Posted 2:24 AM by fan777

somehow returning

there was a lack of words in my pen but when i bought a new one, it came empty as the previous.

perhaps reticence was not borne from pen solely but by the schizophrenic duality of attaching a literature minor to my engineering major. i wrote about it once on my blog but never felt it in such extremes as of late:

i like the people in my engineering class...

smart kids with heads filled of gold like untapped mines, veins of mathematic ore and accumulated wealths of formulaic success, equations, diagrams depicting an immeasurable world of potential... this yardstick of science. is it thought? look again, lines, circles, geometrized existence on three dimensional planes; we are of flesh and blood in cages of steel and laws locked in flickering prisons, we seek escape from the drivel of words with visions of glowing green grids, graphs and signals driving us off to distant lands. we fly. flying us off to distant dreams. oh, the frequencies of our response... such high pass operations.

in rows, the men and women sit, circuits on protoboards with extenuated wires, branches, variable resistance... the current that flows through us, electrified, magnified, and plugged into that overmind intelligence (we label Brain). buzz is the word that buzzes in the room, heads near fried, amplified waves between synapse to synapse... discharge out fingers onto exams the voltage in our buzzing CPU, the saturation point that breaks down us down beat down. we are circuits with good biasing they tell us, stable... others cannot be so, and there is so much beauty in a world of black and white, of straight and smooth, that one sees the colors and curves...

ah, but they don't see, they don't see... a lyricist in the midst. but they don't see, they don't see, they don't know. two camps and i've a foot in both...

... like free radical caught in divergent fields. a parametric heart. the beating of my cardiod. can't live with one, can't focus with both. and i was of two minds then.

life as a science major and a writing minor is like no other. inside my head, they argue, they argue. sometimes they compromise. two sides, back to back. but they argue.