Posted 10:24 AM by Blah blah

Harvey, James Stewart, and the Need for Faith

I just saw the classic James Stewart movie Harvey (1950) last night. It's a comedy about a 40 year old man, in the "cute-cute" Stewart style, who believes his best friend is an over 6 foot tall white rabbit named Harvey. No one else can see it (at first). I loved this movie. The writer, Mary Chase, wrote it originally to cheer up her neighbor, who had lost her son in World War II. Stewart is oh so sweet in this film, charming, courteous, and dreamy. Such a gentleman. In the midst of people burdened with the troubles of the world, backbiting, suspicious, and anxious, comes Elwood P. Dowd (Stewart's character), a man of blind faith in an invisible rabbit.



What's fascinating is how Dowd's unshakable faith in his friend spreads into his faith in the unhappy people around him. His strong faith in the goodness of others gradually transforms whomever he meets. At the end, other people begin to see, or wish they could see, Harvey!

Peggy Dow, who plays the gentle nurse ignored by the man whom she cares about, is a breathtaking vision of beauty and light here. (Another photo of her.) She's like Donna Reed in Stewart's more famous classic, It's a Wonderful Life. An ideal wife type. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. Watching her was like falling in love. Too bad she left Hollywood after only two years, to marry a rich Oklahoma oil man.



You know, while everyone else was watching Top Gun, Indiana Jones, and Nightmare on Elm Street in the 1980s, I grew up watching these charming black and white films. Cary Grant. Katharine Hepburn. James Stewart. Spencer Tracy. Ingrid Bergman. These were my screen idols as a kid and teenager. (Learn more about the classic movies at Reel Classics.)

I seriously learned values from watching these movies. Honesty. Courtesy. Wit. The way people lived was kind of my ideal vision of America and American values. When I have children, I'll definitely introduce these wonderful, positive films to them. They teach you unforgettable lessons, and I sometimes turn to them when I feel down. You should do the same, both for yourselves AND your children!

This movie relates to what Heather said below about a relationship being like a church. Trust and faith are THE foundation of every good, healthy relationship. Harvey shows the transformative power of sincere faith in someone. Every good relationship, whether at home or in business, must take this blind leap of faith. That's the true way we show love. Even as an agnostic and ex-Christian, I strongly strongly believe that.

Posted 10:23 AM by Blah blah

A Relationship is Like a Church

One of my best friends, a Korean guy named Jae, just called me last night from Seoul. He'll be coming here for a while and I'm picking him up from the San Francisco airport this morning. Yeah baby!

By Heather of Rabbit Blog. Heather writes for Salon.com and has one of the most amusing and insightful blogs I've ever seen. I think she's very wise:

Dear Rabbit Face,
What do you do when you are having troubles in your relationship? When you are both funny and cynical and smart, but it's been six years together and you are no longer certain about anything anymore? Is monogamy for real? I mean I know it isn't for rabbits, but what about humans?
Confused in Cali

Dear Confused,

I think relationships should be built slowly, starting with a friendship and trust at the foundation, good sex on the first floor, good friends and family on the second floor, intimacy and communication and other frills on the third floor, and extremely tasty food served throughout the structure, Monday through Saturday, with Sundays reserved for a big breakfasts out on the town (but not at one of those rock 'n roll hipster breakfast joints where the wait is too long and the music is too loud and the food isn't very good) and Thai delivery for dinner, eaten on the couch while watching the Sopranos.

So you've lived in your relationship for six years. Have you redecorated at all? Built any additions? Or do you not have the disposable income and extra energy for that? Is it a struggle just to pay the bills? Just to keep the toilet from backing up, just to herd the dustbunnies, and knock down the spiders' webs?

If all you have left is maintenance and high gas bills, it's no wonder you want to move out. Maybe you need to cancel cable and use the money you saved to paint a room red. To keep things from sinking irretrievably into the land of the stale and the dead, you have to take some bold steps, be honest, shake up the status quo. Maybe you need to rip out the hedges in back and put in a pool. Maybe you need to turn the garage into a disco.

Lately I've been thinking that the structure of a relationship is less like a house and more like a church. You can use your relationship in a functional way: It keeps me warm. It's comfortable. I always know that I can come back to it. But those things are easy to take for granted after a while: I'm tired of this fucking house. I want a house with a bigger back yard, with bigger bedrooms, with more bathrooms. I want a house with great big tits.

But if your relationship is a church, it serves more than just a practical function. You turn to it not just to get your practical needs met, but to give and receive ideas, emotions, and beliefs. Together, you and your partner create a vision of what you want from your lives, and you discuss your ideals about what two people might be able to give to each other, in the best of all possible worlds. A house is practical and comfortable, but a church is a place where ideals don't feel awkward and out of place.

Part of being a good couple, I think, is refusing to be embarrassed in front of your partner, or to allow your partner to feel ashamed of who they are. To make sure that you don't slide into some chasm of untruthfulness and hiding from each other, I think it's a good habit to embarrass yourself and push the limits of self-expression, in moderate doses, every day. I'm not talking about farting in the bed here. You'll do that regardless. I'm talking about making the guy read a poem you wrote, or making that woman listen to a song that you loved in 7th grade, and then telling her why you loved it. If two people are going to feel good about themselves within a relationship, they need to feel that they can show their true selves to their partner and be met with love and acceptance. It's amazing how self-conscious and judgmental a relationship can become, if both partners are prone to falling back into their own alienated little self-protective shells.

In short, monogamy is for real if you believe it is. But to build your faith, you have to be selfless, focused, and trusting. You have to lead by example---you can't just preach or be a martyr about everything. You have to feel genuinely grateful for the other person, and you have to express that gratefulness every day. You have to sincerely want to make the other person happy, without fear that they'll take advantage of you or take you for granted.

Like I said, it's an idealistic venture. But if you can somehow manage to embrace the same ideals together, you'll have a relationship that feels like a living thing, not some emptied out memory of the good time you had back when you were in love.

Best of luck,

Rabbit
______________________
Dear Rabbit
I recently read your post comparing a relationship to a church. I found it interesting. However, I have a slight problem with it. It's all fine and dandy for a Christian, but do you have a good metaphor for an Atheist? I mean church metaphors don't really fly with Atheists.
Godless in Seattle

Dear Godless,

Who are you calling a Christian?

I'm doubtful about the existence of God, but that doesn't mean that discussing relationships in terms of leaps of faith and shared beliefs makes me feel all dirty inside.

Still, let's see if I can come up with a good metaphor for a relationship between atheists who are offended by church metaphors. How about... your relationship is like a windowless cell in a high-security prison, where you can't see or hear your fellow inmates, can't even imagine what they might be going through, and why would you bother, really, since it would just be speculation? The guards who work at the prison are always out of sight, but by the sound of their voices alone, you know that they're colorless subhuman clones with no verbal or physical ticks, no charming anecdotes or rich personal histories to share, and no interest in you. You could speculate what it might be like to live as a colorless subhuman clone, but wouldn't that just be a waste of time?

Every now and then a plate of nondescript food comes sliding under the bars of your cell. You're not sure which meal it is because you don't know what time of day it is, and what would it matter either way? The food is tasteless and textureless. You find it interesting.

Less holy than thou,

Rabbit

Posted 3:30 PM by Blah blah

More Charlie Rose

Had a really enjoyable Thanksgiving dinner last night, at my grandma's house. Spent my first significant time ever meeting and playing with my aunt's new baby, Nathaniel. He's eight months old. What a cutie!

This morning, I met my friends Atsuko and William, after a long absence. Went to DeAnza College and played tennis with them and William's old roommate from Berkeley, Tony. Had lunch. I'd forgotten how much I missed their company. Feel great now!

I'm gonna promote The Charlie Rose Show once again. I plugged it here back in February. If you want to hear substantial conversation, seek no more. Charlie Rose is THE best interview show on television, PERIOD. No one else has the quality of the world's movers and shakers that Charlie brings to the table. This man sports an astonishing breadth of connections and friends. No one else better charms them to spill their guts through personal friendship, a Southern gentility and courtesy, a childlike curiosity, and a wry sense of humor. Charlie's biography. He graduated from Duke University Law School.

The great thing about his website is that he posts COMPLETE interviews in RealPlayer, with some of the most famous of his guests. Here's a list of some of Charlie's recent guests. Go listen!

