actually, I got hooked by watching HIM play," says the dad. "I was taking him to league practices five years ago, when out walks this fat, balding, sweating guy. I thought, if HE can play, then dammit I can too! Now I LOVE it." Father and son play and love both ice and roller hockey. Says you can use a lot of the same tricks from ice hockey in roller hockey. With your sharp blades, doing a slashing stop is easier with ice hockey.

"Your son is fantastic!" I say.

"He just needs to watch his temper. He has an anger management problem. I try to make sure he makes it through a game without a fight."

Just when I start to feel sorry for the gray team, they score. Exhausted teammates raise their sticks with a whoop and rub the scorer on the head with their fat gloves. But most of the action in the first half happens on the gray team's side of the rink. The yellow team passes more smoothly, and I see at least 10-20 battles around the gray team's poor goalie. Several times they attack him from maybe three meters away, shooting right at his groin. He makes several brave saves. Then BUZZ goes the clock. First half score: 4-3, yellow team leads.

After a two minute intermission, they switch sides and start again. Patrick plays more offense this time. And his team scores! He ends up battling #88 several times, trying every trick in the book to trap the puck. His teammates fail to receive his passes effectively, missing his lead several times. Now the action balances more to the yellow team's half of the rink. I am pumped, standing up the whole game. I rush from one end to the other, my face glued to the plastic. The gray team has a shorter Asian guy, a very aggressive forward. Once, he ducks around several yellow players with no help from his teammates, charging the goal. When they whack the puck back, he rushes and steals it. BUZZ! Game is over, won by the yellow team, 8-6. The gray team put up a valiant fight, but the yellow team passed and worked together better.

Hockey is faster than soccer, with more drama, and a feast for your eyes. I think I'm getting hooked!
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Yesterday I produced and directed my last two episodes of our political TV talk show. The first show was about domestic violence. We talked about a nonprofit organization here called WATCH, which helps battered women and provides temporary housing (Homesafe) for them. My friend M volunteers for them and she introduced me to Homesafe last year. I took the 10 hours of training and volunteered for some time as well, taking care of and tutoring kids whose moms were going to counseling. Kids are fun, but these kids may have been emotionally or physically abused and required extra care. Anyway, when thinking of whom to bring on our next show, I decided to give them some publicity, since I really support what they do.

For the 2nd show, we had guests from Health Care for All-Californians, a political group that is fighting to get single payer health insurance passed in the state legislature. The bill is sponsored by state Senator Sheila Kuehl and is called Senate Bill 921, the Health Care for All Californians Act.

I've been producing this show for over a year and a half I think. The staff of the TV station were really cool, offering to help me with any questions I may have about TV production in the future.
_______________
From Ida:

"One of Aesop's fables tells the decidedly kinky tale of the North Wind and the Sun, who were arguing over which was more powerful. To end the debate, they decided to see who could strip the wayfaring man walking below them of his clothes the fastest. The North Wind blew with all its might, but the man just pulled his jacket tighter. Then the sun shone its genial rays warmly on the man and he ended up getting butt naked and hopping in a nearby stream to cool off.

The moral of the story? Be the sun."
_______________
Coming up: The 8 Essential Traits of Couples Who Thrive, by Susan Page. Raymond turns Oprah again.

Posted 5:07 PM by Blah blah

My Tummy Says Hi

More from Swami Raymond...

Yesterday the yoga teacher did something really strange. She lifted her shirt, told us to blow out all of our air, and showed us her bare belly. She began to ripple her tummy side to side, like a wave. This photo of a guy's belly shows it all!

"Eww," we said.

"This exercise," she said while sucking her stomach in fully, "is called uddiyana bandha." Says this site, "Uddiyana-Bandha ensures the correct functioning of the internal organs and fosters control of the abdominal muscles. It is a highly effective way of reducing the volume of the abdomen when distended by pregnancy." Another guy belly pic of it.

"Now this exercise," she said, doing the belly wave again, "is called..."

"Blue Crush!" I said.

"Good one," she laughed. "No, it's called nauli." It's one of six techniques (shat kriyas) to cleanse and purify your body. Nauli is supposed to massage your abdomen and help with constipation.

Some of these six "shat kriyas" make me cringe. For example, under kunjal kriya (rated PG-13):

"Jivha-shodhan dhauti

Join the index, middle and ring fingers together, place them into the throat, and slowly rub well the root of the tongue, and wash out. Expel the phlegm.

Rub the tongue with butter and milk, repeatedly. Then by carefully holding the tip of the tongue, pull it out gradually and slowly.

The rubbing of the root of the tongue prevents the accumulation of phlegm which occurs throughout the years, and which is responsible for stale breath and general lack of freshness in one's mouth; it keeps at bay throat infections, even tooth decay. The manipulation (milking) of the tongue stimulates the inner recesses of the oral cavity and greatly adds to the perfect functioning of various glands in the deep of neck, i.e. thyroid and parathyroid."

India has these "laughing clubs" in Mumbai (aka Bombay) where people group to LAUGH for exercise. True. Read The Essential Link Between Laughter and Yoga. They use nauli and uddiyana bandha too.

Milking the tongue. Yeah.

Posted 1:39 PM by Blah blah

From Shannon: Why Nerds are Unpopular, by Paul Graham. Too long, but fascinating. If you've ever done "nerdy" things in high school or felt awkward for your intelligence and tastes, you'll identify.

