Posted 7:41 PM by e*star

Interracial Dating Posting
I recently joined the Model Minority forums. Interesting articles on there, really. Most recently, I found the article on interracial dating intrigueing. More specifically, it pertains to the plight of the Asian American male and how Asian American female-White male couples are detrimental to that plight. Haha...sorry if my material is getting redundant! Anyway, this article was written in 1991. It is sadly ironic how things have pretty much remained unchanged.

Anyway, so I replied with my own experience with interracial dating--which many of you are familiar with. I revealed my take on it and how I sympathize with the plight of the Asian American male yet can't act upon that sympathy, or empathy, rather, through my own dating experience presently. It is because I am in love with a Latin male, and to say I couldn't date him because he is not Asian would be to deny myself true love when I've found it in its purest form. Untarnished by cultural expectations but maybe coincidentally acclimated to the Asian female-White[-looking] male couple. Anyway, I will let you read on for yourselves...or you can access the actual forum here.

*****
The Asian America That Can Say ''No''
By Hoyt Sze
The Daily Californian
September 9, 1991

Interracial dating between white men and Asian women undermines the integrity of Asian America. Every single day, Asian Americans struggle for identify and dignity. Every single day, this new love connection takes our struggle back one step.

White husbands with Asian wives more than double the number of Asian husbands with white wives, according to the U.S. Census. In San Francisco County, according to the San Francisco Chronicle, the ratio is 4 to 1. Asian American women also greatly outnumber other women of color who choose to marry outside of their race.

I'm so happy that this has become such a hot trend. So hot, in fact, that Asian American males have to bow and withdraw backwards from the room whenever it's discussed. If we whisper the quietest of protests, we're immediately labeled as reverse-racist, sexist or impotent. Pick a card, any card.

There are reasons why Asian America - the unifying culture which only exists in Ethnic Studies texts - has never existed. A large part of the blame should be placed on interracial dating, the deliberate siphoning- off of some of our minority's best and brightest.

Look at Asian America's public figures: Amy Tan, Maxine Hong Kingston, Connie Chung, Wendy Tokuda. Each one made a personal choice to marry a white man. I respect the Asian American woman's personal choice and I don't belittle it as some calculated status grab.

But I also assert that these women's personal choices have societal ramifications. In an arena where Asian American men are perceived as weak, these Asian American women help to perpetuate that myth. In a nation where almost all of us lose our original culture, these Asian American women turn their back on forging a new culture out of the scraps of the old: I have no problem with children of mixed heritage, but I have never seen a product of an Asian-white relationship willfully identify with the Asian half.

I've heard from African American men on campus that African American women stand by them. And I don't think this support is some sick sexist tradition. Both sexes simply understand that, although white society can warp the picture, African American men and women are still their own best allies. I honestly doubt that many Asian American women would agree.

This is not an extension of the old country feet-binding daughter-selling logic. I don't speak from some patronizing, Confucian, male-oriented point of view. The great majority of Asian American males are neither reactionary nor sexist.

I speak out of weariness on seeing television and motion pictures deny us any role besides de-sexed waiters or buck-toothed barbarians. I speak from anger after I read Amy Tan, claiming that Asian American men are adolescent pipe-dreams, bound to be eclipsed by true romance with the white man. And I speak out when I read Joan Walsh stating that my reaction to this unfairness is a "gripe session," and attempt to "mute the pain of personal rejection."

In a nation where people of color have been steadily gaining power and position, an Asian America of emasculated men and exotic women are willing to please can be alluring. But for all Asian Americans, these misconceptions should be seen for the outrageous insults that they are.

I have difficulty writing this column. Many of my good friends are white males who go out with Asian American females. And I don't want to portray interracial relationships as misguided or unnatural. I have no problem, for instance, with Asian Americans having relationships with other people of color.

But in a white society which already tears our community apart - never do you see on television a healthy Asian American couple - this trend is just a part of the larger genocidal picture.

I know the Milton Bradley interracial dating game is probably too popular to be stopped. But if the game requires my my people's emasculation at the hands of supposedly well-meaning white liberals, don't expect me to grin while I play.

*****
My comment:

Re: The Asian America That Can Say ''No'' (Score: 1)
by dieselgrrrrl on Friday, January 10 @ 19:30:02 GMT
(User Info | Send a Message) http://dieselgrrrrl.diaryland.com
I'm an Asian American female and date outside my race. He's Latin--half Panamanian and half Puerto Rican, but quite frankly, he can pass for white. So, when we go out, it looks like I'm with a white guy. We look like your typical AF with WM couple.

For the first 17 years of my life, I grew up in Wisconsin. Here, I could write pages and pages of the racism I encountered. Long story short, while I was in Wisconsin, "Asian Fetish" never was in. Never. Then, I came to Los Angeles to start my undergraduate education. Anyway, I learned about "Asian Fetish", and right away I dismissed the idea. My entire life I had been told how I was worthless because I wasn't white. My way of dealing with this was to **screw what everybody else thought of me** based on race, looks--they don't know me, do they? Now, I was faced with a situation where I'd be "favored" specifically because of the very factor which made me discriminated against in a time and place not so long ago. I would not have this, either--because long ago I decided that I would not tolerate ANYTHING that everyone else thought of me based on race, looks and even sex. I would have been a hypocrite to "take advantage" of the situation--of everyone's tastes of the time. Who is anybody to tell me when my race/sex is "in" or not? I would be in control of my own destiny.