New York, November 21, 2002
Washington Post's Bob Woodward

New York, November 20, 2002
Strobe Talbott on NATO, Russia

New York, November 20, 2002
Author/Comedian Bill Maher

New York, November 19, 2002
Former Vice Pres. Gore and Wife

New York, November 18, 2002
Andrea Bocelli and Lorin Maazel

New York, November 18, 2002
Historian Robert Dallek on JFK

New York, November 15, 2002
Film Director Chris Columbus

New York, November 15, 2002
New York Times' Thomas Friedman

New York, November 14, 2002
Singer/Songwriter Mick Jagger

New York, November 13, 2002
Actor Kevin Spacey

New York, November 13, 2002
Senator John Edwards

New York, November 13, 2002
Treasury Sec. Paul O'Neill

New York, November 12, 2002
Former IBM CEO Louis Gerstner

New York, November 11, 2002
Johns Hopkins' Ajami on Iraq

New York, November 11, 2002
Actress Julianne Moore

New York, November 8, 2002
NBC News Anchor Tom Brokaw

New York, November 8, 2002
France, U.K. Ambassadors to UN

New York, November 6, 2002
Cast of `The Grey Zone'

New York, November 7, 2002
Journalists on Election Results

New York, November 7, 2002
Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates

New York, November 6, 2002
Journalist Chris Hedges on War

New York, November 5, 2002
Edsel Ford II

New York, November 4, 2002
Actress/Singer Carol Channing

New York, November 1, 2002
Germany's Fischer on Iraq, U.S.

New York, October 31, 2002
Filmmaker Alexandra Pelosi

New York, October 31, 2002
UN Arms Inspector Hans Blix

New York, October 30, 2002
Author Jonathan Franzen

New York, October 30, 2002
Actress Salma Hayek on `Frida'

Posted 7:23 AM by Blah blah

Venture Capitalist View

Khosla ventures some opinions (San Jose Mercury News):

Vinod Khosla of Kleiner Perkins Caufield & Byers is by most accounts the most successful venture capitalist of the late 1990s. He hit grand slams by backing companies like Juniper, now a public company, and Cerent and Siara Systems, which in 1999 were sold for $11.2 billion in total....He says:

As a philosophy, I'll challenge CEOs and push them hard to think about the issues. But I won't vote against them or force them to do something. Never have in 16 years, not once. If you consistently disagree with a management team, and feel the need to vote against them, then you should change the management team. That's the only decision a board should make in managing a company. Boards should push management teams, ask the hard questions, make them face tough decisions.

In the end, though, the board should back decisions management has made. After the board told Warren we did not have confidence in him and had to find a new CEO (in November 2000), he stayed on for the transition.

When Jagdeep Singh wanted to sell Lightera Networks to Ciena, I signed the paperwork. Then I said: ``Let me start arguing with you about why you shouldn't sell.'' He sold Lightera against my wishes, but I supported him. Three months later, he came back and said: ``You were right.'' That's a very typical style for me. I'll support you in the end, no matter what decision you make, but give me a right to argue with you.

People have suggested that I should go on to new opportunities. But I'm proud of the fact that I work on things even when the chips are down. Juniper made a huge return, but it wasn't a lot of work. Two of the investments that I'm most proud of were Concentric and NexGen. At Concentric, we had so many close calls, we faced bankruptcy. Other investors abandoned it.

I kept working on it and it paid off. At NexGen, CEO Atiq Raza will say that we were the only major investor who supported him when others abandoned him. We were a minority investor. Then we became a majority investor. So when Advanced Micro Devices bought NexGen, they gave us 27 to 28 percent of their stock. The deal saved AMD. I'm proud of it.

Posted 11:00 AM by Blah blah

Whose Line is it Anyway?

This improvisational comedy show is, to me, THE funniest show on TV. It started in Britain and played for several years before coming to the America, where it's now hosted by Drew Carey. Here's one entire show from its transcript archive:

Episode #219

Drew: Good evening and welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway? On tonight's show...please don't squeeze the Greg Proops! [Grep hosted the hilarious dating show Rendez-View. Its website is gone, which seems to tell me "cancellation." :( ] That's funny, he never has a second cup...Wayne Brady. You're soaking in it! Colin Mochrie! And, my bologna has a first name, it's Ryan Stiles! I'm your host Drew Carey, come on down let's have some fun!
Hello, hello! Hey...welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway?, the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right, just like union solidarity to a major league umpire. The points don't matter. Ha ha ha ha.