Typical "nerdy" things I did in high school:

- wore glasses and braces
- enjoyed competing in math contests
- competed in public speaking and debate
- hung out with kids who played hacky sack, and with other nerds
- studied on Friday night
- ran two clubs
- thought Crime and Punishment was my favorite novel
- enjoyed Moby Dick
- played violin in two different orchestras
- was in Boy Scouts
- led Bible studies
- sang in church cantatas
- took two years of math at Santa Clara University
- liked black and white movies
- wrote 120 page long diary for my senior English class
- got into MIT

Writers Sue Entertainment Industry over Age Issues (National Public Radio, Realplayer). How Hollywood discriminates against TV writers over 40.

Posted 10:25 AM by Blah blah

Unrelated News Placed Here in a Sham Marriage of Convenience

Google Buys Pyra: Blogging Goes Big-Time. Google now owns Blogger! It's about time, since Blogger's performance has really sucked recently. Look for cute cartoons on your blog during holidays.

Yoga Boy

I started yogaing again yesterday, after Sophia invited me to join her at her company's T/Th lunchtime class. It was pretty easy, since they aim it at total beginners. Not like those two hour ashtanga yoga sessions I did before, which left me sweaty and exhausted, but very relaxed. No headstands in this class.

Yoga is a great way to exercise your neck by looking at pretty women lying down in twisted positions while only thinking thoughts of purity and "ultimate communion...with the One."

Here's my yoga experience from over one year ago.

Our yoga teacher said hi after our lesson and said "You have muscular legs! You look like you're in good shape." I was about to turn around in confusion...oh, you meant me! "Well, hehe...not really. Must be the weekly rollerblading."

I have weird legs. People have said this about my legs even when I haven't exercised for months. Maybe one of these days a doctor will open up my leg with a knife and find it's really a rubber suit like Daredevil's, with foam muscles. Now I just need foam rubber arms...

Posted 9:13 AM by Blah blah

Looking for Chinese Women's Stories

Hi Phoenix,
I met you at the SVASE meeting. You had said you were researching and writing a book on Asian American women's stories, right?

How did you get involved in this, and are you looking for more women's stories? I know a lot of people who write. For what do you look?

Best wishes,
Raymond
_______________
Raymond:

Thanks for thinking of me.

I've had my book idea for almost 10 years now but never had the chance to put it together until recently. It started with a video biography of my mother, who's a first generation immigrant. I don't think her trials and tribulations are unique, as I've heard lots of other second generation women talk about their mothers in similar ways. These often are women with limited English language skills and social networks. Needless to say, their ability to voice their cognitive and emotional journey has taken different forms. I'd like to capture them.

If you know someone who'd like to collaborate, I'd love to meet him/her. And yes, I am looking for candidates to interview. The profile is pretty general at this point: first generation immigrant, from China, Taiwan, Hong Kong, or other Chinese speaking countries, has lived in the US for over 10 years, works in some capacity.

Thanks for your interest.
Phoenix
_______________
Phoenix is from Taiwan and used to be a management consultant at Accenture. Now she works for a nonprofit company. If interested, please email me.

Posted 8:17 AM by Blah blah

Limits of Human Endurance

Why do I think stories of suffering and cruelty are good for me to read? Because they force me out of my laziness, my spoiled comfort. Because I see how a human being can be stretched to a much further limit than I ever dreamed and still endure. Because they make my daily problems all seem incredibly petty and make me never want to complain about my life again. Because they reveal some of the smoldering anger and unrelenting drive that fuel Nazi survivors, like Intel's Andy Grove and director Roman Polanski, to success. In the end, I bow my head in humility before them, survivors all, and lift it with a new gritty determination.

Some people ask me where I get my ideas. I write about whatever has reached boiling point after cooking in my head that day. And my brain is weird, as you already know. Stay tuned for more on:

1. Endurance: Shackleton's Incredible Voyage, by Alfred Lansing. Oh my God. If Nazi occupation was an extreme of human cruelty, this book covers Nature's ruthless cruelty to man. Horrifying and riveting. It's about British explorer Sir Ernest Shackleton's voyage in 1919 of 28 men on the first attempt by mankind to cross Antarctica by land. How they struggled for life every mile of the journey, completely alone, for years. I've never found a more grueling and chilling true adventure story, filled with determination and leadership against insane odds. Makes TV's Survivor look like a kindergarten lunch break.

2. The Good Women of China, by Xinran Xue. Netneur0 cried when she read this book. For every tale in the book, she can relate it to someone she has known. It tells the true, secret tales of several women in China who endured sexism, abuse, adultery, persecution, and more from their men and Chinese society. Tales that many women in China have undergone but are afraid to speak about in public. Eye-opening and painful.

Time article about this book.

3. Joyce (who wrote me a nice letter)
4. The Pianist, which I recently saw. It gave me the chills. This Roman Polanski film is the most emotionally gripping and horrifying film I have ever seen since Schindler's List. In some ways it's MORE effective than Schindler. The Pianist and its main actor, Adrien Brody, richly deserve Oscars for Best Picture and Best Actor of 2002. No one else comes close. I literally felt that I had just lived through the Nazi Holocaust. At the end of the movie, no one left until they finished playing the music of the last haunting credits. We all watched in stunned silence.

