Posted 9:03 PM by Blah blah

From the RBJ discussion: Bigger Boobs

Chris's sister, Babysakura, said: "I don't get the obsession of guys with big boobs."

I replied: Maybe it's because we somehow naturally prefer symmetry.

Which breast shape do YOU find sexier?

A. Rock hard breasts. If it's cold---frigid breasts.

B. Sweet-smelling vegetarian breasts.

C. Perky street sign breasts.

D. Business conference call breasts.

E. Euclidean breasts.

F. Fake breasts. They attract weirdos.

Or...SAGGING BREASTS:
G.

We men rest our case.

Posted 7:47 PM by Blah blah

Summer Movie Extravaganza: "This is the Summer Movie Extravaganza. Throughout the summer of 2002 I will be watching every major film that is released and any minor films that pique my interest. I'm not doing this to get recognized or even to hone my writing skills, but simply because I love movies and I don't foresee another opportunity like this one in the near future. How often will I stumble across money and have a great deal of time on my hands? Exactly."

Annie Hall (1977)

Psychiatrist: "Do you have sex often?"
Alvy: "Hardly ever. Maybe three times a week."
Annie: "Constantly. I'd say three times a week."
- Annie Hall

Saw one of the greatest movies of Woody Allen's career, Annie Hall. It won the Oscar for Best Picture in 1977 and just touches you so privately, so truthfully, that you wonder if Woody was watching you when no one was looking. Diane Keaton won the Oscar for Best Actress.

It's the best and most truthful movie I've ever seen about relationships, covering the bittersweetness of how we can fall in and out of love with someone. How, imperceptibly but surely, we lose that grip on our partner's imagination as they do on ours. It's doubly autobiographical, for Woody had been in a long relationship with his costar, Diane Keaton, and they were breaking up at the time. Annie Hall tells a thinly disguised story of their real-life breakup. Imagine the pain both of them went through to relive it in its vivid honesty. (Diane Keaton was actually born "Diane Hall," and "Annie" was her nickname.)

Unica Hija, if you loved When Harry Met Sally, you will LOVE this. That later movie (and others) borrowed many of Woody's fresh ideas from Annie Hall. His wrote the story in a very nonlinear way. He mixed various genres and styles of camera play, from talking directly to the camera, to having his characters leave their bodies during sex, to a short cartoon in which Woody talks to the Wicked Witch in Snow White

Highly intelligent, devastatingly witty and funny, embarrassingly honest, and touchingly bittersweet, Annie Hall is a must-see for you all! For those who love conversation, the movie is full of people talking...talking.

Annie Hall Quotes:

Mother (to doctor): He's been depressed. All of a sudden, he can't do anything.
Doc: Why are you depressed, Alvy?
Mother: Tell doctor Flicker. It's something he read.
Doc: Something you read, heah?
Alvy: The universe is expanding.
Doc: The universe is expanding?
Alvy: Well, the universe is everything, and if it's expanding, someday it will break apart and that would be the end of everything!
Mother (shouting): What is that your business? (to doctor) He stopped doing his homework.
Alvy: What's the point?
Mother: What has the universe got to do with it? You're here in Brooklyn! Brooklyn is not expanding!

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love.

I was thrown out of NYU my freshman year ...
for cheating on my metaphysics final.
You know, I looked within the soul of the
boy sitting next to me-

(The audience laughs; they're with him)

-and when I was thrown out, my mother,
who's an emotionally high-strung woman,
locked herself in the bathroom and took an
overdose of mah-jongg tiles.

Alvy (speaking): So, did you do those photographs in there, or what?
Annie (speaking): Yeah, yeah, I sort of dabble around, you know.
Annie (subtitle): I dabble? Listen to me - what a jerk.
Alvy (speaking): They're wonderful. They have a quality...
Alvy (subtitle): You are a great - looking girl.
Annie (speaking): Well, I would like to take a serious photography course.
Annie (subtitle): He probably thinks I'm a yo-yo.
Alvy (speaking): Photography's interesting because, you know, it's a new form, and a set of aesthetic criteria have not emerged yet.
Alvy (subtitle): I wonder what she looks like naked.
Annie (speaking): "Aesthetic criteria" - you mean whether it's a good photo or not?
Annie (subtitle): I'm not smart enough for him. Hang in there.
Alvy (speaking): The medium enters in as a condition of the art form itself.
Alvy (subtitle): I don't know what I'm saying - she senses I'm shallow.
Annie (speaking): Well to me, I mean, it's, it's all instinctive. You know, I mean, I just try to feel it. You know, I try to get a sense of it and not think about it so much.
Annie (subtitle): God, I hope he doesn't turn out to be a shmuck like the others.

