Posted 2:51 PM by Anonymous

Great links, Esther! I've been meaning to get a copy of Yelloh Girls for a long time but haven't gotten around to it. Have you read it? Another related site you might want to check out is Bamboo Girl. It's a cool-looking zine (I confess, I haven't ordered one yet), and they sell some neat t-shirts and stuff on the site too, with slogans like "Asian Chicks Kick Ass" and "Exoticize My Fist". Teehee.

Posted 11:14 AM by e*star

I'll lead off of Raymond's topic of favorite sites... Since we've been on the topic of Bora Bora, I'll share with you favorite sites that are relevant to Asian female exoticism... :) Let's see what other fellow grrrl's and womyn are out there. ;)

This site, bigbadchinesemama.com, was created by Kristina Wong, one of my friends from school for an Asian American mass media class project. WARNING: the guestbook attracts many, many sicko's. It is quite, quite amazing because her site receives much, much acclaim for its message from other Asian American media.

Angry Little Asian Girl expanded into an "Angry Little Girl" site. They do weekly comic strips relevant to growing up female in a man's world. :)

This site, Exoticize My Fist hasn't been updated for a long, long time, but I'm still mentioning it because as far as I could remember, it was one of the first sites dedicating itself to the plight of Asian American feminism.

Yelloh Girls is a site on a book that is actually out, filled with memoirs of growing up Asian and female.

Enjoy!
*e

Posted 10:10 AM by Blah blah

Fantastic site: HowStuffWorks. How Lock Picking Works!

(Related: HowBizWorks and How Fitness Works)

HowStuffWorks is one of 50 Web sites chosen by Scientific American to receive the 2002 Sci/Tech Award. The review, which can be found in the Engineering and Technology category, states:

"Marshall Brain's site offers a comprehensive array of clearly written explanations on the function of all manner of things, from how jet engines run to how M1 tanks work to how digital cameras make their colorful images. This info-packed Web site also offers lots of explanatory images and animations, including -- boob-tube fans, take note -- what happens when you shoot your TV."

Posted 8:37 AM by Blah blah

From Sophia:

"Kris and I went camping at Lake O'Hara over the weekend. On Saturday morning, about 11 am, at a certain rock outcropping overlooking Lake O'Hara, and encircled by the mountains.

He asked, I said yes.

We are engaged."

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Sophia, you have my warmest wishes!

Let's hope those late nights away from your honey get shorter and shorter and then----splat! You two are glued together.


From Lokman: list of blogs by foreigners in China. CHECK THEM OUT!

Posted 11:44 PM by Blah blah

Unica Hija: "You get the attention of women using three things: handsome men, babies and cute animals. : ) oops there go our secrets. : )"

Me: "Goooooo-gooooooo baba-wawaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa *BURP*....MEOW?"

Men who act like babies...or cats---on the next episode of Tiger Cafe!

Posted 4:17 PM by DUH

Sorry this comes in late. Been rather occupied with a million and one things. Read Ray's post [actually, Esther's post] about that ad he hated last week, but I wanted to have time to think about it. And here are a few thoughts.

10 Things You Should Know About Advertising

1. It's not true that we use "subliminal" techniques to make you buy stuff. That "camel" hidden somewhere in the Camel print ads is NOT psychological mumbo-jumbo. It was just the art director having fun. Really.

2. Clients pay for millions of dollars of research (and advertising agency fees) to make sure you will respond "positively" to their ad.

3. If you are repulsed, irritated or find an ad boring, we'd like to think it's because you're not the target market. In short, the Liz Claiborne people really don't care what you think Ray :)

4. We try to have fun second-guessing what approach would appeal to the target market the same way we try hard to stop client from interfering with our fun.

5. We have research and strategy to help us, but most of the time, we (at least the people in the creative department) are not the CIA, plotting elaborate manipulation techniques to make you buy something. Oh, okay maybe 3% of the time.The rest of time, however, we're just a bunch of twenty to thirtysomething people asked to think up crazy, fun ideas for our clients.

6. Though we'd like to THINK we have perfected our scientifically-based persuasion techniques (read: manipulation), we can never really predict for sure how some viewers would react. The power to decide still rests in your hands, dear consumer.

7. Funny and creative commercials do not necessarily make you buy or remember the product.

8. That also means, persuasive commercials (and as one of my Creative Directors call it, "ads that have legs") are often not funny or creative.

9. Client knows #7 and tries to stop us a lot from making funny, creative commercials.

10. It is a fact (and this is based on research) that the commercials of a nation reflect the values, principles, lifestyle, the aspirations and even--yes--the stereotypes maintained by its people.

Posted 3:42 PM by Blah blah

Today is so gorgeous outside. I rose early and cooked some apricot pancakes and bacon for my housemate, his girlfriend, and I. We ate such an American breakfast.

40 Things a Man Should Know By 40 (check out the other links above it)

1. The difference between love and lust.
2. How to change a tire, a diaper, and a woman's mind.
3. When to hold on and when to let go.
4. Your capacity for intimacy and alcohol.
5. Basic carpentry, plumbing and automotive repair.
6. Advanced foreplay.
7. At least one woman other that their mother whose love for them is substantial and enduring.
8. Trouble when he sees it.
9. True love when he feels it.
10. A load of bull when he hears it.
11. The symptoms of PMS and how to deal with them.
12. His strengths and weaknesses.
13. How to fast-talk and slow-dance.
14. The art of seduction.
15. That his wife (lover, girlfriend) is not his mother.
16. A woman's erogenous zones.
17. How to negotiate the inevitable compromises of a romantic relationship in ways that keep both sides as happy as possible.
18. What he wants out of life and how to go after it.
19. Which medical tests he needs and when to get them.
20. How to make money, dinner, conversation, and love.
21. His own needs and another person's ability to fulfill them.
22. How to start a fire--in the hearth and the heart.
23. A realistic plan to secure his retirement.
24. An idealistic plan to secure his grandchildren's future.
25. How to unhook a bra with one hand--in the dark.
26. Where to get breakfast/gas/a prescription filled at 2 am.
27. How to give a toast and take a compliment.
28. How to be gracious in victory and defeat.
29. When to talk and when to listen.
30. At least one true friend who will be there whenever he calls.
31. The fundamental workings of the female psyche.
32. The Ten Commandments.
33. The importance of trying to follow them.
34. His way around a kitchen.
35. The futility of unrequited love.
36. The ecstasy of unconditional love.
37. How to open a bottle of champagne.
38. How to close a deal.
40. The magic of a woman.

Posted 3:17 PM by Blah blah

Reprinting this article I linked last year.

Welcome Back, Duke: From the ashes of Sept. 11 arise the manly virtues, by Peggy Noonan. (Wall St. Journal):
____________________
Men are back. A certain style of manliness is once again being honored and celebrated in our country since Sept. 11. You might say it suddenly emerged from the rubble of the past quarter century, and emerged when a certain kind of man came forth to get our great country out of the fix it was in.

I am speaking of masculine men, men who push things and pull things and haul things and build things, men who charge up the stairs in a hundred pounds of gear and tell everyone else where to go to be safe. Men who are welders, who do construction, men who are cops and firemen. They are all of them, one way or another, the men who put the fire out, the men who are digging the rubble out, and the men who will build whatever takes its place.

And their style is back in style. We are experiencing a new respect for their old-fashioned masculinity, a new respect for physical courage, for strength and for the willingness to use both for the good of others....

Once about 10 years ago there was a story--you might have read it in your local tabloid, or a supermarket tabloid like the National Enquirer--about an American man and woman who were on their honeymoon in Australia or New Zealand. They were swimming in the ocean, the water chest-high. From nowhere came a shark. The shark went straight for the woman, opened its jaws. Do you know what the man did? He punched the shark in the head. He punched it and punched it again. He did not do brilliant commentary on the shark, he did not share his sensitive feelings about the shark, he did not make wry observations about the shark, he punched the shark in the head. So the shark let go of his wife and went straight for him. And it killed him. The wife survived to tell the story of what her husband had done. He had tried to deck the shark. I told my friends: That's what a wonderful man is, a man who will try to deck the shark.

I don't know what the guy did for a living, but he had a very old-fashioned sense of what it is to be a man, and I think that sense is coming back into style because of who saved us on Sept. 11, and that is very good for our country.

Why? Well, manliness wins wars. Strength and guts plus brains and spirit wins wars. But also, you know what follows manliness? The gentleman. The return of manliness will bring a return of gentlemanliness, for a simple reason: masculine men are almost by definition gentlemen. Example: If you're a woman and you go to a faculty meeting at an Ivy League University you'll have to fight with a male intellectual for a chair, but I assure you that if you go to a Knights of Columbus Hall, the men inside (cops, firemen, insurance agents) will rise to offer you a seat. Because they are manly men, and gentlemen.

It is hard to be a man. I am certain of it; to be a man in this world is not easy. I know you are thinking, But it's not easy to be a woman, and you are so right. But women get to complain and make others feel bad about their plight. Men have to suck it up. Good men suck it up and remain good-natured, constructive and helpful; less-good men become the kind of men who are spoofed on "The Man Show"--babe-watching, dope-smoking nihilists. (Nihilism is not manly, it is the last refuge of sissies.)