Come my first boyfriend, which was in college. He was Chinese. He grew up in a ~70% Asian high school and only had Asian friends his entire life. When we were together, all 1 year and 8 months, all our friends were Asian. Heck, my school (UCLA) is over 50% Asian. I wanted to have diversified friends, but if any of you are familiar with the dynamic of such a school, the culture basically "sucks you in." That's another issue.

The time came where I was sick of his narrow-mindedness. He told me I drive a German car (a Jetta) because I grew up with white people. He automatically assumed I had a thing for white men, and was insecure because of this. In summary, because I was so secure of who I was as a person--both sexually and racially, this made *him* insecure.

So now I have my Latin, white-looking boyfriend. I am happier with him than I imagine I could ever be with anybody else in the entire world.

What am I doing? Am I rationalizing my being with a non-Asian boyfriend? No--because I am fully aware of the repercussions of my dating non-Asian. In effect, I agree with Hoyt Sze's article. I did not find it offensive whatsoever--I think he says it like it is.

I have faced the facts--that I am not really helping the Asian male agenda by being with a non-Asian. Hell, you can say to me that I'm hurting it. It doesn't mean that I don't sympathize with the cause. The moment I am single, I am always giving preference to the Asian male. However, realizing how happy I am to be with whom I am with means that I have to say "no" to the Asian American cause just this once in my lifetime of Asian American consciousness and activism. I won't lie--I still stop myself from the reflex I've developed of sneering at WM/AF couples. I always have to remind myself: "Don't be a hypocrite," and, "She could be just as conscious about it as you but just love him for him." But, I must admit that I did flash that nasty look at the 20-year old looking Asian female riding in that 60-year old looking white male's Boxster S coasting down Wilshire Boulevard.

*****
The nasty e-mail I found in my Inbox:

You are such a hyocrite!

You ever thought what brings on your ex-boyfriend insecurity? Living in
this country. Look at the news now you have a black man like SHAq saying
things that he did. Look at the hate and punishiment we face everyday. its
open shooting range for AA..... you must know by now that non -asian person
have all shared this kind of humor that its funny becasue I 'm sure you
heard ching-chong comments before. So can you blame your ex chinese
boyfriend?

YOu hatng yourself at one time doesn't morph into your sense of "love"
today? Yea what made you be so drawn into your present boyfriend? Initally,
what was it? LEts be honest, since you are very sincere person from reading
from your comments. was you made the first move or him? if it was him ever
thought you are under the same regime of roles typical of AF? CAN A NON
ASAIN PERSON NOT CATEGORIZES asain people intially? Look in the mirror we
are asian and since we live in aworld that looks are the most important
thing then morality, behavior etc... comes later, can you say , both of you
are in 'true' love.
maybe you are in love in fact you are in love of being in love.

Or was it you , the self -hating asian feamle who must find a way to secure
some sort of solution to the problem. So what if you are in love, the
foundation is rotten to the core all other add ons and extra rooms won't
keep the house on stable ground.

You can't have your cake and eat it too. Can't be dating non -asian person
and fight the cause the same time. I 'm being honest does this sound right
too? doesn't this sound hypocritical? maybe like most females not just asia
you are lost when it comes to what is love and who I am instead of fighting
the medai images of waht is love and who you should be like or look like for
that matter.

eric

*****
My nasty reply to the nasty e-mail I found in my Inbox:

If you knew any bit about who I was...if you even met me...if you had talked to any of my friends about ME...you would know that everything you have just pronounced me to be in your cowardly e-mail is false.

Are you saying that my ex-boyfriend has every right to be insecure and call out things about me that aren't even true because of what this world is like? Everybody is accountable for finding out the truth, not turning out to be a whiny bitch about being a victim in this world. Learn to get a life and take control of it and fight for what you believe in--not accuse the WRONG people of not doing the same.

I was 10 times more active at UCLA in the Asian American department than he ever was. Check out http://www.acabruins.com. I was President of the largest collegiate Asian American association (now over 600 members strong) in the United States 2 years ago.

Some self-hating Asian female I am...that I can be part of such an organization for FIVE years and also be President...lead a staff of 20 hard-working people...take 20 units of Asian American studies.

But all of this is negated because I am not an Asian Nazi and am not dating only inside my race. YOU are the one who is self-hating because you haven't learned to respect your own race enough to respect those in other races. You obviously have an inferiority complex to accuse such false and quite frankly, insulting and inflaming things about me. If you were CONFIDENT in your own ethnicity, nationality and overall background, you would not have to write such e-mails or think such hateful thoughts in order to defend what little pride in your race that you do have.

To answer your question (but not for purposes of justifying myself to an assuming, accusatory whiny Asian male), my boyfriend and I met in a car club. Our interests drew us together.

Lastly, don't you DARE question the legitimacy of ANYBODY's relationship or love therein if you don't know the couple yourself. Have you met my boyfriend? Do you know who he is? How DARE you trivialize his love for me by making such assumptions!! How DARE you trivialize my love for him by saying I am self-hating?

I feel sorry for you. You've just generalized me AND my boyfriend...therefore you have just given every right for any non-Asian to generalize and stereotype you. Thank YOU for degrading, undermining, and regressing the Asian American plight.

*e