Posted 11:03 AM by Blah blah

The old "nice guy" debate, twisted

From RBJ, topic: Are We Raising a Generation of Wimps? I was a little irritated at this guy AL who posted it.

What's wrong with being a nice guy? Plenty, according to a local therapist (Seattle Post-Intelligencer). I agree with some of Glover's points, but generally I think he's a dork. What do YOU think of this article?
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Glover surmises that a lot of "Nice Guys" grew up with fathers who were abusive, overcontrolling, alcoholic, distant or just plain absent. Vowing never to be like their fathers, these men overshoot the mark and become ineffectual, emotionally repressed, manipulative and sexually dissatisfied....

Glover steers clients toward an ideal he calls the "integrated male" -- someone with a strong sense of self who acts with integrity, sets clear emotional boundaries and knows how to nurture without caretaking. [What the hell is wrong with guys doing "caretaking"???]...

Take his counsel regarding wifely chitchat, for instance. Glover makes no bones about telling husbands not to listen when their wives run on about "work, family, girlfriends and rude checkout people."

"I don't think men are inclined or even interested to hear about every detail of a woman's day," Glover says. "I'm just encouraging men to listen more selectively so they'll listen more carefully." [What the hell, dude?]

Without blinking, he adds that women may be drawn initially to men who "listen to them for hours and drink coffee with them and never sexualize them." [There's nothing wrong with just being friends at first without thinking sex, dude! That lets women feel more comfortable to be more open!] But in the end, he claims, women "come to despise" them for those very qualities.

His term for such men: "A girlfriend with a penis."
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AL said: "more men are becoming more sensitive & soft like women & more women are becoming dominate & assertive like Men! :-/"

I said: There's nothing wrong with that, dude! It's good that we don't force or expect people to act in their conventional male-female roles any more. It's the 21st century, man!

I don't think it's either you're sensitive OR you are dominant and assertive. I think that idea is simplistic and stupid. Depending on the situation and my mood, I can switch between both ways of behaving. I think this is a sign of MATURITY, of expanding the range of your behavior and becoming a more complex person as you grow up.

My theory: as men grow up and become more mature, they start to add some "female" characteristics to their repertoire (talk better, more patient, better at remembering birthdays, etc). As women become more mature, they naturally add "male" characteristics (get more aggressive, don't worry about politeness as much, ask directly for what they want, etc). We should encourage that as a modern society. This is a sign of a WHOLE person, someone comfortable enough with being a GUY he doesn't mind helping with his daughter's slumber party.

If you are confident with your masculinity, you wouldn't worry so much about people calling you a wimp and deliberately trying to act macho just to please some stupid friends who may talk smack about you.

Sometimes it IS the manly thing to act sensitive and soft. Example: when you have a baby! That will make your woman proud of ya.

AL said: "btw- watch out for Taiwanese church gals!
They are tough & mean! one bench presses mo than me & beat me arm wrestling :-[
( I can beat all the guys)!
Jen likes to hit me in the solar plexus & beats me up !:'(
another like to choke ppl! :'( so violent!
the last 2 r small so maybe it's mo a Small person complex! :P"

I said: Are you serious? What kind of neighborhood do you live in, dude?

What kind of guy do you think you are? Nice guy turned bad boy?