Posted 8:44 PM by Blah blah

Coming soon...

Arrgh. Running around the last few days. No time to write. Possible upcoming topics:

- Worked more on that house in Los Gatos for Habitat for Humanity Silicon Valley. I helped them dig holes and lay the foundation for a deck. Talked more to the African family that will be living in it.
- Happy Hour for NAAAP SF last week. Met Pjammer, Christine, and a bunch of other cool people.
- Party at Patrick's new "manufactured house" last night. Fascinating topic.
- Miss Ginny Cheng sent me her pictures from her trip to Thailand. See lots of cute Taiwanese girl pics on her site. Sorry guys---they are all far away, yet many are single. I haven't seen Ginny since I took her to dinner in San Francisco.
- My Friendster friends list has grown like crazy. Friendster itself is growing at LEAST 1000 new people per day. I searched for some of my exes in the "User Search" but didn't find them. Hehe. I know---Friendster can be DANGEROUS.
- Some people, like Ginny, are big social connectors. I notice her friends list has a lot of accomplished, single girls, but mainly in Taipei. Here in the Bay Area, most of those types of girls would be taken. Says something about the supply and demand, no?
- The latest online issue of SAM magazine is coming out soon. Be patient. I'm working on it!

See? I NEVER run out of material for this blog. Never.

Posted 2:18 PM by Blah blah

Older Women & Younger Men (Revealing)

All Ashton & Demi, all the time (USA Today). Doubtless you've been following the gossip about the new Hollywood couple, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, Demi aged 40 with a seemingly new plastic surgery enhanced body, and Ashton at 25 "canoodling" happily. (Demi's amazing new look Herald Sun) And Ashton studied chemical engineering in college, like me!

In 2000 we had the robbing-the-cradle relationship between Chinese singers Nicholas Tse (then 19) and Faye Wong (then 31). Wong had just divorced her husband of three years.

As someone who used to mainly date older women, I have an inkling of why Ashton and Nicholas do it. The oldest woman I've dated was 10 years older than I. And yes, I have dated divorced women.

Basically, age is a sham. A number means nothing in the continual mystery of the human heart. Whomever finds that connection, however their age difference, deserves joy and congratulations. It's hard enough to find love as it is.

An ex of mine. She was older:

Posted 12:31 PM by Blah blah

Susan Page: Couples Who Thrive (Part 2)
Parts from her book The 8 Essential Traits of Couples Who Thrive.

Preface

"If you aren't happy with your marriage, why don't you do something about it?"

I began to search the literature for books about happy marriage---but they all turned out to be about how to drag your awful relationship up out of the gutter and make it more tolerable....

The major points in this book are also the result of my more than twenty years of professional involvement with couples....my colleague Roseann Packard and I founded one of the nation's first university-based human sexuality programs, at the University of California at Berkeley....In my work as a Protestant campus minister and as the director of a domestic violence prevention agency, I continued to gain experience and insights about the way some couples resign themselves to a lackluster marriage....

Much of what I learned in my workshops over the years is presented in the pages that follow. I have also drawn heavily on the experiences of the 32 couples I interviewed in depth as well as my own odyssey from an 8-year first marriage, through a painful but ultimately enlightening divorce, 6 years of singlehood, and now 12 years of experiencing life's joys and challenges together with my wonderful husband.

Introduction: A Brand-New Idea About Marriage

This book does hold secrets to happiness---but not in the forms you are used to seeing them. It will not tell you how to change your spouse. It will not give you techniques you can use to paper over limitations in your own character and to patch up your relationship. It won't give you a course of therapy that has worked for other unhappy couples. It won't tell you what to do to have a better marriage; rather, it will tell you how to be to have a better marriage.

This book is about the kinds of people who have thriving marriages. They didn't all have happy childhoods; some of their early families were quite miserable. They aren't all superachievers. They don't all have charmed, lucky lives. They don't all have "perfect" partners. What they do have in common is that they are people who are guided by deep and timeless principles....

The Old Idea

The old idea...is that there is no such thing as a really great marriage---or at least, that joyfully happy marriages are so rare that they are unattainable to most of us normal, somewhat neurotic folks....The old idea about marriage is that is is hard work....In the real world, being married involves compromise and disillusionment....All marriages go through stages, the old wisdom goes. After the honeymoon phase ends, a couple will begin to be annoyed by the very qualities that attracted them to each other in the first place....We still want marriage to be wonderful, but deep inside, we fear that happy marriage is unrealistic....

In fact, the popular statistic [that 50% of all marriages end in divorce] has recently been challenged. In a 1987 San Francisco Chronicle article entitled "Marriage Is Holding Up," pollster Louis Harris called it "one of the most specious pieces of statistical nonsense ever perpetrated in modern times." He says that government figures and his survey show that only 1 of 8 marriages will end in divorce, and that in any single year only about 2% of existing marriages will break up....Statistics about a population are irrelevant to your own individual odds. Your "odds" of staying married are what you make them...based on what you believe about your marriage and whether or not you choose to be a loving, proactive spouse....

The prevailing belief about marriage endures because it allows us to feel normal if our marriage is unexciting....it helps us to rationalize our own ho-hum marriages.

"People will not want to read about thriving couples," a friend cautioned me. "It will make them uncomfortable and anxious. People would rather read about couples who are worse off than they are so that they can feel good about themselves."...

The primary difference between thriving couples and troubled ones is that thriving couples want to thrive and believe they can be extremely happpy together....they are quietly pursuing their own reality.

The New Idea

In order to have a joyful marriage you have to change not your marriage but your mind-set....making small changes while retaining your present ideas about marriage will not result in any meaningful change. What has to shift is your entire concept of marriage....

There are some circumstances in which a marriage should be terminated...After I have presented my initial case for transforming marriage, I will explore this question thoroughly and identify those limited situations.

Thriving Marriage

This book is not a scientific study. I have interviewed at length 32 couples who describe themselves as flourishing and exceptionally happy, and I have spoken with 40 others....what I have attempted in this book is to present a gestalt, a whole that is greater than the sum of its parts....It has not been your methods that have held you back so far, I submit, but your motivation. And you can't be motivated to improve your marriage if you don't believe any improvement is possible.

The "Perfect" Marriage?

I was in a conversation in which a woman who has been married for 35 years announced that she has the perfect marriage....The woman's claim reminded me of a passage I love from a book by Soetsu Yanagi about Japanese folk pottery, called The Unknown Craftsman:

True beauty cannot lie either in the perfect or the imperfect, but must lie in a realm where such distinctions have ceased to exist....The precise and perfect carries no overtones, admits of no freedom; the perfect is static and regulated, cold and hard. We in our own human imperfections are repelled by the perfect, since everything is apparent from the start and there is no suggestion of the infinite. Beauty must have some room, must be associated with freedom. Freedom, indeed, is beauty. The love of the irregular is a sign of the basic quest for freedom.

A "perfect" marriage is not a marriage without challenges, but a marriage that has the strength to manage the challenges that arise....

We must learn to judge our marriages on their own merits. The perfect marriage is not one that conforms to a set of standards set by anyone else, but rather a marriage that both partners experience as fulfilling....resist the tempation to compare your own relationship to others....The question should not be "What is a perfect marriage?," but what is your perfect marriage?"...Like a Japanese tea bowl, casually glazed and warped by the fire, his marriage, with all its idiosyncrasies, is perfectly beautiful, richly satisfying to behold in its irregularity.

Chapter 1. Trait 1: Desire, Belief, and Commitment

Exactly how happy would you like your marriage to be? On a scale of 1 to 100,...what number would you like to strive for?...If you knew you could achieve 100 on the scale, would you do whatever was required to get there? Your answers to these questions will be a strong indication of your potential to thrive as a couple. Let me explain.

It has become a cliche in these times to say that the vast majority of marital problems result from poor communication. In fact, there is a much deeper cause of marital unhappiness....It is this: though they may not realize it, many couples are deeply ambivalent about each other---and about their relationship.

Couples who thrive show no evidence of ambivalence. Their happiness and all the other beautiful qualities in their relationship derive from their unmitigated desire to be together, their total belief in the rightness of their relationship, and their absolute commitment to their life together. They are not driving through their marriage with their brakes on....

Couples who thrive are happy together because they choose to drive without their brakes on. They throw themselves fully into their marriage and embrace what they have together....

Most of us think that happy couples are just more compatible than the rest of us. But happy couples have stresses on their marriage...they start with the same raw ingredients the rest of us have. But they don't let these potential roadblocks to happiness dominate their whole relationship. They are always aware of a bigger picture: their desire to be happy, their belief that they can be happy, and their unswerving commitment to each other.

And their happiness flows naturally out of their desire, belief, and commitment. If these are present...the couple is likely to thrive even if they don't have a lot of other relationship skills....For example, it is true that couples who thrive communicate very well with each other. But they communicate well not because they were born with "good communication skills"...[It's] because of their deep, unambivalent desire to do so.

Desire

In order to achieve any worthy goal, you have to want it with a burning passion. Otherwise, you will probably let yourself be defeated by the many obstacles that will almost certainly present themselves.