Uh, if you never saw the show before, what happens is, uh, these guys are gonna come down, they're gonna make up everything you see right off the top of their heads, and then we award them points. I don't know why, the points don't matter. They're like vows at a celebrity wedding, they just don't matter. And uh...(laughs) And then uh, we announce a winner. And then the winner gets to do a little something special, and the loser has to shave the cat. Uhh...so I wouldn't be that good if I was you. Heh heh heh.
Uh, let's get the show started with a game called Weird Newscasters. This is for all four of you. Greg, you're gonna be the anchor of a news program. And everybody else is gonna help ya out. Colin, you're the co-anchor. You're way too open about your personal problems.
(Wayne laughs)
Drew: Oh, and it says here you're way too open about your personal problems. Isn't that a coincidence?
(Greg smiles at Colin and nudges Colin with his shoulder)
Drew: Uh, Wayne, you're gonna be doin' the sports. You are an overzealous woman at a church revival meeting. And, Ryan, you're doin' the weather, and you're an ag-heh heh heh. You're an aggressive barfly being repeatedly ejected from a bar. So...you're me. So whenever you hear the music go ahead and start the news, Greg.
(Weird Newscasters music plays)
Greg: Good evening. I'm Alarmingly Huge. And this is the action news. Nationwide law enforcement officials honor the Los Angeles Police Department with a congeniality award. And Arizona changes its state motto to "Damn, it's hot." Colin?
Colin: You know, recently I've gained five pounds. Do you think it's because I'm a cannibal? I don't...ohhh, the boil. (pretends to touch his bum)
Greg: Speaking of...round objects, let's throw it over to Wayne at the sports desk, Wayne.
Wayne: Whoo! Sports! You better play some sports! Look at...(slaps his knees) That's right, like it says, first Ephesians, John eighteen through Zebekiah 29, he who runs the ball, catches the ball, it's good, amen touchdown! Yes! That's what I said! That's what I said! (does a dance) Whoo! Whoo!
Colin: (to Greg) How come you never call anymore?
Wayne: 'Cause you're the devil. (speaks in tongues)
Greg: Now, Colin, it's time to throw it over to the weather desk, because we've got a big holiday weekend coming up. What's on store for us, Ryan?
Ryan: (drunkenly) Thank you Greg. Well, let's have a look at the weather in the weekend. It's gonna be awful, it's gonna be rainin' all weekend. But I can make it sunny for one more drink. I'm just askin' for one more drink, that's all I'm askin' for. (takes an imaginary cigarette out of his shirt pocket and puts it in his mouth) We got clouds rollin' in on Sunday...(is about to light an imaginary match) Oh, I can't smoke in here, is that what you're sayin'? I can't-I hope I have the right suggestion, I've totally forgotten. (smokes the cigarette, gets picked up by the shoulder) Hey! Let go of me! Hey, what are ya doin'? Hey! (is slammed against something) (as a sound effect) Kink! There's a board there! Kink! Hey, what the? Kink! Hey, I can't-Kink! Hey, why don't ya-Kink! Oh, I'm gonna faint now, I can't...(keels over face first) I can't remember my (laughing) sugges-tion.
(Drew gets out of his seat and walks over to Ryan with one of the cue cards. He taps Ryan on the head and shows the card. Ryan reads it. Ryan stands back up.)
Ryan: Oh, you're kickin' me out, are ya? Oh, you're kickin' me out, are ya? Why, you b - oh, you're kickin' me out, are ya? (gets carried behind the stage. A short moment later he walks back onto the stage.) Oh, I'm not leavin' that easy! Oh, I'm not goin' that - (gets picked up again) oh! Okay! Hey, are you repeatedly kickin' me outta here? Stop that! (leaves again) Oh, I'll be back, oh yeah. Taxi!
Greg: Well, thank you for that....report, Ryan. Well, I guess we'll eighty-six the clouds and ask for some sunshine, eh, Col?
Wayne: (clapping and dancing) Just ask! Whoo!
Greg: And, uh...
Colin: Sunshine makes me break out in blisters.
Greg: Sure.
Colin: Big ones, like about this...
Greg: (annoyed) Enough! That's...
Ryan: Oh, I'll get back to ya.
Greg: ...all the...
Ryan: (poking his hand out from behind a fixture on at the back of the stage) I see the...
(Weird Newscasters music plays)
Ryan: Oh, I'll get back...
Greg: Good night, Ryan.
Drew: (buzz) I'll give a thousand points to the quick witted-quick, quick-thinking stagehand, that ran across to help Ryan out.
Ryan: (to the other cast) Who was it? Wasn't it Drew? Oh.
Drew: Have a little of this. (takes a drink from his mug) Heh heh. How come Drew can't read the cards? I dunno.
Ryan: Heh heh heh heh.
Drew: Okay, let's go on to a game called Questionable Impressions. This is for all four of you. I love this game. Questionable Impressions. Greg and Wayne, you're gonna start a scene, but in addition to speaking only in questions, they must also do a different impression every time they come on, (to Colin) even if they can't do impressions, really.
(Colin looks around)
Drew: What I need from the audience is a place where there's a sense of urgency.
(audience shouts suggestions)
Drew: Bus stop. I guess there could be a sense of urgency at a bus stop. Now, if you fail to ask a question, or if the impression is really bad, I'll buzz 'em out, (buzz) and next person can take their place.
(the cast laughs)
Wayne: This'll be quick.
Ryan: Get ready on that buzzer, buddy.
Drew: Yeah. (laughs) So, uh, whenever you're ready, you're at a bus stop. Questionable Impressions.
Wayne: (as Fat Albert) Hey, hey, hey. Where's the bus today?
Greg: (as Daffy Duck) Hold on a minute! Do you know what time the bus stops, buster?
Wayne: Why'd you spit on me?
Greg: What's the matter? (in Wayne's face) Can't stand a little spit? (starts to jump around crazily and goes behind Wayne) Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Wayne: Who the hell are you?
Greg: The question is, who are you?
Wayne: I'm Fat Albert.
(Drew buzzes. Greg watches Wayne leave to the left as Ryan enters from the right)
Greg: (turns around quickly) Trying to sneak up behind me, eh?
Ryan: (as Katherine Hepburn) You wouldn't have an extra transfer I could borrow, would you?
Greg: What do I look like, lady, a driver? I'm a duck!
Ryan: (looks up) Does it feel like it's starting to rain to you?
Greg: (laughs, gives up)
(Drew buzzes. Colin enters.)
Colin: (as Rocky Balboa) Hey, where's the bus?
Ryan: Aren't you the bus driver?
Colin: Why would I be driving a bus, yo? (mimes hitting a punching bag)
Ryan: Well, then why are you wearing a bus driver's outfit?
(Colin shrugs and laughs. Drew buzzes, and Greg replaces Colin. Greg gets on his knees and holds his hands on his head as if his thumbs are his ears)
Greg: (as Yoda) Waiting, you are?
Ryan: Well, aren't you just the cutest little thing I've ever seen?
Greg: Teach you? Will you like to learn?
Ryan: (laughing) Oh, god.
(Wayne replaces Ryan. Wayne walks slinkily to Greg)
Wayne: (as Jar-Jar Binks) Oh, you wait for bus tooo? (uses his hands as floppy ears)
Greg: (trying not to laugh) Y-heh...y-heh...from-from...
Drew: (buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz) Thank you very much. That was a great-that was a great Jar-Jar Binks. We'll be donating ten thousand points in Wayne Brady's name to the NAACP.
(Wayne lowers his head in shame and holds his fist forward)
Drew: Heh heh. That's right, man. It's time we made-
Wayne: I make my people proud!
Drew: It's time we made a stand!
Now let's go on to a game called Scenes From a Hat. This is for all four of you. Greg and Wayne, go to one spot, Ryan and Colin, go to the other. Before the show, we asked the audience to write down different scenes they'd like to see, acted out by the performers. And we take the best ones, and we put 'em in this hat. And I'm gonna read them out, see how many the performers can act out. Let's start with "disconcerting tattoos to find on your girlfriend."
Wayne: Jeffrey lives here? What...?!
Ryan: Come out of there you crazy rabbit?
Greg: What? (reads it upside down) Oh...'this side up.
Drew: (buzz)
Colin: Am I doing all right? Call 555...(confused look)
Drew: (buzz) Unlikely cowboy songs.
Ryan: Things are great in the city! The city! The city! The city!
Drew: (buzz)
Greg: (playing the guitar/banjo?) Well, ma' woman stayed true, and I'm sober.
Ryan: (playing the guitar/banjo?) Oh, I've been on the range for forty-five days, and the cow's lookin' good to meee...
Drew: Unlikely.
Ryan: (raising his voice) to meee!
Drew: (buzz) Unlikely cowboy songs.
Ryan: (lower) to meee...
Drew: (buzz buzz) Unlikely cowboy songs.
Wayne: (playing the guitar/banjo?) Oh, I can't wait, to go to Harlem, I can't wait, no not at all! (throws his hat into the air) Yee-hee!
Drew: (buzz) The worst thing to find in your parachute pack.
Greg: (jumps off of the step, pulls the cord. He looks up with confusion) Miniature Snickers?
Drew: (buzz)
(Colin pulls the cord. A book comes out of the parachute, Colin reads from it.)
Colin: What to do when your parachute doesn't open...
Drew: (buzz) All right. Things you shouldn't do after heavy drinking.
Wayne: I love you...(points to his wedding ring)
Drew: (buzz)
Greg: (Hebrew accent) Now, vere's this boy ve're gonna circumcise?
Drew: (buzz)
Ryan: This is your captain speaking...
Drew: (buzz)
Colin: (reads from a card, tiredly) The points don't matter...
Drew: (drinks from his mug) Questions you'd like to ask a Miss American contestant.
Ryan: Excuse me! Can I get some of that?
Drew: (buzz buzz buzz) We'll be right back with more Whose Line is it Anyway?, don't go anywhere, we'll be right back.

(commercial break)