This film is more scary than any horror movie I've ever seen.

The Pianist won the Palme d'Or (Golden Palm), the top award at the Cannes Film Festival. A dream deferred: Brody finally gets recognition in 'The Pianist': "the highlight of Adrien Brody's career...would have to be the emotional 20-minute standing ovation The Pianist received from a 3,500-member audience during the film's world premiere a few nights before the Palme d'Or was bestowed."

Watch The Pianist, if you dare. I plan to read the original book by Wladyslaw Szpilman. It's his true story.

Posted 12:09 PM by Blah blah

Run Linux from a Single CD

Geek note: Review of Knoppix and KDE 3.1 (Ammai.com).

"Knoppix is a distribution of Linux, the open source operating system, that runs completely on a single CD, making no use of the hard drive. This is perfect for people like me, who have always wanted to try out Linux, but never could because they didn't want to completely install a new operating system."

Sounds cool! Wonder how users are responding to it and Lindows, which lets you run Microsoft Windows on top of Linux. Review of Lindows.

Posted 6:11 AM by Blah blah

Ooh, another great writer I found from Ida. Her name: Joyce. Her blog has so much romantic juice I could drink it with my bacon and eggs. Joyce also has a sharp sense of humor that makes her writing bittersweet and memorable. It's hard to imagine she's still a student at the University of Michigan. She sounds more mature.

A Random Woooo!

Edie wrote something that reminded me of this insightful interview with Conan O'Brien in that funny newspaper, The Onion. I find Conan the funniest of all the commercial network TV talk show hosts. He's the comedy host I personally relate to most. I would sooo like to hang with him on a Sunday afternoon and just throw water balloons. One time Martha Stewart came on his show to show how to iron shirts. While she lectured, Conan picked up her iron behind her back, clawed the air with his fingers, made his trademark dorky face, and went "HISSSSSSS! Rahhhh!" I fell out of my chair laughing. He's a brilliant funny mind:
_________________
Conan: ...There are other audiences that are too frat... I get depressed if I do a joke that has something to do with alcohol or pot or something, and a whole audience of 20-year-olds with backwards baseball caps goes, [adopts low voice] "Yeah!" I feel my soul leaving my body.

The Onion: It's no good pleasing people you don't like.

Conan: ...It's more like I like to get a laugh, or not get a laugh. There's this phenomenon now in America of just, "Yeah, woo!" People go "Woo!" If you ever watch Total Request Live, everybody does that. It's a phenomenon that depresses me. I think it's partly daytime talk shows like Jerry Springer and stuff. It's encouraged on so many shows. "Woo!" It's encouraged, so all they know is that when they want to be part of the show and they're having a good time, they want to "Woo" in the correct spot. They're not really listening. So they wait until after I'm done with a joke, and then they go, "Woo! Oh, yeah!" It's kind of not why I got into comedy. If I wanted that, I'd have become a jai-alai player or something. I like an audience that's listening and then laughing or not, because if they listen and then don't laugh, I can usually have fun with the fact that they didn't laugh. Or I can play with the fact that I failed. That's fun, because that's just reality that people respond to. "Oh, look, the professional comedian/talk-show host is in a little bit of trouble out there." I think people like to see me work my way out of a situation.

The Onion: It's honest reaction versus a Pavlovian reaction.

Conan: Exactly. But when you're out there and they just hear, "I don't know if you heard, but a woman in San Antonio was arrested with 800 pounds of marijuana in her truck..." "Yeah! Woo!" I get sad, because I think, "Oh, I'm just the host of American Gladiators." There are crowds that think you want a standing ovation or something, because they see that on other shows, and they think that's what you're supposed to do. The ladies of The View get a standing ovation every day on their show, and I think, "How much have we devalued the standing ovation? That's just ridiculous." Johnny Carson got one standing ovation, the last night he did his show, and it was really cool. It was like, "Wow, he did 30 years and then ended it on a classy note, and he got a standing ovation." And then you realize that Maury Povich is getting a standing ovation every day on his show. I don't like that. I don't like that stuff. Sometimes I think audiences are too... They've picked up bad habits from watching these things on shows. I like people to just be honest, and if I'm funny, laugh. If you're not so sure, don't laugh. I'll try and win you back. But let's have it be honest. If I wanted to get "woos," I'd have become the dictator of a South American country.

Posted 7:34 PM by Blah blah

Mating in the Concrete Jungle

From New York City, check out A Mating Call in the Concrete Jungle, a dating blog by "Edie." Remember all those dull efforts last year like The Date Project? Well "Mating Call" beats them all with wit and lots of juicy appetizers.

She even has been trying "speed dating" (Hurry Date). Read her speed dating story!

Posted 9:07 AM by Blah blah

A Valentine Prayer. My Friend Jae Got Married.

Ellen's Valentine prayer cracks me up! :p

A GIRL'S PRAYER

Lord, Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart, and strong,
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
When he says he'll call, he won't wait weeks.
I pray that he is gainfully employed,
And when I spend his cash, he won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "How big's my behind?"
One who'll make love till my body's a twitchin',
In the hall, in the garden, and in the kitchen!
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And never attempt to hit on my friend.


A GUY'S PRAYER

Lord, I pray for a nympho with huge boobs
Who owns a liquor store and likes to fish.