Couples who thrive do not ask themselves, "Is this worth it?" They are not beset with questions like, "Do I really love being in this relationship? Do I really want to be in any relationship at all? Is this really the person I should be with?" Because they already have the answer.

They want each other and they want their relationship with a passion. They are excited to be together. They often say things like "How did we get so lucky? Where would I be without you?"...Couples who thrive say these things to each other, not just in the first year after they meet, but for decades.

I interviewed a woman who had fallen in love with a man just two months previously and was already looking forward to her wedding...I asked her, "How do you know this is the right person?"...she told me:

A big part of the ecstasy we feel is the mutuality of our love. We both know beyond any doubt that we want to be married, and we are both very excited about each other. I realize only now that we have met that what I was dreaming of and hoping for all these years was precisely this: that I would find someone I felt no hesitation about who felt exactly the same way about me. I mean that mutual desire, that total lack of pulling back or caution---that is the pleasure!

The opposite of a clear, burning desire to be together is ambivalence---doubts, hesitations, fears.

I love David, but I feel too lonely too much of the time in this marriage.

I love Bill, but I can't stand the way he yells at the kids. I just hate that.

Remaining ambivalent has many apparent advantages: You get to keep all your options open. You never have to give up fantasies about other relationships or other lives you might be leading. You never have to feel that you have made a final decision.

If you just don't have [enthusiasm], what can you do?...You have to learn to act in the presence of ambivalence. Acknowledge your ambivalence, but don't be governed by it. Turn down the volume.

You have to modify your behavior. Even if you don't feel like it, act as if you have a passionate desire to be with your spouse and to have a wonderful relationship together. Find some small way to behave the way an enthusiastic spouse would behave. Very often, new feelings will follow new behavior....

Let's say that your main problem with your spouse is that he or she is simply a workaholic. The two of your virtually never spend any time together....You are right about this analysis. It's obvious to everyone.

But look. You are paying a heavy price for clinging to your analysis. You get to be right about what the problem is, but you don't get to be loving. You don't get to be forgiving....understanding...appreicated for your patience. You don't get to see how your partner would respond if you let go of your judgments, if you shifted to a more open attitude. You don't get to experiment with different potential solutions to the problem because if anything changed, you might have egg on your face.

Maybe you really are right. But who cares? As long as you remain invested in proving you are right about your spouse's faults (or your own limitations)...you preclude the possibility of changing those things....

Being right keeps you safe. It keeps you from having to risk making any change in yourself....See if you can let go of your position...

Carolyn had been divorced for 7 years after an 18 year marriage when I spoke with her.

I really didn't love my husband. I'm not sure I ever did. I was in a hurry to get married so I could start my family, and I didn't have very high self-esteem back then. He seemed like a good provider and a nice guy. But I was critical of him from the very start. He had a temper. He was very controlling and ordered me around....I used to go on for hours with my friends about all the awful things he did. People agreed he had some difficult qualities, but some of my friends liked him a lot. What I see now is that I blamed him for everything, but the truth is, I was not a loving wife! I thought I was not a loving wife because he was such a jerk, but I now think that if I had been loving toward him, he might have been willing to work on some of the problems. Why should he have given anything to me? I was so cold to him. I didn't see his good qualities, and I never asked him to change the ones I didn't like. I was stuck in proving that he was awful. I saw no other alternatives.

...Suppose she had been able to make a shift...If even for only one hour, she had suspended all her judgments, and had behaved in a loving manner toward her partner, something might have begun to shift....

Striving to make a change in your feelings and deliberately experimenting by acting as if you feel the new way is quite different from wittingly or unwittingly deceiving yourself or another person. When you act as if you are enthusiastic about this marriage and this person, you are creating an experiment, not an illusion or deception....

Let's say you pretend for one week that you are genuinely enthusiastic about your marriage. Maybe you will discover that some part of you really is. Maybe you will feel sad....who knows?...Very often people who do these experiments end up experiencing something they could neer have imagined before they did them....

Relating to your partner with enthusiasm will result in new behavior. New behavior will bring new results. New results may bring new feelings or new insights.

Couples who want to thrive---or who want to want to thrive but are deeply ambivalent---can move toward happiness simply by behaving as though they want to be happy together...Pretend....

In my personal life, whenever I find myself at an impasse, I devise an experiment as a way to move beyond this block and get a new perspective.

Belief

[Have high expectations of your relationship!] You need to believe only that you and your partner have the potential to be happy. And not just reasonably happy---extremely happy to be together and very much in love.

If you can change your belief, you can change your experience....

Since people behave in a manner consistent with what they believe, Barbara unwittingly undermined her marriage by focusing on her husband's faults. If she had believed she could have a good marriage and that she could make a man happy, she might have been more accepting and tolerant of her husband's shortcomings, and this would have made a world of difference in their marriage.

By contrast, couples who have beautiful relationships make allowances for each other's shortcomings:

Craig: David is so absentminded. The other day I found a coffee mug in the refrigerator! I used to get so annoyed with him. But now I realize he is just being David. If he's late getting home, I've learned now, I just need to call him. I know he gets so absorbed, he forgets to call. I don't take it personally. If he weren't spaced out half the time, he wouldn't be David. And his absentmindedness has a real up side, too. He gets an enormous amount done when he gets so absorbed.

...So how do you change your beliefs?

First you have to figure out exactly what is is you believe and where you got your beliefs. Some of them...may be the result of experiences in your family....

Second, you have to get some distance from your beliefs....It is very difficult to change a belief when you are in the middle of the consequences of believing it...

Third, you must feel the pain of your negative beliefs....If you can associate pain with your negative beliefs, you may be more highly motivated to change them.

Fourth, you must suspend your old beliefs and try some behaviro that results from a new belief. Then observe your experience....For if you can change your experience, your beliefs will change automatically.

Experiment: Changing Beliefs

1. Make a list of beliefs you have about your marriage that limit what you marriage can be. Consider them carefully.
2. For each of them, write an opposite statement to that belief. For example, if your limiting belief is "I will never feel good about my spouse's behavior toward the children," you might write as a new belief "If we work together, my spouse can alter the behavior toward the children, and I can feel great about this effort and the resulting behavior."

Example: "I can't be intimate because I grew up in a dysfunctional family. I am not limited by my past. With perseverance and support, I can learn to be intimate....Couples who thrive believe that they can be wonderful for each other, and that they can have a charmed marriage.

Commitment

Couples who thrive are unswervingly committed to each other and to their relationship. They have joyfully cast their lot with each other, and they don't spend time looking back, wondering if they did the right thing, or casting about for an escape route....

Lack of commitment inhibits intimacy, and prevents the full flowering of a relationship.

If I'm not fully committed...I am telling you: "I have hesitations about whether I can be truly happy with you." "I don't love you quite enough." "I sometimes think other options might be better."...

These hesitations, doubts, and fears construct limitations for us. It is dangerous for you to become completely vulnerable and honest with me if you know that at some point I might disappear---emotionally or physically....

People...have to spend part of their energy protecting themselves from hurt and preparing for the part of their lives that does not include the other partner. There can be no complete release into a full intimate bond. Lack of commitment is withholding, and withholding is antithetical to intimacy.

Lack of commitment also makes it difficult for couples to fight because every time they do, the relationship itself is at stake. They have no safe context within which they can work out their conflicts. This means they will be less likely to work them out and more likely to withhold things that are bothering them. And withholding erodes closeness. Moreover, couples who are not committed are not highly motivated to work out problems since they may eventually break up anyway. They will spare themselves the hassle and live with what annoys them. But this undercurrent of annoyance creates distance and inhibits intimacy.

Living in a relationship where the commitment is tentative or intermittent is like living in a rented house....It's just not worth the investment....These relationships suffer from a vicious cycle: the lack of commitment causes stress and problems, and then the stress and problems reduce the likelihood of commitment....

When commitment happens, a shift takes place---a shift in the energy of both partners and in their whole psychological system. They are no longer driving with their brakes on....

For several years I had a running debate with a friend....Her postion was this:

I am not going to make a commitment to Karl until I feel totally ready. And when I do, then the commitment won't make any difference; the relationshp will already be what it is. In other words, commitment is useless. By the time you are ready to make it, it beccomes academic.

Then my friend got a job in a distant city, and Karl had to decide whether to move there with her. After they had decided to move and were making their plans, my friend told me,

Susan, you were right. I never dreamed how much closer we could be. This commitment has made a big difference. There is a whole new quality to our relationship. I didn't realize it before, but I didn't quite believe that Karl loved me. Now that he is committed enough to move with me, I "got it" that he does! But I didn't realize that this quality was mising until it wasn't missing any more! We didn't know that we were holding back, but suddenly now we have relaxed in a way that lets a lot more energy flow between us. It's not just that we know we won't leave each other. It's that we've let go of our struggle and we are just totally there for each other. There has been a big shift, and I love it.

