Posted 4:18 PM by Blah blah

I need inspiration. Taking a break...

Have been feeling a lack of inspiration recently. I need to take a break from writing and being online. Personal life maintenance. To reach me, please email or call. Otherwise, see you in a week or so.

This morning, I met the head of the Almaden Research Center at my company. IBM put on a session about mentoring and how employees could find a mentor. I have not really done much to build a mentoring relationship this year, but that is on my to-do list. I want to find two mentors---one in business and one in technology. I want the guidance in my career and the opportunities for working in different disciplines.

Saturday, I spent the whole day with my housemate, trying to install Linux on our server at home. We finally did it, but the video card wasn't compatible with the software and it was a big pain. We are trying to start a small IT consulting "business." No big plans yet. Let's see... Unfortunately, I was forced to miss Amabelle and Felicia's BBQ on the beach in San Francisco for the Bay Area Rice Bowl Journalers. I got the invitation, but I've just been so antisocial lately. Sigh... Enjoy her pics!

Sunday, I went to my accomplished friend Lisa's open house in Palo Alto. She is a surgeon (general, laser, and trauma) and celebrated starting up her private practice. She has two offices---one in Palo Alto and one in Alameda. Met her brother, a lawyer who is applying for a job with the State Department and who wants to work in Africa. She, her family, and friends, and I joked around for at least three hours...they told all these embarrassing stories about Lisa which I can't print, but they were HILARIOUS! Her assistant imitated accents well and gave great impressions. I had such a great time, I felt like I was in the middle of an episode of a WB sitcom (they were all black)! She agreed to come on my political TV show, so I'll be interviewing her in June at our next taping. Lisa has been heavily involved in public health, removing tattooes from inner city youth. She'll be talking about the tattoo removal clinic. She is a very devoted Christian, active in this church in Menlo Park called Abundant Life. She helps run their "dance ministry," meaning she dances with a group on Sundays in public sometimes! She always inspires me and is one of the sweetest people I know.

Her assistant Cheryl is a massage therapist. My arms and wrists have been hurting for a while from typing too much. A couple of years ago, I even went to this acupuncturist for regular treatments for over a month. It temporarily relieved the pain, but I wasn't sure it had much long term benefit. Part of the treatment that I most enjoyed, however, was getting a regular massage. When I told Cheryl that, she told me to sit and started massaging my wrists and working out the knots both there and in my neck. She pressed on the bump of bone just beneath my ear, behind my head. She slowly worked her fingers down my neck. I hadn't realized I missed it so much; it was slow and concentrated. If someone hits the right points, you don't feel like talking any more... Those twenty minutes alone made my visit worthwhile.

Min Jung wrote something on May 19 that resonated with me, especially this:

"The question, now, is whether this site has made me more so than I used to be. A function of either finally growing into my skin (which I would have done anyways as I have grown older) or because I've gotten addicted to the response and interactivity that this site gives me, an audience if you will, that I've become more driven by the attention than I am at furthering my goals in personal self actualization which was the primary exercise in having this site....I'm still not sure but I'm genuinely concerned by this. I do not want to be a fame ho. I do not want to be an attention ho. I don't want to live my life for the amusement of others. I want to live my life for me. Just me. And to use this site as a documentation in my pursuit of becoming a better person than I was yesterday. That was the original thinking behind this site and I've stepped rather far away from it of late."

From the beginning I have kept this site more for you, the readers, than just me. I wanted a place to practice writing, to share the myriad experiences and impressions I have for people who would care about them. As my hits have increased recently (around 100 visitors/day on this page, >200 visitors/day overall), I have cut the amount I reveal about mine or others' personal life. As my high school friends have linked to this site, and Christina's mom has started reading it (umm...ni hao), etc... I have felt more reluctant to share too much. But as someone who loves to write, I enjoy sharing. What a contradiction. I don't write as nakedly as I used to and have been facing more and more outwardly---an entertainer. Yet in private I can be very personal. I have also been asking myself some of MJ's questions lately. Is the work of maintaining this site and interacting with online friends interfering too much with my real life? Is it too much trouble? Why should people thousands of miles away know more about my life than people in my own city?

Some people use their website as a place for their real-life friends to hang out, to catch up on news about them. I've told my close real-life friends about this, but they aren't interested, have no time to read it, or don't understand it (English problems). But I do put personal stuff here, stuff that I would rather that people too close to me don't know or follow on a regular basis. So I don't try to promote my site and thus most of my friends don't come here. Please remind me...what's the point of all this again?

I need a break.