(He moves up the sidewalk to a young trendy-looking couple, arms wrapped around each other)
You-you look like a really happy couple.
Uh, uh ... are you?

YOUNG WOMAN
Yeah.

ALVY
Yeah! So ... so h-h-how do you account for it?

YOUNG WOMAN
Uh, I'm very shallow and empty and I have no ideas and nothing interesting to say.

YOUNG MAN
And I'm exactly the same way.

ALVY
I see. Well, that's very interesting.
So you've managed to work out something, huh?

YOUNG MAN
Right.

YOUNG WOMAN
Yeah.

ALVY
Oh, well, thanks very much for talking to me.

Posted 1:01 PM by Anonymous

I appreciated what Sylvia had to say, as I, too, was a bit bothered by the "(in a good way)" qualification for a certain form of feminism. Feminism has taken a lot of forms throughout recent history (the last fifty years or so), and I would argue that each has been valid and necessary. The most recent development, what's called third-wave feminism, has given women a lot of freedom as many more young women have grown up in an age marked by a growing societal recognition of women as smart, strong, and entitled to determine whatever paths in life they want to take.

However you might feel about previous generations of feminists, who tended to be regarded by the larger American (at least -- I don't know other countries' cultures well enough to comment) society as humorless and/or man-hating, we wouldn't be where we are now without them. Thanks to the activism of past feminist waves, women have more choices now, especially as to how to define "equality." To some people, equality means absolutely no difference between genders, so that there's no chance of imbalances of power. To others, it means a balance where both differences and similarities are enjoyed, and overall the relationships between women and men are based on mutual self-respect, honest and open communication, and a dedication to eliminate imbalances of power. In my relationship, for example, Sarah and I both feel that there will be times when one of us will need more from the other, and that will shift over time. In those times, each of us will have to be stronger for the other, but still, it doesn't mean that power (as such) shifts, just that each of us takes turns taking care of each other. Most of the time, though, we're on an equal footing.

In terms of femininity, I see it as referring to external things such as clothes or makeup that emphasizes ways that women are different from men. We are now in an age when women feel freer to wear more form-fitting clothing that highlights their curves, and it doesn't diminish their self-image as feminists. (I can't say I don't have certain involuntary positive responses to certain things Sarah wears, and she's been a hardcore, activist feminist for many years. On the same hand, I shave only for Sarah's benefit, and sometimes I wear things just because I know she likes to see me in them. Tit for tat, you know.)

It should be noted, though, that there are still a lot of women who don't choose to wear feminine clothes. Among many reasons, one is that many women see mainstream media as objectifying women in the images it favors. The fashion industry frequently plays on people's weaknesses and try to make them feel bad about themselves because they don't look "good enough." Another is that many women don't want the kind of attention a lot of asshole men will give them if they wear revealing clothes. Unfortunately, we still live in a society where that's a valid and necessary feminist response. We have a long way to go.

One final note is that there's also a form of feminism that focuses on unique aspects of womanhood that go deeper than outward appearances. This is more about creating protected spaces where women can communicate with each other, or even with themselves, openly, celebrating different parts of womanhood or examining how they're functioning in a society that is still largely dominated by men, or what their relationships are like, or any other number of topics. (I haven't yet created such a space in my life for male things, though Sarah and I are talking about finding ways for me to do that -- a lot of traditionally "male" ways of bonding just don't interest me. I'm really more of an honorary dyke, I think. So much for the male perspective, Raymond!)

That's it for now, though I'm sure I'll have more to say in future posts. Great discussion, though!