I should discuss how manliness and its brother, gentlemanliness, went out of style. I know, because I was there. In fact, I may have done it. I remember exactly when: It was in the mid-'70s, and I was in my mid-20s, and a big, nice, middle-aged man got up from his seat to help me haul a big piece of luggage into the overhead luggage space on a plane. I was a feminist, and knew our rules and rants. "I can do it myself," I snapped.

It was important that he know women are strong. It was even more important, it turns out, that I know I was a jackass, but I didn't. I embarrassed a nice man who was attempting to help a lady. I wasn't lady enough to let him. I bet he never offered to help a lady again. I bet he became an intellectual, or a writer, and not a good man like a fireman or a businessman who says, "Let's roll."

But perhaps it wasn't just me. I was there in America, as a child, when John Wayne was a hero, and a symbol of American manliness. He was strong, and silent. And I was there in America when they killed John Wayne by a thousand cuts. A lot of people killed him--not only feminists but peaceniks, leftists, intellectuals, others. You could even say it was Woody Allen who did it, through laughter and an endearing admission of his own nervousness and fear. He made nervousness and fearfulness the admired style. He made not being able to deck the shark, but doing the funniest commentary on not decking the shark, seem . . . cool.

But when we killed John Wayne, you know who we were left with. We were left with John Wayne's friendly-antagonist sidekick in the old John Ford movies, Barry Fitzgerald. The small, nervous, gossiping neighborhood commentator Barry Fitzgerald, who wanted to talk about everything and do nothing.

This was not progress. It was not improvement.

I missed John Wayne.

But now I think . . . he's back. I think he returned on Sept. 11. I think he ran up the stairs, threw the kid over his back like a sack of potatoes, came back down and shoveled rubble. I think he's in Afghanistan now, saying, with his slow swagger and simmering silence, "Yer in a whole lotta trouble now, Osama-boy."

I think he's back in style. And none too soon.

Posted 10:14 AM by Blah blah

Le Couple

Does anyone else like Le Couple, this Japanese group of two people (singer and guitarist)? I'm listening to my friend Kenji's CD now. Love this song, in both Japanese and English versions:

Hidamari no uta (Wishes)

I looked in the sky
And there I saw a star shining so bright above
I close my eyes and wish upon that star that I would find true love

Someone who needed me
Someone to share my life
For a love that would be true
I would wait forever

So no matter how long it may be
I will be waiting

One star brighter than the others
Two hearts beating for each other
I believe wishes will come true

Love at first sight
I knew it from the moment when you said hello
I hope you felt it too but we were both so shy
How was I to know

When you reached for my hand
I knew you were the one
We laughed and talked for hours
Like I've known you forever

Like a dream or something from above
True love has found me

One star brighter than the others
Two hearts beating for each other
Now I see wishes will come true

You just have to dream
Nothing is as bad as it seems to be
Believe me
Someone's waiting for you to try there in the sky

One star brighter than the others
Two hearts beating for each other
You will see wishes will come true

You can't stop believing
Wishes do come true
You gotta believe me
Wishes do come true

Very cool: Google Weblog: news on Google.

Photos from Beijing

Violet just returned from a summer in Beijing and posted some beautiful photos.

She's from Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia and is getting her MA at University College London. Please see her other vivid photos, mostly from Europe.

Posted 8:10 AM by Anonymous

Note: This is an unedited entry taken straight out of my personal diary illustrating the candid beginnings with my first serious boyfriend. I was 20 and eventually lost my virginity to him; a hot-blooded Arab Muslim 10 yrs my senior. I’ve taken the liberty to change some of the names for this relationship became a tumultuous family outrage shortly thereafter. I was naive then and I probably still am now.

May 18, 1999

Things have invariably complicated themselves since I last wrote. Things and matters have unfolded and then raveled up again. Things have continued to harness me to ruin and victory- being consummately clear and cloudy. I never wrote about him in any other way than to mention him as an acquaintance-like one of the very many foreigners I meet whom I grow accustomed to writing about in excitement or fury. This one, I must be honest, was special and thence the reason I kept him secret so long. A secret I am disclosing and breaking open today, with a breath of fresh new air. I release the secrets of my life with Sayed.

I met Sayed in my SA store at school, a hazy lazy job for the most part because I usually get stuck with the late closing shifts and business is dead then. So I sat and I read. Why waste time? Dozens of magazines were scoured clean in those times. Sayed stopped by one day for an Oh Henry chocolate bar and never stopped coming back. Our raw beginning was quite hostile at first on my part, but still my sincerity sprouted its rays through my smile and so hence, he kept trying. One inherent quality that I instantly favoured was his persistency- the guy deserved a chance. That was after I specifically stated that I wanted a 6-foot tall man as a standard requirement, of which he probably thought made me a sick person. Well, the rest, we tried.

I met him in a bakery coffee shop, a Portuguese-run corner cafe at Essington and College, where I grew warm and fond of his brutal honesty and patience. I knew I had to decide then. I was taken by his deep moral thoughts and also by his spontaneously amusing and affectionate antics of silly nature, such as pumping his heart in a motion directed at me in silent gesticulation from across a window while walking by at school in the cafeteria as if indicating that his heart felt emotions. He had me when he zipped up Mellia’s coat, which I was wearing at the time and asked me when he can see me next. I cannot recall any of our early conversations, but I can only say without doubt that they were about life's history, existence, his family, religion and our expectations. There was also a lot of nondescript conversation that mostly involved me sitting there and him partaking in brain-searching space fillers about nothing or going on about some tangent specifically related to Islamic laws and culture. I remember how I enjoyed listening to him ramble on, I was mostly glad that the things he had to say were for the most part relevant, interesting and entertaining. He proved to me that a stalker can be a pretty decent and normal human, not some psychotic, potentially criminal, obsessed loser.

This is how I decided whether or not I should risk agreeing to give it a go.
I went home weighed my thoughts, analyzed and deliberated, then wrote out a pros and cons list. The cons outweighed the pros by a lot. I ripped up the sheet. I said yes.

Posted 7:02 AM by Blah blah

Now that I've hopefully cheered you up, I'll try to depress you with some reality.

Check out TheDivorceProject, "one man's journey through hell." What it's like to get divorced after four years of marriage. I am very touched by this guy, his pain, and his betrayal.

Posted 6:46 AM by Blah blah

Very cool entry by Rasee:

"I guess what I'm trying to say--and not very well at all--is thank you. I thank each and every one of you that is reading this right now. Even when journallers say that they write for themselves, they would not be writing online if there wasn't a part of them that craved an audience. I do. I've been very lucky because most of my readers have been kind and sweet, offering only the nicest compliments and friendships that have touched my heart. I sincerely thank you for sharing in my life up to this point and hope you will stay on for the rest of this journey, wherever it takes us. I'm so excited about the rest of my life....

And even now, thinking about losing a nipple makes me laugh. It makes my parents laugh as well when I talk to them about it. Since my nipples had to be removed completely and then reattached, I always wondered what would happen if they lost one. Would I end up having no nipples at all, like a Barbie? Or would they make me a new nipple? Or would I have just one nipple, which would be really icky if you think about it. Before surgery I had been warned of a number of complications, one being that my nipple wouldn't take and the skin would simply die. That was another thing I fretted about, along with the risk of infection and ending up with lopsided breasts. I still remember those moments before I went under and those moments when I first woke up, gagging on the tube in my throat. Now I laugh easily about it. When I was in Pattaya with Mally and we came to a Vanity Fair lingerie display, I showed her the bra I wore before surgery and the one I wear now. The difference is incredible. I love my breasts, scars and all."

Journalling and breast surgery in the same entry. Only Rasee could do it!

Astrology

What is YOUR sign? Please leave a comment. Rasee and I have this weird synchrony going on:

Based on our birth times, Rasee is a Capricorn, with an Aquarius rising and a Libran moon.

On the other hand, I am a Libra, with a Capricorn rising and an Aquarian moon!!! I think Rasee was destined to be my cowriter. :D

Her favorite astrology relationship page.

Rasee on herself: "What that means is that I am fiercely ambitious, a perfectionist, and I take my responsibilities to people and society very seriously. On the other hand, I have a quirky and naughty side that constantly surprises people who don't know me very well. I'm a romantic even if sometimes I don't sound or act like one, and Love tops my list of priorities. I'm quite stubborn and can be pretty opinionated, but I dislike conflict and usually go to great lengths to avoid it. Obstacles don't faze me in the least. I am determined to be the best at what I do, which is typical of the Capricorn in me, but I'm not ruthless about it. My purposes in life are to create, to express, and to connect, and my chosen method to do those is through my writing. Words are my life, my source of sanity and strength, and the passion that runs through my body."

What her astrology site says about me. I'm gonna respond point by point for the hell of it:

SUN in LIBRA
Your intellectual orientation makes you desire a compromise between passion and intellect. You strive for objectivity and want time to make decisions. [Both sentences true.]

You have a certain need to be liked and are reluctant to engage in confrontations except as mental exercise or debatable points of law. [I am NOT reluctant to engage in confrontations when necessary. I can be blunt.]

Should have been a lawyer. [Some tell me that. Though I'm more a journalist.]

Know any good lawyer jokes? You can be charming and witty, but this really hides your approach of an iron fist in a velvet glove. [True sometimes.]

