Posted 3:17 PM by Blah blah

Pet Slaughter in China (News)

Oh my God! This is horrifying! Fearful Chinese slaughter pets in SARS hysteria (The Times):
________________
VIGILANTES and police have killed hundreds of cats and dogs in the most gruesome manner as fears grow in China that pets could be spreading the Sars virus. From Guangzhou in southern China, where the virus appeared, to Beijing, where thousands of people are infected with severe acute respiratory syndrome, pets have been strung up, buried alive, poisoned, thrown out of high-rise windows and beaten to death.

Some pet-owners have evacuated their cats and dogs, fearful that neighbours might seize and kill them. Others have asked vets to put down their pets humanely before a mob could catch them.

According to the World Health Organisation, there is no scientific evidence to suggest that pets have spread the virus, which is believed to have migrated from animals to human beings in the cramped farming communities outside Guangzhou, where many breeders share accommodation with their livestock.

The pet-killing spree illustrates how the Sars epidemic has led to mass hysteria in China, where government information on how to handle the virus lacks credibility, thanks to early obfuscation and denials.

Animal welfare organisations said that the killings of pets were not being carried out on the orders of officials, but in many cases police and local Sars investigators instigate or participate in the killings out of ignorance and fear of losing their jobs if Sars cases are found in their districts....

Animal welfare has never been a priority in China, where dog meat is available in restaurants and many adults can remember years of starvation. But the present ill-will towards pets is more than an expression of a general unconcern about animals....

Jeff He, of the International Animal Welfare Foundation, said: “Chinese people can’t find an outlet for their fears, so they vent it at animals.”

Many Chinese people have objected strongly to killing pets, but they are powerless as mob rule has been given new legitimacy by the Sars emergency. Across China, irate and frightened villagers have barricaded their settlements to keep out Sars and urban residents have been allowed to bar outsiders from their high-rise compounds. A siege mentality has taken hold in many of these Sars fortresses, guarded day and night by volunteers....

Yin Tieyuan, a vet in Beijing, said: "Every day we receive more than ten calls from people asking whether we could carry out mercy killing of their pets. The Chinese Government invested 20 years to change people’s thinking. With the efforts of many individuals and communities, the idea of loving animals was almost accepted. But in a very short time it’s all gone again."

Posted 9:39 AM by Blah blah

Should We All Have Children? (Thoughtful)

Salon.com just printed a provocative series of essays about wanting to have kids and whether we all need to or not. They make many good points. Why do most of us declare a desire for children anyway? Some people are really not suited or inclined to be parents. They'd rather be off travelling for their job or focusing on their spouse. For some couples, unhappiness and financial ruin arrive with the birth of their child, and the homes of divorce or constant arguing that result seem the worst environments in which to raise one. One of my college friends from Taiwan always told me she didn't want to be a mom, and her husband shared that childless view when he married her. Kiki is firm about not wanting kids. With what she's gone through in an unusual life in the U.S. and Thailand, I agree it's for the best.

To read these articles, you must be a subscriber to Salon Premium ($30/year). I subscribe because I love this incredibly well-done magazine. If you're not a subscriber but really interested, email me. I can change my password for a short time for you to read the articles.

1. To breed or not to breed:

Studies show that couples who choose not to have children are happier than those who do. So quit leaning on me to spawn....

It turns out that people who choose not to have children (as opposed to those who desperately want to have children, but can't) tend to have better marriages, better finances, less stress, and are no more likely to be unhappy in old age than parents. Most people, and especially most women, have a physiological yearning to reproduce, whatever the costs, and are glad they did. Yet being born free of that desire can be a gift.

"Some women really do love mothering," says Madelyn Cain, author of The Childless Revolution: What It Means to Be Childless Today. "I happen to be one of them. I love being a mother. It's the greatest joy of my life, but what makes me happy and brings me fulfillment doesn't necessarily make everyone else happy."

The notion that different people have different desires shouldn't be a difficult one, but when it comes to motherhood, many people can't get their heads around it. Even Cain had trouble at first. She began The Childless Revolution in part because she was angered by the dismissive way her childless friends were treated, and because she was struck by the newfound social acceptance she experienced when she had her first baby at 39. Yet part of her still believed that "deep down every woman wanted to be a mother," a misconception undone by the more than 100 interviews she did for her book.

