Posted 8:55 AM by Blah blah

A Western View of Dating "Chinese" Chinese (Part 3)

Christine:
No no no, I'm not an embittered chick at all -- I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE MEN -- but there are certain realities that international career women need to know if they should choose to work in Asia....

In the U.S., Asian American men (and I'll stick to the term ABC for convenience sake) have it tough, at the work place and in their personal lives as well.

I know a handful of ABC guys who argue with that comment and say that it's such a crock of shit and that people MAKE themselves victims, but I'm not here to debate that.

We know enough about glass ceilings in the workforce so I won't go there. On the social front, it's tough too because Asian American men - until recently anyway - aren't considered "sexy." Again, not here to argue this point. It becomes evident when you watch ABC guys "transform" when they come to Taiwan.

As a good friend of mine here once told me (ABC dude), in the U.S., ABC girls have the full spectrum of men to choose from---Asian, Caucasian, African American, Hispanic, etc. They are considered "exotic" and desirable no matter where they go. ABC men however -- and with the exceptional HOT dood from L.A. (I'm exaggerating here), can only choose from other ABC women.

So what happens when they come to Taiwan?

They become DEMIGODS.

All of a sudden, the roles are reversed and unlike never before in their entire lives, they have a MAJORITY selection to choose from, i.e., local women. ABC men in Taiwan are considered cool, attractive, desirable, AND successful. "International" careers, from America, with American passports, etc. I could go on and on.

I have met sooooooooo many ABC guys here who feel so *special* in Taiwan -- they are almost addicted to society here -- because they really are perceived as desirable. I even know some ABC guys from the U.S. who FLY OUT HERE ON VACATION for that high.

And I don't blame them one iota. If I were your average ABC guy, I'd love it too.

One can argue about the NON-EXISTENCE of negative stereotypes towards Asian American men in the U.S. until he is BLUE IN THE FACE, but the fact is that it most definitely exists and is counter-mirrored here in Taiwan/Asia. The social dynamics between the two places is striking. Absolutely striking.

And I think that's all fine and dandy. Like I said, I completely understand and I would do the exact same thing if I were your average-looking ABC guy.

The problem comes when you put them next to ABC WOMEN in Asia.

Think about it.

What kind of woman, in her mid- to late 20's, would actually drop her comfortable, almost spoiled life in America to rough it out and pursue an international career in Asia? More specifically, how do they interact with ABC men in Asia as I noted above? (I'm not referring to those who were forced back to Taiwan by their parents.) Women who would do this are a very specific type. There are no grey areas when it comes to this.

Anyway, so here's the deal:

ABC women who choose to move out to Asia for the experience -- be it for their careers, for the adventure, for root-searching (no I'm not talking about the study of Chinese medicinal herbs) -- are a breed of their own.

While their female counterparts in the U.S. are thinking about which future church they will have their glorious future wedding ceremonies, women who decide to pick up and leave the comforts of life in the U.S. into the unknown -- and no matter how familiar they are with Taiwan/Asia it's still a black hole on many, many fronts -- are STRONG.

By that, I don't mean brutal, chest-beating, men-bashing, bitter bitches but rather, aggressive, independent, open-minded (some would even say very "liberal") career-minded, capable, intersting, and very dynamic people.

(I'm "lumping" here to make a point). International career women in Asia are attractive, fit, smart, many bilingual, and very aware of themselves as women. I'd even use the word, "charming," when I think about the ones I know here.

They speak their minds, and they've seen a lot more than your average domestic female professional. And I mean, a LOT. To have survived the challenges of coming out here and "making it" says something about these women. (Not talking about those that came for brief period of time and then left because Taiwan defeated them).

So what happens when you throw these "Queens of the Amazon" (lol) in a pool of ABC men who are otherwise treated like demigods by beautiful, very accomodating, local women in Taiwan?

The men are COMPLETELY INTIMIDATED.

What man -- and I don't care how confident or successful or self-aware he is -- wants a woman who can and WILL challenge him, when he can have local women who actually think of him as a demigod and would do anything BUT challenge him?

You think these ABC women are all of a sudden going to start looking at these ABC men (who are going NUTS in Asia with local women who are throwing themselves at them left and right) as someone to look up to?! I don't think so. Harsh but true. If anything, the opposite happens.

Sure, you always get your 21st century open-minded man who claims to "want an independent woman who can hold intellectually stimulating conversations who can blah blah blah..." but at the end of the day, what men REALLY want is---to feel like a man.

Local women do it and do it well. ABC women are like, "whatever dood you totally SUCK, skirt chasing local women you can't even communicate with. Call me when you've found your backbone."

LOL!

Allright already I am totally exaggerating purely for the sake of drama. No one kill me here. I'm hoping to get a reaction from both ABC men and women who live here to tell me I am wrong.
___________________
Christine:
So here is an email I got from one of my girlfriends here, earlier this month. See below. She was born and raised in Taiwan but moved to the U.S. when she was 12 (?) and is now back, living and working in Taipei. International chick through and through, trilingual, etc.

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Christine,

I have something to say about this topic... maybe you can paraphrase what I say here. Now, I ran into (ex-beau) again the other day, and he's with a new (local) girl.

This one, like the last one, is also tall, slender, beautiful and stylish. Within 6 months of our break-up, he's had 2 girlfriends, and I haven't had one decent date. I did have one matchmaking setup from hell, but that's another story.

Anyways, I've heard some really honest feedbacks from my AsiaWorks classmates about their impressions of me. The one thing that really surprised me is that most of the men think I am a "female chauvinist." I don't even consider myself a feminist (that's someone who thinks male and female are equal), let alone being a female chauvinist (someone who thinks women are more superior than men). But somehow, that's how I come across to the men here.

In a way, I think they are right. I mean, we believe that we are better than the men here, and it totally shows in our attitude toward them. Isn't this discussion forum all about the high quality women and low quality men here?

Also, as self-proclaimed "strong, independent women," we try so hard to prove to the men that we are just fine without them, that we don't need them in our lives. Then we turn around and complain that there are no men in our lives. That was a complaint (ex-beau) had of me. He said that he felt I didn't really need a boyfriend because I spent so much time with my own friends doing my own stuff.

I think that when we are with someone, we all want to feel that we are needed by the other person. But in the process of trying to prove how strong and independent we are, not only do we make the men feel unwanted, we also intimidate them. Of course we can blame the men for being insecure, but then who doesn't have his/her own insecurities?
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[I think she makes some excellent points.]