Like a Scorpio, you give back in kind what has been received, although the Libra comes across as more balanced. You are often flirtatious and romantic, but this is turned off if physical attraction is not balanced by intellectual rapport. It makes sense, too, because you derive physical and psychological pleasure from beauty. [All true. This doesn't mean I only look for a woman who can talk intellectually. "Intellectual rapport" for me could mean we have a riproaring time talking about nonsense to one another. I need someone LESS analytical, thank you. I went to Mexico with a Berkeley law student before and got really tired of her constant analyses.]

You are probably a lover of books, music, clothes, and flowers, and your environment must be aesthetically pleasing. [First part true, last part sometimes.]

You are capable of good manners and diplomacy, which is good, too, because you need partnership and association with other people, but you dislike crowds. You will find that your physical stamina runs in cycles. [All VERY true. Bookmark this! I can comfortably mix with a crowd, but I dislike them, yes. And yes on the physical part.]

I have a strong indication that you have a strong desire for rich foods, especially sweets. [False. Mildly sweet is better. Too much veal parmesan makes me sick.]

CAPRICORN ASCENDANT
With Capricorn being a major player in your life, astrologically speaking, the old texts always suggest that you're a material person. Didn't Madonna have a song about that? Of course, I would lean away from the strict old because they all seem so deterministic. [False false false. I am NOT materialistic. I dislike materialism in people.]

However, yes, you do have a side which is willing to fight for what you have worked for, and this effect is more pronounced due to the effect of having Saturn as your ruler, or the boss of your ascendant. Success, while it doesn't always come early in life, is all but guaranteed because you can be a very effective manager type. You'll wind up being good at the delegating and stuff that is required. [The jury is out on this. I am NOT a micromanager.]

Another quality I always see with the Cap Ascendant is humor. A great sense of humor. You might have faced more than your fair share of difficulties in early childhood. Again, this is a Saturn thing, and he makes it a tough one for you at all times. [All true.]

Your own biggest challenge seems to be yourself. [YES. I am my main stumbling block.]

You also enjoy the "full on" or "full off" lifestyle. Either you prevent yourself from enjoying anything, or you give yourself over to nothing but pure pleasure with a sense of complete abandon. [Yes.]

Money and its inherent evils, always seems to impress you, though. [NO.]

MOON in AQUARIUS
So, if you are easily bored with routine, why are you reading this? Because you are, at heart, eccentric. [True.]

And, while we're at it, you are idealistic, optimistic, sympathetic (without being sentimental), highly social, a good organizer, and a good fund raiser. [True. Don't know about organizing or fund raising.]

You have a remarkable ability to calm others who are hysterical or mentally disturbed. [Yes. I've dealt with mentally disturbed people. People usually say they feel very comfortable with me.]

Strong individualism shines through, too, though your independent attitudes are really quite traditional. [I guess.]

You can be marked with little possessiveness or jealousy on an emotional level, and are rarely bothered by moodiness. [False. I rarely get jealous or possessive. I AM sometimes moody.]

However, and this is strong, you are emotionally analytical and objective. [Yes, when I look at other people's relationships. That's why they sometimes ask me for relationship advice. With my own, I'm sometimes a blind doofus.]

Posted 10:41 PM by Blah blah

Very intriguing! From a panel at my old university:

When Bloggers Commit Journalism (USC Online Journalism Review):

"When do webloggers commit journalism? What do informed amateurs and niche experts bring to the media ecosystem? Should journalists blog? And should they rely on weblogs as news sources? Should bloggers and those in traditional media engage in a dance of fear and loathing, or do both sides stand to gain from the other? Should blogging be taught in journalism classes?

Those were some of the questions tackled last week at the University of California Graduate School of Journalism. Three journalists -- Dan Gillmor, business columnist for the San Jose Mercury News, Scott Rosenberg, managing editor of Salon, and myself [J.D. Lasica, OJR Senior Editor] -- as well as veteran bloggers Rebecca Blood (author of The Weblog Handbook) and Meg Hourihan (co-author of We Blog [and cofounder of Blogger]) exchanged views before 75 journalism students and members of the public."

Partial transcript of what they said:
Part One
Part Two

Posted 10:20 PM by Blah blah

Zooming in on the Rough Edges

From Rabbit Blog (by Heather on 9/27), one of the best-written blogs I mentioned below. She writes for magazines like Salon.com:

Dear Rabbit,

Subject: I have friends like you...

and I sometimes question if they understand their problems. I read research reports about people like you.

...I don't know how serious you are. You seem incapable of expressing anything sincerely or seriously, except when writing about your family or the break-up with your boyfriend. So, I have a hard time determining if this is an elaborate and pathetic disguise, or if you are really lonely and screwed-up.

I suppose, to conclude, that I continue to read once a week because I keep waiting for that moment when you write about something wonderful and satisfying, something that you've wanted to accomplish, to fall in love, bowl a perfect game, apply toenail polish in a small, unventilated bathroom, or whatever it is you want, has happened.

Maybe next week.

Best,
Sam

Dear Sam,

I don't have friends like you, nor do I read research reports about people like you. I rarely read research reports at all, and my friends tend to be people who are less concerned with academic attempts at dissecting human behavior and more concerned with expressing themselves, honestly and entertainingly. Many of them are in conflict with themselves, and can artfully outline this conflict....Many of them whine daily, on a public website or elsewhere. The reason their websites are "public" websites is because people read them. The reason people read them is because they're entertaining. The reason they're entertaining is because conflict is at the heart of any good narrative.

You are an incredibly serious person, and as such you mistake my shifts from giddy to sullen to critical to lethargic to elated to self-loathing, and you paper over all of it and call it insincere and not serious. It can't be serious or sincere because it's foreign to you, because you can't imagine changing your mind 12 times a minute, or writing it down as it happens. You imagine that anyone who would do so must be insane, or must be consciously engaging in behavior that they know is against what they want - what they want being what you want, of course: to know the Truth with a capital T, to maintain your dignity, to remain positive and optimistic, to keep your private thoughts behind closed doors, where they belong.

To me, and to the people I know well and spend my time with, positive experiences and negative experiences are one and the same. We can take sunshine and flowers and make them oppressive and repugnant. We can take smog and crusty eye goo and make them glorious and uplifting. We do this all day long, and it drives us crazy, and it drives us. It makes us interesting to each other and annoying to each other. We are simultaneously impossibly light and heavy, sincere and insincere, cynical and pretentious, jocular and melodramatic. We contradict ourselves every second of the day, and we're not about to apologize for it, but then, we are actually willing to apologize for it, and we do so almost constantly. We have a lot of courage of conviction, except when we're chickenshits.

But I should speak for myself: I'm both incredibly happy and healthy and lonely and screwed up, and these things are in conflict. If I were only lonely and screwed up, don't you think you could tell that? Don't you think things would seem sort of gray and lifeless around here? If I were entirely full of shit and completely lacking in seriousness, would anything here be worth reading? If you could tell exactly what I was, would you keep reading? Do you read short stories featuring clearly defined characters who fall in love, bowl a perfect game, and emerge unambiguously happy? Or do you read about conflicted characters who have mixed experiences and aren't sure how they feel, in the end - and neither are you?

There are plenty of blogs filled to the brim with the wonderful, satisfying experiences of their authors. They don't entertain me, personally, but I would never label such people as insincere because they choose not to include all the ambivalent experiences and rough edges that I do. Plenty of things make me happy in my life - there are countless opportunities to look on the bright side, to say something upbeat or kind, to wax poetic about the joys of this or that. America is the land of enforced cheer, we swim through cheery messages all day long, holding our ambivalence and conflict in like holding our breaths. There are few opportunities, in day to day life, when you're interacting with living, breathing people who have agreed to sing the same happy song in unison, to be sullen and weary and nihilistic or even to be conflicted or indifferent. We are individuals! We look on the bright side! We know what we want from life, and we're gonna go out there and get it! When I'm writing, I have the freedom to zoom in on the rough edges. When I'm writing, zooming in on the rough edges is what makes me happy.

Do I seem morose? Did I contradict myself just then? If I were worried about those things, I wouldn't be able to write at all. Sincerity isn't optional. If it were, you wouldn't keep coming back to this blog.

Either that, or you're consciously engaged in behavior that you know is against what you want.

Wonderfully dissatisfied,
Rabbit

Posted 3:59 PM by Blah blah

Ellen of Sunny Side Up has moved her site to here. Change your bookmarks!

Hell, it's Friday. We're bored. Let's do the Bush-Gore boogie! Ow, momma!

Posted 2:18 PM by Blah blah

Funniest Sites

Bored? Want funny writing? Here's my list of some of the funniest blogs and other sites I've found. A bunch of these people are connected to media and entertainment (no surprise). I've highlighted all the sites with Internet video or audio clips, in bold.

1. Ze's Page. Perhaps THE funniest site I've ever seen. Needs Flash player.
2. The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Funnier and smarter than David Letterman, this Comedy Central show is sharp and the best TV humor about current events. The video clips will make you spit out your lunch with laughter.
3. Fanatical Apathy by Adam Felber, writer/comedian/radio guy. Funniest blog about politics and current events!
4. Wiredvideo, hilarious video and audio clips.
5. Late Night with Conan O'Brien Video Archive. Video clips of old Conan comedy sketches.
6. Dave TV: Late Show with David Letterman. RealPlayer video clips from the famous late night comedy show. Avoid the Tony Mendez ones!
7. The Best of Craigslist. Craigslist is a community with mainly classified ads. What's special is how smart, witty, and collaborative most people are. This is the cream of the crop of ads selected by readers themselves.