What she discovered was that choice, not motherhood, is the real key to happiness. Cain divides the women in her book into three groups -- those who affirmatively decide not to have children, those who can't have children, and those for whom circumstances never align to make motherhood happen. Citing her own interviews as well as books like Elaine Campbell's "The Childless Marriage: An Exploratory Study of Couples Who Do Not Want Children," Elaine Tyler May's "Barren in the Promised Land: Childless Americans and the Pursuit of Happiness," and Marion Faux's "Childless by Choice: Choosing Childlessness in the Eighties," Cain says, "The ones who decide they don't want children, they don't regret it."

Cain has come to believe that lack of interest in childbearing might be biological, like being gay. "Researchers have found that within mice there is a gene, the Mest gene. When it was in place in mice, and the mouse gave birth, it was a nurturing mother. When the mouse was Mest-deficient, it was a non-nurturing mouse. I think down the line we're going to discover that just as homosexuality is something that's physical, the same thing will be discovered about women. Why do some women melt at the sight of babies while other women are indifferent? It would seem to me it's something innate."

That's why Cain says women who don't want kids should ignore the well-meaning advice they're often bombarded with. "Don't second-guess yourself," she says. "Trust your instincts."

That might seem obvious, but the strange thing about being a woman without much interest in mothering is that many people you love and admire will tell you not to trust your instincts. Motherhood, they say, is, for all its struggles, an experience of such ineffable joy that those who've done it can't imagine life without it. Motherhood evangelists have a store of conversion stories. Either they, or someone they know intimately, had once been like me, cherishing their independence and impatient with children. But when bathed by the blissful hormones that accompany procreation, they saw the light and now their lives are richer and more meaningful than they ever thought possible. They say those who haven't parented can't even begin to comprehend its radiant satisfactions.

People do not behave this way about other pleasures. I enjoy sex with men, but don't go about badgering lesbians to see what they're missing....

"The happy people are the ones who wanted kids and had them or didn't want kids and didn't have them."

This is true even in old age, a time when many assume the childless will suffer alone while their peers are comforted by grandchildren. Tanya Koropeckyj-Cox, a sociology professor at the University of Florida who researches aging, recently completed a study based on surveys of 3,800 men and women between the ages of 50 and 84. "For years we have heard warnings that if you don't have children, you will regret it later," she said in a press release. "But beliefs about childlessness leading to a lonely old age are simply not supported by our study." In a previous report published in 1998, Koropeckyj-Cox concluded that there is "no significant differences in loneliness and depression between parents and childless adults."

Besides, what some parents gain in intimacy with their children, they lose in intimacy with their partners. Hanson says, "Research has shown that on the average the greatest challenge to a couple is becoming parents. Many marriages hold together for a few years when the child is young, but they've been strained beyond repair by everything that comes from having kids and the couple divorces, maybe by the time the kid reaches first grade. Some people think they will save their relationship by having children. It almost never happens." He cites a study by John Gottman, a renowned expert on marriage at the University of Washington, which estimates that couples have eight times more arguments after becoming parents. Hanson says he's seen this in his life as well as his practice. "Many couples overcome all this and having children brings them closer together. That's certainly true for my wife and myself. But during the early years -- our kids are now 15 and almost 13 -- boy, we quarreled and were emotionally distant and troubled in our marriage like we'd never been. We argued about all the issues that new parents commonly argue about -- how to raise the children, who is doing more, the inevitable lack of time for an intimate relationship."

Cain reprints one of those 1975 letters sent to Ann Landers in her book: "I am 40, and my husband is 45. We have twin children under 8 years of age. I was an attractive, fulfilled career woman before I had these kids. Now I'm an overly exhausted nervous wreck who misses her job and sees very little of her husband. He's got a 'friend,' I'm sure, and I don't blame him. Our children took all the romance out of our marriage. I'm too tired for sex, conversation or anything."

Such alienation is less likely when people don't have children. "Statistics show childless couples are happier," Cain says. "Their lives are self-directed, they have a better chance of intimacy, and they do not have the stresses, financial and emotional, of parenthood."

This assessment is shared by Shari Bennet-Speer, a 34-year-old corporate trainer in Richmond, Va. The decision not to have children, she says, "has absolutely 100 percent" improved her relationship with Geoffrey, her husband of 12 years.

Bennet-Speer says she'd never been very interested in children, but had assumed she'd have them because "that's what you do, get married and have kids." When she met her husband and he told her he didn't want to be a father, it hit her that parenthood was a choice, and she didn't have to choose it. "It sounded perfect to me," she says. "I truly was fine with [not having kids] as soon as he suggested it as a possibility."

