Posted 10:32 PM by Blah blah

I still feel in an emotional and physical slump, but better. Was on the phone with my friend Jan. It has been several months since we last talked, and she noticed something about my voice. "You sound very tired," she said. "Not like before. Before you sounded like you were full of possibility, like you were a kid. Now you sound like you lost your energy. What's wrong?"

I hate it when that happens, but that's how I've been feeling for the last few weeks. Listlessness. Lethargy. Ennui. The sun is yellow and bright outside. The weather is cheerily warm and I can hear the kids splashing in the pool near my house. Damn this feeling of depression. It's like I have to play mental games with myself. I must distract my self-absorption. I must not care how my body feels. Just go. Produce.

Christine told me once that she was "tired of always being the cheerleader," of being the monkey-grinder entertaining and listening to everyone else. That's how I feel now. I am good at cheering up people, but when I feel empty, I need renewal from people like you. It's good to have friends who are willing to inspire me, who can face life with a laugh, as I usually do. Thanks, friend.