Posted 3:26 PM by Blah blah

Starbuckers

From The Daily Show with Jon Stewart:

STARBUCKERS, INC. 4/07/2003

Playboy Magazine announced that it is searching for female Starbucks employees to pose nude for an upcoming "Women of Starbucks" feature, giving the unemployed male screenwriters who work on laptops everyday at the coffeehouse chain a chance to finally, after being rejected by her for a date five times, see that chick behind the counter naked.

To kick off the application process, the magazine issued the statement, "Calling all coffee-making cuties," which should help clarify that they are looking more for the Express-jeans-wearing girls from the suburban franchises, than the 35-year-old Phish-fans who operate the New Hampshire chains.

Playboy's Theresa Hennessey explained the company's logic, saying, "Starbucks is such a big part of American pop culture, and Playboy is always trying to stay on top of the latest trend." In keeping with that, the following month features an interview with Stone Temple Pilots and a 10-page spread on the ladies of "Melrose Place."

In response to the news, Starbucks has only released the cold statement, "Starbucks is not affiliated with this project and does not endorse it." An insider at the company revealed that they aren't upset about its employees going nude, but rather that Playboy might airbrush a tall mocha to appear as a grande latte.

This is the latest of Playboy's recent corporate-themed pictorials, following ones featuring the women of Enron and Worldcom, which were designed to help raise money for those who had recently lost their jobs. "Women of Starbucks" ends this charitable trend though, largely to discourage the recently fired lunch ladies of Rushmore Elementary School from continually sending in their nude photos.