Posted 11:08 AM by Blah blah

Leaving Technology for Religion
From Ang's blog, Sept. 1, 2002:

Admittedly, this whole seminary thing is a pretty reckless thing for me. Not only am I abandoning a fairly stable career in management/technology, what I'm seeking to do is itself a very uncertain and unproven idea. My background is entirely in science (with a BS in physics) and computers (working as an Internet technologist). It is entirely unknown how well I will do as a philosopher: I've never done any academic philosophical work before, and I have no way of discerning how likely it will be that I will be even given the opportunity to study it at my school of choice, much less teach it. I must admit that this is fairly stressful for me. My most private thoughts are filled with uncertainty: will I have what it takes to be a "philosopher"? Do I have anything to contribute in this field? Sure, I love philosophy now, but will I retain my passion for it when it becomes work? Wasn't it Plato who said "All learning which is acquired under compulsion has no hold upon the mind"? Will I burn out and find myself longing for the corporate setting in a year or so?

But as troubling as the vocational transition is, even more difficult is the transition in location and community which accompanies it. In my years in Los Angeles and Boston, I've grown accustomed to living within the sort of cultural and intellectual diversity that those places provide. Now, I'm in the South, thousands of miles away from either of those places, attempting to reconstruct from the resources around me a similar richness in culture. This doesn't happen quickly.

Add to that the loss that comes from leaving my community of friends---those people who've known me for the past 10 years. Who understand me (as best they know how---I'm pretty wacky). Who value and affirm me (well, I think they do, anyways.) Life this last week and a half has been very isolating. In all, it's been hard.

I know what I need to do. My main priority right now is to begin connecting with my fellow seminary students, as well as finding the new church community I will be participating in. Connecting with seminary students is relatively easy: I live on campus with them. Finding a church is more difficult. That's been at the forefront of my attention recently.

Up to now, I've visited three churches in the area around the seminary. One is a Korean-American church about 45 minutes away. (I have a friend there who attended my church in Boston.) Another is a Chinese-American church about 15 minutes away. (This is a church that many of the Chinese seminary students attend.) The third is a new multi-ethnic church plant run by recent seminary graduates located in one of the poorest communities in the area (about 10 minutes away from the seminary).

Of the three churches, the third seems to have the most interesting mission. It sees itself called to minister to the underprivileged--those who haven't been given much opportunity by our society. The congregation is composed of the very poor, homeless, drug users, prostitutes---as well as those who have been raised in church all their lives, who are highly educated, who are business owners.

Observing the church renewed a conviction that I have had for a few years now. My current goal is to be a college professor---in effect, to minister to gifted folks: namely, those who are able to attend college. Many of my students will be over-achievers---those who are highly blessed, whose value is affirmed and cheered by society. (I count myself within this crowd...)

The highly advantaged face many significant spiritual challenges. These challenges tend to include pride, selfishness, self-righteousness, greed, vain competitiveness. In many ways, I see the highly advantaged as needing the disadvantaged. By working with those who have been neglected and rejected by society, the highly advantaged have an opportunity to learn compassion, mercy, love, self-denial.

I say this purely from observing myself. I have to admit that when I peer into my heart, to try to understand the state of my soul, I see a massive emptiness left there by the ease of my childhood life, of my college studies, and of building a lucrative and prestigious career. When I see a pastor (Cletus**) who has the courage and compassion to embrace those who are dirty, poor, weak within his church---one who invites the homeless to live within his own home---I cannot help but recognize something which fits with some of the deepest groanings of my heart. I cannot help but think: perhaps here, God can show me another aspect of the ministry which He has built me for...

We'll see. I've never been able to get genuinely excited about mercy-based ministries. Maybe this is Time. Perhaps there can be special value in connecting the rarified, elitist, mind-driven realm of academic philosophical thought with a very down-to-earth, practical and heart-driven ministry. In the realm of inner-city ministry, I have a lot to learn. In fact, I bring to it nothing, other than a guarded desire to serve, tainted by a large portion of cynicism, personal isolation, and some emotional instability. I hope Cletus can work with what I bring....

(**All names have been changed to protect the clueless...)