...[It's] a shift from conditional to unconditional love. If I make a commitment to you, I am making a statement that I am not going to disappear the first time something that I don't like happens. I love you for who you are---not for what I wish you were.

Another shift that occurs with commitment is a shift in a couple's sense of time.

Closeness and realness require time to develop....There is simply no substitute for time and the depth of closeness if can bring. Commitment lets two people know that they will have the time to let their intimacy deepen. They can relax into a leisurely rhythm with each other, knowing they will have the pleasure of time together, and the opportunities for knowing each other that only time can make available. In this way, a commitment makes a relationship more likely to last....

A widespread misconception about commitment is that it means you can't ever change your mind. "What if things change?" people say....

A commitment is a statement about the quality of the relationship now, not about how long the relationship will last. Commitment means "Right now I am fully and totally with you. Right now I want to build my life with you and right now my intention and desire is to stay with you forever."...

Recognizing that a commitment might change some day is no reason to avoid making one now....every commitment requires a leap of faith.

A second misconception people have about commitment is that it is a way of tying oneself down.

Quite the contrary: commitment is a way of letting go. Commitment requires a willingness to...let go of total control. Rather than holding the horse back to a walk, you commit yourself to the ride, let go of the reins, and let the horse gallop freely.

Commitment has two pleasurable aspects to it. One is the joy of loving the other person. The other is the joy of giving up your ambivalence....The feeling of complete certainty is...a great pleasure to experience---especially when it is shared with another who is equally certain....

When you commit yourself to something, it does not stop changing. What two people commit themselves to is a process of discovery, a journey, the adventure of exploring life's road together. They may discover lions on the road, but..."the lions never get out of the road of the person who waits to see the way clear before starting to walk."
_________________
Summary of Chapter 1:

1. Desire: act as if you have a passionate desire to be with your spouse and to have a wonderful relationship together. Find some small way to behave the way an enthusiastic spouse would behave. Very often, new feelings will follow new behavior.
2. Belief: believe that you both can have a thriving marriage and act accordingly. Believe that you can work or deal with your disagreements.
3. Commitment: unswervingly commit to each other and to improving the relationship. This will increase intimacy and trust.

Posted 12:31 PM by Blah blah

More on Improving Your Relationships

Sorry, guys, for getting off on a tangent the last few days. From now on I'm gonna focus on covering in detail the two books I mentioned:

1. The 8 Essential Traits of Couples Who Thrive by Susan Page. Here's Part 1 of my review.

2. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman. Here's Part 1 of my review and an interview with John Gottman.

Posted 12:31 PM by Blah blah

Went to my rollerblading lesson today. Had lunch with Patrick, the teacher, who also is starting a business on the side. Great guy and fantastic athlete!

Hey, this blog is feeling lonely. Please post or leave comments, everyone. Even if you think what you have to say is stupid. Say something. Are you bored? Inspired? Curious? Tired? Speak!

Posted 7:42 AM by Blah blah

By Mira: Meet my best friend Diamond (Materialistic Gossip)

Mira just wrote one of the most entertaining posts I've ever read on her blog, sprinkled with VERY cutesy pics of herself. A scene right out of Sex and the City, yo.

Back when she was applying to this college major, she submitted, as part of her portfolio, a hundred-something page novel she'd written.

This post really shows her novelistic talent!

"Forget about class, the newly bejeweled Audrey sparked a discussion about diamonds. None of us girls at the back took notes that day....

[T]hat diamond was huge yo. I need to start wearing sunglasses to that class.

Girlfriends are dropping like flies all around me and men are going bankrupt. Ha ha...ha ?"

Posted 3:15 AM by Blah blah

Metrosexual: The Feminized Straight Man (Social Trends)

My housemate is so much this kind of man---definitely masculine, he also cares about how furniture and curtains are arranged and the kitchen is equipped. He gets his hair cut by an expensive barber in San Francisco just so, wears the Brooks Brothers pants and Banana Republic shirts, and makes sure to spray his cologne in the air and walk through it properly. He cooks well and keeps our house very neat. All of our kitchen appliances match. Before he had his current girlfriend (who barely cooks), he'd always ask me before he left for a party, "How do I look? Do you think I look too fat here?"

Plus he's as straight as a ruler. Women love this attention to detail with your clothing and house.

Metrosexuals Come Out (NY Times):
_______________
"Metrosexuals" — straight urban men willing, even eager, to embrace their feminine sides....

America may be on the verge of a metrosexual moment. On July 15, Bravo will present a makeover show, "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy," in which a team of five gay men "transform a style-deficient and culture-deprived straight man from drab to fab," according to the network. Condé Nast is developing a shopping magazine for men, modeled after Lucky, its successful women's magazine, which is largely a text-free catalog of clothes and shoes.

There is no end to the curious new vanity products for young men, from a Maxim-magazine-branded hair coloring system to Axe, Unilever's all-over body deodorant for guys. And men are going in for self-improvement strategies traditionally associated with women. For example, the number of plastic surgery procedures on men in the United States has increased threefold since 1997, to 807,000, according to the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery.

"Their heightened sense of aesthetics is very, very pronounced," Marian Salzman, chief strategy officer at Euro RSCG, who organized the gathering at Eleven Madison Park, said of metrosexuals. "They're the style makers. It doesn't mean your average Joe American is going to copy everything they do," she added. "But unless you study these guys you don't know where Joe American is heading."...

[W]hat separates the modern-day metrosexual from his touchy-feely forebears is a care-free attitude toward the inevitable suspicion that a man who dresses well, has good manners, understands thread counts or has opinions on women's fashion is gay.

"If someone's going to judge me on what kind of moisturizer I have on my shelf, whatever," said Marc d'Avignon, 28, a graduate student living in the East Village, who describes himself as "horrendously addicted to Diesel jeans" and living amid a chemistry lab's worth of Kiehl's lotions....

Most metrosexuals, though, see their approach to life as serving their own interests in the most important marketing contest of all: the battle for babes. Their pitch to women: you're getting the best of both worlds.

Some women seem to buy it. Alycia Oaklander, a 29-year-old fashion publicist from Manhattan, fell for John Kilpatrick, a Washington Redskins season ticket holder who loves Budweiser and grilling hot dogs, in part because of his passion for shopping and women's fashion shows. On their first dates, Mr. Kilpatrick brought Champagne, cooked elaborate meals and talked the talk about Ms. Oaklander's shoes. They were married yesterday.

"He loves sports and all the guy stuff," Ms. Oaklander said. "But on the other hand he loves to cook and he loves design. It balances out."

The proliferation of metrosexuals is even having an impact in gay circles. Peter Paige, a gay actor who plays the character Emmett on the Showtime series "Queer as Folk," frequently complains in interviews that he's having a harder time than ever telling straight men from gays.

"They're all low-slung jeans and working out with six packs and more hair product than I've ever used in my life, and they smell better than your mother on Easter," he said. Mr. Paige said there was at least one significant difference between hitting on metrosexuals and their less evolved predecessors. "Before, you used to get punched," he said. "Now it's all, `Gee thanks, I'm straight but I'm really flattered.' "

Posted 2:30 AM by Blah blah

Concept More Important Than Stars in Hollywood (Entertainment)

Fascinating article! In fact, I find this trend not just in TV and movies, but in some blogs. Some blogs are popular just from the "concept," or type of blog they are.

Major Stars Not So Crucial as Concept Trumps Celebrity (NY Times):
____________
Entertainment producers are relying more than ever on high-concept movies, reality television shows and manufactured musical projects, tilting the balance of power away from big-name, big-ticket stars in favor of franchises that mint, rather than require, famous faces....

Seven of the top 10 programs in the recently completed television season were reality shows like "Joe Millionaire" or procedural dramas like "C.S.I." and "Law & Order" that depend on the story, not easily replaced cast members. And Kelly Clarkson, the fresh-faced winner of the first "American Idol" popularity contest on Fox, released her album in April just one week before Madonna and has outsold the one-name star by a ratio of more than two to one.

In this plug-and-play entertainment economy, concepts and marketing have become so dominant that performers are increasingly finding themselves treated like one more bit of product placement. Abundant, disposable celebrities and a proliferation of entertainment options on cable, the World Wide Web and game systems have created a cluttered environment where easy-to-understand conceits — like "The Bachelor" and "X-Men" — are needed to break through. As a result, entertainment companies in pursuit of sturdy, long-running franchises are less willing to balance them on something as unpredictable as the popularity of a single star.

"You need concepts that can be easily grasped," said Walter Parkes, co-head of motion pictures at DreamWorks SKG, "that can be described quickly in the schoolyard or at the grocery store checkout. You need urgent word of mouth."

Of course, celebrities will always endure, as a glimpse of "Entertainment Tonight" or US Weekly demonstrates....But a high-priced star is no longer the only answer to the high velocity of today's entertainment world, where people grant the latest film or record release a nanosecond of attention before moving on to the next big thing....

Dick Wolf reinvented the crime genre when he started "Law & Order." Now he has three versions of the franchise, all highly rated, and would like to add a fourth. He says the programs are "pure concept," all cast and recast as he sees fit.

