Posted 8:57 AM by Blah blah

More Best of Craigslist

Whenever I seek something funny, clever, or full or pathos, I turn to the ads in the Best of Craigslist. Someone should collect these into an article or book. Notice how most of these ads, which either make you laugh or cry, come from San Francisco? None from San Jose. It shows you the huge difference between people who live just one hour away from each other. A gap which I am determined to bridge this year.

What are some of your favorite ads? We've seen many unhappy people---except for the lone first ad. It seems the only relationships that last happily are those with cities.
__________________
SF I love you. Unrequitedly.

You have been my home for eleven years. I've had to leave three times now, extendedly, in a state of complete destitution and mental exhaustion. As the fourth such quickly approaches, I guess I'm forced to accept that I've failed to learn a lesson. But as soon as I leave, all I can do is think about you fondly, and plot a return. This cycle has seriously messed me up, and I appear to spiral downward quicker each time.

Human life seems to be seriously undervalued here...or at the very least my own life does. What exactly is it that you see as my destiny? Homelessness? Suicide? Is there something on the other side of losing absolutely everything that I've kept at bay mistakenly by resisting? I doubt it.

Your beauty, perhaps, is paralleled by Mendocino and Santa Barbara, eclipsed by most of European cities. Your politics are wonderful in theory, but not unique to you, or even practiced as well as smaller cities. Your gingerbread Victorians are lovely, but also proto-tract-homes. and you haven't had an architectural gem unveiled in decades. In terms of High Culture, you can never hold a candle to New York, which is impossibly bleak, or even Los Angeles, which you regard as shallow and polluted. But you would be equally sprawling if you had the land mass, and you're blessed with windswept coast on three sides that makes you appear more clean than you are.

Your subterranean nightlife is beautiful, as any road to ruin can be. You seem to function well as a decadent playground of trust fund kids, many of whom are brilliant, and even go on to greatness, but most often elsewhere.

Your luminaries have mostly been transients. Why is that? Jack Kerouac and Allen Ginsburg, Mark Twain, even Armistead Maupin left indelible marks on your culture, and moved along. I guess I can't fault you for that, as James Joyce did the same for Ireland. But it makes you appear to be a place of awakening, not a permanent home.

I just want you to be a home.

You have opened my eyes and mind, and completely drained my soul, much like an early-20s relationship.

And still I love you.

You're an affliction.

Dinner whore?

I'm a woman. Sometimes I go on dates. Often, dates involve dinner. I almost always offer to throw in some cash. Usually the guy who asked me out won't accept my money. If I don't want to go out with him again, should I mail him my half of the check in an envelope? Am I a 'dinner whore' if i don't? I don't think so.

It's hard to find that chemistry we all seek. It's hard for men, and it's hard for us women. The first date is to see if we feel anything for each other. If I don't feel we clicked, I don't want to waste my time or your time by going on a second date. Maybe that's the case with the girls you call "dinner whores." They just don't really want another date with you. I doubt they'd endure all that awful, awkward getting-to-know-you chitchat just for a free dinner. A bad date (even over lobster) is as boring as a timeshare seminar, and timeshare seminars at least offer you a free week in Vegas at the end of the presentation. Christ, people.

Aside from a few sociopaths, women aren't predatory creatures scheming of ways to seperate you from your cash. Shit, if we can afford to live in San Francisco, we can afford our own dinners. Like you, we're just fumbling along, hoping we find someone cute and fun who won't hurt us too much.

What Happens when you're 30(ish) and Still Single - w4m

Once you are in your 30's the whole dating scene changes. Lemme tell you, it sucks the big one.

