Posted 3:03 PM by DUH

Am mostly reacting to the whole male-female discussion threads here. And here are a few thoughts.

I think that for the most part, women can do the same things that men can. And I am for the most part a believer in women's rights. But I wouldn't call myself a feminist. I think I am more a humanist. In the sense that I recognize that women and men are essentially DIFFERENT. I believe we operate and are wired differently. Those who say otherwise haven't lived enough, I think (I hate rabid feminists). And therein lies the beauty of the whole male-female dynamic. And the whole. . . banter thing.

Come on, who are we kidding. Much as I would prefer men who at the onset looked for that intellectual connection with me instead of just a knee jerk attraction to the physical, the reality is, it is much more enjoyable for a man to have a stimulating conversation with someone physically attractive. If I were a male, I'd be a jerk--I mean, I'd feel the same thing! It's a reality we have to face it. Men look for the visual more consciously in their mates at the onset. And women don't. Thank goodness, this is not the case most of the time. A lot of men have jumped away from that stereotype and I've had the pleasure of having relationships with this type of male. And boy would I be happy if I do meet a man like that once more.

But good luck to you women who don't recognize--even ignore!-- the power we inherently have as humans with innate femininity, fluttery eyelids, curves, breasts. . . you get the picture. If you still don't get it, just listen to Al Pacino's lines in "Scent of a Woman." : ) Who wouldn't want stimulating intellectual and FUNNY banter with someone who looked good as well?

For the record, I consciously choose banter and intellect over looks in the many relationships I've had because I'd rather have great conversations with my boyfriend than worry about how I look beside him. And yes, looks do fade with time. But *sigh*, sorry girls, this has NOT saved me. Apparently, there ARE smart male jerks out there just as there are intellectually stimulating women who are great to look at, too. Oh well.

This does not mean that women must accept existing repressions. There are basic human rights that everyone, male or female, should be entitled to. And it is those HUMAN rights I think we should focus on, not just pointing out all the bad things men do to make women's lives miserable. Men are wonderful companions. They are amazing human beings who can help open jars and fix cars. And women are just as amazing. I won't launch into the many wonderful things women can do that men can't. : ) We all know what those are.

Now about banter. Ahhh! I love banter--that wonderful ping and pong between men and women. That whole flirtation, mating ritual whatever you call it. I think banter is basically the commitment to communicate with another and the ability to make that connection with this other person. I mean, hey, two people can have connection. But one party may desire NOT to communicate. It's a choice. The same way that when you're already hooked up with someone, much as you feel that desire to communicate with that other yummy human morsel in the other side of the room, you don't. Because you choose not to.

Again, if you choose to communicate, and WHAM, you find you are able to make that wonderful connection--which is rare I tell you--with that other person, you can take it from there. So Ray, there goes my answer to your comment that intellectual banter CAN disappear and may well fade with time together with looks. It all boils down to choice and commitment, I think--what you choose to forego and what you choose to accept in the other person. If we focused more on the beautiful things our partner contributes to the relationship rather than notice the negative, there would be less heartaches and divorces.

And to that guy who says his girlfriend can't banter, bottomline is, I think it's just a sign that's something's askew in the EXISTING relationship. If it's the number one thing you're looking for in a relationship, heck, man, why are you with her in the first place?!