"The play is the thing," he said. "You know, it's a very funny thing, but Hamlet works. As long as the actor is good enough, it doesn't really matter who is in the role. It's the writing. If the writing is good you can replace anybody."

Posted 10:04 PM by Blah blah

More Sea Photos (Photos)

Eric is back from Sharklab and relaxing in West Palm Beach, Florida now. See his gorgeous Florida sea pix.

Posted 6:22 PM by Blah blah

Tale from the Darkside

Mother pours hot oil over model daughter's face (Sydney Morning Herald). Vengeful Asian mom.

Posted 11:53 PM by Blah blah

Oriented Happy Hour, Thursday, June 26 (Meeting People)

I'll be going to Christine's upcoming Oriented.com Happy Hour in Menlo Park.

(Christine's forums are working again. Check out her months of hot discussions about matchmaking, the difference between Asians in Asia vs. American-born Asians, working in Taiwan, why there are so many accomplished single women in Taipei, and more. I participated much in 2001.)

Anyone in the Bay Area is welcome to come! It's always free. Bring business cards to network with people.

Stanford Park Hotel
100 El Camino Real, Menlo Park
7:00 - 9:00 p.m.
Thursday, June 26
(650) 322-1234



"Join us for the opportunity to meet others who have done time, wish to do time, or spend a lot of time doing business in Asia and Greater China...

To support our mission of providing our members with access to quality organizations in the Bay Area, ORIENTED is co-hosting this month's event with NAAAP San Francisco (National Assoc. of Asian American Professionals) in support of two sponsors, the Chinese Historical Society of America and Hyphen Magazine, a newly launched national news and cultural magazine." I've been to a NAAAP party in Cupertino before.

Even if you don't care about the other people there, at least go there to see ME! Hehe...

Posted 11:51 PM by Blah blah

The Lafayette Project. Gawker. (Blogging)

Meg Hourihan, Nick Denton, and Gabriela Giacoman have started a blog media project called the Lafayette Project (see this link for a description).

Meg: "The more weblogs there are, the harder it is to keep track of them all. That's the problem we're addressing: turning the weblog network into accessible media."

Nick: "The Lafayette Project, a service which will automatically aggregate the best of weblog writing."

Gabriela: It's "a web service which indexes weblogs and shows readers a directory of their favorite authors."

Gabriela emailed me Friday, saying that my blog was selected to be one of the "essential weblogs" of the Lafayette Project. "As yours is one of the essential weblogs, we want to make sure we're preserving the association of your brand with your content in the directory, by using small image thumbnails of your logo or photo on your profile page and elsewhere. The thumbnail images would be small, roughly 32x32 pixels in dimension, and need to look good at that size."

What an honor, I thought. Meg and Nick are gods in the blog world. Meg was the co-creator (with Evan Williams) of Blogger. She also co-founded, with Evan, the company that made Blogger---Pyra. Nick is the president of Gawker Media, which writes the blogs Gawker and Gizmodo.

"Gizmodo (a blog for the gadget-obsessed) and Gawker (a New York blog [or web magazine] that covers celeb gossip, the publishing community, real estate, and other stimulation for water-cooler chit-chat) are driving serious traffic primarily on a word-of-mouth basis."

Gawker, written by Elizabeth Spiers, is very hot now, getting 20,000 readers daily. "Gawker readers include key reporters with the established press, and online influencers, giving marketing messages on Gawker a broader impact."

"Gawker is dedicated exclusively to frivolity and excess." From the New York Times: Gawker is "a voyeuristic, media-obsessed, gossipy and occasionally creepy blog that chronicles what Elizabeth Spiers calls 'the darker Manhattan-centric themes: class warfare as recreational sport; pathological status obsession; and the complete, total, and wholly unapologetic embrace of decadence.' "

Sites like Blogdex, Technorati, and Popdex already track zillions of blogs and their links daily. As of today, Technorati tracks 410,000 blogs! But still there's something missing in the blogiverse. I can't wait to see what Meg, Nick, and Gabriela have up their sleeves!

Here's the photo I'm submitting for the Lafayette Project. Look for me when it goes online in the second half of this year!

Posted 9:27 AM by Blah blah

Veda Piano Duo (Classical Music)

From lowbrow to highbrow...

Last night I went with my friend David to hear three women give a classical music recital at West Valley College. The two wonderful pianists, Ekaterina Gueorguieva (Katie) and Judy Huehn, are called the Veda Piano Duo. I know Judy and she had asked me to come. The flutist, Shannon Thompson, was also stunning in her precision and the lyrical quality she gave the first piece, the Sonata for Flute and Piano by Francis Poulenc. Several audience members came from Katie's choir at church.

Katie and Judy: the Veda Piano Duo. Both graduated from the San Francisco Conservatory of Music. She and Katie are going soon to Sicily and other parts of Europe, to do recitals and compete in a piano competition.

It was the first time I'd ever seen a piano duet! Judy and Katie played in utmost synchronicity on a huge Steinway with pianos on opposite ends. Besides the sonata, they played three other pieces from their first, recently released CD. They played Suite No. 2, Opus 17 by Rachmaninoff (the third and fourth movements), En Blanc et Noir by Debussy, and La Valse by Ravel. You may listen a bit if you sign up with MP3.com.

Katie told me that she and Judy had been dying to perform those pieces for so long. The Rachmaninoff was a showoff piece---very technically tough. "Avec Emportement," the 1st movement of En Blanc Et Noir by Claude Debussy, was my favorite of all last night. Very lyrical and poetic. Maybe I've been corrupted by my housemate's rap music and by modern movie music, but I tend to like music that has more of a "goal" emotionally. To my layman's ears, some of the other pieces were impressive but seemed to wander all over the place. They had less effect on me. I stress I have been out of the music world for a long time, so my opinion doesn't matter more than an armchair philosopher's!

After the concert, I met an old man who knows Judy. A pianist, he's a friend of their teacher from the SF Conservatory, and he was entranced by all of their playing. In awe, he thought Shannon was fantastic enough to play her flute in "any orchestra in the world."

"I normally don't like to see piano duets," he said.

"Why?" I said.

"Because there's so much to appreciate. I have to keep going from one pianist to the other!"

"It's like watching a ping-pong match. You mean you're greedy?"

"Exactly! It's like having two women---both are so tempting it's hard to decide whom to have first."

Go get 'em in Europe, Katie and Judy!

Posted 11:35 PM by Blah blah

Sam Magazine (Media)

Starting today, I'm the managing editor for Sam Magazine, an Asian men's magazine. (Think sexy Asian girl pictures, or an Asian Maxim.) Each month we'll have a new Asian model on the cover. Most of these girls are from the Bay Area.

We won't publish the first print issue till next year. In the meantime, enjoy our website. Please send me (and Sam) comments on it!

I haven't done much yet. I'm gonna try to spice up the writing and articles. I'll also help with some web development. I know Sam (the founder) through Gap, a guy who works for a congresswoman here. Gap is head of the Silicon Valley Asian Pacific American Democratic Club. He had been a guest on my political TV talk show, and he'd invited me to practice with the Stanford Taekwondo Club.

Sam takes stunning photos. Check out our site for a sample! Will women enjoy the magazine too? I certainly think so, especially since whenever I've linked to girls' pics here, it's the girls who keep urging me to post more girl pics!

Both Sam and Gap are Korean, and Sam had thought I was Korean too. Ha! People have also thought that I was Japanese or from Hong Kong.

Posted 9:05 PM by Blah blah

I Can't Republish Old Pages

For anyone who has found errors in my old writing, I unfortunately cannot republish my old pages now. Blogger has been unable to publish my blog archives for at least a week. Very frustrating. As soon as it works again, I will republish corrected entries. I apologize for that.

Posted 8:34 PM by Blah blah

Who Reads This Blog Regularly? (Blogging)

Honestly, some of you are so quiet I have no clue sometimes. Blogging is weird in that unlike TV, I can watch you while you watch me. Here's my little tongue-in-cheek survey:

1. Sheer numbers of readers have gone down, after China blocked Blogspot and those people looking for "chocolate pudding" + "Asian boy" have given up. Military hits have dropped. However, the numbers of people coming to this page SPECIFICALLY have gone up.

2. Bisexual women seem to like this blog. At least four of them I've talked to, plus one lesbian, read it. Is it the androgynous vibe of my brain?

3. The women who read this blog seem to fall into two unusual categories. One group are goody goody churchgoers. Another group are slightly "naughty" girls who like porn. (I'm not saying who!) And I'm sure at least some fall into BOTH categories! Back when I played more the "male Oprah," the readers were mostly women. Now that I've gone into more "dry" subjects like politics, the audience of men has grown.

4. Most people come from the West Coast (Bay Area, Los Angeles, Seattle, Phoenix) and East Coast (i.e. New York, Washington D.C., New England, and Florida). Increasing numbers from the Midwest (Chicago and Indiana). At least a few come from Vienna, London, Paris, and Germany, plus the rest mainly come from Asia (Philippines, Hong Kong, Australia, Bangkok, Malaysia, and Singapore). A few Canadians---"sweet, 'ay?"