For Women: The men who ask you out will be:
A- Married (all those guys who married in their early-mid 20's have discovered that their sweet, loving wife is a shrew who wouldn't blow them after they said their vows).
B-Over 40 (for some reason, as SOON as you hit the magic 3-0 all the old farts seem to think you should be grateful for their attention.)
C- Determined Bachelors (who have really learned how to play on a woman's desire for love and affection to get what they want, only what THEY want).
D- Reformed Playboys (former determined bachelors who now find thermselves stuck home alone because their "posse" has married off)
E- The Divorced Man without kids (Typically married too young or married someone psycho, highly commitment-phobic, tons of baggage).
F- The Divorced Man with kids (run...looking for a mom, housekeeper, cook, laundress etc etc. Afraid of sex because they have learned the hard way what a pain it is to have kids).
G-The Younger Man (Thanks for the reminder A!- These guys LOVE the idea of dating an older -especially the Jaded- chick, will learn all they can from ya then go find an 18 yr old to show off their new skills).

For Men: The women you meet will be:

[I've met some women exactly like this. -RG]

A. Sluts (Spent their 20's jumping so fast from guy to guy looking for the love daddy never showed them.)
B- The Jaded Chick (either has never found love before and doesn't believe in it, or was in a long-term relationship that ended badly. Has potemntial if you have patience)
C- The Golddigger (the first thing she will ask is. :"So, what do you do for a living?" What she means is, "Can you afford my credit card bills?")
D- The Desperate Damsel (looking to GET MARRIED, will put the relationship into hyperdrive and overlook reality for the ring).
E- The Divorcee without kids (if husband left her, has major baggage. If left her husband, he probably cheated or ignored her. Tends to need abnormal amounts of attention.)
F- The Divorcee with kids (Tired, needs help, will settle. If you want an instant family, she's probably going to take very good care of you.)
G- The Married Woman (husband cheated, she's getting her revenge. Expect animal sex.)
H- The Career Chick (found herself on the fast track, realized that work sucks, is lonely, can be a good find IF she has learned that her personal life should be a priority.)

All in all, a pretty sad scene for both sexes. I'm 32, and I've discovered that Friday night at home can be a whole lotta fun. Ok, maybe not fun, but better than the dating jungle. (oh, if I had to categorize myself, I'd be a combo of the Jaded Chick, and the the Career Chick. At this point, I wish I was a Slut ;) Aw shit, too late to lose the morals. Maybe I need to add an "uptight" category....

Hope y'all have better luck than I.

Want to own a "Josh"?

We have a roommate, a fine fellow named Josh, whom we have decided to offer to you, the Craig's List followers. Our Josh includes various skills and benefits. You can sit him in a room and he will talk. You can put him in a car and he will rock! Josh is very skilled in many things... he can sing and dance, he can make you laugh so hard you pee your pants. Yes, yes, Our Josh is just swell. Act now; Our Josh is avaliable for a limited time only, so please don't hesitate to reply to us all. We will consider most trades; please do not trade us Your Josh.

Looking to exchange my girlfriend for peace of mind

Don’t get me wrong here. I love my girlfriend, or possibly a better way of putting it is I am infatuated and whipped, but I am about to crack here and tough times call for tough measures. I am looking for somebody to take her off my hands for what I am hoping will be forever in exchange for serenity and peace of mind. Maybe you don’t think you have that to offer in exchange but trust me, you do!

This is open to both men and women because she is bisexual. I have yet to see her hook up with a female but she swears, or possibly threatens she is bisexual. This only seems to come up when we are having issues but all I am saying is she is versatile.

She is also very sexy and I would go as far as saying she is a chameleon and would look good with just about everybody, or at least that is the way she sees it when she thinks I’m not watching her.

Here are some things she excels at and can enrich your life with:

Analyzing what is wrong with you
Spending your money
Microsoft Word
Getting other people’s numbers
Sex deprivation
Getting emotional
DHTML
Depression delegation
Multiple purse management
Sharing herself with others
Blamestorming
Bipolar reasoning
Fit throwing
Adobe Photoshop
Emotional terrorism
Microwave operation
MP3 Encoding

As you can see you will be getting quite a package here and I couldn’t even mention everything while the lawsuit is still pending. I know there are a lot of lonely men and women out there in the Bay Area and I am hoping to join your ranks quickly but at least one of you will never have to be alone again! (possibly several of you from my experience)

Thanks and I can have her on your porch within the hour.