Posted 9:54 AM by Blah blah

Henry IV: The Impact Remix

From our cowriter Chesh:

I really want to get the word out about Impact's latest show, Henry IV: The Impact Remix. It freakin' rocks. OK, so I do all of Impact's graphics -- you could call me biased, and you'd be right. Still, that doesn't take away from the fact that this is a fantastic play (really, three plays in one, since it's mostly Henry IV Part 1, but we threw in bits of Part 2 and Richard II) with a kickass cast and fabulous staging, including a huge fight scene with swords, taking place mere feet from your face.

Unfortunately, it's a short run, and we only have three more weekends. Sundays are $10 for all seats, if that's an enticement for you. I'll be there this Sunday selling food and shirts and stuff, so come visit me and spend a rollicking couple of hours with Impact.

More info can be had at the Web site, which I recently redesigned.

Hope to see you there!
________________
Hey Cheshire! I'll be in SF this Sunday with my friend for a party/open house. I'll try to see your show in Berkeley at 7 pm! Hope to see you there.

The last time I saw the Impact Theatre and met Cheshire Dave was in April. Very hilarious! I loved it.

New Links Below

Please check out the new blogs I've added recently below: Mira, Rick, All2Swift, Danny, Mona, Raven, RJ, and Stephanie. I've marked them with asterisks. All excellent in some way. Mona and Raven are getting married next year, and they write a joint wedding blog. They are also really cool people! That teenaged Filipino guy RJ below, of gag0 and riceandketchup, is both horny and hilarious! Riceandketchup is gonna be a group Asian funny blog. Maybe I'll join.

Here's Mona and Raven's story. Read their bios and how they met, on Match.com nonetheless!

Posted 7:44 PM by Blah blah

To cowriters: if you have a long reply to a post, please post a new entry instead of answering it in the tiny comment window.

Sylvia replied:

ray, i read your post earlier today but didn't really get a chance to read it carefully until now. Most of the stuff I agree with without comment, but number six really makes me uncomfortable: "'Feminism' (in a good way) means to feel free to speak up, be decisive, and be strong-willed while dressing and acting girly and taking on 'female roles.' Women should not feel less feminine for doing so."

Why put feminism in quotation marks, and why rationalize it as "in a good way"? That kind of puts me on edge. I'd argue that feminism is about equality between genders; especially in regards to power relationships. Women *should* feel completely empowered and confident. I think we should have the freedom to dress or act however we want, free of societal sexual pressures. I don't think it's really appropriate to say that feminism should be primarily characterized as the freedom to "dress girly" and taking on "female roles". I think it should be about dressing however you want, taking whatever roles you want, and liberating those things of a gender affiliation. When I read through your post the first time, I was pretty puzzled as to what the word "feminine" is supposed to mean. To me, "feminine" is a term you can use to describe a fashion style, or maybe in historic cultural terms. It almost seems like an anachronism to me. I can't really imagine describing anyone or anything, besides clothes, as feminine. And clothes only as a label to describe a visual trend.

As for the whole female body image, "using what you've got", I'm not entirely sure how to communicate what I feel about that, but it makes me inherently uncomfortable. It makes it sound like women should be encouraged to sell themselves out based on looks. I concede that people enjoy beauty *and* intellect, but I think an overemphasis on looks in our media-driven age is pretty dangerous.
_______________
Thank you for your thoughtful reply, Sylvia. I am trying to summarize what Esther and Unica Hija said, which was not easy. Maybe I was imprecise. What do you guys think about this?

Posted 9:59 AM by Blah blah

Actor Charleton Heston's Day Planner, by Omar. Dang, this is funny! Heston is one of my all-time favorite actors. He recently announced that he has Alzheimer's disease. But I forgive Omar this time.

Posted 6:09 AM by Blah blah

More about Bantering, Brains vs. Looks, and Strong-willed Women

Back to the need to banter well with your partner. Let me distill and organize what you said, Esther and Unica Hija, which was TOUGH because you brought up a ton of good points. I am lucky to have such intelligent cowriters!

1. You agree: bantering well with your partner is essential. Plus, it's rare.

2. Men tend to care less about mental stimulation from a woman, while women do care about finding it in men. This is wrong and slights women.

