Posted 9:37 PM by Anonymous

The World Has Turned and Left Me Here (110602 reflection)

Lately I've been taking public transportation to work, either in the form of the bus or the Market St. streetcar. I haven't commuted on mass transit so much since I lived and went to school in Manhattan. This familiar feeling has come over me when I am sitting on the dense plastic seats or hanging from the chrome handles. I feel like I am being slowly consumed by San Francisco as I was consumed by the city of New York. A human particle moving through the guts and bowels of the city. Through my peripheral vision, I watch the city of San Francisco move on by, stop, and move again as if I am watching a film of my own experience. I guess moments of self-reflection feel like this. I feel detached from the world, yet I cannot escape its gravity. I do not feel sadness or apathy, but I encounter the phenomenon of perceiving my surroundings as unreal as they are inescapable.

In the mornings, my thoughts are usually in my coffee. It's probably the most productive place for them to be in the early mornings. I only become fully aware after I've digested my morning work. After work, my head is buried in a book while my body moves towards the setting sun, towards home. The destinations may change from mornings to evenings, but the feeling that the world has eaten me up and left me here remains.

I can only smile on the inside and know that this is exactly where I want to be right now.