[via e-mail]

One of my best friends, Jae, just got married today!!!!

MANY MANY CONGRATULATIONS, my dear friend!

Jae (short for "Jae-Kul") is Korean and lives in Seoul. We used to live together as housemates. He's a great guy with whom to hang around and share insights, and every time I see him we spend hours just talking and talking, about life and love. We click very very well. He's a six foot tall, handsome guy, with a beaming cherubic face. I think of him like one of those laughing Buddhas. He looks very innocent---one reason why girls like him.

Jae is very ready to embrace and enjoy life, with a mischievous side. But not malicious. Now with a wife, he's gotta settle down, of course. Hehe... They will come to California for part of their honeymoon, and later he wants to come back to the U.S. to live. He is not materialistic like a lot of Asians, more open-minded, and a sweet guy.

Originally from Seoul, he used to work for Samsung (I think) out of college. Then he came here to the Deep South to study, in Alabama. Must have been some culture shock for someone from straight-laced Korea, but Jae adapted well. He dated white, black, and Hispanic girls---all colors. He took up country dancing, which he still loves. He's the only Asian I know who has a cowboy hat and loves country dancing with blonde "cowgirls." We went dancing at The Saddlerack in San Jose when it was still in business. He took pleasure in trying interracial relationships, turning heads by kissing his black girlfriend in public. Then he moved to Seattle for more study, and finally he came here to the Valley.

One day, he came to me with a tortured expression on his face. His mom had been diagnosed with a tumor in her brain. A big one. Jae was devastated. He sold his beat-up white station wagon, quit his job, and moved back to Seoul to take care of his parents. He spent months in the hospital after she got her operation and helped nurse her to recovery. During that time he didn't really think of anything else for months. Finally, he started working a bit for his dad's business. He started going out with girls again.

For a while, he had not dated Korean girls while in the U.S. He'd been so excited going out with girls from totally different backgrounds. It had been fun. But in Seoul he rediscovered native Korean girls; he would gush to me about them. Haha! When you first meet Jae, he seems a bit shy and coy, which is part of the attraction of his baby face. But he was uncomfortable approaching girls cold, especially in a shy culture like Korea. So after going out with the ones recommended by friends and family, he tried the Internet!

Jae placed an ad on Skylove.com (write this down, Duke!) He discovered all sorts of girls here: doctors, snobby princesses, PhD students, businesswomen, girls afraid of becoming lonely ajumas (old women). He ended up going out with twelve of them, until he met his now wife!

So here's a toast to you, Jae. To the end of singledom. The end of boyish ebullience. Three cheers for my dear friend. I will see him and his wife later this year.

Posted 10:19 PM by Blah blah

Happy Valentine's Day to YOU! I wanted to thank some of you reading this who have been very kind to me over the last year, including:

Belle
Bich Ngoc
Chel
Christina
Ellen
Esther
Ida
Mira
Mona
Netneur0
Peg
Sandy
Valerie

And of course I thank my dear women friends here and around the world (who don't have websites and who don't read this blog) who have been sweet to me too! That means people like Cindy, Crystal, Dawn, Dolly, Iris, Jan, Jennifer, Joanne, Jovis, June, Kelly, Limin, Lisa, Magdalene, Myra, and Sophia. Wherever you are, however you are feeling, I blow a kiss to all of you. I am apparently a slant-to-the-left kisser (NY Times) who has met "more right-kissers" and been "subtly pressured to shift to the right" by society, to "avoid a broken nose."

HAHAHA!

Ok, here's the scoop on the romantic shopping list below. It's not for me. My housemate, his girlfriend, and I live together. He asked me to help him set up this surprise dinner for her. He had called a bunch of French and Italian restaurants to make reservations for Friday. (Here are my restaurant recommendations if you live around here. I've eaten at most of them.) Since they were all booked, he decided to bring the dinner home instead.

Click here for their pix. They are the couple on the upper left. Click for larger size.

I talked to Netneur0 for suggestions. She is a very sweet girl who has a great imagination! She told me this female romantic fantasy for Valentine's, including a dramatic script for how SHE would seduce a girl (hehe...), so on Wednesday I ended up buying EVERYTHING she suggested, after merging ideas with my friend's. Some stuff we already have at home. The girlfriend keeps our house smelling of incense all the time already.

Wednesday night, I brought home everything and put it in our empty third bedroom. Last night, my friend prepared the food and set up the dinner table, with the vase, plates, etc. Friday evening, I broiled the salmon, and while she was taking a shower, he brought down the dinner table and...voila!

My friend really spoils his girlfriend, but then again she is a high-maintenance princess (or gongju, as Mira says). She's an only child, spoiled and snobbish. Drives a BMW convertible. Complains and criticizes easily. Doesn't cook. She and I get along pleasantly, but I feel bad for her boyfriend. Oh well---he's grown used to dealing with it.

Tomorrow I'll find out how the night went. In the meantime, Netneur0 said she'd slap the girl if she wasn't blown away by tonight. I would too.