5. Universities: certain people (who never identify themselves) come from the U. of Washington, Northwestern University, and San Francisco State. Speak up, for heaven's sake!

6. Someone keeps returning from Paypal, from Speakeasy.net, from the California State Board of Equalization, and from the City of San Jose. All from the Bay Area. You know who you are. :p Break down that wall and say hi! I mean it. Are you my grandma or what?

7. Bloggers I know (sorry if I left you out accidentally): Cheshire, Christine, Dave, Eric, Paz, Pjammer, Raven, Sandy, Sordidfairytale, Alaysia, Belle, Ellen, Ina, Jo, Mira, Val, Elen, Christine, Duke, Fred, Jane, Thea, Tira, Ken, Danny, Kiki, Esther, Mark, and Peggy.

8. Other readers: my cousin Isabelle (who's a reporter in Florida now), Patrick, his friend Adrian, Chad, Moorthi, SM, someone from Houston (Birch.net), people I've met socially recently, friends who don't want to talk to me again, stalkers, shy people. And possibly my grandma. Nah! Do my parents read this? Honestly, if my parents ever discovered my blog, they'd fall asleep within five minutes. That's how tuned in they are to me and my writing. Ha!

9. Coolest hit this week: someone from the British Parliament.

To those who have never said hi to me, I don't bite. In fact, I take off my dentures when I blog (just kidding). There is no excuse for you to not say hi to me, unless I've wasted mounds of your time while you're supposed to be doing something more important, like WORK. Then that's between you and your boss.

Another thing. Some of you bloggers write very private stuff and constantly worry if your mailman, who may be looking you up and down in a strange but perverse way today, has just read about your sexual tryst with your best friend last night. You know how I throw off all readers who may know me personally but who might be getting too close to my (limited) info about my exes, my lovehandles, my embarrassing episode from 4th grade, etc?

I write about politics. About business. About the NEWS. Yep, that's Raymond's Weapon of Mass Distraction. Ha!

Ok, enough nonsense. Now I'm firmly back to my goal of boring you to death.

Posted 12:49 PM by Blah blah

Bush Cartoon (Humor)

Pow! Adam Felber, whom I consider the funniest blogger about current events, does a zinger with this comic about Bush. Ha!

Posted 11:28 AM by Blah blah

Rollerblading This Sunday, 10 am, with Me? (Sports)

As you know, every Sunday morning at 10 am, I take rollerblading lessons from Patrick in Mountain View. For this Sunday, I've made it a social event for people I know through this social site called MixerMixer, which has a heavy fraction of people from the South Bay.

If anyone is interested, you're welcome to join us this Sunday (and every Sunday morning afterwards)!

Here's the skating event I just created.

You may sign up online here. First lesson is free!

If you just want to say hi to me, it's fine too. Please come by. After skating from about 10 am-noon, we may go to Shoreline Park and skate for at least another two hours. Wear sunblock! I got slightly toasted a few weeks ago.

Posted 10:13 AM by Blah blah

Adrian's Poems

By Adrian, a friend of Patrick's. He just started reading this blog regularly.

Poem 1:

I am letting my beard grow.
It is coming in the color of silver.

And as I stare in the mirror I see each silver hair transformed
Into the silver chinks of an armor
Or perhaps the orderly rows of scales of an ancient fish,
Each scale growing ever so slowly
Growing to cover an imperfection, a sin,
One perhaps I committed, one perhaps against me.

Slowly, ever so slowly I am transformed into a living armored fish,
Cold and impervious to the outside world.

Soon all that is left of me,
Of my true face, are two blue eyes staring incongruously
Out of a mass of silver scales,
The only part alive.

Each scale bears an inscription,
Each notes a long forgotten or never forgotten jab at my heart.

I blink one last time,
Perfectly blue eyes outlined by silver scales
Closing in like the diaphragm of a lens.

Then it’s dark.

Poem 2:

I want to take my camera out on the street
And flash it in your face.

I want to stop you, every stranger that takes my fancy,
Stop you in your tracks in silver.

I want to scream, holding the finished product,
Here! Here you are! Here IT is!

Details, details, I want to photograph the details
As time passes by.

I want to stop time,
I want to wrestle with the concept,
I want to rearrange silver molecules
In my fight with time.

But really, really,
What I really want to do is fight with me,
Fight with you being me and me being you,
And the whole Sartre and Camus thing.

That’s what I really want to do.

Posted 5:21 PM by Blah blah

Raymond's Cab Service (Humor)

Pjammer just called me today from the San Jose Airport, after coming from New York City. He'd just lost his ride and wondered if I'd take him to the Fremont BART station. I said sure and we had a good lunch together. He just came back from his conference in New York.

A few days ago, Patrick called me from the Oakland Airport, after coming from Chicago. He'd also lost his ride, for another reason, and wondered if I'd pick him up from the Fremont BART. We also had a good talk.

Tomorrow, I'm picking up The Hulk from the San Francisco Airport. He's flying in from Los Angeles after shooting his movie that comes out this Friday. Since he weighs at least 3,000 pounds, I'm asking him to sit on the trunk of my car so he'll fit. Contrary to the movie Hulk, the real Hulk doesn't have super-strength, eats lots of ice cream (green tea), and has a pot belly. Normally he's not a gym fanatic. He only worked out his body for the movie. In real-life the Hulk is shy, likes interior decorating (mainly green wallpaper), eats that green grass jelly Asian stuff, and has mostly gay friends. He also rarely gets angry. He became a Buddhist many years ago and suffers from "nice guy syndrome."

Who's next? I only drive people with websites.

Posted 10:05 PM by Blah blah

Scary Time for White-Collar Workers (Jobs)

This is scary and is exactly what has been happening in my world of software. I've seen a lot of companies (including my own) moving software work to engineers in India and China. How do we deal with this problem? For one thing, more and more people are abandoning computer science and software as a career.

Down and Out in White-Collar America: Professionals have never had a tougher time finding a job. It's not just the economy; the rules of the game are changing (Fortune):
______________
Increasingly, supereducated and highly paid workers are finding themselves traveling the same road their blue-collar peers took in the late '80s. Then, hardhats in places like Flint, Mich., and Pittsburgh were suffering from the triple threat of computerization, tech-led productivity gains, and the relocation of their jobs to offshore sites. Machines--or low-wage foreigners--could just as easily do their work.

The white-collar crowd was concerned, but they knew that those three forces would also help get the American economy humming. And they did. Now that trust has come back to haunt them. Technology has allowed companies to handle rising sales without adding manpower. Gains in productivity mean one white-collar worker can do the work that would have taken two or three of his peers to do ten years ago. All that has led to slower wage growth. Back in 2000 wages for professional and technical workers were growing by nearly 5% annually--today they're rising by less than 2% a year.

The scariest blue-collar parallel, however, is only just beginning to be felt in the white-collar world: overseas competition. Like automakers that moved production from Michigan to Mexico or textile firms that abandoned the Southeast for the Far East, service firms are now shifting jobs to cheaper locales like India and the Philippines. It's not just call centers anymore. Indian radiologists now analyze CT scans and chest X-rays for American patients in an office park in Bangalore, not far from where Ernst & Young has 200 accountants processing U.S. tax returns. E&Y's tax prep center in India is only 18 months old, but the company already has plans to double its size. Corporate America is quickly learning that a cubicle can be replicated overseas as easily as a shop floor can.

Posted 9:57 PM by Blah blah

How to Bypass Internet Censorship (Internet)

Speaking of governments blocking access to blogs, look at this:

HOWTO bypass Internet Censorship. China is STILL blocking access to Blogspot, dammit. My friends in China still can't read this site.

Posted 9:50 PM by Blah blah

Blogging Explodes in Iran (Blogs)

Prostitute diary tops Iran Web hit (CNN):
_________________
The diary of a former prostitute is one of the hottest Web sites in Iran, a strict Islamic society where the Internet is coveted for the access it gives users to a forbidden world....Iranian youths have launched 20,000 active Web logs, or "blogs,"...

In April, Sina Motallebi became the first blogger to be arrested in Iran where dozens of reformist journalists have been charged by hardline courts. He was freed on bail three weeks later but still faces undisclosed charges.

Women have been especially active bloggers, seizing the opportunity to speak out freely and anonymously on subjects such as dating and romance.

Besides popular political and news sites, half of the 10 most visited Persian blogs are about sex, according to figures from a service providing statistics on Web usage.

"Blogs show us a new generation . . . that is self-expressive, tolerant and individualistic," said Hossein Derakhshan, a Toronto-based veteran Iranian blogger.