3. Why? Many men have a problem accepting or dealing with strong-willed women. It's partly society's fault for pushing them into this role.

4. Guys would still prefer looks plus brains. An intellectual guy can also be superficial. Don't forget to use your physical assets if you are a woman!

5. Banter is not only the skill to communicate, it's a conscious choice. Some prefer not to, or they sacrifice brains for looks when they "settle."

6. "Feminism" (in a good way) means to feel free to speak up, be decisive, and be strong-willed while dressing and acting girly and taking on "female roles." Women should not feel guilty or less feminine for doing so.

7. We don't hate men. We appreciate and enjoy them and our differences!

1. You agree: bantering well with your partner is essential. Plus, it's rare.

Esther said: "It really is hard to find somebody who is intellectually stimulating in a way which compliments your own intellectual capacities. Furthermore...it is even harder to find that somebody who can actually *communicate* and *articulate* these thought processes!! I feel the frustration."
____________________________________________
Thank you, Esther! One of my favorite essays is Ralph Waldo Emerson's "Friendship." He wrote:

Unrelated men give little joy to each other; will never suspect the latent powers of each. We talk sometimes of a great talent for conversation, as if it were a permanent property in some individuals. Conversation is an evanescent relation,—no more. A man is reputed to have thought and eloquence; he cannot, for all that, say a word to his cousin or his uncle. They accuse his silence with as much reason as they would blame the insignificance of a dial in the shade. In the sun it will mark the hour. Among those who enjoy his thought he will regain his tongue.

2. Men tend to care less about mental stimulation from a woman, while women do care about finding it in men. This is wrong and slights women.

Esther: "Do we really need a justification for needing intellectual stimulation from a significant other? I worry that he justifies his need for 'banter' from his signficant other when it should be other men who should be justifying their lack of need of this very quality from their women....Why *can't* men prioritize intellectual stimulation in their female counterparts more often?...Sometimes I feel really disheartened at conditions that are just taken for granted when in reality they should be questioned....I believe that women...tend to look for a guy who is interesting...if not intellectually stimulating then somebody who is just short of that capacity."
____________________________________________
Absolutely. The whole tolerance of society for physical beauty in women over brains has put pressure on women to play dumb or shut up to get by in certain situations. We tend to see the combo of brainy but not so attractive man with a less brainy but beautiful woman.

By the way, doesn't this put unfair pressure on male six-pack hunks to be more brainy? Haha... In short-term relationships, girls can be just as superficial as guys. We guys also have to be more concerned with our looks nowadays.

I've had women treat me more like eye candy too---someone to take to a party.

I think we guys can go more for looks over brains because it's fast food. Quick gratification. We are stressed from school, work, and the daily troubles of life. We come home or go to a club and don't wanna think too much. I think that's one way affairs get started. Men, especially those CEO types, are extremely stressed. They come home to a more intellectual but nagging wife. They want someone to soothe them, not argue and analyze them. So they go for the secretary, the salesclerk.

As women get more ambitious and overworked, they can choose a hunky but less intellectual guy for the same physical relief. Actually you see that a lot too---articulate women with guys who don't talk well.

I've tried a more purely physical relationship too. I dated someone for around half a year, and it was mainly for her sexy body. I admit it. We had fun for a while, and I needed to get my mind off of my worries. In times like those you tend to act more like a kid, no?

But yes, over time I have tended to get bored dealing with a woman, no matter how pretty, who can't talk with me. To not be able to share an interest in books, magazines, current events, the world...that's no fun.

3. Why? Many men have a problem accepting or dealing with strong-willed women. It's partly society's fault for pushing them into a role.

Esther: "Ian was talking with his friends...and they were actually discussing 'strong(-willed) women.' Dynamic personalities, moderately opinionated personalities, you name it...they were saying in general how some men just don't have the confidence for it....[B]ecause of the socialized male-female hierarchy, many men are used to these very conditions. Many men cannot handle strong-willed women, for fear that it jeopardizes their manliness, or position of control in the relationship...Men have also been conditioned just as women have...have grown up in a place in which pressure has been placed upon them to fit a certain role. That role is almost always means being the 'man of the house'--the one with the final say."
____________________________________________
Yes! Some of my Asian guy friends did not have much experience with strong-willed women, having been coddled by their moms or social environment. When some of them ended up with a strong-willed girl, they were stumped.

