Posted 2:27 PM by Blah blah

My girlfriend does not banter well... (Salon.com):

I've got this old friend -- not to mince words, old flame. Liv, by her own admission, is moody and difficult, and we know we'd be a mightily star-crossed couple, and yet talking with her is like playing footsie underneath the Algonquin Round Table. Liv herself is no threat to my current relationship -- among other things, she's got a boyfriend of her own, she's two states away and she smokes. But I crave the kind of banter that we share, the intellectual playfulness, the fact that she gets all my obscure jokes (when she came to visit a few months ago, we collapsed into hysterics over the idea of programming a cellphone ringer to play John Cage's _4'33"_), and it's the No. 1 thing I've been looking for in a romantic partner. Holly, for all her charms and virtues, does not banter, and easily half my references go right past her....

But the question in my mind isn't whether I can sustain a relationship that's missing something, it's whether I can sustain one that's missing this one crucial thing. I need the mind-play like I need water and air. And while some guys can compensate easily enough for their gals' lack of interest in, say, fishing by going off and sharing it with like-minded friends, it's not so easy for me, because most of the friends I have whom I can connect with on this intellectual level are women -- and I associate the banter so strongly with romance.

God, this describes me SOOO well! In relationships I've had with women who are attractive in other ways, the lack of banter when we talk, or the difference in values, is usually what kills us. It's always that more than looks or money or distance.

I am just like this guy. Good conversation where we truly listen and GET each other is something I've tried to ignore for other factors. I've tried, trust me. With a lot of people. But it never works. I am dying mentally. That's the key to catching me: mental and emotional stimulation. With humor, understanding, and devotion.

Good conversation is a lifeblood to me. Why do you think I write so much? Because I am not getting this talk with people around me. Talk is the temptress. Mind play before foreplay. Please. That's how I am built. I don't like talking to human walls. It's not an option.