8. Funniest Blogs by Fake People: Saddam Hussein, Osama Bin Laden, Kim Jong-il, God (Real Slim Deity).

9. HorrorDate from eCrush. Dates from Hell.
10. Que Sera Sera by Sarah. Short but effective wit.
11. The Onion. The funniest fake newspaper.
12. Damn Hell Ass Kings. A bunch of hilarious sites and people connected to Uber Interactive. They include:

13. - Terribly Happy (by Omar). He writes for the Austin-American Stateman. I always laugh out loud at this guy.
14. - Squishy (by Pamie). Pamela Ribon is a freelance comedy writer living in Los Angeles with a focus on Pop Culture and girl-oriented themes.
15. - Tomato Nation (by Sarah). Girl in New York. She writes this advice column.
16. - Television Without Pity, a critique and summary of current TV shows. Frequently biting and witty.

17. Fade In (by Bill). Freakin' hilarious. He's now a TV writer in Los Angeles and (I think) had a chance to work for Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
18. Little.Yellow.Different (by Ernie). My housemate worked with him. Ernie needs no introduction. Gay, Taiwanese, mentioned in USA Today, game show blog host, and more recently, contestant on The Weakest Link, he's a one-man Internet entertainment machine.
19. Rabbit Blog (by Heather Havrilesky). She has written articles for Salon.com. Cool and irreverent sense of humor!
20. Joyce, Chinese girl, student at the U. of Michigan. Currently studying abroad. Very witty and hilarious!
21. Cruel Site of the Day. R-rated. Sometimes gross, sometimes vulgar. These are real sites!
22. SatireWire. Fake funny news stories.

Posted 1:18 PM by Blah blah

The Virtue of Engineering Cynicism (Darwin):

"By any definition, a cynic is what you want in an engineer....Cynicism among engineers isn't a character flaw. It is key to their strength."

Posted 12:44 PM by Blah blah

By Michael on RBJ. I'm starving right now:

Hey guys...

I have always wondered what the chinese restaurants do to the chicken to get them all soft like they are when served.... Anyone got friends or relatives that can spill the secret preparation method?

In good faith I'll share this killer sauce recipe:

1/2 cup Soy Sauce
4 TblSp Warm/Hot Water
3 TblSp Toasted Sesame Seeds
3 TblSp Dry Mustard Powder
1 TblSp Mayonaise
1/2 clove Garlic.

Preparation:

Get out a good blender and first off put in the dry mustard powder. Then add the warm/hot water. Followed by the soy sauce. I like to toast my own sesame seeds in a fry pan and then I put them into the mix while still hot... You can use pre toasted ones as well. Now throw in the finely minced Garlic and blend until smooth. Stop occationally and use a rubber spatula to scrape the sesame seeds of the blender sides and try to get them all mixed in well. Then add the 1 TblSp or Mayonaise and blend again. This should only take about 3-4 minutes total to make.

Store in a glass container and keep refridgerated. This stuff will hold for a few days.

The mayo is my own throw in to this recipe.. It helps make the sauce creamier. Also lately I have also been adding a tsp or wasabi power as well.. Just to kick it up a notch...

This sauce is AWESOME on shrimp and salmon. Take a non-sauce barbecued steak (ie. just salt and pepper the steak and barbeque) and then use this as a dip!!! With rice it is TO DIE FOR!!!

Posted 11:27 AM by Blah blah

TV show

Tomorrow we'll tape the next two episodes of our political TV talk show. For over a year, I've been producing this tiny show on public access TV (cable) for our county Democratic club. Everyone is a volunteer, except for a couple of guys from the station who help us out. It's not journalism. It's more a place to promote Democratic causes, organizations, and politicians. It's marketing.

I'm on the board for our political club. One time at a board meeting, I brought up this idea of getting the other side's point of view. I have moderate political views. I'm a pragmatist---not hardcore one way or the other. Someone said "You can bring on someone to talk about the other side, as long as that person is not the best speaker and we know that the Democratic speaker and her views will look better." End of story.

To interview, we asked Dolly, one of our friends and a member of the Cupertino City Council. She's been on our show a few times herself. She served ten years on the board of Foothill and DeAnza, two local excellent community colleges. Normally we change TV hosts on a whim. Dolly agreed to save us effort and will host both shows tomorrow.

Sometimes I host. I had fun interviewing my friend Lisa a couple of shows ago, about her work with a laser tattoo removal clinic, which serves young people like gang members trying to move to a new life. She's a trauma and plastic surgeon who this summer started a private practice.

Tomorrow we'll have two fascinating guests, both women politicians. Rosemary is on the Mountain View City Council. She was mayor of Mountain View in 2000 and ran for state legislative office this March. She lost. If you look at her resume you'll be blown away by her versatility. She's been a manager, a tax preparer, a community college teacher in computer networking, a politician, AND a webmaster! Seems like she mainly does contract web work now. That's the type of person we have more of here in Silicon Valley. People are willing to try new careers and experiment with old and new jobs like that, sometimes all at the same time.

Rosemary went to Afghanistan this May. She was part of a "delegation of 20 headed to Afghanistan to work on redevelopment projects involving health care, education and government. [Rosemary,] who has an economics degree and has worked as a commercial lender, will focus on microlending. Often...that means small loans of as little as $5 that borrowers can use to buy something like an oven or a loom....It's part of a larger effort to give women basic business training and form local support groups where they can help one another get back to work." (Metroactive)

We'll be showing her trip photos on the show. Our studio has a control that lets us switch between video feed and a computer with a Net connection.

Our second guest is Elaine, a business lawyer who is a Democratic candidate for Congress in the election this November. She's running in the 11th Congressional District, which covers Morgan Hill. Has a background in securities law which is very timely in this Enron and WorldCom climate of lies, where people don't trust the stock market. Our show normally doesn't broadcast in Morgan Hill, but I planned a special effort to do it. Morgan Hill is a tiny town southeast of San Jose with lots of hills and open space. My favorite high school English teacher lives there and raises sheep.

That's right. We hope at least five people and ten sheep in Morgan Hill will get to see Elaine's interview.

Posted 10:29 AM by Blah blah

No Kidding!

Met with my financial advisor yesterday. As we wrapped up, he said "Call me if you have questions or need to do some market talk. I don't have time to reach all of my clients."

"Sure."

"I have a lot of old women clients and some call me just to chat. Shoot the breeze. Gotta deal with them, y'know?"

"Really?"

"Yeah! You know how old men clients tend to like young women handling their money? Well old women are the same way. They tend to like young men." He's a young, tall, good-looking guy with a booming voice.

"Wow on both counts!"

"I swear---sometimes after a meeting, I'll ask myself: 'What just happened here?' It feels like I've been harassed."

Images popped into my head of those male-host clubs for women in Japan.

Posted 5:14 PM by Blah blah

By Esther:

Don't Mistake Me For a Drama Queen

all this free time has got me thinking, lately. thinking about different issues as well as thinking about my thinking about different issues. yeah. i'll explain what i mean, in a minute. :) if you don't know, already, i am also a co-writer for someone else's collaborative journal, called tiger cafe. everyone on there is an intelligent, thoughtful, and yes, somewhat opinionated. i had been an absent blogger for the duration of my Series 7 studying binge, but in the course of a day, i posted twice. you should check the site once in awhile--there are quite interesting conversations about different topics going on all the time.

but back to being opinionated...because, after all, that's what i am. i have a lot to say. meaning: i'm opinionated. and, i have a lot to say about that. being opinionated. so many people use that adjective in a negative way. "Oh, you're so opinionated." as in, why don't you just be? in this day and age of acceptance and tolerance, being opinionated could perhaps be misconstrued as being judgmental. what is that?

i think a lot of the reason why i changed my major from economics to political science was that i related a lot more to the people in my poli sci classes. i shared that deeper passion in my classes with the poli sci majors than i could justify finishing classes that i just absolutely hated to take because they were too theoretical and non-applicable. so, my minor became a major, and since i still wanted to go into the financial field, i defaulted my chances on finding a job in that field on my work experience. and it worked. i enjoyed a thorough majority of my classes and felt a camaraderie with my classmates--that i wasn't crazy for caring about certain issues or even wanting to change things about what was going on, around me. it opened my eyes to a lot of things whereas normally you wouldn't even think to question it because you were born to accept it and figure it was the best system since it existed. i consider myself privileged--my education was fully paid for, i didn't have to worry about food on the table, my parents are still together, etc. even though i am privileged, i believe i was even more privileged to have had my eyes opened to the different issues and to form educated opinions about them.

i mean, again--what is it about being opinionated? i don't think that there is a certain type of person who tends to be more opinionated than the next person, or more involved with certain issues politically than the next. actually, i take it back. i think it has a lot to do with your upbringing. sometimes, there are just situations you were put in where you have had to deal with a lot more than you would like to. and you would like to change it, somehow. or, it could even be a loved one or a close friend that has had to deal with certain issues, and you would like to change that, as well. could it be true that people who have been content with most things in their lives are the most indifferent? NOT to say that this is a bad thing. after all, content is good. does this make me incontent? THAT would be a bad thing. anyhoo, i'll let you comment on that. ;)

while you're at it, take my friend raymond's personality test. i scored a 10--meaning i am exuberantly happy?

sometimes, though, i find it rather intriguing about what it is that gives meaning to everyone's lives. haha, okay. i have a confession to make. last night i was watching MTV's True Life: I'm a Groupie. i mean--these girls get bent on attaining attention from remotely famous people. THIS is the meaning to their lives. i mean, i was just flabbergasted. i couldn't begin to think about what it means to find meaning in doing that sort of thing. quite interesting, really.

okay, but i am getting off track. being opinionated, right? does that make me judgmental? i think my ex thought i was the most judgmental person, EVER. like, ever, ever. i think it was always hard for him to understand how i operate, or what was going on inside my mind. i think it was Ralph Waldo Emerson who once said, "To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men, — that is genius." i really don't know what can encompass a justification for my trains of thought more. forming educated opinions, to me, on relevant issues, gives meaning to the normal humdrum of life. it does not mean that you are condemning everybody who thinks differently. all the more credit to those who have taken the time to assess their independent experiences and thought processes to form their own opinions.

am i totally off-track? ...i guess that's your opinion, isn't it? hee hee.

