Posted 9:12 AM by Blah blah

How to Be a Pimp

Sorry Clare, but I just HAD to steal this post from you. (She's a Malaysian girl near New York City, in marine biology):
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My friend is a librarian, and she emailed me this encounter she experienced three months ago. It cracks me up. DO PEOPLE NOT KNOW WHAT LIBRARIES MEAN ANYMORE?! Does nobody read!?!

Big Crusty, Googly Eye Man: Hello sir, can you help me? ["SIR," Clare?]
Me: Sure. What are you looking for?
BCGEM: Well, I am trying to find this book. Its called How to be a Pee-imp. You got that?
Me: Well, (checking database) No. Not anything with that specific title...
BCGEM: Yeah, huh.
Me: Yeah, no. Do you have an author?
BCGEM: No. (big watery fish eyes boring into me) Look, man, I am looking for anything that will, you know, tell me how to be a pee-imp, like in ho-in’ out the womens. Like a how-to manual.
Me: Um, not really. I mean we have books by Iceberg Slim and Donald Goines, they wrote about being pimps and everything.
BCGEM: No, man, I want like a book that shows you everything step-by-step.
Me: Sorry.

BCGEM: Okay. Alright then. (Looking around at the ceiling, scratching dry crusties out of his beard) Where you keep the books about the Pornos?
Me: About Pornography? You mean like the sociological issues surrounding pornography and the various debates and interpretations... or...
BCGEM: What did you just say?
Me: Sorry.
BCGEM: Repeat what you just said.
Me: I don’t know what I just said.
BCGEM: I am trying to get a book that, you know, has shit about actors and actresses and what they do in they movies.
Me: Like a directory?

BCGEM: Okay, look, I’ll tell you. I am trying to get paid for fucking. You got ANYthing that will help me, you know, do that?
Me: I don’t think so, no.
BCGEM: Shit.

Me: Sorry.
BCGEM: All right then, where you all keep the nasty movies?