Posted 6:35 PM by Anonymous

My one Asian friend ... well, maybe two

Someone asked me why didn't I have any American Asian friends. From the time I was six years old until I went to college, I lived in Birmingham, Alabama. I always wondered why my Mami thought I could find a suitable Indonesian man when we lived in the Heart of Dixie and where the only other Asians we knew were our relatives. We had no American-born Asians (ABAs) my age to talk to.

A Korean family lived next door to us for a few years in grade school, and my sister had a Vietnamese friend of whom I still think fondly. All of them moved away eventually. We never had the sense of an Asian community. My parents are hardworking blue collar people who had to constantly work and are still working as hard as they did 20 years ago when we first immigrated. So my sister and I lacked supervision. Moreover, being latchkey kids, we consumed ourselves with American television and other influences in our predominantly white schools.

I was also shy growing up, 180 degrees of where I am today. I wanted so badly to be an American, wear the right clothes, lose the accent, and start using forks in hope of becoming one of the popular kids. I repressed my Asian heritage. At the same time, we celebrated Christmas and Thanksgiving the American way. We never participated in any Indonesian traditions. Of course, it's saddens me now when I'm getting married and I have no way of knowing how to intergrate my heritage into our wedding.

By high school, I was maybe one of five Asians in the entire school. In college, I couldn't relate to students who had come to the US for schooling only. Like Thea: those Indonesian students didn't grow up the same way, have the same views, or enjoy the same things as I. I did converse with one guy from Indonesia from time to time. By this late in the game, my language and dialect had been replaced by a thick southern Dixie accent. I just couldn't relate to non-ABAs, period.

Even now, you guys are my only Asian friends. I did click with another Chinese-Indonesian guy from a trip to Boston back in 2000; he's going to be one of my bridesmen. He was my first Asian friend, sadly enough. Alx is a nice and generous guy. He lends an ear and never asks for anything in return.

This past weekend, when I was in Seattle, we went out with a friend of mine, J.T. I totally forgot she was a hapa (Filipino/Anglo). When I pointed this out to Raven, he said you could barely tell, with no physical traits and definitely none of the culture. The woman can't even use chopsticks. She admits her mom never educated her on her Asian heritage. Both she and her mom were born in the Seattle. Could I really count her as an "Asian" friend?

So now what? I am venturing out to seek new friends [like Thea, you just have to give someone the chance]. My goal is to find more people like me: eccentric, free-spirited, quirky and just plain silly. Asian descent or not, they just have to be open-minded.

Am I weird to not have any Asian friends in real life? I know Ray already told me he would be my [virtual] friend :)

previously posted on 08/12/2002