I've had good relationships with strong-willed women and prefer confident women. Shrinking violets are unattractive. BUT I don't like "masculine" women. I like very feminine women who can speak their mind and be forceful when necessary. I hate nags. I totally agree with the balanced feminine woman Esther talks about below. She's ideal.

Last Saturday, I played tennis with L and we had a long talk over lunch. My new tennis partner and friend, she is a fascinating strong-willed woman. Originally from the Philippines, L is both feminine and highly independent. She has been an HR manager at a startup, played the corporate game, and just quit her job to work for a nonprofit. That is HIGHLY strange and idealistic, especially here in Silicon Valley! She wants to focus more on helping society now and volunteers on the side to take care of kids at a battered women's shelter! She used to be an image consultant on the side, advising women how to look and act more beautiful and charismatic.

4. Guys would still prefer looks plus brains. An intellectual guy can also be superficial. Don't forget to use your physical assets if you are a woman!

Unica Hija said: Much as I would prefer men who at the onset looked for that intellectual connection with me instead of just a knee jerk attraction to the physical, the reality is, it is much more enjoyable for a man to have a stimulating conversation with someone physically attractive. If I were a male, I'd be a jerk--I mean, I'd feel the same thing! It's a reality we have to face it. Men look for the visual more consciously in their mates at the onset. And women don't....But good luck to you women who don't recognize--even ignore!-- the power we inherently have as humans with innate femininity, fluttery eyelids, curves, breasts. . . you get the picture....

I consciously choose banter and intellect over looks in the many relationships I've had because I'd rather have great conversations with my boyfriend than worry about how I look beside him. And yes, looks do fade with time. But *sigh*, sorry girls, this has NOT saved me. Apparently, there ARE smart male jerks out there just as there are intellectually stimulating women who are great to look at, too. Oh well."
____________________________________________
True. Although I think I have gotten more superficial about looks over time. But my guy friends still tease me about my standards of beauty. They are more excruciatingly picky about a girl's looks than I. I tend to ignore looks at first and focus on finding that intellectual sizzle, the "ping and pong" (as Unica Hija calls it) of great conversation. If that's missing, adios!

I wrote this in Feb. 2001:

I, having passed through the dork stage growing up, also have some residual awkwardness and nervousness about my looks or my behavior around "beautiful people." But note that when I say "cute" or "lovely" about someone, I am taking account of her personality and style and speech. Her attractiveness to me comes from character, personality, and looks intertwined. "Cute" or "attractive" for me is my shorthand for all that. And physical attractiveness to ME is what counts, not how much she meets the standards of People magazine. I have loved an overweight woman, dated a woman ten years my senior, gone out with a wheelchair-bound woman, and found some girls' moms more attractive than the girls. These women all had a zest for life, a strength to face challenges, and a chuckle in their voices. These qualities are universal and eternal, transcend age, and are not limited to (or necessarily in) models. On the other hand, I have been bored to tears talking to a very curvaceous woman and cut off contact with a beauty because of her selfish attitude. Some guys might just admire the beauty like a painting. They gaze at her on Baywatch but quickly turn back to backrubbing their girlfriend with the small breasts.

I highly agree with Unica Hija's second point, that women still should try to look their best and not assume brainy men (or other women) will not be influenced by looks. Women should study and understand their unique WEAPONS and use all of they've got. Sometimes I meet women who don't picture themselves as the "pretty type" or "dressing up" type. They are content to rely on their brainpower or societal status and may put down girls who think about that stuff. Well I think it's ALL relevant and important to learn.

5. Banter is not only the skill to communicate, it's a conscious choice. Some prefer not to, or they sacrifice brains for looks when they "settle."

Unica Hija: "Ahhh! I love banter--that wonderful ping and pong between men and women. That whole flirtation, mating ritual whatever you call it. I think banter is basically the commitment to communicate with another and the ability to make that connection with this other person. I mean, hey, two people can have connection. But one party may desire NOT to communicate. It's a choice....

