Posted 9:04 AM by Blah blah

Horror Date Conversations

Given the people I tend to meet here in Nerd/Yuppie/Materialist Heaven, it's more fun laughing about the date later than actually going on it. Plus a great fraction of people don't seem to speak English well, so our talk goes like:

"Well I saw this great movie the other day, Chicken Run, with Mel Gibson..."
"Oh chicken feet? Mmm, I love chicken feet! Especially dipped in monkey toenail hot sauce. And those pigs' ears! Yummm..."

Or, and this was a REAL conversation I had:

"Where are you from?"
"Well I'm from China but came here as child."
"Oh cool, I have a lot of friends from China. What part were you from? Near Beijing?"
"Umm, where's Beijing?"
"Or maybe you were closer to Nanjing, in the south?"
*Blank stare*
"How about Earth?"

Or this:

"Gosh, I'm starving! Let's eat. Wow, this is sooo good!"
*Silence, picks at food.*
"What's wrong?"
"Umm, actually, I don't like to talk when I eat."
"Oh. Well please, go ahead! This food is scrumptious..."
*Silence, barely eats*
"So....hmm...you don't talk much huh?"
"No."
"What interests you? What do you wanna talk about?"
"I don't know."
[I start talking to my fork. I ask my fork if she wants to go out for a nightcap later, but she's busy. She has a date with this hot spoon.]