Drew: Welcome back to Whose Line is it Anyway?, the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right...Whose Line is it Anyway?, the show that Hillary Clinton wants to host next year, even though she's never seen it.
(Wayne and Ryan clap)
Drew: Uh, now let's go on to a game called Whose Line. Believe it or not, we have a game called Whose Line, here on Whose Line. Uh, this is for Colin and Ryan. And, in this game, our audience, uh, before the show, we asked out audience to write down random lines...here's Ryan's...
Ryan: Thank you.
Drew: And here's Colin's. Put those in your pocket. They've never seen 'em before, and they have to use those lines during the scene. Uh, you're gonna be acting out a scene from Braveheart. The night before the crucial battle with the English, William Wallace, who is Colin, and his fellow warrior Ryan, realize that they're vastly outnumbered.
Colin: (thick Scottish accent) Och, we're vastly outnumbered! Ach! (Spit falls from Colin's mouth. He wipes his mouth. Colin lifts up his kilt and flashes the enemy.) Och, that didn't a-seem to sway them.
Ryan: I'm a bit worried. I know I took the oath of the Whatever-We-Are's. Unfortunately I'm Dutch. And we Dutch have a saying back in Holland. And that saying is, "I did not have sexual relations with that woman!"
Colin: Och, we've got to come up with a plan. Or we will-our heads will be cut off and put on a pike and they'll ride through and go, "look, I got a head on a pike!" And I cannot have that!
Ryan: Oh, they're gonna take your freedom, and you know it.
Colin: Oh, they cannot take my freedom, but they can take me haggis. 'Cause I didn't like it much ever-never-never. (wipes lips) Okay.
Ryan: (steps back from Colin) I'm gonna stand over here, if you don't mind.
Colin: Wait, I'm starting to remember what my father told me.
Ryan: Your dear old daddy?
Colin: Do I sound a wee bit like a pirate?
Ryan: Aye, you do. (makes bagpipes sounds) Reeee...reeee...reeee...
Colin: Aye...I'll-I'll sing it then, I'll sing the advice me father gave me.
Ryan: Reeee, a-ree-a-ree-aree-a-ree
Colin: "I am woman, hear me roar."
Ryan: Oh.
Colin: Och, ah...
Ryan: Well...that seemed awful appropriate, didn't it?
Colin: Och, well uh...well, he wore the kilt, you know, I kept thinkin', oh, he looks a w-a wittle bit wike a woman.
Ryan: So you're a woman is what you're telling me?
Colin: No! Och! No, look! (raises his kilt, drops it, then raises it again) Och! I am a woman!
Ryan: You are a woman! Have you not noticed?
Colin: No, I've been too busy shoutin'.
Ryan: Ah, there's nothing wrong with bein' a woman. My mother was the greatest woman (chuckling) that ever lived.
Colin: Aye.
Ryan: She'd wake me up in the morning, she'd said, "wee, Charlie..."
Colin: Oh, you're Irish now.
Ryan: (chuckling) Yes. We moved a lot when I was a child.
Colin: Aye.
Ryan: My father was a military man. She'd say, "aye, boy, get up, it's a new day, and...'my friends all call me Mister Tuggy.'" She was a bit off at the time.
Colin: Aye, I guess so. Och, I've got a plan.
Ryan: Aye.
Colin: There's two of us...
Ryan: One, two, aye, right.
Colin: And ten thousand of them.
Ryan: Right.
Colin: So we'll confuse 'em.
Ryan: You're doing a good job on me!
Colin: We'll run straight through them, shouting our battle cry, and they'll be so a-feared at us with their eyes a-blazin' and their legs a-pumpin', they'll run for cover.
Ryan: Aye, suddenly, I've forgotten the cry.
Colin: How can you forget the cry?
Ryan: I've forgotten it.
Colin: It goes like this..."I see Paris, I see France, I see someone's underpants."
Ryan: I see Paris! (runs and lifts his kilt)
Colin: I see France! (copies Ryan)
Ryan & Colin: I see someone's underpants!
Drew: (buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz) That'll be a thousand points and an apology to everybody watching this from Scotland.
Ryan: Master of dialects.
Drew: Impressions, dialects, you guys do it all.
Ryan: Whatever.
Drew: Let's go on to a game called Three-Headed Broadway Star. This is for Wayne, Ryan, and Colin. They're gonna be helped out by Laura Hall and Linda Taylor. Laura Hall and Linda Taylor. What they're gonna do is, they're gonna pretend to be a strange three-headed Broadway star, and what happens, they have to make up a Broadway song, one word at a time, and what we need from the audience is the name of an unlikely Broadway musical.
(audience shouts suggestions)
Drew: Trashmen. Trashmen, the Broadway musical. And, uh, what would be the name of the hit love song from Trashmen the musical?
(audience shouts suggestions)
Drew: They Threw It Away. The hit love song from Trashmen the musical. Go ahead. One word at a time.
(love song starts)
Wayne: Where
Ryan: are
Colin: the
Wayne: trash
Ryan: men?
Colin: Huh?
Wayne: Where
Ryan: are
Colin: the
Wayne: guys
Ryan: who
Colin: pick
Wayne: up
Ryan: all
Colin: the
Wayne: trash
Ryan: that
Colin: you
Wayne: throw
Ryan: awaaay...
Colin: My
Wayne: mother
Ryan: never
Colin: called
Wayne: me
Ryan: a
Colin: good
Wayne: son.
Ryan: She
Colin: called
Wayne: me
Ryan: a
Colin: bad
Wayne: son.
Ryan: She
Colin: chastised
Wayne: me
Ryan: in
Colin: the
Wayne: most
Ryan: un-us-u-al...
Colin: (high voice) wa-aay.
Wayne: They
Ryan: I
Colin: called
Wayne: you
Ryan: almost
Colin: free.
Wayne: Throw
Ryan: my
Colin: refuse
Wayne: a
Ryan: little
Colin: higher.
Wayne: Throw
Ryan: my
Colin: refuse
Wayne: fartherrr
Ryan: than
Colin: you
(music slows down)
Wayne: ever
Ryan: imagined
Colin: possible.
Wayne: Throw
Ryan: my
Colin: heart
Wayne: a-waaaaaay.
(Wayne, Ryan, and Colin hug each other as the music ends)
Drew: All right. We'll be right back with more Whose Line, find out who the winner is, don't go away!

(commercial break)

Drew: Welcome back to Whose Line is it Anyway? The winner tonight, Wayne Brady. Wayne Brady's the winner. And, uh, what we're gonna do tonight, since we lost, we're gonna do a Hoedown for ya, with the help of Laura Hall on the piano. So what we need from the audience, we need a suggestion of a-a stage of life that causes you anxiety.
(audience shouts suggestions)
Drew: Puberty, Let's do the puberty hoedown. Laura Hall, whenever you're ready, take it away.
Greg: (screechy teenager voice) My voice was high and screechy, my hair was lank and freaky
I walked around the school feeling full-on totally geeky
But the thing I hate most, when I went to the dance
Was getting dragged across the lawn, in my underpants
Drew: Well, I hated high school, I did not have a ball
I just hated, walking through the hall
I hated going to every class
'Cause the pimples on my face. But now they're on my ass!
Colin: The hardest time of my life, was going through puberty
It seemed like everything around, just excited me
Now listen to me now, this isn't one of my rants
When you go through puberty, do not wear sweat pants
Ryan: I didn't handle the puberty thing too well
In fact for me, it was like going to hell
And it was kind of 'barrassing, if the truth be told
'Cause when I went through it, I was forty-two years old.
All: Forty-two years oooold!
Ryan: (over the audience) I'm only forty now.
Drew: Hey! We'll be right back with more Whose Line! Don't go anywhere! Stay right where you are.

(commercial break)

Drew: Hey! Welcome back to Whose Line is it Anyway? We're gonna end the show tonight with, uh, Greg and Wayne readin' the credits. You guys are gonna read the credits as two obnoxious cat-calling construction workers. Good night everybody. Thanks for watchin', see ya next time.
Wayne: (using a jackhammer) Hey...
Greg: Hey...hey, Dan Patterson, look at those.
Wayne: Hey Dan! Hey, Ryan Stiles, whoo-hoo! (tweaks his nipples)
Greg: Jimmy Mulville right here. (gestures to his crotch) Right here.
Wayne: Tom Park, you want some of this over here?
Greg: Park this, huh?
Greg & Wayne: Wayne Brady! (high-five each other)
(Colin and Ryan stand up from their seats and yell something at Greg and Wayne. Ryan start using a jackhammer.)
Wayne: (to Ryan and Colin) Hey, come on over here, hey.
Greg: (mumbles something) Whoa! Whoooa...(shows his butt to Ryan and Colin)
Wayne: How do you like this? Hey, Melinda Cote. Alison Sideris.
Greg: Like it like that, huh? John O' Brien.
(Wayne tries to talk while using the jackhammer, but it vibrates his words)
Greg: I got your Sherrie Lucas right here.

Posted 9:13 AM by Blah blah

All Writers Are Born

From a set of talks between students and Rod Serling, creator of The Twilight Zone and one of my favorite TV writers of all time. UPN just debuted a new version of The Twilight Zone on September 18.

Serling:

All writers are born, they are never made. The talent to recreate in language, the experience of life is, has to be God-given. On the other hand, we can sharpen the wit of a writer, we can point out style to him. We can use the criteria that is age-old, 3,000 years of theater, that he can utilize to make a judgment on the value of his own work. We can show him what can move people, what can move human beings. He can go to see a play of Diary of Anne Frank and that's Lesson 1 in the long facet of the human emotion. This kind of thing with this kind of heart and simplicity will move people. And that's a lesson. That's a great educative experience for him. This is not to say he must go out and write a story about a doomed child in an attic, but the level of emotion that he can learn from that film is quite an experience for him. But when you pose the age-old question, Art, "Can I learn to write? Can I be taught to be creative? Can I be taught further to analyze and dissect, and observe (because observation is key---this is paramount in the writer/the creator: to observe life)?" No. But you can say, "Those are where your eyes are." And you can say, "Use those eyes in that ghetto over there." Or you can say, "Take that typewriter and take it up to your room and spew it out, that gut-level feeling that you have." You can show him how that's done. You can teach them a sense of timing, a sense of discipline---which is paramount to the writer---you must be the most self-disciplined beast walking the earth. I don't think there's anything on earth as difficult as writing.

Posted 10:57 AM by Blah blah

Linked by MSNBC

I've been getting a bunch of hits from MSNBC. Hey, they linked my old cooking blog! Rest assured, I still cook every week but don't write about it. Just last night I was starving and whipped up some apple pancakes. No matter how weird my food looks after I'm done, I always like the taste of my food. It helps that I'm easily satisfied that way. Hehe...

Here I am on MSNBC, under "Best of Food Blogs." Speaking of food, I'll be at grandma's house tomorrow night with my family. We make traditional American Thanksgiving stuff (the turkey, homemade cranberry sauce and homemade mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie) PLUS Chinese food (rice noodles with beef, almond jelly dessert, etc.)

