Posted 8:13 AM by Duke

With a little help from my friends

I really only had one good guy friend in high school. I was part of a larger circle of guys, but was usually too busy on the weekends (debate, band, girlfriends) to really bond with them outside of school. So I really had only one good guy friend in high school. He was always known as the social butterfly- trendy, image-conscious, planned the group's plans for formals and dances. The girls loved him. It wasn't until our group graduated and other people started coming out of the closet that I realized. He is (almost positively) gay.

All the traditional stereotypes fit-
obnoxiously thin: likes the European look, doesn't like muscle
horribly obsessed with image: his closet looks like he hijacked a Gucci trunk show
girls love him: more than once have I head the word 'harmless' be used to describe him
likes working retail: he worked at GAP all through high school, and has just now moved up to Lacoste
over-controlling mother: he couldn't leave Texas for school, she was involved with everything, they sometimes party together

Last summer I introduced him to various people, and invariably they take me to the side and ask if he's gay. I tell them I think so, but I'm not certain. I don't think he's certain. And I'm at my wit's end. I want my friend to be happy, to finally be comfortable, but I don't think he ever will come out. Maybe he's not even gay.

He has the names of his children all picked out. He wants the traditional Dallas-ite lifestyle; living in the suburbs, married to the blonde-haired Dallas trophy wife. He's in a fraternity and he has some close friends, but it seems like his closest brother might also be a closet buddy. From what my friends and I gather, he can't allow himself to come out because it puts too many things at risk. But if he doesn't, he'll end up marrying some woman and carrying this secret with him to the grave.

It's none of my business, I know. If he says he's happy, then I should let him be. But it's so hard to be his best friend and know that he could he could be so liberated. Last summer his mother sent me to Miami to roadtrip back to Dallas with him. "Now's our chance to find out, " we all thought. Half-jokingly, the plan was to get him really drunk and lay a kiss on him to see his reaction. It never quite worked out that way. So I want to know, what should I do? Let things be or have like a one-on-one intervention?