Again, if you choose to communicate, and WHAM, you find you are able to make that wonderful connection--which is rare I tell you--with that other person, you can take it from there. So Ray, there goes my answer to your comment that intellectual banter CAN disappear and may well fade with time together with looks. It all boils down to choice and commitment, I think--what you choose to forego and what you choose to accept in the other person....

[T]o that guy who says his girlfriend can't banter...if it's the number one thing you're looking for in a relationship, heck, man, why are you with her in the first place?!"

Esther: "I like, however, how you point out that yes, due to physical nature, men (AND women) will definitely take more liking, at least at first, to the better-looking woman. I do not dispute this--however, for many, many men, this is basically their 'settling' if it means that he stay with this girl despite the fact that he is unhappy because he does not enjoy 'bantering' with this individual. No matter what, people deserve to be happy....It would be highly elitist and inconsequential, if not non-diverse, to really demand that people demand of others that they take on personalities like their own."
____________________________________________
Hmmm...I see what you mean, but I don't think people would PREFER to not communicate or have that mental connection if they could help it. I know lots of people who don't communicate well, and it just blows my mind why they either: 1) don't notice it, or 2) don't care about improving their skills.

Like I said in point #2, both men and women can take the fast food of physical over mental when they are highly stressed out or unhappy. Or they have plenty of stimulating friends already and want to be babied. Or want to play mommy or daddy.

I HAVE seen intellect and wittiness slump with time in someone in a bad or noncommunicative relationship. It's painful to watch, but it happens. That's why I am more open to people breaking up when that essential ingredient is missing.

6. "Feminism" (in a good way) means to feel free to speak up, be decisive, and be strong-willed while dressing and acting girly and taking on "female roles." Women should not feel less feminine for doing so.

Esther: "I guess my one objection would be with the negative stigma as well as one-dimensionalism attached to the label 'feminist'....One type [of feminism] advocates...emotional intellectualism, being proud of her sexuality if not even using it to her advantage, even staying at home to raise the kids... [I enjoy dressing up too.] I do not, however, respect the fact that just because one is 'feminine,' this mutually excludes strong-willedness or being opinionated for fear of being labled a 'bitch.'...I argue that decisiveness, strong-willedness, and all of the above be divorced from any single sex whatsoever."
____________________________________________
Yes yes yes, Esther! I love women who are balanced like that. Feminine in looks and style, but smart, decisive, and articulate. Hard to find.

7. We don't hate men. We appreciate and enjoy them and our differences!

Esther: "I am not saying, here, that all men are evil and oppressive. Far from it. I am not male-hating."

Unica Hija: "I am for the most part a believer in women's rights. But I wouldn't call myself a feminist. I think I am more a humanist. In the sense that I recognize that women and men are essentially DIFFERENT. I believe we operate and are wired differently. Those who say otherwise haven't lived enough, I think (I hate rabid feminists). And therein lies the beauty of the whole male-female dynamic...[I]t is those HUMAN rights I think we should focus on, not just pointing out all the bad things men do to make women's lives miserable. Men are wonderful companions. They are amazing human beings who can help open jars and fix cars."
____________________________________________
And I love women who love and appreciate men! Thank you. I hear ya. And we men open more than jars. :-p

Posted 6:54 PM by Blah blah

Too much stress? Check out these photos of mine from April! Babies and grins galore!

Kenny, Sarah.

Posted 6:02 PM by Blah blah

Thought this was good and wise. Another Salon.com letter:

Dealing with Immovable Reality

Q: He is a jazz musician who has gigs and catering jobs on weekends and in the evenings.) I finally was about to get him to talk about it (like pulling teeth!) last night. He admitted that although he loves me, lately he's feeling that we don't have that spark. He wants to be burning for me and feel drunk with love all the time. I think that's a lovely thought and would love to feel that way too but I have to admit most days I don't. But is this even possible? The day-to-day routine and mundane chores of everyday life get in the way.

Is this just what happens to couples who have been together for a long time?