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE! Thank you for taking the time to say hi to me. If you haven't yet, please do!

Posted 10:19 AM by Blah blah

A Western View of Dating "Chinese" Chinese (Part 4)

Points I would make more fully if I had time. I want to balance what has been said:

1. ABC guys dating those women from Asia, or guys who prefer those types of women, are NOT all doing so because of sexism, lack of confidence, or racial prejudice. For me, I like their looks, greater femininity, and sweetness. You who know me know that I LIKE women and try to support them as much as possible. I'M usually the one encouraging them to learn more, grow more, and gain more independence. "Strong" women DON'T intimidate me. But then I don't want to date "masculine," Type A women who can only spare five minutes/week in their Day Planners for me, either!

2. The native Chinese guys are NOT all looking for the "shrinking lotus blossom." Some of my good friends were native from Taiwan and China, and they also appreciated and sought more outspoken, assertive women. Christine makes valid points here, though.

3. The "strong, independent, Westernized woman" has problems too that turn men off. Some want men to serve THEM most of the time but are unwilling to put in the effort or TIME to make it an intelligent partnership. Some are coarse, vulgar, rude, or distinctly lack femininity; some are argumentative, critical, and demanding (i.e. bitchy); some are money-hungry and superficial; some are just bitter and show contempt for men; and some are incredibly fickle and have a different man every two months. I don't mean most Westernized women are like this. I'm saying these are the characteristics that turn off men and drive them into the arms of other women.

4. I want to make it CLEAR that native women from Asia are not all weak, submissive, and helpless. In fact, the women I dated here in the Bay Area are a cool mix, because they had to be strong enough to overcome numerous obstacles to make it to America, plus they were focused and hardworking enough to survive here. We have a TON of immigrants from China who settled here in Silicon Valley starting in the mid-1990s, during the dot-com boom. I was impressed how so many of the women I met from China had studied and worked in traditionally "masculine" fields: medicine, electrical engineering, law, and management. Compared to Taiwanese women, I found MORE mainland Chinese women who were this way. Very focused and determined. Plus I've dated DIVORCED women too. They didn't pine for a man and tried to be independent.

5. Personally, I like the looks of women from Asia or Europe and find them more physically attractive. The mind of my ideal woman, though, is cosmopolitan, intellectually curious, articulate, and adventurous to exploring new things and new styles. Ideally she should appreciate not ONLY my Chinese side but my American side (of which I am also deeply proud). Some women I've dated from China have hated all things Japanese because of history, but having experienced racial prejudice myself as a kid, this is a BIG turnoff. All sorts of narrowmindedness or racial prejudice are turnoffs for me. As I wrote before, I dislike timidity. At the same time, I don't want a "heartless bitch" either.
____________________
From my reply last year to Christine. I wrote:

I just read your posts about how ABC men get treated in Taiwan vs. the US. I wholeheartedly AGREE. That mirrors my surprise and experience exactly, as well as that of some of my ABC colleagues who would stay in Taiwan for business. Basically, girls appreciated us better (or at least were more forgiving and enthusiastic about every little detail about us). Since we hadn't lived in Asia, it was a welcome surprise for us. Pretty girls would, on a regular basis, offer to set me up or give me their phone numbers. This was when I was more dorky-looking and just out of college---very un-suave! Another big shock---there are just so many more young women around in GENERAL. In the office as well as on the street (I worked in the Hsinchu Science Park.) [Almost every day, someone would ask if I were married or had a girlfriend.]

One day, this woman colleague whom I had never met came up to me. "How old are you?" she asked. "Why do you want to know?" I said. "Well I have this 4-year-old daughter. I'm wondering, are you interested in WAITING FOR HER?" I was speechless. "Well, by the time she has grown up, I'll be walking with a cane!"

For Asian Americans who grew up with mostly white folk, like one of my colleagues at the time, this type of royal treatment feels especially sweet. You know what? ABC guys need MORE of this type of attention, especially those who have always felt like a bit of an outsider or who live at the border of two cultures in the U.S.

For me, my Taiwan experience was also the first time and place in my life I could finally use my native tongue (Fujianese/Hokkien, which is like Taiwanese) with the general public. And people--taxi drivers, my friends' parents, and the hotel girls---loved me for it. Here almost no one speaks Taiwanese, and my Mandarin is poor. Thus in my first stay in Taiwan, I felt like I had returned home to a long-lost family.

For ABC women in Taiwan who might feel at a loss in competing with native Taiwanese girls, don't be discouraged! Your advantage is that you have a better understanding of where the ABC men are coming from. You have felt what they felt and have grown up as their classmates, brothers, and coworkers. You do not idealize them like some native Taiwanese, but then you may be able to more deeply appreciate them as whole people. At the end of the day, the ABC men still want someone with whom they can share their deepest thoughts, feelings, values, and humor! This is more important than physical appearance. [And this is where my relationships with women from Asia have faltered. They DON'T appreciate my American side or make enough effort to relate to it.]

Here's my suggestion: capitalize on that, and cater to BOTH the Asian and Western sides of the ABC guys whom you meet. The native Taiwanese girls cannot, no matter how pretty, fully engage our Western sides, understand our Western jokes and values, etc. BUT do learn from the native Taiwanese girls. Too many girls in the West (including some Asian Americans) come across as jaded, bitchy, moody, or perpetually unsatisfied. [Some lack] the art (which must be learned) of making a man feel masculine. The girls who do know how to make a man feel this way are usually taken. I don't mean this in a sexist way. Likewise, no matter how "strong" a woman is, she enjoys being catered to and being made to feel fully feminine. So take a second look at the manners, the sweet talk, the gentleness, and the devotion of some of those native Asian girls. Combine some of their pluses with your home court advantage of common culture---and you become an IRRESISTIBLE package to us!...

I don't mean people should get respect they don't earn. I am talking about the difference between the way the SAME, respectable Asian guys get treated here in the U.S. vs. Taiwan....Culturally, Asians in Asia are more accepting of Asian guys playing the role of leader or lover, regardless of the actual role these guys play and the confidence they have in real life.

Just look at the Jet Li flick, Kiss of the Dragon. My friend and I were both dismayed by how it portrayed Li's relationship with Bridget Fonda. He saves and protects her, she offers him affection, and yet Li acts like a eunuch. No kissing, no touching. Like he's a robot who's only good for kung fu, with no normal male reactions of every other Western action hero. These kinds of impressions of Asians are what we ABCs have to fight. It's better here in the San Francisco area. Yet my home is so UN-representative of most of America. I grew up in New England, in a black and white community with barely any Asians, plus I've travelled to the East and deep South and had to deal with these stereotypes head on.

I was trying to shed light on why those ABC guys in Taiwan may seem to be going more for the native Taiwanese chicks. Sure, some might be more insecure and feel threatened by a "strong" Westernized woman, but then women in Asia have become more assertive and powerful, and there are a lot of "strong" native women in Taipei too. All the women I've met from National Taiwan University have been both "strong" and feminine.

What I mean, and maybe I'll get in more trouble here, is that the native Taiwanese women I've met have tended to be sweeter, more cheerful, more easy to please, and more willing to let the man lead than the Westernized women. And that can be more attractive.

Hold on. Before you hit that REPLY button like a game show contestant, let me clarify "letting the man lead." I don't mean men should always lead over women, that women can't and shouldn't lead, or any other permutation you might dream up. There are certain situations in which men should take the lead and in which women PREFER men do so. It's not that women couldn't do it themselves. It's just part of the male role.

Paying for dinner, for instance. Asking someone out. Carrying the luggage. All preferably men things. And a man feels great doing them because he feels like he is really being a gentleman and scoring points with this woman. (Gosh, I feel like John Gray!)

I do ballroom dance, however, and I repeatedly meet women here who try to lead the dance move. Only inexperienced dancers do this. In dance, the man leads---period. The best women dance partners know how to sense the man's slight nudge and move accordingly. They are great followers and make even a bad partner look good. They are not weak women, but they know when to play the right role at the right time.

After this experience, a man will feel more masculine and may be more attracted to the woman. And a woman will feel feminine and may return the attraction. This is not because he has "dominated" her, but because they have both communicated well and worked well as a team. They have played the roles they needed at that time.

