Posted 9:52 AM by Blah blah

All Too Funny

More from Saddam's Cyber Palace:

Wednesday, March 26, 2003

President Bush has announced that his war will cost at least $75 Billion. WOW!!!! I am quite flattered that he is spending all that money on me. I hope he's not going to expect anything in return. I mean, yeah, sure, I can be a flirt at times, but that's just talk. I'm really not THAT kind of despot.

:: Saddam "No Nukes Here" Hussein 7:18 PM [+] ::

I have just received word that the citizens of Basra are revolting. So what? This is nothing new. Those Shi'ite Muslims have never been particularly fond of bathing.

:: Saddam "No Nukes Here" Hussein 2:04 AM [+] ::

Sunday, March 23, 2003

My son Uday is not looking too good. I have had propped him up in a chair in the corner ever since we dug him out from under the 50 tons of collapsed concrete and steel. I had to use a bicycle pump to reinflate his body, which actually worked better than I expected. But now he just sits there. I talk to him, but he won't answer.

One of my cabinet aides, Abdullah, said that's because Uday has been dead since that initial missile strike Thursday morning. I thanked Abdullah for volunteering his opinion, then shot him. I don't need negative vibes like that. Not at a time like this.

On the bright side, I have been informed that we have captured some POW's. See? I'm feeling better already.

:: Saddam "No Nukes Here" Hussein 8:56 PM [+] ::

Finally dug my way out of there and went to the store. Stocked up on some basic necessities like French fries, French bread, French dressing, French's mustard, and German chocolate cake. I also decided to splurge a little bit and bought the latest Dixie Chicks CD and a couple of Sean Penn movies. If you notice a pattern there, it's because I know who my friends are.

Needless to say, there was no Texas Pete Hot Sauce on my grocery list.

:: Saddam "No Nukes Here" Hussein 7:26 AM [+] ::
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Here's the latest from Osama's Offerings:

Thursday, March 27, 2003

The war in Iraq has had the expected effect on our recruiting efforts. Applications at our terror schools have soared dramatically. This boom comes just as we are set to begin offering a new graduate program in biological terror. On the other hand, our new popularity is very much a double-edged sword. With more applicants, our quality of recruits obviously goes up. On the other hand, the smarter students quickly figure out that no matter how good you are at it, suicide bombing carries limited opportunities for career advancement.

:: Osama "binny" Laden 8:08 AM [+] ::

Tuesday, March 25, 2003

There are things in this world that even Allah would be hardpressed to explain....For example, we have been constantly on the run for months now. Every day we move to a new cave, or a new campsite, or a new mountain pass.

The world's top law enforcement agencies have been searching for us since the fall of 2001, but to no avail. Even the world's most powerful and technologically advanced military force has been engaged in a massive, unrelenting hunt for our hideouts. Yet they, too, have repeatedly failed to track us down.

Quite frankly, there are times even WE don't know where in the name of Mecca we are.

In light of all this, how is it that those cursed free AOL Version 8 disks continue to find us?

:: Osama "binny" Laden 10:43 PM [+] ::