Posted 4:12 PM by Blah blah

Dead Body Blog (Forensic Medicine)

Uggh! This new blog gives me the chills. Read

Autopsy Report, about "experiences as an intern for the medical examiner." CSI in real-life. I quote from June 17:

"Today I saw some of the more gruesome things that I have seen so far. The first involved a man that had been drinking and then met up with a bunch of trees in his car. The accident subsequently turned into a human barbeque (MMmmmm BBQ -I couldn't resist that one). He reminded of times when I have left chicken on the grill for too long. He was burnt to a crisp. He was blackened from head to toe. They are going to need dental records to identify this chap. It was interesting to see how they are able to determine if he died before he burned or if he burned alive (luckily for him, this guy died before being burnt). If he had elevated levels of carbon monoxide in his blood, that would suggest that he was alive while burning. They also look at the lungs to see if there is a large amount of soot to suggest that he aspirated smoke. Then came the ever enjoyable task of sewing this roast turkey up, which of course I had the honor of doing. Most of the time, the skin is flexible and fairly elastic. However, not this guy. The fact that his skin was burnt made it kind of brittle. It was very difficult to sew.

Then we had the homicide/suicide. This fella decided to shoot his ex-wife in the chest followed by a shot to the head before swallowing one for himself. The chest shot did not kill her, but was plenty to knock her down. The damage was done by a shot to the head, which basically exploded the back of her skull into pieces. He then put the shotgun to his mouth and pointed up. This basically exploded his entire head. At a quick glance it looks like he is decapitated, but upon further inspection you can see the lower jaw mixed in with the bloody mess of a neck.

Then we had the guy who was stabbed in his chest by his disgruntled wife. It was a pretty clear-cut case (pun intended). No findings that were too out of the ordinary with this one. Just a stab wound to the heart. The other cases we had were fairly straightfoward, such as the guy who thought it would be a good idea to take his sport motorcycle out for a spin at 110 mph. I guess it wasn't such a good idea after all. As I mentioned before, we have a bunch of cases waiting for us tomorrow. Until then, wait in suspense."

He also notes that HBO makes a series about forensics, called Autopsy. Fascinating site.

If you want more blood and gore, read Crime Library, my favorite site about gruesome stories of famous crimes. It's really addictive.

Posted 3:53 PM by Blah blah

The A-List Bloggers (Humor)

Ha! This page parodies some of the most popular bloggers on the Net: Simple Guide to the A-List Bloggers. Pjammer, you'll love this.

Posted 2:39 PM by Blah blah

Former Bush Counterterrorism Aide Resigns, Now Helping Democrat Sen. John Kerry (Terrorism)

Is Bush harming the war on terror?

Former Aide Takes Aim at War on Terror (Washington Post):
______________
[Rand] Beers's resignation surprised Washington, but what he did next was even more astounding. Eight weeks after leaving the Bush White House, he volunteered as national security adviser for Sen. John F. Kerry (Mass.), a Democratic candidate for president, in a campaign to oust his former boss. All of which points to a question: What does this intelligence insider know?

"The administration wasn't matching its deeds to its words in the war on terrorism. They're making us less secure, not more secure," said Beers, who until now has remained largely silent about leaving his National Security Council job as special assistant to the president for combating terrorism. "As an insider, I saw the things that weren't being done. And the longer I sat and watched, the more concerned I became, until I got up and walked out."...

Part of that stemmed from his frustration with the culture of the White House. He was loath to discuss it. His wife, Bonnie, a school administrator, was not: "It's a very closed, small, controlled group. This is an administration that determines what it thinks and then sets about to prove it. There's almost a religious kind of certainty. There's no curiosity about opposing points of view. It's very scary. There's kind of a ghost agenda."

More by Princeton economist Paul Krugman: Dereliction of Duty (NY Times). (Krugman's website.)

Posted 2:22 PM by Blah blah

N. Korea Threatens War Throughout Asia-Pacific (Politics)

VERY SCARY. Bush people, please step back from your usual brinksmanship! We must calm this baby down.

N. Korea: Blockade means war (CNN):
______________
North Korea is warning that any U.S.-led blockade against it could spark an "all out" war that would engulf much of the surrounding region, including Japan.

A statement published in state-run media Tuesday warned that retaliation could include "all possible means and ways a sovereign state can take," adding that any such action would be "limitless."

"Nobody can vouch that this blockade operation will not lead to such a serious development as an all-out war," the statement went on.

The stark warning comes after the United States and its allies started cracking down on an alleged North Korean trade in illicit drugs and weapons....

Last week, after months of allegations, North Korea made what was seen as its first public confirmation that it possesses nuclear weapons and was willing to use them in response to threats posed by the United States.

Posted 10:15 AM by Blah blah

Libra C'est Moi: I Psychoanalyze Myself (Revealing)

I don't believe in astrology, but some of this description of Libra so captures me, what I wish to be, or what people have said about me. So I keep returning to it.

"Libra is the only inanimate sign of the zodiac, all the others representing either humans or animals. Many modern astrologers regard it as the most desirable of zodiacal types because it represents the zenith of the year, the high point of the seasons, when the harvest of all the hard work of the spring is reaped. There is a mellowness and sense of relaxation in the air as mankind enjoys the last of the summer sun and the fruits of his toil. Librans too are among the most civilized of the twelve zodiacal characters and are often good looking. They have elegance, charm and good taste, are naturally kind, very gentle, and lovers of beauty, harmony (both in music and social living) and the pleasures that these bring.

They have good critical faculty and are able to stand back and look impartially at matters which call for an impartial judgment to be made on them. But they do not tolerate argument from anyone who challenges their opinions, for once they have reached a conclusion, its truth seems to them self-evident; and among their faults is an impatience of criticism and a greed for approval. But their characters are on the whole balanced, diplomatic and even tempered.

Librans are sensitive to the needs of others and have the gift, sometimes to an almost psychic extent, of understanding the emotional needs of their companions and meeting them with their own innate optimism - they are the kind of people of whom it is said, 'They always make you feel better for having been with them.' They are very social human beings. They loathe cruelty, viciousness and vulgarity and detest conflict between people, so they do their best to cooperate and compromise with everyone around them, and their ideal for their own circle and for society as a whole is unity.

Their cast of mind is artistic rather than intellectual, though they are usually too moderate and well balanced to be avant garde in any artistic endeavor. They have good perception and observation and their critical ability, with which they are able to view their own efforts as well as those of others, gives their work integrity.

In their personal relationships they show understanding of the other person's point of view, trying to resolve any differences by compromise, and are often willing to allow claims against themselves to be settled to their own disadvantage rather than spoil a relationship. They like the opposite sex to the extent of promiscuity sometimes, and may indulge in romanticism bordering on sentimentality. Their marriages, however, stand a good chance of success because they are frequently the union of 'true minds.' The Libran's continuing kindness toward his or her partner mollifies any hurt the latter may feel if the two have had a tiff. Nor can the Libran's spouse often complain that he or she is not understood, for the Libran is usually the most empathetic of all the zodiacal types and the most ready to tolerate the beloved's failings.

The negative Libran character may show frivolity, flirtatiousness and shallowness. It can be changeable and indecisive, impatient of routine, colorlessly conventional and timid, easygoing to the point of inertia, seldom angry when circumstances demand a show of annoyance at least; and yet Librans can shock everyone around them with sudden storms of rage. Their love of pleasure may lead them into extravagance; Libran men can degenerate into reckless gamblers, and Libran women extravagant, jealous and careless about money sometimes squander their wealth and talents in their overenthusiasm for causes which they espouse. Both sexes can become great gossipers. A characteristic of the type is an insatiable curiosity that tempts them to enquire into every social scandal in their circle.

In their work the description 'lazy Libra' which is sometimes given is actually more alliterative than true. Librans can be surprisingly energetic, though it is true that they dislike coarse, dirty work. Although some are modestly content, others are extremely ambitious. With their dislike of extremes they make good diplomats but perhaps poor party politicians, for they are moderate in their opinions and able to see other points of view. They can succeed as administrators, lawyers (they have a strong sense of justice, which cynics might say could handicap them in a legal career), antique dealers, civil servants and bankers, for they are trustworthy in handling other people's money. Some Librans are gifted in fashion designing or in devising new cosmetics; others may find success as artists, composers, critics, writers, interior decorators, welfare workers or valuers, and they have an ability in the management of all sorts of public entertainment. Some work philanthropically for humanity with great self-discipline and significant results. Libran financiers sometimes make good speculators, for they have the optimism and ability to recover from financial crashes."
_____________
It's true that my personality can be like that of a diplomat---able to see both sides of any issue, able to put myself into others' shoes, smooth talker, sensitive to subtle psychological cues, etc. I'd rather be the diplomat or negotiator than the lawyer, because I like the search for truth, the search for the best solution for both sides. That appeals to my psychologist/scientist side, where I know the truth usually falls somewhere in the middle of extremes. I don't take well to the Bible-thumping zealotry of either the public defender or the prosecutor, of the far right or the far left. In an ideal world I'd be a diplomat like Richard Holbrooke, working to negotiate peace in N. Ireland or Bosnia.