I only know two songs by heart in Chinese. I used to sing in a group at Berkeley that sang international songs. My friend T, from Taipei, taught me this song, which we performed. I am very grateful to Netneur0 for enhancing my knowledge of it! The Chinese name is Ni Nong Wo Nong:

Married Love
by Kuan Tao-sheng

You and I
Have so much love,
That it
Burns like a fire,
In which we bake a lump of clay
Molded into a figure of you
And a figure of me.
Then we take both of them,
And break them into pieces,
And mix the pieces with water,
And mold again a figure of you,
And a figure of me.
I am in your clay.
You are in my clay.
In life we share a single quilt.
In death we will share a single coffin.

Kuan (AD 1262-1319) was married to one of the leading calligraphers and painters in Chinese history, Chao Meng-fu. She was a calligrapher and painter of bamboos, orchids, and plum blossoms.

Even seven centuries later, her words still flow with freshness and vitality.

I was going to tell a love story next, but I'll end with this ideal tonight. May you live this kind of experience. Au revoir!

Posted 10:47 PM by Blah blah

Dave Barry, the funny columnist for the Miami Herald, just started a blog! Dave Barry's blog.

Shopping List

Today I just bought the following:

From Cosentino's, a chic grocery like Whole Foods Market...
1. Two salmon steaks
2. Asparagus
3. Large white potatoes
4. Carrots
5. Blueberry buckle cake

From Target...
1. Rose petals (made from cloth)
2. Apple cinnamon potpourri of dried flower petals
3. Set of 3 white floating candles in a bowl
4. White tablecloth
5. Three foot diameter round table
6. Set of 4 wine goblets
7. Small clear glass vase
8. Set of 4 dinner plates

What do you think this is all for? Hehe...

Oh, and further ingredients we already have at home:

1. Champagne
2. White wine
3. Candles
4. Bubble bath

Posted 8:42 PM by Blah blah

Stop popup ads!

If you have questions on using the hosts file, please email me.

Go to this opt out page to stop getting ads from Doubleclick, X10.com (that annoying spy camera ad), Comet Cursors (which I loathe), and more.
______________________
Here's a better way to block popup ads: use a hosts file. Follow the instructions and download their updated hosts file.

A hosts file is a text file that sits in your Windows directory. It's essentially an address book for your computer. Every website on the Internet has its own IP address, just like everyone has his own phone number. An IP address is a series of 4 sets of numbers, separated by dots. For example, http://www.yahoo.com is really 64.58.79.230 to the computer. http://www.aol.com is really 64.12.187.25.

Whenever you enter a URL into your browser, your computer actually goes to a DNS server that's already running on your computer, to TRANSLATE the URL into an IP address that it understands. If your DNS server is not working, you cannot go to ANY website on the Internet unless you enter its IP address directly into your browser. Try it! Try entering 64.12.187.25 into your browser. It should take you to http://www.aol.com.

The hosts file can overrule the DNS server. You can define your OWN IP address for a website address. You can say "Hey, for http://www.aol.com, I want you to go to 123.123.123.123 instead!" Then your computer will dumbly follow your hosts file the next time you try to go to aol.com. And you'll get an error screen.

How does all this help stop popup ads?

Whenever you get a popup ad, your computer goes to the ad company's computer to download the ad. This modified host file lists thousands of ad companies URLs, BUT it points them all to the IP address 127.0.0.1 instead! What is 127.0.0.1? It's your own computer! Thus if you replace the old hosts file (which you must first backup) which this new one, all requests for ads will instead go to your own computer, returning NOTHING.

Positives and negatives of using this hosts file way to block ads.
______________________
THE STRUGGLE TO JUST HANG ON (San Jose Mercury News): how tough times are here in Silicon Valley. Scary.

Posted 5:38 PM by Blah blah

We Pick the Wrong Person Because...

I reprint what Unica Hija posted here last July:

The 10 Ways We Pick the Wrong Person. Please read her 6:36 am post first, then my reply above.

Posted 6:51 PM by Blah blah

Used Bookstore

Yesterday I went rollerblading, as usual on Sunday morning, then I took off for Santa Cruz, near the beach. It's been ages since I hung out in Santa Cruz, with their surfing contests, skateboarders with noserings, street violinists, and cafes. Boy did I feel at home! Sigh...

I really miss used bookstores. Here in San Jose you almost never see them, surrounded by Barnes & Nobles and the latest commercial releases. But only in used bookstores can you find really obscure stuff like Chinese Military History or Deconstructionism or Science Fiction Comic Book Covers, that no one might read in ten years. And that's exciting. My parents' house is crammed with them, bookshelves piled on bookshelves of junk my mom got for 50 cents a book. Not because she ever reads them, but because she wants to surround herself with books and absorb all that knowledge into her skin pores, like Vitamin D or some Chinese herbal medicine. Sometimes she'll buy a book, and I'll say "Mom, we have two other copies of the same book already!" She doesn't care.

I have somewhat of an addiction to used books. It started with my mom. Every time she came home with a bag, I had to feel, smell, and flip through all of them, read their back covers, look at the unattractive morgue shots of their authors and try to imagine myself sitting at a party with each. The older and more yellowed the pages, the more like an archaeologist I felt. I read the little notes or receipts owners had left in their forgotten books fifty years back, trying to open a channel to all these long-dead people who had been so so alive.

