Posted 7:59 AM by Blah blah

Living with Your Parents Again (Parents)

Poor Mira. Her very strict Korean parents are insisting she live with them after she finishes college this winter.

Of course, she doth protest most vehemently. I wrote this in her comments box:

"Aw, I'm sorry to hear that. :( But it is not the end of the world. I, stubborn as I am, lived with my parents for one year after finishing college. It was hell, yeah, but think of it this way---during that time your parents will get a chance to get reacquainted with you.

They most want to see how well their experiment has turned out, how well they have instilled their values and culture in you. They have probably been harboring all these wild fears about the Pamela Anderson monster you may have turned into. Living at home again gives you both the chance to see each other day after day. Gingerly, mistrustful at first, you and your parents will slowly get comfortable with each other again.

That's when their irrational fears about you will clash with the reality of the mature, delightful, caring woman you have become. Day after day of seeing how you are living a fine life---without their help---will renew their pride, rekindle their confidence in you. They will see that you ARE living more of their values than they had expected. Only close daily contact will do that.

Over time, you and they will learn to tolerate what both had previously thought intolerable. Their fears will shrink, you'll get to see them as human beings instead of prison guards, and you'll also learn what topics to avoid and just say 'yes mom' to avoid World War III.

It takes years to get there, sometimes. I also went through that roller coaster. But you know what? Living with my parents, at least briefly, was necessary for both sides to start that process of reconciliation.

Will you and your parents be able to be totally open and frank with each other? Will you be bosom friends? Probably not. Probably you'll be more like distant acquaintances with a grudging respect for each other.

Learn to deal with the politics of your parents, learn what to say and what to keep to yourself, and with time, they will get so used to you they will find someone else to nag.

That's been my life. Good luck, mon ami!"