In personal relationships, as with mathematics, I can step out of my body and watch from a distance. I can be ruthlessly objective with myself and others, and if some relationship is seriously not working, I can detach and not look back. (For instance, my quitting Rice Bowl Journals.) It's a defense mechanism. I usually don't get exhaustingly emotional, and I dislike drama queens. I have almost never had any nasty breakups. My breakups have been "friendly," and usually my exes are happy to see me if they have ever bumped into me again. I dislike trashing exes. We're different people, our paths diverge, and that's it.

Yes, I can be a bit sensitive to criticism, having grown up in a family of relentless criticism. But no, I like to hear different points of view, if they are argued well. I don't think I'm always right. On the contrary, since I see both sides of an issue, I am always seeking to broaden and flesh out my limited experience and respect others' more knowledgeable views highly. My mind can be changed, as you saw when I went from anti-war to pro-war. Yet I do tend to go with my gut.

I do NOT hunger for approval. My blog is so NOT narcissistic, except for this entry. People complain I'm not personal enough in my blog, since I keep focusing on the stories of others! In fact, I don't mind being unpopular and am used to being "different"---the odd one out. I've been that way ever since I was teased for being Asian as one of two Asian kids in my whole elementary school in New England. Being weird or in the minority doesn't bother me at all. One of my favorite writers is Ralph Waldo Emerson, who always stressed "Whoso would be a man, must be a nonconformist." That said, the fact that I write on this blog every day for an audience and do care about how people respond to my writing is slightly narcissistic. But it's the narcissism of the engineer making sure his invention actually does the job. I need feedback for my writing just like an engineer needs to do constant testing.

One of my strengths is giving people emotional support. Women (and men) usually say I make them feel "very comfortable." My voice can purr in a very soothing way. Having grown up in a family of lots of emotional drama and volatility, I've learned how to deal with emotionally insane people. (Not that I enjoy it or would ever wish to have my future family like that.) I've learned to deflect their anger, anxiety, fear, jealousy---emotional judo. After the rage passes me like a bull steams by a toreador, then I start to apply the salve on those emotional wounds and start to help them heal.

While I love harmony, even-temperedness, and smooth human relations, I also am not afraid to be blunt when necessary, stand up and cause conflict when it's a cause I believe strongly, and otherwise be uncompromising when it counts. I am not an emotional puppy and don't just give in for the sake of "appearances." For example, to spoiled pretty girls who throw temper tantrums. By nature, I still prefer to let trivial disagreements go and want us to all get along.

It's so true that I'm mainly more artistic than intellectual. That I'm more mellow and prefer to get the general idea right than to painstakingly argue every point to death. I don't have the patience for gritty mathematical proof that I did in high school and college. Moderation is key. I'm more of a dilettante that way. It's also a weakness I am working on improving. I can sound intelligent but may at heart not know what I'm talking about. It's the journalist's personality. In intellectual pursuits, I follow more Benjamin Franklin's jack-of-all-trades style than a modern university scholar's.

Yes, I can be a big flirt, if I CHOOSE to. Key and I took an online test once, and we both came out as "smooth flirts." But a lot of times I SUPPRESS the flirtatious part of my personality, my usual cheerfulness and friendliness. I tone it down. Sometimes, for long periods, I'm not interested in playing the game. But if I do meet someone with the right chemistry and see the signs of attraction, I can boldly go for it.

I tend to be a monogamous person. I have never cheated on any girl in my life. Once I'm fully wrapped up with someone, other girls don't interest me besides the casual, harmless flirtation. I tend to be a romantic, so I'm not easily swayed by a pair of nice random legs. The emotional chemistry has gotta be there.

"Their marriages, however, stand a good chance of success because they are frequently the union of 'true minds.' The Libran's continuing kindness toward his or her partner mollifies any hurt the latter may feel if the two have had a tiff. Nor can the Libran's spouse often complain that he or she is not understood, for the Libran is usually the most empathetic of all the zodiacal types and the most ready to tolerate the beloved's failings." I feel this will be so true when I get married. I'm always curious how people (especially women) think, so I perhaps can tell her what's going on in her head before she fully articulates it to me herself.

I hate gossip. I also do not seek to listen in on others' gossip. If you've read this blog long enough, you know how much I DON'T talk about my family's or friends' lives. I try my best to keep private things said to me PRIVATE. I am very keen to the destructive power of gossip and some ill-chosen words. I'd rather be boring than an interesting kiss-and-teller.

It's true I can be frivolous, impatient with routine, and indulgent sometimes. These are some of my glaring faults. I sometimes feel I studied chemical engineering and computer science to punish my frivolity and indulgence. That I wanted a ugly "Puritan" experience in college to serve my Puritan upbringing. That the only valid life was a life of suffering. Understand that I grew up in Rhode Island, which 250 years ago was America's Puritan Central! I went to a traditional 200-year-old Baptist church as a kid. As H. L. Mencken said, "Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy." My mom and her family are HUGE Puritans. Being a hedonist feels new and strange to me. I keep trying to work on these faults. Believe me.

Yes, I do tend to click better with lawyers and doctors, writers and fashion designers---than with engineers and accountants. I am an idealist and optimist. I like people who speak and write well. I like creative people, non-materialistic people, and those who care about doing something to benefit society.

I want to marry someone like that---someone who inspires me to be a better person.

Posted 2:49 PM by Blah blah

Ang Lee Breaks Rules With The Hulk (Entertainment)

I highly look forward to seeing another of my favorite Marvel comic book heroes from childhood, the Hulk, brought to film. Director Ang Lee's The Hulk comes out this Friday.

Since the Taiwan-born director always makes intelligent, deep pictures for adults, despite the genre, I can't wait! (I've seen three of his films: Eat Drink Man Woman, Sense and Sensibility, and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.) He says he made The Hulk more as a Greek tragedy than as a mindless summer action flick.

It's funny that the article below talks about how Lee isn't afraid to shoot slow scenes in an action movie. I remember watching Eat Drink Man Woman on the plane back from Taiwan. A woman next to me, from Hong Kong, complained it was too slow. Hogwash, I thought. Its rhythms were more like life. It's the stupid Hong Kong fast food flicks she's used to watching that were too fast.

Just don't get as slow as Wong Kar-Wai, and I'm happy!

Here's Lurking At You (NY Post):
_________________
Oscar-nominated director Ang Lee doesn't make no-brainers.

Instead, the director of such quiet art-house masterpieces as "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" and "The Ice Storm" set out to make a blockbuster for brainiacs.

"I'm trying to make a delicacy out of American fast food," Lee told a reporter last month.

Love it or hate it, one of the summer's most anticipated popcorn flicks is in fact anything but, thanks to a director who's breaking all the usual rules.

Rule No. 1: Hire a big-name star.
...
Lee picked an unknown for Bruce Banner, the mild-mannered geneticist who morphs into the raving green Hulk, because he didn't want to detract from the movie's real star - the computer-generated Hulk character, which he developed over two years with 150 animators from George Lucas' Industrial Light and Magic.

Rule No. 2: The more explosions, the better.

"The Hulk" has more than its share of helicopters and tanks, but don't expect any of them to burst into flames.

"We figured that people are bored with a bunch of crap blowing up," says Schamus. "Plus, Ang and I don't believe in gratuitous violence."...

Rule No. 3: Keep the fighting clean.

When Lee did get ready to rumble, he wanted the fighting as realistic as possible - which meant not every punch hit its target...."Ang wanted it raw and messy - just like real fights," says Colin Brady, Lee's animation director. "In the 'Matrix Reloaded,' the fights are choreographed, like 1-2-3-duck-punch. It gets monotonous."

The Hulk's fights are based on pit bulls, pro wrestlers and bloody, bare-knuckled ultimate fighters - all of which Lee and the animators studied on film and in person.

Rule No. 4: Keep it moving - fast.

Parts of the "The Hulk" move as slowly as the laid-back martial art of tai chi, which Lee practices each morning.

Action scenes are broken up with lingering shots of lichen-covered rocks and bleached driftwood - which really do have a point, Schamus insists.

It's a message about life-forms that can survive the sort of gamma radiation that transforms Banner into the Hulk.

"Ang and I once spent an hour talking about a rock," Brady recalls....

Rule No. 5: Keep it simple.

That's the last thing Lee wants to do.

His "Hulk" flouts dozens of technical rules film-school students learn in Directing 101. He splits the screen into comic-book style panels and plays with editing, continuity and camera angles in every way possible.

"This movie just doesn't feel like a Hollywood movie," Brady says. "It's Ang's 'fuck you' to all those formulas."

Posted 11:19 PM by Blah blah

On Love

There is much satisfaction in work well done;

praise is sweet; but there can be no happiness           

equal to the joy of finding

a heart that understands.

     -Victor Robinson


Talk not of wasted affection, affection never was wasted;

If it enrich not the heart of another, its waters, returning

Back to their springs, like the rain, shall fill them

     full of refreshment;

That which the fountain sends forth returns again to the fountain.

     -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

   

Posted 12:16 PM by Blah blah

Interview with Jon Stewart (Comedy, Television)

Yeah! Charlie Rose interviewed comedian Jon Stewart from The Daily Show, my favorite political TV humor. You may listen to the whole interview over the Internet. Listen to the May 21 show.