Yesterday, I found so many treasures in that shop, Logos Books and Records, 1117 Pacific Ave., Santa Cruz. I found a Frank Miller book. He's one of the top comic book writers and artists in America. It was a Daredevil book (the Ben Affleck movie comes out this Friday), about Elektra, who is both Daredevil's great lover and great enemy. Inside the cover, someone had written in red ink:

Dear _________,
To the biggest Elektra fan,
Happy Birthday!
Thank you for being
My lover, my inspiration, and my best friend,
Love,
Matthew (Dated 1992)

I felt like a voyeur. I wondered how long their relationship had lasted before someone bundled up this love token and tossed it into the sea of anonymity.

Here are the books I bought:

1. The Art of War for Executives, by Donald G. Krause. Applies Sun Tzu's famous, ancient Chinese military treatise, The Art of War, to the business world.
2. Business: The Ultimate Resource (reference book). This 2,200 page book is as thick and authoritative looking as a medical book. All about business concepts and trends, with many essays, practical checklists like "How to Do a Disciplinary Interview" or "How to Calculate a Balance Sheet," summaries of the top business writers' philosophies, an entire business dictionary, bios of the top businessmen in the world, and an economic profile of every country in the world.
3. Casanova: The Man Who Really Loved Women, by Lydia Flem. Fascinating distillation of Casanova's autobiography, History of My Life. Casanova, if you've been hiding under a rock, is the most notorious lover and seducer in history. Flem adds her own summaries and comments on his life to quotes from his own writing.
4. The Best of The Journal of Irreproducible Results, edited by George H. Scherr. The Journal of Irreproducible Results is an actual scientific journal. The only problem is ALL of its articles, while written by scientists, are FAKE. It's all done in a dense jargon-filled scientific style, but it's a complete joke!
5. Houdini on Magic, by Harry Houdini. Articles and essays on the secrets of his magic and adventures, by history's most famous magician. I was DELIGHTED to find this! Dover Press prints all sorts of fantastic books you never find elsewhere, by scientists on How to Make Bubbles, and stuff like this. Houdini, of course, is most famous at ESCAPING from things: jails, handcuffs, underwater torture chambers, etc. He reveals some of the tricks he felt were more "elementary." Of course, certain secrets he never revealed.
6. Making Videos for Money, by Barry Hampe. "Planning and producing information videos, commercials, and infomercials." Since I'm very interested in the TV biz, I snapped this up. It's for TV producers or people who want a producers' big picture view. The author has owned several production companies.
7. The Odyssey: A Modern Sequel, by Nikos Kazantzakis. I gasped when I saw this. I fell in love with Kazantzakis's writing when I was in college but have never seen his books since. He is one of the best writers of the 20th century, from Greece. In this 1958 masterpiece, he actually wrote a COMPLETE sequel to Homer's Odyssey, completely in poetry! Twenty-four books (chapters) of it. He followed Homer's original format and his language is equally rich and filled with vitality. I read Homer's Odyssey in high school and loved it---the sheer adventure, the lyrical poetry, the moral dilemmas and character of Odysseus. It was a thrilling beautiful yarn, period. For Kazantzakis to be a modern-day Homer is like someone trying to write a follow-up to Mozart. If you've never heard of him, run and check out his works, which are translated from Greek. Some of his books were made into excellent movies, like Zorba the Greek and The Last Temptation of Christ, both of which I saw.

Total price: $52.44. A damned good bargain.

Posted 3:49 PM by Blah blah

Should We Have a Two-Tier System to Preserve Quality TV? The Hours

Reality Is Harsh on TV's Creative Teams (NY Times).
Forget the Sex and Violence; Shame Is the Ratings Leader (NY Times).

Note to myself. There's gotta be a way for quality scripted TV to survive and co-exist healthily with reality TV. I like the best of both. It shouldn't be either-or. And I know TV programming executives like NBC's Jeff Zucker try to balance the highbrow with lowbrow, as he has said in interviews.

Oscar nominations are coming out tomorrow, and the NY Times film critic wrote something that resonates with me about this topic:

[S]ome of these commentators have noticed something else: a disjunction between what the critics, individually or in prize-giving packs, celebrate and what the public seems to like (or at least to pay for). For the most part, the top-grossing movies have been left off the Top 10 lists and snubbed by the various critics' circles, societies, boards and associations. Where were the prizes for Spider-Man, for Austin Powers, for My Big Fat Greek Wedding?

The answer is taken as evidence that the critics are hopelessly out of touch with the public. It seems to me more likely — and I suspect that Tuesday's nominations will bear me out — that the gap between movies that make a lot of money and movies that win awards reflects the current state of the film industry itself. Two enormously successful, enthusiastically reviewed pictures — Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers and Catch Me If You Can — are apt to come up short with the Academy, which has historically been cool both to science fiction and (Schindler's List notwithstanding) Steven Spielberg.

So here I am, in spite of myself, making predictions. Whatever the nominations turn out to be, Tuesday will almost certainly provide the latest evidence that a two-tier system has emerged in Hollywood. The studios continue to spend (and profit) lavishly on critic- and audience-proof franchise pictures, but they also appear increasingly committed to producing and distributing more ambitious and prestigious fare, often through their "art" or "independent" divisions. This strikes me as a pretty good arrangement. Will the Academy, so committed to the ideal that the movies should be all things to all people, be able to acknowledge it? Will it last?

I wish the TV biz would do the same. But how?