A Westernized woman (again, I just mean sometimes) MAY be confused by these roles. She may have been used to duking it out in the corporate world, where she needs to act more manly to advance. But when she goes home and forgets and treats her boyfriend like an employee she manages, he may balk. It can be a difficult balance.

I have women friends who act more masculine at work but switch when they come home and give their boyfriends backrubs or whatever, and everyone is happy.

'Nuff said.

Posted 8:55 AM by Blah blah

A Western View of Dating "Chinese" Chinese (Part 3)

Christine:
No no no, I'm not an embittered chick at all -- I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE MEN -- but there are certain realities that international career women need to know if they should choose to work in Asia....

In the U.S., Asian American men (and I'll stick to the term ABC for convenience sake) have it tough, at the work place and in their personal lives as well.

I know a handful of ABC guys who argue with that comment and say that it's such a crock of shit and that people MAKE themselves victims, but I'm not here to debate that.

We know enough about glass ceilings in the workforce so I won't go there. On the social front, it's tough too because Asian American men - until recently anyway - aren't considered "sexy." Again, not here to argue this point. It becomes evident when you watch ABC guys "transform" when they come to Taiwan.

As a good friend of mine here once told me (ABC dude), in the U.S., ABC girls have the full spectrum of men to choose from---Asian, Caucasian, African American, Hispanic, etc. They are considered "exotic" and desirable no matter where they go. ABC men however -- and with the exceptional HOT dood from L.A. (I'm exaggerating here), can only choose from other ABC women.

So what happens when they come to Taiwan?

They become DEMIGODS.

All of a sudden, the roles are reversed and unlike never before in their entire lives, they have a MAJORITY selection to choose from, i.e., local women. ABC men in Taiwan are considered cool, attractive, desirable, AND successful. "International" careers, from America, with American passports, etc. I could go on and on.

I have met sooooooooo many ABC guys here who feel so *special* in Taiwan -- they are almost addicted to society here -- because they really are perceived as desirable. I even know some ABC guys from the U.S. who FLY OUT HERE ON VACATION for that high.

And I don't blame them one iota. If I were your average ABC guy, I'd love it too.

One can argue about the NON-EXISTENCE of negative stereotypes towards Asian American men in the U.S. until he is BLUE IN THE FACE, but the fact is that it most definitely exists and is counter-mirrored here in Taiwan/Asia. The social dynamics between the two places is striking. Absolutely striking.

And I think that's all fine and dandy. Like I said, I completely understand and I would do the exact same thing if I were your average-looking ABC guy.

The problem comes when you put them next to ABC WOMEN in Asia.

Think about it.

What kind of woman, in her mid- to late 20's, would actually drop her comfortable, almost spoiled life in America to rough it out and pursue an international career in Asia? More specifically, how do they interact with ABC men in Asia as I noted above? (I'm not referring to those who were forced back to Taiwan by their parents.) Women who would do this are a very specific type. There are no grey areas when it comes to this.

Anyway, so here's the deal:

ABC women who choose to move out to Asia for the experience -- be it for their careers, for the adventure, for root-searching (no I'm not talking about the study of Chinese medicinal herbs) -- are a breed of their own.

While their female counterparts in the U.S. are thinking about which future church they will have their glorious future wedding ceremonies, women who decide to pick up and leave the comforts of life in the U.S. into the unknown -- and no matter how familiar they are with Taiwan/Asia it's still a black hole on many, many fronts -- are STRONG.

By that, I don't mean brutal, chest-beating, men-bashing, bitter bitches but rather, aggressive, independent, open-minded (some would even say very "liberal") career-minded, capable, intersting, and very dynamic people.

(I'm "lumping" here to make a point). International career women in Asia are attractive, fit, smart, many bilingual, and very aware of themselves as women. I'd even use the word, "charming," when I think about the ones I know here.

They speak their minds, and they've seen a lot more than your average domestic female professional. And I mean, a LOT. To have survived the challenges of coming out here and "making it" says something about these women. (Not talking about those that came for brief period of time and then left because Taiwan defeated them).

So what happens when you throw these "Queens of the Amazon" (lol) in a pool of ABC men who are otherwise treated like demigods by beautiful, very accomodating, local women in Taiwan?

The men are COMPLETELY INTIMIDATED.

What man -- and I don't care how confident or successful or self-aware he is -- wants a woman who can and WILL challenge him, when he can have local women who actually think of him as a demigod and would do anything BUT challenge him?

You think these ABC women are all of a sudden going to start looking at these ABC men (who are going NUTS in Asia with local women who are throwing themselves at them left and right) as someone to look up to?! I don't think so. Harsh but true. If anything, the opposite happens.

Sure, you always get your 21st century open-minded man who claims to "want an independent woman who can hold intellectually stimulating conversations who can blah blah blah..." but at the end of the day, what men REALLY want is---to feel like a man.

Local women do it and do it well. ABC women are like, "whatever dood you totally SUCK, skirt chasing local women you can't even communicate with. Call me when you've found your backbone."

LOL!

Allright already I am totally exaggerating purely for the sake of drama. No one kill me here. I'm hoping to get a reaction from both ABC men and women who live here to tell me I am wrong.
___________________
Christine:
So here is an email I got from one of my girlfriends here, earlier this month. See below. She was born and raised in Taiwan but moved to the U.S. when she was 12 (?) and is now back, living and working in Taipei. International chick through and through, trilingual, etc.

-------------------------------------------------
Christine,

I have something to say about this topic... maybe you can paraphrase what I say here. Now, I ran into (ex-beau) again the other day, and he's with a new (local) girl.

This one, like the last one, is also tall, slender, beautiful and stylish. Within 6 months of our break-up, he's had 2 girlfriends, and I haven't had one decent date. I did have one matchmaking setup from hell, but that's another story.

Anyways, I've heard some really honest feedbacks from my AsiaWorks classmates about their impressions of me. The one thing that really surprised me is that most of the men think I am a "female chauvinist." I don't even consider myself a feminist (that's someone who thinks male and female are equal), let alone being a female chauvinist (someone who thinks women are more superior than men). But somehow, that's how I come across to the men here.

In a way, I think they are right. I mean, we believe that we are better than the men here, and it totally shows in our attitude toward them. Isn't this discussion forum all about the high quality women and low quality men here?

Also, as self-proclaimed "strong, independent women," we try so hard to prove to the men that we are just fine without them, that we don't need them in our lives. Then we turn around and complain that there are no men in our lives. That was a complaint (ex-beau) had of me. He said that he felt I didn't really need a boyfriend because I spent so much time with my own friends doing my own stuff.

I think that when we are with someone, we all want to feel that we are needed by the other person. But in the process of trying to prove how strong and independent we are, not only do we make the men feel unwanted, we also intimidate them. Of course we can blame the men for being insecure, but then who doesn't have his/her own insecurities?
-------------------------------------------------
[I think she makes some excellent points.]

Posted 8:48 AM by Blah blah

A Western View of Dating "Chinese" Chinese (Part 2)

I find all the comments below incredibly fascinating.

Last year, Christine, her Asian American girlfriends in Taipei, and I talked a LOT about this in her forum, Taiwan's male-female problems. I quote from it. She said similar stuff to Tina, but about girls in Taiwan. Here's part of our talk, corrected for grammar, etc.:
___________________
Christine:
The number one question that many people both here and abroad often ask is: Why ARE there so many good-looking, intelligent, successful, bilingual/multilingual, "quality" female professionals in Taiwan who are single? This includes both local Taiwanese and expat female professionals as well.

That does NOT presume that these women are not DATING at all but rather, that many are not in serious relationships when a lot of their counterparts in the U.S. (I'm American, so shoot me!) have already settled down.

Is it because they are "too good" for the men? Is it because men in Taiwan are intimidated by them and prefer weaker, subservient beings? Is it because there are not enough quality men in Taiwan and if so, how come? Does the culture have anything to do with it? Do these women SMELL FUNNY? Are they LESBIAN? Or is it simply that Taipei emulates the transient, happenin', city life of a major metropolitan locale like New York City and is thus not conducive for steady relationships?
___________________
Me (Raymond):
You know, I didn't meet many of those bilingual, strong women you describe when I worked in the Hsinchu Science Park [the Silicon Valley of Taiwan]. My Taiwanese roommate at the time, who preferred exactly the type you describe and regularly travelled back and forth between California and Taiwan, complained to me he couldn't find many of those girls in Hsinchu. It was the more traditional, feminine, somewhat needy type.

