Posted 9:46 PM by Blah blah

Television Without Pity

I originally found this site, Television Without Pity, from Ellen. For all of you TV addicts or people who never have time to follow a show, this is the site for you. They actually pay people to recap your favorite shows for ya, so for especially confusing shows like Alias or low IQ ones like Joe Millionaire, you get to hear a really sarcastic guy slam the weekly episodes in gory detail.

The writers are very hip and knowledgeable and make me laugh like crazy! I couldn't stop laughing at many of the summaries of 24, my favorite show. They give nicknames for all of the main characters: Teri Bauer (Jack Bauer's wife) they called Bride of Kiefer, Kim (his daughter) they call Spawn, Sherry Palmer (Senator David Palmer's wife) they call Lady MacPalmer---like the bad-ass Lady Macbeth. Check out the writing on this site! As much as I love 24, they had me heehawing at the show's patterns and inconsistencies.

Here's a sample of their recapping of the Fox show Joe Millionaire:
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Cut to Evan, who is still getting wine lessons from Paul. That Paul is magic! He greets the women and still manages to fit in some wine lessons! Paul tells Evan that part of tasting wine is getting the aroma, so you should take a sip of wine and then "suck the air over it between your teeth." Evan takes a sip and then makes a prolonged slurping noise, kind of like he's gargling with the wine. I don't know how Paul didn't fall down laughing. Evan eventually chokes and starts laughing at himself.

Back to the women. Melissa Jo is going on and on about the house. Another woman moves away from the window and knocks a lamp to the floor. Someone yells out, "You break it, you buy it!" Um, this isn't the local Wal-Mart. I don't think those rules apply here. That's one of the things that bugs me about this show. They are going to all these lengths to teach Evan how to appear rich, but it really doesn't seem like any of these women would know the difference. They're hardly from high society themselves. Paul continues to quiz Evan on the wine choices. In an interview, Erica, 32, a physical therapist, says that she could get used to living in a castle. Erica looks about forty-two. I don't mean to harp on the ages here, but every time a number appears on the screen, I burst out laughing. Two women look out the window and talk about how they could imagine getting married on the grounds.

More arrivals. Jen, 23 and an office coordinator, squeals, "I am so a real-life princess right now!" She's the first one who claims to be under twenty-five that I believe. Do you think the producers coached them to talk about fairy tales and princesses, because this is a bit much, really. In an interview, Jen says that it would be awesome to tell people, "I met my husband on TV and millions of people shared in our fairy tale." That puts the fairy tale count at five. Also, if someone told me that, I would find it gross and kind of frightening.