I just saw the art film The Hours yesterday. It's a very serious, exquisitely well-acted, intelligent, and depressing film. It's not something you "enjoy" watching. But for anyone who has suffered mental illness, depression, thoughts of suicide, or who had a sense that he has led a superficial life or has not taken enough risks to do what he really wanted to do, this film resonates. It expertly weaves together thematically the lives of three women, in three time periods, who suffer greatly inside. They try to appear controlled and placid at the surface, but they boil over with dissatisfaction and feel lonely and imprisoned in their daily lives.

Nicole Kidman, who plays the writer Virginia Woolf, finally bursts to her loving husband, in a climactic moment, how she cannot bear the quiet and conformity of the suburbs any more and would rather die than stay there. She longs to return to the bustle of London. At that intense moment, I could totally relate to her. It's how I feel sometimes living here in the suburbs of San Jose. Mira has kept telling me to get out of here, that with my personality and interests, I am a city boy. I heartily agree. I am a college town boy, someone who prefers used bookstores and walkable cities and seeing musicians play for change on the street. And it's one reason I plan to move to Los Angeles.

The Hours, again, is not "fun" or "enjoyable" to experience. You may leave the theater feeling hopeless and wretched. It's a slow downer of a movie. BUT it draws you into the minds and hearts of real women, real people out there who every day DO feel that sense of Thoreau's "quiet desperation." I especially liked Julianne Moore, who plays a 1950s housewife trapped in a conformist domestic life that she cannot bear. Whose cheerful husband is completely clueless and who drives her nuts the more he tells her that THIS...this life of her baking cakes and staying home all day...this was his dream of their future happiness that sustained him before they were married. She is an incredible actress.

As are Meryl Streep and Ed Harris, who just swept me away. BRAVO is all I can say.

Oh, a warning: this film overloads on tears. There is more (unexplained) crying per minute in this movie than in The Joy Luck Club, and that's a record! Mushy as sweet potatoes. Yet the editing is superb. The film has a very tight structure that relates the three women's stories extremely well and unlocks a very complex novel.

Posted 4:51 PM by Blah blah

Paid for Advertising. Christina's Yunnan Province Pix

You see those ad links at the top of the page? Out of the blue, a woman just offered to pay me, monthly, to advertise on this blog! So please do me a favor and click on those two online gambling links above.

Yessir, Tiger Cafe is actually making a little cash.

Next, Christina just got back from a vacation to Yunnan Province, in southwest China, about 600 miles west of Hong Kong. See her Yunnan pix!. Lots of countryside and rural folks on horseback. Use login: tigercafe, password: password if needed.

She has some very cute pix here. What is she doing in Pic #39?

Posted 6:22 AM by Blah blah

Interesting! Did you know I met this Asian guy at a party who actually KNEW the first ABC "bachelor," Alex Michel? He'd gone to school with him at Harvard and Stanford. ABC's "bachelor" says engagement is off (AP).

My Ex Got Married

Sorry for being off the Net for a week. For those of you who are coming to read this regularly (and I think I know most of you), thanks for your patience. I'm sure you know I can't be as frank and open here as I am by phone or email.

Sometimes that's the reason I quote articles written by other people. Something raw or notable may have just happened to me, but it's too sensitive to tell. So if you want to know the truer me, please write or call or chat with me. Haven't been in the writing mood lately.

One of my exes, D, just contacted me last week. We'd lost touch for 1-2 years. I was surprised and happy to hear from her. She seemed upbeat and content and happy to hear me again. Said she'd gotten married last year. A quick marriage in Las Vegas with no time for a honeymoon, then back to China for the wedding reception.

D's originally from near Beijing. She used to be a host of a current events TV show in China. She wasn't a reporter but a reader of other people's writing.

She started telling me these little details about things we had done together. "Remember when you took me to that delicious Thai restaurant in Berkeley?...Remember when you took me to the DMV?..." I honestly have not thought about that stuff for years. But each time we've talked since we stopped regular contact, she's brought up little things that I showed her, little things she treasures. And I am flattered.

When I first knew D, she was unhappy. Some bad things had happened in her life, she felt helpless, and she was thinking of giving up life here and returning to China. I tried to strongly encourage and inspire her to keep persisting. And it eventually worked! So I am happy for her. And amazed that she remembers little details of what we did together. I actually made a difference in someone's life!

With so many people coming in and going out of our lives, I felt a strong sense of warmth when she brought up all these little details of experiences we had together. It was talking to an old friend again. And she wants to keep in touch and see me sometime.

I've almost never had a messy breakup. We've usually parted amicably. The time I have met my exes again, they have been very happy to see me, and I felt this rush of good feeling in my tummy too. The chemistry is still there.

Have some funny stories to tell, but no time. Will catch ya later, 'k?

Posted 9:41 AM by Blah blah

Hi to those of you coming here from Joe Club! You guys crack me up!

Photos and Videos from Inside the Columbia Space Shuttle. Foam?

I'm watching the memorial service on NASA TV live.

Sigh. This really makes the death of the astronauts hit home with me: from NASA's shuttle page, see individual bios of the crew, plus

-Crew photos from Day 12 and
-Videos of crewmembers on Day 15. They sounded so upbeat and enthusiastic.
-The start of 16 pages of videos from the flight. This page and this page show the launch, and this page shows the crew talking to the press.

