Posted 7:21 PM by DUH

Am normally a poster girl for optimism, but lately I've noticed some things. . .

top 10 signs i'm starting to get cynical

1. When spying two young people so obviously in love, I say: "There goes another potential broken heart."

2. A friend tells me he just bought the latest version of this so-and-so software: "Versioning is just another marketing ploy to make you buy ANOTHER box of software that requires even BIGGER memory which then pushes you to buy a NEW computer able to run the stupid new version faster."

3. A college friend invites me to join a multilevel marketing business and I say: "Look. You're selling expensive products that a target market will buy only once which will compel you to look for new dimwits elsewhere in the country who will ALSO buy your product once--no repeat customers!-- for the ultimate benefit of making you financially viable. DOES THAT MAKE YOU A BETTER PERSON IN THE GREATER SCHEME OF THINGS?! I DON'T THINK SO." Needless to say, she never called me again.

4. I told a friend my doctor asked me to return for another round of lab tests just to make sure. She says "Another marketing scheme by the HMOs to make you spend more money on stupid tests you don't need." I think about this for a few seconds. I SO agree with her.

5. While washing dishes, I tell my condomate from out of the blue: "You know that dishwashing liquid? It's just soap, water and fragrance the multinational would like you to believe is worth more than the regular bar of soap or detergent powder that comes in cheaper if you have the right mind to simply add water to it and use as dishwashing liquid." She looks at me strangely. "Okaaaay."

6. After a meeting with a client who works for government, I am confused by his delays and vagueness regarding the project. Then the thought hits me: "He wants a cut!"

7. This guy is hitting on me, trying to use the old I'm-having-problems-I-am-a-sensitive-guy crap and I think: "The things men do just to get laid."

8. While in the grocery with a friend: "You know what? All these infant formulas are crap. The best milk is STILL breastmilk."

9. In the department store with same friend, after seeing a poster for another new cellphone: "What's this stupid promotion of all these new cellphones?! You know, all we really need is a phone that can make a call and send text. THAT'S ALL! These people are perpetuating a false consumerism that's tainting the values of the Filipino youth."

10. Spying a poster for a local movie by this great young director: "He's sold out.Too bad."

Handcuff my hands please and lock me in a room.