A: Musicians need a lot of care. They aren't really equipped to deal with the world. He may need to go off and feel infatuated a few more times. But face it, what this also means is that he and you are both facing adulthood, which is a kind of unconscious code word for eventual death. That's what it's all about. Adulthood is about dreary day after day dealing with immovable reality. Why do you think, when I had to take that job at Chevron, I ended up writing a strange novel on the train every day? Because it is intolerable to the soul of a creative person to be marched day after day through the dreary halls of ordinary life. It's soul-killing, and I'm sure that what he is feeling is much like soul-death because he equates intoxication with life, spirituality and creativity.

The key point is that the two are not the same. Because if you talk to a composer who has actually done a lot of work, or a painter, or a novelist, he or she will tell you that the spirituality of the work comes in the dreary, regular, day after day work, applying the paint, filling in the notes, putting the words down on paper. Art and creativity, though Dionysian in certain respects, don't move forward until you actually do accept the awful tedium of adulthood. The same truth applies to relationships....

The most heroic thing a creative person can do is live an orderly life so that the work can get done....You have to separate those elements of intoxication in your work from those in your personal life. You are not a painting or a work of music. You are a human being and so is he. If you and he can seek a deeper, more passionate understanding of each other as creative people, perhaps you can fall back into each other's arms with a richer understanding of your purpose together in the world.

Posted 8:18 AM by Blah blah

Oh man, god_dot_com is hanging up his heavenly robe. :(

Oh my Han Solo! (Debating if God Exists)

On RBJ, Oliver, this Taiwanese guy in Atlanta, started this debate Does God Exist? He was my main "opponent" in the Creationism Vs. Evolution debate this May. First, I hate religious debates. Religious zealots have NO sense of humor. (I was raised Protestant, became agnostic, and now think that if God exists, He's someone like Alan Greenspan.)

I think it's impossible to ever know if God exists.

I know many of you are Christian, and I respect Christianity and normal logic. But Oliver-logic just blows my mind. Regardless of what you believe about God, isn't this freaky?
________________
He says:

OK, on to my Human Behavior arguments for the existence of God...

First off, taken individually, each one doesn't prove the existence of God, but they are all blocks in a big puzzle that points to God's existence.

1. Ease of ability to think of a God.

...why is it that humans can grasp the concept of God so easily?

I maintain that humans are prediposed to understand God. We have an innate understanding of God cause we are spiritual beings. And there is a linkup between man and God.

2. Cursing

When people say curse words (or in the south, we call it cuss words), why is it that the worst cursing references God? Why do people say things like, "God damn! Jesus Christ! etc"? People say these things to express their extreme rage, pain, anger, violence, hatred. Why don't people say things like, "President damn! Benedict Arnold!"

I maintain that it originated in the spiritual realm. Expressions of badness originate from the source of evil - the devil. The devil is the epitome of violence, hatred, rage. And what would the devil say as a curse. Things against his enemy - God. So, when humans want to express their extreme negative emotions, they say the same things that the embodiment of evil would say.

3. View of death

Death is a very natural part of this world....But, for some reason, humans don't think it's natural. It's evidenced by the fact that people fear death. And also by the fact that people would like to think of an afterlife of some type (heaven, reincarnation). Why is that? If death is so natural, why is it that humans don't view it as natural? If we did truly view it as natural, we wouldn't have such strong emotions about it.

I maintain it's because that death is not natural for humans. We are not simply a result of biological processes. We have a spirit (or soul, whatever you want to call it) that does not die. And our immortal soul has a hard time dealing with the concept of death.
________________
I replied:

You can't be serious, Oliver. HUH??? I'd love to send my kids to your homeschool to learn stuff like this:

Ease of ability to think of a God

Oliver reinvents the whole concept of logic:

1. We come up with the idea of a God as easily and naturally as we come up with the thought of the Playboy channel, garage sales, or not calling when we say we will.

2. All things that subliminally pop into our innocent brains must have been installed there by a Higher Power or advertising copywriters. (WINK Unica Hija).