"My husband and I are madly in love," she adds. "We hold hands, we cuddle in movies, we take long walks, we talk late into the night, we road trip every anniversary, just to celebrate our time together. We get to live spontaneously and we get to make life choices that are important to us. There are not many people who've made our choice, but I've never regretted it."

2. No baby on board: Why being an environmentalist prevents me from being a mom

3. Mama don't preach: I love my new baby, but don't worry -- I'm not going to tell you to have one.

4. It's not in our nature to nurture: Most people have a powerful wish, a yearning, for children. My wife and I don't.

5. Parenting on a dare: I had a child at 16 because I wanted to prove the world wrong. I was going to raise an extraordinary daughter and still live my life the way I pleased.

6. "I love my son, and I hate him." To breed or not to breed: A struggling mother and three other readers tell their stories.

Posted 4:13 PM by Blah blah

Check out MBA Admissions Wire, a blog by a guy applying to top U.S. MBA schools. He digs deeply into the whole process.

Posted 8:48 AM by Blah blah

"Texting": Another Silly Chat (Funny)

A reaction to all my seriousness on this blog in the last several months. Raymond enters silly mode:

me (6:55:43): do u actually chat on your mobile phone?
me (6:56:00): seems strange
valerie (6:55:49): well, i talked to you once while i was logged in using my phone
me (6:56:14): yeah but is it practical?
me (6:56:23): well u are from the land of "texting"
valerie (6:56:12): hahaha
me (6:56:37): i prefer Morse code, thank you
me (6:56:45): it's easier on the fingers
valerie (6:56:30): well, you have to get used to it.. i haven't
me (6:57:02): oh! 1 person in the philippines who doesn't like texting. yeah!
valerie (6:56:54): hahahahhaa
valerie (6:57:08): i've never been an avid fan of texting.. its convenient though
me (6:57:32): i read all those blogs by people saying
me (6:57:43): "he flirted with me by texting"
me (6:57:52): "i'm breathless after our last text"
me (6:57:55): yuck
me (6:58:05): try fax next time!
valerie (6:58:02): ahhhh.... flirting via text happens
me (6:58:50): yet he's not willing to spend the money to CALL you
valerie (6:58:41): hahahahaha
me (6:59:00): where's the potential in that?
me (6:59:27): raymond imagines a date completely done in text...
valerie (6:59:10): yeah
valerie (6:59:22): oh, don't forget the text language please
me (6:59:44): tell me!
me (6:59:51): i'm a text virgin
me (6:59:58): "tirgin"
valerie (6:59:52): u'd gt frustr8d wid it
valerie (7:00:14): wil luk lyk uv gt a bad cs of dyslexia
me (7:00:50): yay...Barney & friends hits Eminem
valerie (7:00:40): hahahahahhaa
me (7:01:21): 60 years from now
valerie (7:01:20): the people from sesame street would get mad at the originators of texting... they undid all the spelling fundamentals Big Bird taught
me (7:01:51): they will publish "Texts of Lisa Marie Presley"
valerie (7:01:41): hahahahhaa
me (7:02:10): her love "letters"
me (7:02:17): with Michael
me (7:02:27): i luv u
me (7:02:29): i h8t u
me (7:03:03): oo! is that a boy in yr bed?
valerie (7:06:19): sorry about that fast exit
me (7:06:31): no pb
me (7:06:40): imagine me talking in text
me (7:06:43): yuck
valerie (7:06:44): in text lingo.. that would be 'no prob'
valerie (7:06:46): hahahahhaa
me (7:06:52): oh...??
me (7:06:55): no prob???
valerie (7:07:00): yup
me (7:07:02): and when you laugh
me (7:07:05): say "h"
valerie (7:07:12): hahahhaa
me (7:07:12): like h h h
valerie (7:07:23): no no no
me (7:07:31): how do u laugh in text?
me (7:07:40): lol(15)
valerie (7:07:42): its a short laugh.. hehe
valerie (7:07:44): or haha
me (7:08:04): lol^5
me (7:08:07): in math terms
valerie (7:08:16): haven't used that yet.. but its a great idea
me (7:08:26): that would save us a lot of time!
me (7:08:32): especially watching OPERA
me (7:08:40): where they repeat everything
me (7:08:54): like "woe is me....woe is me..."
valerie (7:09:07): just say woe is me2x
me (7:09:18): yeah!
me (7:09:25): X2: woe is me reloaded
...
valerie (7:15:30): i can cope with the pressure... just so tiring
me (7:15:38): what kind of pressure?
valerie (7:15:45): from work
me (7:15:55): projecting the impact of new food flavors?
valerie (7:16:11): no.. ensuring that we have enough milk to meet our targets
me (7:16:12): sorry i don't mean to trivialize work
me (7:16:33): oh...keeping the milk pipeline to the cows open!
me (7:16:39): so the cows are on strike!
valerie (7:16:39): no no.... sometimes i take work too seriously.. thanks for making light of the situation..... i need that
valerie (7:16:43): hahahaha
me (7:16:52): they want to be able to smoke at work
me (7:17:00): and watch paolo bediones
valerie (7:17:07): its almost winter i think in australia.. where most of the milk comes from.. they're gonna go hibernate soon
valerie (7:17:20): oh my garsh.. you know paolo bediones???
me (7:17:31): hehehe.....actually....
me (7:17:36): i just talked to a girl
me (7:17:40): who went to high school with him!
valerie (7:17:47): he's a cutie, that paolo bedionoes
me (7:17:58): how do u spell his name?
valerie (7:18:03): bediones
valerie (7:18:09): paolo
me (7:18:12): ok i thought you mean bed-dominoes
valerie (7:18:21): hahahahhaa
me (7:18:27): let's just call him "bed-potatoes"
valerie (7:18:32): in my excitement to type his name, i hit too many keys
valerie (7:18:33): hahahhaha
me (7:18:41): yeah...your heavy breathing shows
valerie (7:18:48): hahahahhaa
me (7:18:55): yeah guess what...
valerie (7:18:56): hey, i'm not THAT much of a fan
me (7:19:05): this girl contacted me from finding my blog
me (7:19:34): she went to high school with bed-potatoes