*e
_________________
Off-track, Esther? No way. Good for being the host of your own show like Ricki Lake? Yes! I like and respect that you care about social issues and like to ponder them. I do too...not as much as I used to. That's why I stay politically involved too. I feel one of government's major roles is to step in and care about those things business has no time or incentive to care about. Thinking about and participating in social issues is how I can feel connected to the broader society.

Socrates: "The unexamined life is not worth living." We need art, philosophy, and science to give shape, pattern, and relief to our random lives. That's why I prefer talking philosophy to religion. I also love that quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson's essay "Self-Reliance." He's one of my favorite writers. I'm stealing this entry for Tiger Cafe!

Posted 7:30 AM by Blah blah

Wow. Tiger Cafe now pops up as #9 when you search Google or AOL for the word "Raymond."

Posted 6:58 AM by Blah blah

Naughty Dutch Women with Windmills

To Esther, about what you said below:

First, our wonderful cowriter Unica Hija works in the advertising business. Maybe she can help us understand what's going on in those naughty little copywriter minds. How EXACTLY are you trying to manipulate us, U H?

I'd like to see more of what you said, Esther: "A Dutch woman luring the same man into her windmill." Like all the Dutch women I know who come up to me, grab me by the collar, and say, "Goede dag, Raymond. Hallo! Today's a nice day, ja? So...whaddya say we go back to MY windmill for some ooh la la? I just got this nice pair of wooden high heels, ja..."

Sigh...that would be a great commercial. I'd go buy a set of bagpipes and a kilt the next day!

Second, don't have time to fully explain my view. I agree with you somewhat---but not completely. I don't feel the ad, with its stereotypes, is as big a deal as you do. Ads are all ABOUT promoting stereotypes, building an image, and making you forever link the sound of Beethoven's 5th Symphony with the smell of anti-perspirant. You know..."Da da da dummm! Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman." That's the point. Commercials aren't the place for the actor who's chasing the Bora Bora girl to look at the camera and say, "By the way, I'm gay in real life!"

It's a dumb fantasy. People don't want realism in perfume advertising. Otherwise they'd show the guy going "she totally stank!" to his buddy afterwards and the woman giving her unused bottles to her friends as birthday presents. It's not like that true-to-life Yoko Ono MOMA exhibit.

Do I wish I could see more nerdy Dilbert-like Asian guys chasing and ending up with gorgeous dumb blondes, like they do routinely in real life? SURE!

Scott said on RBJ:

"[QUOTE]Cha Sui Bao said
Actually, I heard that both Jet Li and Jackie Chan have this thing in their contract that says they don't kiss anybody in their movies. maybe they're both super loyal to their wives or something. But the handshake at the end of Replacement Killers was just plain stupid.[/QUOTE]

These are the rules for Asian men in Western movies and television:

1. Asian men cannot get it on with any non-Asian woman. (Because Asians are not writing these scripts and the non-Asian male writers/audience cannot live vicariously through an Asian male apparently.)

2. Asian men cannot be in a sexual or loving relationship with an Asian woman either. Caveat: If they are in a relationship with an Asian woman, they are usually the bad/abusive guy, and the woman eventually gets rescued by a non-Asian male, or they are related.

3. Asian men must know some form of martial arts. Period.

That said, personally, I don't miss romance in my martial arts movies. And of course, you have to know martial arts to have a GOOD martial arts movie. It's just lame that these rules apply to movies outside of martial arts films as well. (The few exceptions can be counted on the remaining fingers on a shop teacher's slow hand.)

And Jennifer Love Hewitt definitely did make out with that boy at the end of Can't Hardly Wait. Which oddly enough, would have been great in any movie but that one."

To Rasee:

Well written as usual below. I am beginning to think you are too mature and sensitive for boys your age. Next time, before you go out with a boy who can't talk to you, bring along a printout of Tiger Cafe to entertain you during those dull moments when he's telling you about his collection of ninja action figures.

Good luck to Rasee, who is auditioning to perform in a local amateur group (in Bangkok). She is a good singer.

To both: Thank you for taking the time to write such thoughtful and thought-provoking entries!

To cowriters: since our commenting system, YACCS, gets such high traffic, if you have a long response to someone's post, please just post a new entry instead of a new comment.

It takes so long for the comment window to open, I have time to sweep the floor and do my laundry while I wait. In fact, that's the ONLY way I ever get my laundry all done.

Posted 11:55 AM by Blah blah

Read this!

Thank you to Pjammer for this link:

You MUST run to read this splendid dating story with a great sense of humor: She Hates My Futon. The writer, Craig Mitchell, has written 23 chapters so far of this novella but leaves us hanging and the story unfinished.

What I like so much is Craig keeps surprising me with these details and comments that ring true. They hit the bullseye about relationships, men, and women. They are so real they make you laugh. His story is such a joyride to read, a birthday present ESPECIALLY for men. I can't believe how closely he nails some of men's private conversations---some of what guys have told me and what I really think sometimes. The story is such a male fantasy, but it's told in a believable and in-depth way so people just leap out naked at ya! His main characters are so well developed and shaded. I have gone out with divorced women. One of my friends did date a wild-and-crazy girl like one of the characters. Craig laces his tale with details that make you think he's been through it himself.
______________________
"Girlfriend-Express," it read. "We'll find you Ms. Right."

They were offering to find me a girlfriend for $19.95....

"Mr. Mitchell?" a teenage sounding voice says.

"Yes."

"This is Randall from Girlfriend-Express."

"Ohhh. Yeah. " I say, still trying to wake up.

"We have a date set up for you tonight at 8:30 PM with a potential girlfriend."

This wakes me up immediately.
_______________________
Excellent site on screenwriting: Screenwriters Utopia. See script reviews. Excellent, funny essays on the craft by Daniel Knauf. If I wanted to improve as a writer, I'd practice by trying to write economical, vivid, compelling scripts. I'd study scripts from sites like Drew's Script-O-Rama.

By Daniel Knauf, How to Become a Good Screenwriter:

"First and foremost:

Stop writing screenplays.
Then:

Start reading poetry;
Read more poetry;
Write poetry;
Lots of poetry;
Stop talking;
Listen;
Read;
Masturbate like a doomed lab-monkey;
Write more poetry;
Shoplift food;
Work at a series of meaningless jobs;
Get betrayed by someone you cherish;
Be afraid;
Watch THE SEVEN SAMURAI without reading the subtitles;
Pray for forgiveness. Mean it;
Read your poetry out loud to an unappreciative audience;
Get stoned;
Contemplate suicide;
Help someone for no reason;
Hitch-hike;
Get angry;
Read Bukowski, Fante, Vonnegut and Ellison;
Drink coffee all night;
Be true;
Fall in love (at least twice);
Observe;
Get fired for hitting your supervisor;
Doubt yourself;
Flip back and forth from A&E Biography and The History Channel until you're sure Tammy Wynette built the pyramids;
Drop acid;
Throw an ashtray through the television set;
Have kids;
Quit a job without giving notice. At lunchtime;
Fail;
Listen to music. Very loud;
Toss and turn;
Understand nobility and treachery, practice both, favor the former;
Make passionate love to someone you don't even like;
Tilt windmills;
Get evicted;
Suffer pointlessly;
Pay attention;
Be foolish;
Go to jail (at least once);
Survive all the above, but imperfectly.
Then:

Write a screenplay;
Write another screenplay;
Rewrite the first one;
Write a third screenplay;
Rewrite the second one;
Burn the first one;
Repeat the above instructions indefinitely.

Well, here's the ugliest truth of all--I'm perfectly serious. There is not even a trace of a smile on my lips as I write this. Nobody wants to read a movie about a movie written by somebody who's only seen movies."

Why an acting class might be the best screenwriting class you can take.

Magazine on writing scripts and screenplays: Scr(i)pt.