Sadly, NASA now thinks that a piece of foam that peeled off the space shuttle's external fuel tank, during launch, MAY have damaged its heat protecting tiles enough to cause the accident. Engineer's '97 Report Warned of Damage to Tiles by Foam (NY Times).

NASA photo of particles hitting the shuttle's left wing.

This piece of foam was maybe three to four feet long and weighed less than three pounds. Turns out the shuttle "tiles were only two inches deep," but "the impact could have damaged a swath of tile as large as 7 inches wide and 32 inches long, according to an agency memorandum made public yesterday."

Very sad. If so, it means the astronauts were doomed from the very beginning of liftoff, or at least after they first entered space. What is this "foam" they talk about? Something soft like styrofoam??? I assume that at the shuttle's incredible speeds for liftoff, even a three pound object would hit it with a hugely damaging force, like a rock might hit your car on the freeway.

"The report went on to speculate as to why the foam dropped off. As it turned out, to be environmentally friendly, NASA had eliminated the use of Freon in foam production, Mr. Katnik reported. The Marshall Space Flight Center in Huntsville, Ala., later concluded that the absence of Freon led to the detachment of the foam. While the formulation was later improved, the episode revealed potentially dangerous new ways in which tiles could be damaged. " [From a 1997 engineer's report on a previous launch of the shuttle Columbia.] Very ironic.

As many people said this weekend, we are so used to space travel being predictable and "safe" that we forget how really fragile everything is, including human life. I wonder what happens usually when space junk and rocks in space strike the shuttle? It must be travelling at least tens of thousands of miles per hour in orbit! Amazing.

Posted 9:52 AM by Blah blah

Space Shuttle Disaster (CBS). OH NOOO!! I remember watching the Challenger explode during liftoff 17 years ago:

Look at this animated graphic! "This radar loop from the National Weather Service's Shreveport, Louisiana radar station shows a streak crossing the Texas-Louisiana border south of Shreveport on February 1, 2003 after the Space Shuttle Columbia broke up over Texas. The streak is thought to reflect the smoke plume caused by the shuttle as it disintegrated."

Photos and slideshow of the Columbia shuttle disaster.
______________
Space shuttle Columbia broke apart in flames as it streaked over Texas toward its landing strip on Saturday, killing all seven astronauts---six Americans and an Israeli.

"It's gone," said a senior U.S. official who spoke on condition of anonymity. The official said debris from the shuttle that fell to earth in Texas and apparently some other states, had been positively identified as coming from the spacecraft....

The shuttle was at an altitude of 207,000 feet over north-central Texas at a 9 a.m. EST, traveling at 12,500 mph, when Mission Control lost contact and tracking data.

In north Texas, people reported hearing "a big bang" at about 9 a.m., the same time all radio and data communication with the shuttle was lost. Columbia had been scheduled to land in Florida a few minutes later.

Television stations showed what appeared to be flaming debris falling through the sky, and NASA warned Texas residents to beware of any falling objects. NASA also announced that search and rescue teams were being mobilized in the Dallas and Fort Worth areas.

Residents of Nacogdoches, Texas, said debris, including bits of machinery and pieces of metal, were found strewn across the city Saturday morning, hours after NASA lost contact with space shuttle Columbia.

"It's all over Nacogdoches," said James Milford, owner of Milford Barber shop in downtown Nacogdoches. "There are several little pieces, some parts of machinery ... there's been a lot of pieces about 3 feet wide."

Nacogdoches waiter R.T. Gregory was traveling into work when he saw a group of people looking at something in a taped off section of town. It turned out to be a huge piece of debris from the space shuttle.

"There was a piece of metal. It looked kind of aluminum-looking like....It appears to be about four, five feet long, maybe two or three feet wide.

Inside Mission Control, flight controllers hovered in front of their computers, staring at the screens. The wives, husbands and children of the astronauts who had been waiting at the landing strip were gathered together by NASA and taken to secluded place.

In 42 years of U.S. human space flight, there had never been an accident during the descent to Earth or landing. On Jan. 28, 1986, space shuttle Challenger exploded shortly after liftoff.

On Jan. 16, shortly after Columbia lifted off, a piece of insulating foam on its external fuel tank came off and was believed to have struck the left wing of the shuttle. Leroy Cain, the lead flight director in Mission Control, assured reporters Friday that engineers had concluded that any damage to the wing was considered minor and posed no safety hazard.

Larry Whatley lives in East Dallas and was already out watching for Columbia to fly over when he saw what was happening. He told CBS Radio Station KRLD-AM, "I got my binoculars and went out in the park right across the street from me. It comes the same way every time when it's going to land, so I knew which way it'd be coming. And when it just about got overhead I could see a big fireball."

Gary Hunziker in Plano said he saw the shuttle flying overhead. "I could see two bright objects flying off each side of it," he told. "I just assumed they were chase jets."

"I was getting ready to go out and I heard a big bang and the windows shook in the house," John Ferolito, 60, of Carrolton, north of Dallas, said. "I thought it was a sonic boom."

Security had been tight for the 16-day scientific research mission because of the presence of Ilan Ramon, the first Israeli astronaut....

CBS News Correspondent Robert Berger, who is in Jerusalem, reports Israelis are in shock and disbelief, especially because they welcomed this story as the first good news in a long time. They cheered at the launch, but now, it's like a fairytale with a bad ending, Berger says.