This female/male imbalance seems to be a problem in a LOT of major cities, like San Francisco and New York. Here in San Jose it's the opposite. We have a lot of good-looking, smart guys who bathe regularly and who DON'T look like geeks, but they have the same complaints as you girls in Taipei. If you have something unique to Taiwan that creates this problem, I welcome some enlightenment too!

I think part of the problem is pure economics. Those strong women you mention tend to go into marketing, finance, public relations, sales, law, etc. These businesses tend to be concentrated in major cities. The guys here tend to go for or have a very technical background. They tend to work in the suburbs and industrial research parks. Hsinchu was the same.
___________________
Christine:
The first "problem" I see (and I put that in quotes because I AM NO EXPERT -- just speaking from observations so nobody hit me okay) is that a lot of local men and women who are in their late 20s to late 30s+ are still living at home. Yes there are lots who are independent and live on their own in the city but there are TONS who still live at home.

Traditionally for Chinese/Taiwanese people, this is normal. Women aren't to move out until they get married and move into their husband's home, and men stay with their parents to "take care of them" and also to save money by not having to pay rent or cook for themselves, etc.

Traditional, cultural, economic reasons.

But when their social environs becomes limited to their workplace and to their homes, particularly if the parents tend to want to get involved with their personal lives, there isn't going to be a lot of opportunities for privacy and for them to meet other people and date freely, thus perpetuating a single-status lifestyle. And there's nothing WRONG with that (being SINGLE I mean) if that is what they choose, but many of them would prefer otherwise.

This in turn creates pressure for parents to want to set them up (both men and women), and after a certain point the kids let it happen just because it's an option, and many get married for the wrong reasons and then later have significant marital problems.

Again I repeat, I am NOT an expert and I have NO stats to back me up. This is just based on MY OBSERVATIONS as a Chinese American who has lived here for an extended amount of time. Perspective is all relative.

Now the second problem (there are many more) is that in Asia, as Andrea pointed out, it is "okay" (relative to the U.S.) for married men to have girlfriends. Wives don't LIKE it, some of them HATE it, but many accept it either because they don't have a choice or because "that's the way it is", as there are many historical references we can make as to why this is allowed.

Adding fuel to the fire, women in Chinese societies were considered second-class citizens from a traditional sense, and though everyone claims to be "modern" and "equal" in today's society, I still see a very large percentage of local men who are VERY chauvinistic relative to Western standards, who do not respect women, and who who feel that they can abuse their wives and get away with it. Many of the more traditional women ACCEPT this, as well.

The REAL PROBLEM arises when women break the traditional roles of what was expected of "Chinese women" in the home, get an education, and start a career, empowering themselves to eventually realize that they actually have a choice, that they don't have to succumb to tradition or to the gross inequalities that come with it.

Of this demographic group, local married women are now considering divorce, which was unheard of in the past, and those that are single look around them and think, "why need I get married to a man I have to cook for and clean after and who doesn't respect me when I can be happy being single?" This is what my local female friends say to me. The more they see of the world outside of Taiwan, the less interested they are in dating if it means they have to date chauvinistic men.

There are many other reasons to explain this social phenomena and I myself haven't thought it through entirely.
___________________
Angela:
One thought on the female/male problem in Taiwan - it's just that I would like to date someone with a similar background, bilingual, bicultural, bisexual... just kidding! I mean someone who can relate to my experiences, and so I limit myself to this particular category of men in Taipei - and this particular category of men have it so nice in Taipei - a lot of the local girls throw themselves at ABC (American Born Chinese) men, and so these men have so many options and become spoiled.
___________________
A different Christine (in New York City):
I am in New York. I am very happy to see this forum because I felt the same way long time ago. I think the M/F inbalance issue has nothing to do with the fact that most Taiwanese M & F living with their parents..or the women is too strong....My conclusion is "Taiwan has a lack of quality men to match with the quality women." (I can say this because I have been living in Taiwan and New York respectively for pretty long time). The issue is about the expectation gap, need, and demand (in terms of quantity and quality). I have plenty of female friends with good looks, good education, good job, and good personality...but they haven't even had a date for very long time. Those women will not have any problem to get a "decent" date in New York at all. By saying that, I know a lot of men will want to shoot me. But it's a fact. I am not even talking about a relationship. I am talking about "dating" only. I think the local guys in Taiwan need to know how to package themselves inside and out (it's all about marketing, right?)
I agree with Angela about the attitude of expat man including ABCs. It's too easy for them to get a Well-Packaged and Quality woman in Taiwan, because quality women in Taiwan doesn't have a lot of choices. Anyway, I am pleased that I am back in New York, where a quality woman has no problem to find a quality man.
___________________
Frosty Blue:
I am a LOCAL woman and I totally agree with the above statement. However, I do have something to say here:

ABC men will usually marry ABC women who have the same cultural background, sense of values, and related experiences. ABC men will date with LOCAL women or even have a LOCAL girlfriend after they get married, but they usually will not consider marrying LOCAL girls. I've seen a lot of this happen. It is really different for men when it comes to choosing a wife vs. a girlfriend.

Another thing is... I feel a bit difficult to fit in the "ABC COMMUNITY" because they categorize me as a LOCAL girl.
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Christine:
LOCAL MEN IN TAIWAN

A local male friend of mine (Howard) once said to me that local men are "less advanced and sophisticated" than their local female peers in society, for two reasons:

1. Mandatory Military

Howard's theory is that because men must serve in the military, they are a) not allowed to leave the country after the age of 16 (I think?) until they have served and therefore have limited exposure - relatively speaking - to the world outside of Taiwan, and then b) the military service "numbs" their minds for two years due to lack of quality programs, while their female counterparts have already graduated and entered the workforce.

2. Resistance to Change

So what happens over the years is that local men, by the time they get out of the military and join the workforce, have been set back by many years in terms of understanding the world at large, and women/dating in general.

Local men, as opposed to local women, are less apt to embrace Western (or other) thought, customs, practices, and people. Some say they are more closed-minded? And, they have less experience in dating (very different from Western men of the same age) such that by the time they enter the workforce, their female counterparts are less likely to be interested in dating them. The maturity/experience gap is too great.

3. The Little Prince Within

The third factor is one I'm throwing in... though much more liberal and modern than in the past, more often than not, parents in Taiwan still tend to give "preferential treatment" to boys than they do girls.

Some say that boys in Chinese/Taiwanese families are spoiled? They live with their parents even as adults, have meals are prepared for them, their clothes are washed for them, etc. They are used to being taken care of and don't do too well on their own.

WHICH IS ALL FINE AND DANDY, except that when they reach the age of dating, their female counterparts (their age I mean) are like, "now why would I want to date a BOY?! He can't even take care of himself, how is he going to take care of me? I'd rather be single, thank you!"

So young single men date younger and younger women who are more emotionally compatible, while older women (say late 20s to mid-30s) choose to be single, particularly those who have chosen to pursue a career and are doing quite well as professionals and as independent women. Or... they date non-local men.

I AM NOT GENERALIZING SO DON'T SHOOT ME PLEASE.

I am merely repeating what I have often been told by both local men and women in Taiwan and am throwing this out for further discussion.
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Jody Lin said in her blog:
And that is when it strikes me. That Taiwan is an enormous Dali canvas. That everything is the same, common and ordinary, except scarily skewed: distorted and distended to fit into this alternate universe. Because in Taiwan, men have crushes and women don't.

I think back on my pre-Taiwan days, when every girl's night out was pretense for a gab-fest about our latest crushes: the cute guy who lived downstairs, the smart guy in the corner office, the built guy at the gym. We could dissect men for hours: interpreting every smile, every conversation, every email. Even on SATC (Sex and the City), the girls get together to talk about... their newest crushes. Sure, they also spend a lot of time talking about the lack of datable guys, but who's kidding who? At least one of the girls gets laid every episode. My friends and I would take those odds anyday.

No... when I get together with other women in Taipei, we talk about the slim pickings in Taipei. Always. It is a rare day when someone actually says that they met someone. Interesting. Literate. Or even just evolved (we’ve lowered our standards some).

Ahh... but the men in Taipei. I walk down the street and am accosted by some guy professing his undying love for a nymphet or silky sex goddess (I am borrowing this term from an actual guy... figures) that he has met at the gym, a bar, Wellcome supermarket. Every time I turn around, I trip on one of these guys. They strike such tragic, pitiful figures until they reappear the following week with said nymphet or silky sex goddess draped on their arms. Then the cycle repeats ad nauseum. And this is not a white guy/ foreign guy thing. I’ve seen it from foreign guys, foreign guys who think they’re Asian (you know who you are), Asian guys who think they’re white, Asian-American guys, Asian-Asian guys, and all the others too.