Posted 9:19 PM by e*star

Bora Bora, the new fragrance by Liz Claiborne

Okay, now I did a search on this on the web and I have *not* come across anything raised by anybody else concerning what I'm about to blow steam off about. Has anybody seen this commercial? Unfortunately, a popular site that contained an archive of practically all commercials shown, ever, isn't live anymore, so I don't know of any reference I can provide so that you can view this commercial. I just saw this commercial last night on MTV. It takes place on an island, obviously--and it implies that the setting is, well, Bora Bora. BUT, the entire commercial shows shots of this white guy in a tank top and cut-off pants chasing a female Asian Pacific islander dressed in a bright pink bikini top and matching skirt with a flower in her hair. It shows different shots of his chasing after her, with the conclusion of the commercial ending in a shot where he finally finds her, already sitting on a bed. Then, he goes and joins her by sitting next to her on the bed.

What is that?? Am I totally off-base by being somewhat upset about this commercial??
I don't know if on Tiger Cafe, the topic of the exoticism of Asian women has come up--other than, say, Ming Tan and her book and class. I won't blow this issue out of proportion and say this is the worst, racist commercial ever to be televised in modern television, because it's not. However, I am offended and believe that it *is* inappropriate. Regarding why I have a right to voice opinion on this topic, 'nuff said. Now: WHY am I offended?

The commercial merely perpetuates the exoticism of the Asian female...what follows is the *objectification* of the Asian female. Okay, I get the point: Bora Bora is a great vacation spot. It is *exotic* and a very *beautiful* island. Heck, who would pass up the chance to visit Tahiti? I wouldn't. Now. What would a marketing department of ANY cologne like to advertise...combined with the assumption of say, this cologne had a very "Tahitian" feel and smell to it (humor me, here). Yes, I recognize that the easy trap is to draw the man to the cologne through the seduction, period. In this case, it is by a Tahitian native. Oh, how exotic. Oh, how nice it would feel to be in the arms of a beautiful Asian female. This commercial is not racist. However, it *is* ignorant and unknowingly regressive to the plight of the Asian female movement. It makes me rather disappointed, actually. No, the marketers don't know how this perpetuates objectification and exoticism, but really. This commercial merely reflects the current societal mindset of the Asian race: as a foreign, exotic and different culture and all those belonging or originating from that culture also as foreign. In my mind, this is why many second generation-ers and so forth always feel so alienated from the Asian culture--because of this very mindset.

Asian assimilation and acceptance as opposed to "other-non-white-race" assimilation and acceptance.

Imagine if a cosmetic company were to name a cologne after an African country. Could you see their using an African woman pulling an American (in this society, predominantly synonymous for "white") man into her bed? Is that just as enticing? What about a cologne that smelled like, buttermilk? A Dutch woman luring the same man into her windmill? Okay, I have to admit: I have no idea where I am going here (and I am actually amusing myself), but I do have a point. Forgive me for not being so skillful as to articulate it so well...but that point is that Asian culture, Asian people, everything Asian has always been viewed as foreign and therefore inclined to be objectified. The Dutch woman and the African woman and both of their cultures are so much more assimilated into the American culture. I think why I believe I am so much more justified in being offended is because of a "why me?" syndrome. In terms of representation of other races other than *white*, the others are making so much more headway. Granted, we don't all get to manipulate our images so craftily and to our specifications, but hell. There was the Latin explosion in music and *especially* because there is J-Lo. They have a voice. The blacks have always made headway because of their inclination to be vocal. They have a voice. Now, as for Asian Americans in the spotlight, the males have Jackie Chan with his martial arts card and the females have Lucy Liu with the "dominatrix" card, Connie Chung or Lisa Ling with their "news anchor" card, and all the other bonus Asian girls have their "me so horny" card.

Somehow, though, I have realized that we still don't have it the worst. I don't like feeling like I am a whiner or a complainer, but nonetheless, if I feel something is wrong, I am likely to verbalize it. I always have believed that the American Indians have it the absolute worst. I won't go into why. I won't go into how every Asian female will benefit if they just did this, or said that everytime they felt objectified. It is a very complicated situation, and this is my verbalizing my qualms about it.

*e

Posted 8:32 PM by Anonymous

I was sixteen when I discovered intelligent conversation. I was living in India at the time and had been online for a month before running into a boy that lived in the southern part of the country. Before either one of us knew it, we were exchanging 13k e-mails on a daily basis. I would ask him questions and he would offer thoughtful answers and stories and opinions that made me ask him for more. English was his first language, he had a vast vocabulary and a sharp mind, and his writing was solid and easy to follow. I didn't realize how much I craved a mind like his--a mind that would pick up something and look at it from all possible angles and even the impossible ones. Before that, conversation, even ones that lasted well into the morning, were about superficial, inconsequential things like movies and school and people. Never ideas.

Wookie--my nickname for the aforementioned boy, picked after he had convinced me to read Richard Bach's The Bridge Across Forever--was the closest thing to a soulmate I had found at that point. He interested me, challenged me, fascinated me, intrigued me, helped me explore and develop my ideas and challenged them constantly so I had to rethink them, finding more possibilities and learning more about myself than I ever had. He was the first Indian boy I could really talk to, and I think the only reason I didn't think about it was because we'd met online and he wrote English so well. When we spoke on the phone for the first time I was taken back by his heavy accent and he with my lack of one. We couldn't even talk. We had nothing of any use to say to each other. This was someone who wrote me ten-page letters, with writing on both sides, but who I could not actually talk to.

We started with e-mail and then he moved away to college, where he had no Internet access, so we wrote lengthy letters to each other every week. Longer and longer each letter would be, thicker envelopes had to be bought to accomodate the thickness of the letters. His words weren't beautiful. He didn't do frills. His writing was clean and direct, much like he was. I still have every letter he ever sent me. For Valentine's he drew me three pictures--the first with a hand reaching out, the second with another hand reaching back, and the third with a hand curled. It said something about reaching out for what you want or risk losing it forever. He said I had taught him that.

You don't realize just how important someone is until you risk losing them. I had to move back home and we knew that letters would take longer to get to each other and Internet access was unpredictable so we knew things would change. We knew we were going to lose each other. Things became more intense. E-mails were exchanged constantly. Feelings were questioned. Did I love him? Did he love me? Was I falling in love? Was he? He admitted to me that he was falling in love with me, but that he couldn't afford to just then. I understood. We found in each other someone we could talk to, someone we could learn from, someone who would allow our minds to become everything they could be. We were so good for each other's minds, I think. And sometimes I believe we were good for each other's hearts. I remember one night when Casablanca aired on cable and since neither one of us had watched it, we planned to watch it at the same time from different parts of the country. The line, "I fell in love with you in Casablanca" has a special meaning to me.

It was after Wookie that I realized I crave intelligence. I crave a mind that works and I need for that mind to competently express itself in English. I speak two other languages, but I think in English and I write in English and I love English. I need someone that shares my love for the language. I need someone who can spell, who can write grammatically correct sentences, and who knows the difference between "your" and "you're." I need someone that can read my entries or stories or letters, and understand me without the use of a dictionary. Even if English is not their first language, I need someone that knows it well enough to hear me when I'm speaking very, very fast and when I can barely put the words together. My best friend oftens says that I'm attracted to farangs--the Thai slang for Caucasians--and she's almost right. I'm attracted to people whose first language is English and who do not have the conservative strings that come with a lot of Asians here. It has to be noted that I did not grow up a conventional Indian woman and there is no way I can be with someone that isn't open-minded about my sexuality, my religion, and the way my heart beats.

Posted 6:22 PM by Blah blah

True Passion (sent by someone)

They were together in the house.
Just the two of them.
It was a cold, dark, stormy night.
The storm had come quickly and each time the thunder boomed he watched her jump.
She looked across the room and admired his strong appearance...and wished that he would take her in his arms, comfort her and protect her from the storm.
She wanted that, more than anything.
Suddenly, with a pop, the power went out....
She screamed.
He raced to the sofa where she was cowering.
He didn't hesitate to pull her into his arms.
He knew this was a forbidden union and expected her to pull back.
He was surprised when she didn't resist but clung to him instead.
The storm raged on, as did their growing passion.
There came a moment when each knew that they had to be together.
They knew it was wrong.
Their families would never understand.
So consumed were they in their passion that they heard no opening of doors...
Just the faint click of a camera....

Posted 6:04 PM by Blah blah

For Trixy: How I Became a Fantastic Flirt: The True-Life Tale of a Wallflower Gone Wild. Funny!

Speak English? Hell no!

From Rasee:

"I cannot be in a romantic relationship with someone that doesn't speak English. I've tried and it's simply not possible when what I love most in the world are English words. When I first started university I played around on the local network and knew those online on the same time could talk to each other. It was how I'd kept in touch with my ex-boyfriend and it was how I'd met Jin's current girlfriend before they'd run into each other. I gave my phone number to a guy that seemed sweet, and since you had to type in English to converse, I assumed he spoke English somewhat competently. I was wrong. Bee was a sweet and conservative Thai boy that went to school far, far away. We talked on the phone regularly for a long while and when things took a romantic turn, I found out just how conservative Thai boys can be. He had never kissed or hugged a girl, and he thought holding hands was reserved for committed couples. Just hearing that made me want to question his sanity. In high school a couple of my closest guy friends had that same sort of 'respect' for women, but they weren't as hung up on physical affection as Bee appeared to be. He also did not speak English at all so eventually I got tired of having to work so hard to put words together."

