Posted 12:24 PM by Anonymous

the notion of human mirrors

Recently, my girlfriend, Hui, and I were discussing the possibility of moving back to New York from our current home in San Francisco. I couldn't imagine a better place to live than the Bay Area, but she really wants to live in NYC at least once in her lifetime. Hui also has many close friends on the eastcoast from her high school, university and post-bac time periods... plus her parents will be living in NY state.

On the other hand, I went to high school in Manhattan and I lived in Greenwich Village, two blocks from Washington Square Park. Most of my friends from high school never left the 5 boroughs (opting to attend N.Y.U.) and many of my college friends moved down to NYC to find work, go to grad school, etc., so I have a lot of old ghosts roaming the streets of NY. There's a lot of pain in that city.

I suppose that a lot of my reluctance to move back relies upon the notion of mirrors. When I am around certain people, I am strongly reminded of how I was when I knew them in the past. I may look upon an old friend and what I see is myself in high school or in college with all the faults, insecurities, and ignorance that I thought I had transcended. The bridge of time shortens. The gaps grow smaller.

(There's a similar phenomenon when my entire family is around each other for a week or more. We revert back into our old family roles. It's pretty awesome to see adults in their 20's, 30's, and 40's assume their old roles as teenage siblings... the rebellious older children... the middle children... the baby.)

Now I know some of this can be attributed to my own narcissism and a slice of uncertainty. In the past, I've been extremely gifted with the ability to walk away from relationships and easily make new ones... but maybe it's time to move on, step away from the mirror, and confront my old friends as friends and not as ghosts of the past.