Posted 8:33 AM by Blah blah

Matrix Party in San Francisco. Meeting Two People. (Entertainment)

I'm back. For those who don't want to keep clicking my site every day, please join my Notify List. In the future, I'll just send out notes to you through that!

That tall Asian blogger, Pjammer, is planning with his artist friend Farsam a huge party in San Francisco next week, celebrating the release of The Matrix: Reloaded.

Feel free to attend The Matrix Pre-Loaded Launch Party - Wed, May 14th 7PM!

Pjammer (aka "Kai") is just finished acting in a short film, a spoof of The Matrix. I've met him several times already. He bought 50 Matrix tickets from the SF Metreon the other day, most of which are taken already. If you respond through him or me (I am on his mailing list), you get a discount to attend the event. You probably WON'T get to attend the advanced screening these tickets are for. Please go see the fruits of Pjammer's hard work and party up with other Matrix geeks!

WHOA.

(Since I get barely any feedback on this blog, but people still read it, I'm gonna keep experimenting with content. Please bear with me if I try a lot of weird stuff, ok? And I appreciate MORE FEEDBACK. As far as I'm concerned, my warblogging is OVER. I'm sure some of you are relieved.)

News: Next week I'm meeting up in Oakland with Bich Ngoc! I can't find a good picture of her to show you. Here's a slightly hidden photo of her. She's flying into town from Washington, DC, where she just finished working as an intern for her Congresswoman. I first met Bich Ngoc at Eric's house last year, also at Vienna's concert, and we've stayed in touch. :D She's a political science student at USC and active on the side in the music business, helping to promote singer friends of hers like Fisher, Pete Yorn, and the Filipina girl Maya Marin.

She's Vietnamese and wants you to know her name is pronounced "bick," not "bitch."

I'm also meeting another girl after that. (No, I don't only meet girls! Hey, I met Pjammer recently.) She's someone in the Bay Area who actually found my blog while searching for "Paolo Bediones." Yup, it's one of the few times I'll be meeting someone, a non-blogger, who discovered me from my blog! Since I don't have many friends who actually read this blog, it's nice when I can make a real-life friend who appreciates my writing!

Bediones is a popular young TV guy in the Philippines. He hosts a quiz show and a news magazine program (Extra-Extra). Girls say he's a cutie. He's also the grandnephew of ex-President Ferdinand Marcos. Chel (a former cowriter here) had written about her sexual fantasies about him here.

Well this girl I'm meeting went to high school with Bediones. She's a film geek too. Even watched that little known Christian Bale film, Equilibrium, which is sort of a ripoff of George Orwell's 1984 story.

So thanks to this blog, I'm meeting two cool new people! Yeah baby!

Sandy, when are we getting together?