Posted 3:47 PM by hx

i thought it was interesting that Raymond said this below : "When I write, I become shyer, more introspective. Sometimes after that, the unshy world feels less real, less substantial." That's kind of what I mean when I say I tend to live in my head. Sometimes it's like walking through a dream world, or through a black and white movie. (suddenly I'm thinking Purple Rose of Cairo. uh? :)

You know what's funny though. Maybe a lot of people are shy, but it doesn't mean that they'll all get along or be on the same wavelength. It's a bit like expecting all the [insert some group here, like "all the asians" or "all the native americans" or "all the engineers"] in a party to get along just because of that one thing they have in common. At the most, all the engineers would have the topic of engineering in common. I don't think i could spend all night talking to someone about being shy :) The particular somethings that make up an individual are different for everyone. Like a bell curve, some people are lucky enough to be in the middle where a lot of their likes and dislikes overlap, so they find they get along with a lot of people. Then there's us poor sods at the ends of the bell, who don't have quite as many neighbors on the curve :)

My interests go all over the fringey ends of the spectrum. You'd think that that would mean that I would get along well with "other eccentrics", but that generally isn't the case. What does tend to happen is I'll end up with one or two specific people in each particular area of interest whom I get along with fairly well. Shyness may be one factor to consider, but the most general reason i can think of for this is really just that of personality and wavelength. For whatever reason, my areas of overlap [and presumably those of any other oddities like me, such as my partner :)] just seem to be more specific than "normal". This also doesn't include "effort" - i've been in or observed plenty of situations in which i or some other person have tried to interact with a more "mainstream" group and simply been ignored. As a child that seemed hurtful, but now I'm finally learning to accept being different to a certain degree, so I take it in stride better than I used to. I don't stop trying to interact with people, but I don't let it bother me anymore either if I'm ignored.

I'm not trying to be cynical or negative here. Sometimes it's more hurtful to the self to keep hitting one's head against an unaccepting wall. In the end it becomes more healing and more self-empowering simply to learn to accept the way things are, and be happy with who one is. If I had it all to do over again, I'd still rather be me :) Vive la difference ;)