This strikes a queasy chord with me, Rasee. I've been thinking hard over this question this year. Like I said before, bantering conversation is essential to me in a relationship. We've gotta have fun and rhythm when we talk. Like you, I love the English language and words in general. I used to spend my high school years poring over the dictionary for fun.

But does that mean I tend to go out with English majors or people who write well? No!

I've tended to go out with foreigners. Foreign-born girls. (Well I'm foreign-born too.) I tend to feel more electricity with them at parties. They tend to laugh instantly at my jokes. I like their infectious enthusiasm. We click. Some have been good writers, in their native languages. Some totally suck at writing. Some I barely spoke English with at all, but instead my other tongue---like Taiwanese. One was Italian, and she was a set of contradictions: a former Miss Italy contestant who also trained for triathlons, so feminine and emotional she'd cry in the lab, but tough enough to lift turbo pumps with one hand; a girl who studied physics and did mechanical engineering but who wore Ralph Lauren to work.

Inevitably we get into language and cultural barriers. Misunderstandings. They usually wouldn't understand this mishmash of words I call Tiger Cafe. We struggle to talk deeper. They listen blankly at my talk about pop culture and Charlie Rose. How important is that, really, I keep wondering? So what? We are enjoying each other's company.

When I meet native English speakers (including Asians born in America), something feels missing. Yeah, we can talk about the same supermarkets or local clubs, but it feels more like talking to your sister than a potential date. More flat. Sometimes compared to them, I feel like the foreigner, in my weirdo position of being neither completely Asian nor completely American. (You Asian Americans or immigrants know what I mean.) Yes, they understand every word I'm saying, but my dry, understated humor just bypasses them. Some are looking for a sitcom entertainer who tells them loud stories and one-liners. Or sometimes I meet people who ARE English majors or very scholarly. They can talk about deconstructionism and politics and the war in Afghanistan, but then I start falling asleep. Too academic. Too much jargon for its own sake. I start worrying that I've lost my funny bone "mojo."

And then I'll talk to my friend Atsuko, here from Osaka, Japan. And she'll laugh like crazy before I even finish my sentences.

So it's back to the foreign-born for me and that unusual chemistry we have, even though I've lived most of my life in America. Call it a fetish. Call it a superstition. I don't give a damn. I only know that I cherish that chemistry and our banter, while grammatically for five-year-olds, can go on for ages.

Until we hit that next cultural roadblock.

Posted 2:30 PM by e*star

Hello, everybody.

I feel as though I should introduce myself again since I have been absent for so long. Alas, hello. Here I am. I apologize for being out of commission for awhile. I've actually been studying for my Series 7 test. And guess what--I passed!! Yeah. Barely. But that's okay, right? That was last Thursday. Since then, I've been tending to the start-up of my move to diaryland. So yeah--here's my new site. Enjoy, although there isn't a lot of content in there as of yet.

Interesting test you posted, Raymond. I actually scored a 10, diagnosing me as a supposedly extremely happy person, since 7 would put me at being a happy person altogether. Should I be happy that I am happy? ;) Cheshire Dave pointed out interesting critiques of the test, specifically of the quality of being a "terrific lover". I can relate to that, although I was kind of a sucker for deciding on "compatible". There are just many different perspectives, I believe, when it comes to relating to other people, as well as different priorities.

Raymond's reference to the Newsweek article is quite intriguing, indeed. Specifically about the advice on "keeping your illusions" about your partner. Now, you might call me a realist or even a pessimist, but I do believe in the importance of being happy. After all, isn't that the reason why we are on this earth? To achieve happiness, or happiness as a result of say, achieving meaning in our lives? No matter what, I think it is safe to say that despite whatever variations on the concept aforementioned people might have, that is an absolute truth relevant to all of us. However, I do not really believe in achieving happiness through ignorance. Yes, I believe in being positive, BUT I think there should be a balance between being realistic and remaining positive--so that the overwhelming positivity does not put us into ignorance. The impression I got from the article, prizing positivity well over realism, was that they suggest that we do exactly this.

Now, I would totally concur with the idea that approaches to relationships should differ, whether a couple is married, living together, or neither--that idea being, that more measures should be taken in order to keep a married couple together. Therefore, taking as positive an approach as possible is involved. However, for couples who are still in the stage where they are learning more and more about each other or are even in a content stage of their relationship and are approaching a more serious stage, I believe that realism is very much called for, indeed. The Newsweek article fails to separate the desire for happiness as an end as opposed to happiness as a couple. Perhaps end happiness is not relevant to an individual in a couple, and therefore not relevant to that one's happiness as a part of a particular couple.

I think, here, it should be wise to give you guys background on where I'm coming from. Mind you--I have had one, and only one, past relationship. Count the exes: one. :) I don't know if any of you remember much of your very first relationship, whether it be in high school or college (or even earlier or later?), but I think for many of us the first relationship is one that many of us remember the most. Reasons for this might include that maybe it is the one where you gave your all, or it was the relationship where you felt most attached to the other post-breakup, or maybe it was the relationship where you basically screwed up the most or hurt the other the most. The reason why I bring up *my* first (okay--and ONLY other) relationship was that yes, *I* was the positive one. Let me add that I was very positive, indeed...if not too positive for my own good, and even *our* own good (Don't we all secretly wish that our exes are best off only with us? BUT *we* were the ones to cast them aside? ;) ) I was so positive that I did not see how poorly I was being treated...so positive that I gave *even more* of myself because I reasoned out that if he saw how much I was doing for him, he might appreciate it and begin to reciprocate. Yes, I was communicating with him about my unhappiness but then I stopped as a result of trying out the "positive approach". I did as the Newsweek article said, overlooked his shortcomings, but in the end, it did *us* no good--the way it was supposed to. Our not ending up together was the best thing that could have happened to me, and to us.

The reason why we broke up was because I got real. I took a more *realistic* approach because hey--I was getting pretty damn exhausted, feeling used, feeling that I was not getting my share of the deal. And, I was positive. I guess what I am saying about being as positive as you can allow yourself to be in any and every relationship across the board is just not a good idea. Emotions are so intertwined with every single relationship, that I believe you need some brains about you to temper those emotions and keep them in line (yes, I'm talking to you, girls). Love is blind, and this is a beautiful thing, but in the end when even being blind and positive doesn't make you happy...it's time to default to realism.

*e

Posted 11:10 AM by Blah blah

Inspiring Asian Heroes (Time Asia). Opening essay.

For you in the San Francisco area, Phil Puthumana, the Curry Comic, invited me to another show of his witty comedy, at Marsh's Mock Cafe this Friday. I wrote about him April 4th when I saw his awesome performance in Sunnyvale. He's Indian, a business guy at Oracle by day, and a comedian who lets loose at night. He's a coworker of my friend June and genuinely funny. Check him out! No, I probably can't make it. But let me know when you come down here again, Phil! (He actually found what I wrote about him on Tiger Cafe and was very pleased.)

From his site:

"POOTH...The Curry Comic! That's my intro folks. I'm also known as Phil Puthumana to my friends. I got into this whole comedy thing as a fluke. My friend, Linda Huynh, had just signed up for classes at San Francisco Comedy College, and she thought it would be something I would dig. Thinking it would be cool to check out, I went to their free intro class and was hooked from there on. Thanks to SFComedyCollege Comic guru Kurtis Mathews, I'm a changed man, with a false sense of confidence that I'm actually funny and I am taking the art of comedy pretty seriously now!

My material is continually evolving and I am having an absolute blast presenting it. A good portion of my material comes from growing up as an American of Indian descent, with stories involving my Dad, since he's such a funny character to portray. As time goes on, there will be much more material involving both my cultural background and my everyday life, since both are so rich with comedic elements. Believe me, I have plenty of material yet to be tapped. Check back often to see if I have a gig in your town."

Posted 1:58 AM by Anonymous

OK, I took Raymond's happiness test, and I was sort of shocked to discover that I got a score of four, placing me at the bottom end of the happy crowd. Of course, questions in such a test are phrased in such a way that polarize possible responses, and as I don't tend to live in polar emotional climates, such responses rarely reflect truly how I feel.

Let's leave all that aside. The one question I want to talk about is the one asking which quality you would most look for in a marriage partner. The choices: good-looking, rich, intelligent, compatible, a terrific lover, and understanding. The correct answer, ahem, is "compatible." The rational is such: "When choosing a mate, a happy person will pick a congenial, compatible figure rather than someone romantic and glamorous."

I see now where I went wrong in my answer, which was "a terrific lover": I'm not conventional. The questioner appears to have a view of sexual attraction that is removed from context. Sorry, stud, just because someone is "romantic" in a conventional sense (i.e., buys flowers, sends little notes, etc.) doesn't mean that their romanticism is particularly spurred by the person they're with; it may just be what they think is expected of them as a partner. Don't get me wrong -- I buy flowers and write nice notes too -- but the romantic things I do are specific to my partner's desires. Oh, and don't even get me started on "glamorous." Preoccupying oneself with products to enhance one's surface beauty is the fast track to a total lack of interest on my part.

