Posted 8:24 AM by Blah blah

Dear Raymond (Funny)

From a reader:

Dear Raymond,

I can't begin to imagine how much time and energy you put into your blog.
I guess the point of all that work would be because you love it.

Me:

All that time and energy I put into my blog is the only thing that stands between me and a life of crime.

The more comments you leave to which I must respond, the more you keep the streets of San Jose safe from hoodlums like me.
______________
Dear Raymond,

You know, it doesn't feel like people are commenting on what you write. I was reading about somebody proposing to a girlfriend and getting married and have no clue how that ties into anything.

Me:

Yeah, people are mostly drunk when they comment on my blog. I really need more
sober people like YOU. You're right---Cheshire Dave's engagement has nothing to do
with me and my blog whatsoever. How dare he derail our highbrow train of thought by posting such a trivial matter!!

No, he's a friend in Emeryville who has his own blog. He used to write for my
blog.
______________
Dear Raymond,

About 9/11... Somewhere deep down you must know that your blog affects people.

Me:

Not just deep down---I force people to read it! I accost strangers on the street and
drag them over to a computer, where I mash their faces into the monitor to see my blog.

If I'm busy, I ask my Italian tough dude friend Guido to do it.