Posted 11:49 AM by Blah blah

From the Rice Bowl Journals discussion boards:
reading your journal...

John says:
Reading DumpyAsian's latest journal entry got me thinking. No... not why the heck am I even reading his journal. Hahaha

Anyway, I'm sure many RBJers have S.O. (wife, gf, etc). Do they know that you have an online journal? If so, how do you feel about them reading your journal? How about people you've dated or just your ex, do they know that you have an online journal? If so, how do you feel about them reading your journal?

I'm bring it up cause someone I was seeing who broke up with me recently told me that she's been reading my journal. I honestly don't care about it. For heaven sake, it's on the internet. If I wanted to keep it private, I won't publish it on the internet. Hahaha. Anyway, how do others feel? Doesn't have to be about your ex.
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I replied:
Leo Tolstoy himself, the writer of War and Peace, lived the worst example of what you are talking about, John. Before he married his much younger wife, Sonya, he required her to read all of his intimate diaries, in which he told about all the shocking, dirty stuff he had done before.

You can imagine it severely hurt his relationship.

Later, as he became more and more of a sex hound and infected with religous zeal that caused him to neglect his family and practical life, he became more and more of a lousy husband. He and his wife both wrote and read each others' diaries. He would write hateful things about his wife in his diary and ask her to read it.

See the story here.

My point is...be careful, guys. I try to avoid all talk of dirty laundry and talking badly about people close to me. I think all of us need self-censorship to get along with those who are most intimate with us (our friends, family, etc.) I don't believe that it's a sign of "love" to tell your S.O. every little nasty thing you think about him or her, in the name of "honesty" or "self-expression." Actually, I think it can be cruel.

We need a buffer, an internal editor, to keep our mouths shut until we calm down and can work out our feelings. We need to talk to each other nicely. That's why some space and time alone helps a relationship. The problem with using the Internet to vent all your frustrations, no matter what, is that you have no more safety net.

Jocelyn and Danny, I'm glad you guys have some kind of understanding already and can tolerate some "honesty" in each other's journals. But for most people, I'd say tell your close friend or keep it in the bedroom!
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How do YOU flirt with someone?

(I started this topic.) I added:
It's interesting how some of the people who are not single think that they don't need to flirt any more. As Terry and Julie say, you do keep flirting, but the style changes, no?

By "flirting," I don't only mean "with strangers."

My question, Jocelyn, is how do you show someone (like Danny) you like him? Even on this message board, you guys keep joking around with each other, and I consider that "flirting." You are so good with each other you don't even notice it!

Plus, if you stopped some of those little things you do (like "nibbling on the ears" or changing your excited tone in your voice on the phone), wouldn't that hurt your relationship over time? Wouldn't it make it more boring?

To all of you who think you don't need to flirt...I disagree. We do it naturally, with our family, customers, coworkers, teachers, etc... it's harmless and just spices up your day. Babies are flirting with you all the time. It's a survival skill!