Posted 12:39 PM by Blah blah

Lack of Passion

I thought this was hilarious but true. Cary has a point. From Salon.com's advice columnist:

Dear Cary,

Here's one that I fear will apply to a lot of your readers, so why not kill many birds with a single stone: What do you do when the person you've been with for 10 years, and love like your own blood, inspires absolutely no sexual desire in you? Is it shallow to want that passion, and should one therefore tough it out? Or is denying the physical self a sure path to ruin at some point -- meaning, of course, that a breakup is the only solution? I know there's no answer to this question, really, but a perspective would be much appreciated. There's a lot of love, but no passion; it's almost like being siblings, and I don't know if that's enough.

Brother Man

Read the letter:

"It's not like there's something wrong with you because you've allowed certain competing entertainments to tap some of your resources. You might even say that as a relationship grows it becomes more sophisticated, and while sex is still a great thing to do, our appetites become variegated and rarefied: We suddenly find it necessary to have a nice briefcase! What is that about?...

[T]he wonderful civilizing and stabilizing effect of a long-term relationship is that once the basic needs are met, all kinds of more refined appetites can afford to assert themselves. You create emotional security for yourself and next thing you know you're learning French! Why? Because we have infinite capacities as humans, and sex is just one of the magic buttons you can push....

The fact is, when you get right down to it, in our culture, good sex between men and women in committed relationships is not that important, is it? If it were, wouldn't we have more traditional institutional support for good sex? Wouldn't the president be urging us to have more sex? Wouldn't we have sex church on Sunday? Wouldn't we have sex synagogue and sex mosque and sex temple? We're not a sexy society. We're a theocracy. On one hand, we've got church. On the other hand, all we've got is Esalen and Good Vibrations.

Couldn't we elect a president who could go out on a limb and just say, 'America, we're not screwing enough! More screwing!' Maybe that's what President Clinton was trying to tell us! Screw more big-haired bimbos! That's what we need! Under the desk, you! What is wrong with us? I'll tell you what's wrong with us, we're still a Protestant, Calvinist, workaholic, techno-warrior culture and sex is fine for making babies but pleasure doesn't feed the bulldog. And every week the letters pour in: I'm in a great relationship all except the sex.

I get so many letters about the sex not being good in long-term relationships that I'm sort of fed up. Why don't we just all stay in bed this Sunday and screw!"