Posted 4:55 PM by Blah blah

Blind Dates

They've started a new topic on Rice Bowl Journals: Blind Dates. Here's my answer:

Blind dates, for the most part, suck. Yes...adventurous me...I've gone on a few of them. You would think people know you well enough to either pick well for you or to excuse themselves from the process, but that has rarely been true for me.

I absolutely hate those dates where you know within the first few minutes that you have barely anything in common and will be bored to death, but you still have to go through the motions and try to keep from drooling when your jaw falls asleep and your mouth hangs open. (That doesn't actually happen to me. I'm still under 65. ;D) At least keep me guessing! Let me find out we have nothing in common at the END of the date!

A classically bad date:

ONCE UPON A TIME, I took this girl to a French restaurant. It wasn't totally blind because I knew her briefly ahead of time. Beforehand, I knew that she did not like three things: a) seafood, b) dogs, and c) the cold.

When we got there, the place was packed, so most newcomers were waiting outside, in the cold evening. I tried to squeeze her inside instead. Entering the room, immediately to our right, we found a huge---dog---lying on the floor with upturned eyes. This girl literally wilted before the dog. She collapsed her body in hysteria and slunk towards the wall, petrified. Now, standing between her and this dog, I looked helplessly at the kitchen. The manager saw us waiting and beamed at us. "Monsieur," he said, "I apologize for the wait. Why don't you have one of our delicious plates of...seafood in the meantime!"

"AAAAHHH!" I thought.

We finally got a table and she ordered steak. She did not like the steak and just picked at it. When I had finished eating, she had only finished a fourth of it and was making a face. In the meantime, I tried to practice my French with the waiter. She refused to even try speaking a word, killing the atmosphere. We lived happily separate ever after.

THE END.