Posted 9:38 AM by Blah blah

Emotional Children on SVChinese.org (Rudeness on Message Boards)

If you've read the discussions by mainland Chinese guys on the Love in Silicon Valley forum, you'll see that 30-year-old children are alive and well here too, not just on Rice Bowl Journals. Christine had told me, when we met in Sunnyvale, that every message board eventually went downhill this way, from her experience. The nice people grew disgusted and left, while the rude bullies stayed to lord over their shrinking kingdoms.

This guy SouthBayResident posted info about himself in a sincere desire to find a girlfriend. He seems like a well-educated, thoughtful, and courteous guy. Some women were heartened and wrote back, asking him to email them. Almost immediately most of the other guys began to attack him and try to start a "pissing contest"---typical male macho behavior. All are anonymous. They spent several pages attacking his honesty, his sexual ability, his job---anything. The jealousy, cynicism, and bitterness they show is both shocking and revealing about some mainland Chinese here.

Anyway, I finally introduced myself. Right after I mentioned how immature and low-class this behavior made them look, they began to attack me too. No surprise. It just made me laugh! Here's what I replied. No, I don't plan to continue the discussion:
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Thank you, SouthBayResident and Summersolstice, for your kind comments! Please email me and keep in touch if you wish! It would be nice to have some new, POSITIVE friends. :P

SouthBayResident said:

To Raymond:
I admit I have some nostalgia for the culture and people that existed in China in the first half of the 20th century, especially at the turn of that century. They had more character and the cultural values were richer and far more indigenous. A lot of good traditions and people have been destroyed since, along with some bad. It has not been a rational development, with a lot of unnecessary tragedies and suffering along the way for ordinary Chinese folks. I think the level of social and individual virtues has also fallen badly, especially within the "intelligentsia" and the power "elite." It is little wonder there is today so much graft and corruption, and all at the expense of poor, struggling Chinese masses.

My curiosity about PRC "elite" in the US is to help me ascertain if these are people wise, mature and capable enough to bring prosperity to the Chinese masses, or will they in fact join corrupt officials in short-sighted self-aggrandizement, and selfishly, nonchalantly lead the Chinese society to eventual ruin, yet again.

I thought this was fascinating, SBR. As China undergoes wrenching social transitions while its economy has exploded after Deng Xiaoping, and as peasants become unexpectedly rich and powerful in the Wild West of capitalism, it's fascinating to see how crime, prostitution, and greed have jumped too. My ex-girlfriend from Shanghai complained to me that when she went back to visit, she was shocked at the amount of people she met who seemed willing to do anything for money.

I am also curious like you, SBR, in what new leaders our generation of Chinese (both overseas and in China) will produce to lead China to better social and economic prosperity under Hu Jintao. It's a daunting but exhilarating challenge for you "elite."

Of course, one of the basic things any leader should have is courtesy and consideration for other people. They also need courage. I don't expect cowards like Hypertension to be a leader of anything but his kindergarten class.

You should read Ralph Waldo Emerson's famous essay on Manners. He talks about how to be a gentleman, something most guys on this board seriously must learn if they ever want to have a girlfriend.

You guys make me laugh! If calling me names like "banana boy" and "cow's ass" are the best you can do, you need to go back to ESL class. By the way, I LOVE bananas! Haha. :D

We need to learn to disagree calmly and without name calling. Look at how politicians in the U.S. Congress and British Parliament debate. No matter how much they may hate each other's politics, they do NOT insult each other personally. Some even go out for beers and are the best of friends outside of work.

That way of "debating the issue, but respecting the person" is part of our democratic tradition in America. It's something I've learned and respected since I was a child here. When I see legislators in Taiwan throwing chairs at each other and punching each other on TV, I see how immature they still are, despite all their wealth and education. They have a long way to go to really understanding the meaning of democracy.

One more thing. Many of you guys were complaining at the beginning of this discussion about how Chinese women in Silicon Valley won't date you, how they are selfish, etc.

By the way you've been behaving, it's completely obvious why they won't date you. Who'd want to hang around a bunch of 30-year-old children?

I only joined this discussion because I met Bobby, the creator of SVChinese.org, and thought he was a nice guy. I've been advertising and saying good things about this site to my friends. If you folks continue to act like kids, don't expect me to say good things about SVChinese.org any more.

SouthBayResident, Summersolstice, and other positive, kind people, do keep in touch! Goodbye.