3. THEREFORE, God and the Playboy channel must exist.

Time magazine (I think) printed a cover story about how the concept of some higher being seems wired into our brain. I saw this science TV program (The Brain?) in which a man, whose brain had been injured, felt intense "religious" experiences and got unusually emotional.Since I think religion really is more emotional than factual, with roots more in psychology rather than factual observation, this makes sense.

You could argue the same thing about any kind of superstition we have. Why do so many people believe in:

-ghosts
-Dionne Warwick and her Psychic Friends
-having a shot at winning the lottery
-Santa Claus
-partying all weekend and doing well on a big midterm Monday morning not being mutually exclusive?

All are "easy" to believe. Are we preprogrammed to believe all this? If so, they all must be true, says Oliver!

We use the word "God" often when we curse

"Expressions of badness originate from the source of evil - the devil. The devil is the epitome of violence, hatred, rage. And what would the devil say as a curse. Things against his enemy - God. So, when humans want to express their extreme negative emotions, they say the same things that the embodiment of evil would say."

People also use the word "shit" a lot, Oliver. They swear about all kinds of bodily functions relating to MAN. Couldn't that also mean that swearing comes from MAN, not the Devil? Maybe there's an itsy bitsy chance of it.

Oliver reasons like this. Plato is rolling in his grave now and doing the macarena:

1. We use the word "God" a lot when we swear. If we hit our thumb with a hammer, the first thing we shout is not "George Bush!!!" or "Homer Simpson!!!!" or "DOHHHH"!!!

2. The Devil probably swears like 40% of the time, and most of it is directed at his Public Enemy Number One: God. If it were Star Wars, Darth Vader would be yelling "Lukedamn" or "Oh my Han Solo!!"

3. THEREFORE, God must exist. Like if we mostly yelled "Oh my garters and suspenders!!!" those garters and suspenders are enemies of the Devil and must exist.

People are afraid of death and don't think it's natural. Afterlife dreams

"If death is so natural, why is it that humans don't view it as natural? If we did truly view it as natural, we wouldn't have such strong emotions about it. I maintain it's because that death is not natural for humans."

Another show of Oliver-logic:

1. People tend to think death is not natural. They fear death.

2. If we had no immortal soul, we wouldn't have this weird view. We'd embrace death like a teddy bear. We'd expect to die as routinely as we expect to be put on hold when we call our credit card company.

3. ERGO, we must have an immortal soul and normally live forever. Death is an exception.

Oliver, most people I know think death IS natural. And they have strong emotions about it.

The only thing I know is that THIS DEBATE of God's existence is natural. It will never die. This argument's immortal soul will live on, in every Sunday school, every battlefield of war, every biology class, and every hospital bed with a baby in it.

For eternity.

Posted 4:59 AM by Anonymous

The Boy I have feelings for, who I respect and admire very much, confessed to some unpleasant truths today. It was a story I had heard from a friend, but did not want to rush to conclusions without hearing from the Boy. Apparently those stories are true. I am glad he was honest with me because it means I can trust him, but it doesn't change the fact that he did something I don't approve of. As people we tend to judge those we love more harshly than strangers because we don't expect ourselves to love people who screw up a lot. And then we are faced with the reality that those we love can make some of the worst mistakes, things that we are very much against, and we have to decide how to react. There was a lot of disappointment in my heart when I read the e-mail the Boy sent me, though I admired his honesty. It meant that our relationship is as important to him as it is to me, and that is always good to know. But it doesn't change the fact that he did something he probably should not have done. It isn't my place to forgive him and still I feel like I have to do just that.

It's a common misconception that we view those we love through rose-colored glasses, seeing only the best in them while ignoring all their flaws. It's just the opposite for me. I look harder for flaws in those I love because I haven't quite gotten my heart to believe in "nice guys" yet. I expect to be lied to. I expect to be screwed over. I expect for things to go wrong. When I meet someone that is funny and kind and gentle, I dissect his every word and every movement for signs that he will end up breaking my heart. If the Boy had lied to me I would have cried for a while, then shrugged it off and moved on because that's what I'm used to. His honesty left me stunned.

We are hard on those we love because the people we love tell us more about who we are than anything else. If you want to get to know someone, ask them about the people they love. Their replies will tell you the world about their character.