In April, I wrote why I love The Daily Show so much. I don't even get cable.

Posted 9:02 PM by Blah blah

I talked to my friend in Paris today. Have a funny story for you, coming up!

Risk for Diabetes Increasing in Children (Health)

CDC: One Third of Kids Born in 2000 at Risk for Diabetes Unless Habits Change (Fox News):

"One in three U.S. children born in 2000 will become diabetic unless many more people start eating less and exercising more, a scientist with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention warns.

The odds are worse for black and Hispanic children: nearly half of them are likely to develop the disease, said Dr. K.M. Venkat Narayan, a diabetes epidemiologist at the CDC....

Diabetes, a disease caused largely by obesity and lack of exercise, has been an increasing worry for decades. From the mid-1960s to the mid-'90s, the number of cases tripled.

The number of diagnosed cases rose by nearly half in just the past 10 years, hitting 11 million in 2000, and is expected to rise an additional 165 percent by 2050, to 29 million, an earlier CDC study by Narayan and others found.

'These estimates I am giving you now are probably quite conservative,' Narayan said...Doctors had known for some time that Type 2 diabetes — what used to be called adult-onset diabetes because it typically showed up in middle-aged people — is on the rise, and that patients are getting younger....

Overall, he said, 39 percent of the girls who now are healthy 2- to 3-year-olds and 33 percent of the boys are likely to develop diabetes, he said.

For Hispanic children, the odds are closer to one in two: 53 percent of the girls and 45 percent of the boys. The numbers are about 49 percent and 40 percent for black girls and boys, and 31 percent and 27 percent for white girls and boys....

Type 2 diabetes can be prevented or delayed by losing weight, exercising and following a sensible diet.

A study two years ago found that walking 30 minutes a day most days of the week and losing a little weight helped the people most likely to get it cut their risk 58 percent."

Posted 10:47 AM by Blah blah

Harrison "Loves" Calista. Calista: Age Doesn't Matter. (Celebrity Gossip)

Awww...! Calista looks like a sweetie. Who wouldn't fall in love with her?

Harrison Ford Admits His Love for Flockhart (Reuters):

"Harrison Ford has admitted it. He loves Calista Flockhart. 'I'm in love,' the famously taciturn Indiana Jones star told the latest issue of People magazine.

'Romantic love is one of the most exciting and fulfilling kinds of love and I think there is potential for it at any stage of your life. I was not surprised that I was able to fall in love, and I wasn't surprised that I did. But I'm very grateful,' Ford, 60, said of his 'commingled' life with former Ally McBeal star Flockhart.

Ford and Flockhart have been the subject of tabloid gossip since they hooked up at the January 2002 Golden Globe awards but until now their relationship has elicited mostly terse 'no comments' from Ford."

Flockhart OK With Age Gap With Ford (AP):

"The Ally McBeal star was positively mushy about the 60-year-old actor...'I like the way he looks first thing in the morning...It's not handsome. It's more cute. He looks like a little boy. You know how when you wake up in the morning and you're kind of puffy and rumpled and you look kind of vulnerable? That's what he looks like.'

The 38-year-old actress says the age gap between her and the Indiana Jones star has never bothered her. The two met at the Golden Globe Awards in January 2002; Flockhart and her 2-year-old son, Liam, moved into Ford's Los Angeles home earlier this year.

'It doesn't faze me,' she said. 'Sometimes I even say, "Wow, I keep forgetting that he's (22) years older than me." It doesn't factor into our relationship at all.' "
_______________
I need to start trolling the elementary schools. :p

By the way, some of you have said you'd like to see my baby and boyhood pics. Would you? I must get a scanner. Some say they are cute.

Posted 9:44 AM by Blah blah

Licorice Root: Possible SARS Drug. Is SARS Dying Down? (Health)

Drug hope for Sars victims (BBC):

"Researchers in Germany have identified an existing anti-viral drug which might be used to treat Sars - the respiratory disease that has killed nearly 800 people worldwide....scientists from the Frankfurt Medical School say tests show a drug called Glycyrrhizin is effective against the virus suspected of causing Sars.

There are indications that the Sars epidemic, which has infected more than 8,000 people around the world, could be over without the need for drugs.

The World Health Organization says the Sars epidemic may be nearing its end, with a decline in the number of new cases appearing each day.

China - the country hardest hit by the virus - reported no new cases or deaths from Sars on Friday, the 19th consecutive day that the nation has recorded fewer than 10 new cases.

On Thursday, David Heymann, the WHO's chief infectious disease expert, said China's anti-Sars measures were now 'excellent.' "

Sars epidemic 'tailing off' (BBC):

"The Sars epidemic which has infected more than 8,000 people around the world may be nearing its end, according to the head of the World Health Organization."
_________________
Fascinating: "Glycyrrhizin is extracted from licorice root. It is used to sweeten and flavor many foods and pharmaceutical preparations....The plant has been used for thousands of years for sweetening, flavoring, and for treatment of a variety of health problems." Also: It "is reported to have benefits in the treatment of chronic hepatitis B. Some studies suggest that glycyrrhizin may have anti-HIV properties and may enhance the production of natural killer cells and interferon."

Posted 11:26 PM by Blah blah

Christine and Oriented.com (Personal, Business)

Christine asked me this week if we could meet up. We haven't seen each other since last year at Eric's house, so I was happy to catch up. We just had a good talk in downtown Sunnyvale tonight.

She gave me a progress report on the company she started, Oriented.com. It's her baby, and she's been experiencing both joy and stress in raising it. Despite the recent stress of moving here from Taipei, of working on Oriented day and night, and of establishing a life here, Christine is happy. (As she wrote, "I wasn't meant for the Corporate World.")

She is thrilled to live in the Bay Area. She loves the tons of smart, talented people here, the gorgeous weather, the beautiful scenery. She's been invited to way too many social events for which she doesn't have time.

I'm happy for her too. This is her passion, and despite difficulties, Christine is firmly on her mission to help serve the English-speaking community who do business in China. That's the main purpose of Oriented: to serve English-speaking people in China who need business connections, jobs, housing, friends, restaurants---you name it. To hook them up. Of course, Oriented will also serve Chinese businesses by hooking them up with expatriates and foreigners.

For professionals to mingle, Oriented also holds regular Happy Hour parties monthly in Beijing, Boston, Hong Kong, New York, San Francisco, Shanghai, Sydney, Taipei, and Tokyo. Christine just started the Boston and Hong Kong Happy Hours.

See all of her Happy Hour photos worldwide!

Here in the Bay Area, Oriented alternates parties between San Francisco and Palo Alto. (Pics from the last San Francisco party.) I'm definitely going to the next one in Palo Alto!

Also, she's adding more features and modules to the Oriented site soon. Stay tuned! Here's Christine at the San Francisco party May 29th. Click for full-size:

Posted 10:52 AM by Blah blah

Compliment

A girl just gave me this super nice compliment:

"You write so well that if someone cannot read your blog, understand, and find the subtle humor in it---they are retarded and should die."

Posted 9:41 AM by Blah blah

Why Hillary Fascinates Bill Clinton (Relationships)

Great column by Tina Brown, The bookworm and the Viking (Salon.com). Hillary's newly published autobiography, Living History, broke records by selling 200,000 copies Monday. She was paid an $8 million advance for it. Tina Brown used to be the editor of Vanity Fair, The New Yorker, and Talk magazines. She's the chair of Miramax's Talk Media division.

"Sometimes in a relationship the first formative insecurities fuse into an indelible imprint and become the DNA of a marriage. Hillary may be a power blonde now but she will always be secretly thrilled that anyone as gorgeous as Bill chose her....Bill had already been a Rhodes scholar and would rise to the presidency, but he will never stop being in awe that an alpha woman like Hillary chose him. When she got up to speak at a dinner hosted by the former U.N. ambassador Richard Holbrooke two years ago in New York the president watched her with mesmerized, possessive pride. Their marriage has been an ongoing drama of mutual conquest.

In the book Hillary admits that planning her campaign with Bill for the New York Senate race salved the marriage wounds after Monica Lewinsky. Politics has always revived the erotic charge. It's not her fault that Clinton remains a Hot Springs recidivist. Over breakfast his wife may be the most stimulating sparring partner in the world as she cuts up his grapefruit and argues about healthcare (as she told Talk magazine in 1999). But some nights the saxophone wails and Bill's psyche heads to the trashiest trailer park it can find.

Sexual snobs from the Kennedy era always marveled at the 42nd president's terrible taste in women -- big-haired Gennifer Flowers, skanky Paula Jones, pillowy Monica Lewinsky. But terrible taste is the point. Has Clinton ever been linked to a woman who could remotely threaten Hillary? Washington was full of attractive, Harvard-educated, safely married policy babes who would have been far less embarrassing -- but to Hillary far more dangerous -- diversions. Blue dress or no blue dress, the irony is that if Bill had been arguing deep into the night with Monica about NAFTA, Hillary might have divorced him a long time ago."