I actually thought "a terrific lover" was a pretty astute way of signifying all the different things I enjoy in a partner. (A note before I begin: since I'm attracted to women, I'm going to eschew the genderless signifier and go for the female-specific reference. Please replace as you read with whichever gender(s) you prefer. OK, 'nuff said.) In order to qualify as a terrific lover in my book, a woman has to have several key qualities. In no particular order, and by no means complete:

She's sexy. What does that mean? To me, someone is sexy when she's happy, when she enjoys who she is, inside and out, and when she has an open, uninhibited view of sexuality. Boundaries are fine, but prudes and moralists get no play over here.

She cares for me, and she knows I care for her. There's trust and openness between us. It encourages each of us to be who we are, individually and together.

She's intelligent and funny. If we can't talk, laugh, and play during sex, both naughtily and nicely, dear me, what is the point? We aren't fucking machines.

She's a good communicator, both talking and listening. Otherwise, how else will I find out what particularly turns her on or off? How will she find that out about me? Believe me, while there are women who are generally talented at sexual acts, there is nothing so fabulous as someone who knows exactly how to get you off, and only someone who's a good communicator (orally, physically, telepathically, or all three) knows how to do that.

She's generous, and she's assertive about what she wants as well. There is nothing better than a lover who knows how to both give and receive. Spice of life, baby.

She's compatible. It's great to share a lot of things and differ in others. We enjoy and learn from each other.

These qualities, not to mention the afterglow of radiant sex, ripple outward into life in general. We're not having sex all the time, of course. The qualities that make her a terrific lover make her a fabulous partner in life.

And now, off to sleep. Alone, sadly, but just for the next couple of nights. Come Monday next, my terrific lover will be officially moving in. The answering machine already says "Cheshire and Sarah." Am I happy? You know it!

Posted 12:06 AM by Blah blah

Statistics for Tiger Cafe (and my old site, Raymond's Retreat):

Hits really went up this week, partly thanks to a link from Eric.

Posted 11:40 PM by Anonymous

Hi guys, I haven't posted in a while for a variety of reasons, which I will briefly bore you with. For one thing, Blogger has been acting up on my recently but I hope it's working now. Also, I'm back at school now so I have about a million times more distractions. Classes don't start until Wednesday, so for the past week I've just been bumming around and partying. It was a lot of fun, but now it's kind of taking an emotional toll. I need some peacefulness and am kind of looking forward to having classes to settle into some kind of placid groove. You know.

Funny about your post on exercise and whatnot, Raymond, because I'm starting to train for a triathlon now! I really appreciate the links you posted. For the past week, I've been alternating running and swimming. The crazy thing is that I'm so much better at swimming than running it's ridiculous. Usually I run about two miles and I'm not much use to anybody after I'm done. On the other hand, I do a swim workout that adds up to two miles and I feel like I could go for more if it wasn't that open swim was only an hour and a half long! ...The next step is to get a road bike, but I need to conjure up $600 first. I'm not sure if I can balance my academics, extracurriculars, possibly a sports team, my "triathlon training", and a job. Yeah that's another thing - I'm thinking of joining the frisbee team.

The thing is, I'm really kind of against team sports. I never liked the mentality about making a social collective of people based on something that isn't really socially unifying - like sports. I like frisbee - but that doesn't mean that I'm going to be liked by my teammates. I don't really like how your individuality comes last in team sports. In my experience, large groups of athletes are not the most sensitive people in the world to your differences. Of course, being on the team would probably be a really great opportunity that I can't even entirely fathom at this point, right? Oh well, we'll see.

Posted 8:20 PM by Blah blah

Happiness

Take my happiness test.

The Science of Happiness (Newsweek):

Lesson one is that mood and temperament have a large genetic component....A second lesson is that our circumstances in life have precious little to do with the satisfaction we experience. Married church-goers tend to outscore single nonbelievers in happiness surveys, but health, wealth, good looks and status have astonishingly little effect on what the researchers call "subjective well-being."...But "authentic happiness," as Seligman defines it, is not about maximizing utility or managing our moods. It’s about outgrowing our obsessive concern with how we feel. Life in the upper half of one’s set range may be pleasant, but is it productive or meaningful? Does it stand for anything beyond itself? These questions push the boundaries of a psychologist’s traditional turf, but Seligman tackles them with refreshing clarity. Beyond pleasure lies what he terms “gratification,” the enduring fulfillment that comes from developing one’s strengths and putting them to positive use. Half of us may lack the genes for bubbly good cheer, he reasons, but no one lacks nascent strengths or the capacity to nurture them.

How to See the Glass Half Full (Newsweek):

For most people, lasting satisfaction comes not from money, status or fleeting pleasure but from rising to the challenges of love, work and raising children. From Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment:

I. KEEP YOUR ILLUSIONS
When you’re falling in love, it’s easy to fixate on your new partner’s strengths and ignore obvious faults. Perceptions change over time, however, even in strong relationships. What struck you as kindness may start to resemble soft-headedness. Integrity may morph into stubbornness, steadfastness into stodginess. How do happy couples avoid disillusionment? You might guess they assess each other coolly from the start, sparing themselves false expectations. Recent research suggests just the opposite. The key to lasting love, it seems, is not to avoid romantic illusions but to sustain them....

In Murray’s studies, the happiest couples are not the most realistic but rather the most positive. Instead of confirming their friends’ frank assessments, these people idealize their partners, blithely predicting that their relationships will withstand hard times. As it turns out, they really do fare better when trouble strikes. The larger the romantic illusion, the better the odds. How can that be? People who idealize their mates may be quicker to forgive small transgressions. And people who are idolized may try harder to please their partners.

II. TURN WORK INTO PLAY [I wrote about viewing work as a craft last year.]

How do you frame work in relation to the rest of life? Scholars distinguish three kinds of “work orientation”: a job, a career and a calling. You do a job for the paycheck at the end of the week, and when the wage stops, you quit. A career entails a deeper personal investment in work. You mark your achievements through money, prestige and power, and you move on when the promotions stop. Unlike a job or a career, a calling is a passionate commitment to work for its own sake. The effort you expend becomes its own reward, regardless of the money or status it brings. People with callings are consistently happier than those with mere jobs or careers. And if you think callings are only for artists and healers, think again. Recent studies suggest that any line of work can rise to that level.

In one seminal study, researchers led by Amy Wrzesniewski of New York University studied 28 hospital cleaners. Some viewed their work as drudgery, but others had found ways to make it meaningful. The cleaners with a calling believed strongly that they were helping patients get better, and they approached their work accordingly. They timed themselves for efficiency. They prided themselves on anticipating the doctors’ and nurses’ needs. And they took interest in brightening the patients’ days, whether by rearranging furniture or decorating the walls. Researchers have seen the same phenomenon among secretaries, engineers, nurses, kitchen workers and haircutters. The key to contentment, their studies suggest, is not getting the perfect job but finding one you can make perfect (or at least better) through the use of your own strengths.

Part of what turns a job into a calling is the state known as flow. My colleague Mihaly Csikszent-mihalyi (Mike for short) defines flow as complete absorption in an activity whose challenges mesh perfectly with your abilities. Flow is not the pleasure you derive from a warm shower or a cold beer but the loss of self-consciousness you experience while engrossed in a task that calls on your strengths. People who experience it are not only happier but more productive, for they stop thanking God that it’s Friday....

III. TEACH KIDS TO THRIVE

[He says to share your bed with your baby, increasing his sense of security and personal interaction.]

Posted 6:50 PM by Blah blah

How to Move to the Next Level

From The Core Basics:
_________________
Recently, I was asked 'What are the core basics that someone who wants to move beyond 'beginner' needs?"...

What is the most important thing I've learned? Perhaps it sounds corny, but it's the ability to look and to see what's actually there. To examine a problem and see the problem, with no bias or assumptions. To look at a project plan and pick out all of the assumptions (which can then be tested for accuracy), or to look at a program and see the bugs or flaws....

The second most important lesson is that people are important. People are not machines, they are not commodities and they are not objects to be manipulated. People have feelings and they are to be allowed to be themselves, to have rights and freedoms. That does not mean you let them do whatever they want (you have to manage things if you are a manager) but you have to understand, communicate and respect them.

Why is this important? If you treat people badly or don't communicate with them you will find them uncooperative and even belligerent at times.

I've solved so many problems that simply resulted from treating people like trash that it's mind numbing....

The third most important thing is "be completely and totally ethical at all times". Never, ever violate your integrity....

The next thing to do is to do the best possible job that you can do. So do whatever you need to do to understand your job. Read books, attend seminars, network with peers, go to classes and continue to learn every single day. That's right, set aside some time every single day to get better at your job.

If you want to be a webmaster, then BE a webmaster. Learn what it means, learn how to do it, and learn what you need to learn. Then put your learning to work and be the best webmaster you can possibly be. Create excellent web sites and deliver excellent products to your company, your users and your customers.

The final advice, perhaps the most important thing of all, is to be happy with what you do. Be happy with your job. After all, you spend a fair portion of your life, perhaps the majority of your life, working. If you don't enjoy what you do, then are you truly happy?...

So learn and continue to learn. Be happy and stay ethical. Treat others with respect and communicate freely and opening with everyone. And be the best that you can possibly be. That's the advice that I will give anyone who asks.

Richard Lowe