Taiwan is a man's world. And though I'v never questioned the bonanza like atmosphere of Taipei for men, but why must the scale be so dramatically unbalanced?
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Christine:
So very true... and if any of you foolish men out there reading this are thinking "man these chicks in Taiwan are so desperate" then think again, for if we were desperate we'd be dating YOU! LOL!

Posted 8:44 AM by Blah blah

A Western View of Dating "Chinese" Chinese (Part 1)

This will be a VERY long set of posts, so have patience. John, the Hangzhou English teacher, made some comments below that sparked the whole thing in my head. He's Caucasian. He said:

Even before coming to China to learn Chinese, most of the girls I've dated have been Asian. After coming to China, I find it frustrating that so many of the Chinese girls I date are SO CHINESE! This is hard to explain, but it's just that those stereotypical female Asian qualities -- quiet, submissive, weak, servile -- are sometimes so TRUE here, and they're such a complete TURNOFF! I choose the American mind (intelligent, independent, and confident) over Asian physical features any day. If those two happen to converge, then all the better. Probably won't happen in China. Good thing I'm not here for the women.
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Tina, on the other hand, is a Chinese-Canadian mixed-race girl in Vancouver, who just returned from working in Beijing. She's an incredible writer. She wrote:

Single in Beijing

The following is something I wrote in June about the experience of the unattached expatriate female in Beijing (based on my personal observations):

Beijing is a fairly easy city in which to live. It has all the amenities that one could want and, if one lives as the Chinese do, it is also relatively cheap. Luxury goods from the first world are also readily available, although they can be expensive and rob you of the fun of discovering a Chinese replacement. After a few months, it is possible to have a wide social circle made up of many different nationalities. Apart from a few health and climatic factors, life in Beijing can be pretty good, plus it has the added cachet of being an exotic foreign city.

For the unattached expat female, however, living in Beijing presents a rather peculiar dilemma---the excessively low likelihood of forming a meaningful long-term romantic relationship. There are a few reasons for this, a few of which will probably send the men at home running for the streets of Beijing.

First reason: many expatriates already come in neatly-packaged couples. They made the decision to come to China together and rarely venture out of their reproduced nest except to meet up with other shiny couples. Although I wasn't looking for a romantic attachment when I arrived in China, I couldn't help but notice that the first few attractive guys I met after arriving all turned out to be in serious relationships.

Second reason: there is the issue of young Chinese women. Although I suppose one can say this in any nation of the world, China seems by dint of its population size and resulting probabilities to be rather well-endowed with beautiful women. I saw them everywhere. Long shiny black tresses, translucent skin, and tall, thin, willowy figures (particularly in northern China). In addition, despite attempts by the Communist government to nurture a strain of liberated iron ladies, most of these women have not yet broken out of the cutesy, simpering role that we deride in the West; they save breaking out of this for after marriage. They giggle behind their hands, lean on their men, and expertly bat their lashes. Men and women participate equally in courtship roles I imagine were popular in the west in the first half of the twentieth century. It seems that young Chinese women here know a thing or two about femininity, making a girl like me who can barely stand in spindly-heeled strappy sandals feel vastly inferior. Although perhaps not in quite the same category, I suspect it's vaguely similar to the feeling of being a North American female among the intimidatingly thin and well-fashioned women of Paris.

Third reason, one which is not unrelated to the second: the single expatriate males in Beijing are generally uninterested in the expat females. This can be attributed to the fact that many of the men are far from home, and even the less-monied ones are still rich enough to live a profligate lifestyle. So they go out and drink, flirt with Mongolian prostitutes, and make it known that they want sex without strings. If willing and emotionally able, there are considerable opportunities for expat females to become momentarily involved with these men. Anything more meaningful is not typically available. This is compounded by reason number two; there isn't exactly a dearth of Chinese women who are extremely attractive, both in looks and behaviour. For men who are tired of or threatened by assertive, independent, and strong-minded women, the giggles and eyelashes of many Chinese women are very appealing. For the expat woman, then, it is perhaps unsurprising that most of the male expats revel in the kind of attention that Chinese women seem willing to bestow upon them. Men who are dysfunctional when it comes to women back home become magnets for surprisingly attractive Chinese women.

Final reason: although there is a burgeoning scene of Western women targeting hip Chinese avant-garde artists and musicians, female expats are pretty much universally not attracted to Chinese men. I want to qualify this statement by adding that I am referring to mainland Chinese men, born and raised in China, and embedded with what I would characterize as a sexist attitude towards women. Not surprisingly, many Western women don't find this attractive. Alternatively, there are the Chinese men who are in awe of western women, something that females don't usually like in their men. However, when awe and attention is bestowed on a Western man by a Chinese women, it is perceived as desirable.

So where does this leave the expat female? Pretty much empty-handed, while expat men have the sexual power. They can have their pick of women, while Western women typically only want the Western men. This is not the ideal environment for forming meaningful or long-term romantic relationships. Although I was not actively searching for a partner, I formed this general impression while living in the city - it was quite difficult to ignore. On a personal level, I also seemed to be in the weird situation of being kind of Chinese in my interactions with men but not quite totally Chinese, particularly in behaviour.

Okay, yes, I am generalizing but this was the topic of many discussions - not instigated by yours truly - while I was living in Beijing. Having discussed this subject with many people who have been living in Beijing for awhile - both male and female - I think I can say that this is a fairly accurate representation of the experience of unattached expat females. And, yes, as I'm sure some of you will scramble to tell me, I realize that there are definitely exceptions as well as whole layers of complexity on which I have not even touched.
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Comments on her entry:

Haha... 2 comments: 1) SO TRUE!!! 2) The women in Southern China are also hot. OK, so I guess this comment isn't turning out encouraging, exactly. But you knew the situation when you described it. I'll just end by saying that there is some hope for the female expat here. Really.
posted by John [the same John I quoted above!]

That's funny. Hi Tina. Interesting you call yourself a "hybrid" ... I usually call Asian-Caucasian mixed girls "Hapas" even though it's generally for Japanese/White. Anyhow, these mixed girls are generally very "FOINE" ... so it's suprising that you didn't get any action while in China. If there were actual single expat girls in my area, I'd be about it. I came to China fully prepared and independent. Long-distance relationships don't work, ever. Funny you say this: "Men who are dysfunctional when it comes to women back home become magnets for surprisingly attractive Chinese women." It is spot-on in accuracy, it don't matter if you white, hispanic, black, or even ABC in my case, being from a different culture is completely sexy and NEW and mysterious to Chinese girls. Think about it - Chinese girls rarely get a chance to see anyone other than Chinese boys and I'm sure in your experience, they not only LOOK younger than their age, but they also ACT younger than their age and immaturity sucks. If you have the balls, or ahem, the bravery to go to a foreign country, well, you're mature beyond your age and your peers. I'll stop here, but good post Tina!---Wilson, a Chinese American fan in Hangzhou, China.
posted by Wilson Tai [of Racingmix, which I mentioned before]

Posted 8:13 AM by 216443

With a little help from my friends

I really only had one good guy friend in high school. I was part of a larger circle of guys, but was usually too busy on the weekends (debate, band, girlfriends) to really bond with them outside of school. So I really had only one good guy friend in high school. He was always known as the social butterfly- trendy, image-conscious, planned the group's plans for formals and dances. The girls loved him. It wasn't until our group graduated and other people started coming out of the closet that I realized. He is (almost positively) gay.

All the traditional stereotypes fit-
obnoxiously thin: likes the European look, doesn't like muscle
horribly obsessed with image: his closet looks like he hijacked a Gucci trunk show
girls love him: more than once have I head the word 'harmless' be used to describe him
likes working retail: he worked at GAP all through high school, and has just now moved up to Lacoste
over-controlling mother: he couldn't leave Texas for school, she was involved with everything, they sometimes party together

Last summer I introduced him to various people, and invariably they take me to the side and ask if he's gay. I tell them I think so, but I'm not certain. I don't think he's certain. And I'm at my wit's end. I want my friend to be happy, to finally be comfortable, but I don't think he ever will come out. Maybe he's not even gay.

He has the names of his children all picked out. He wants the traditional Dallas-ite lifestyle; living in the suburbs, married to the blonde-haired Dallas trophy wife. He's in a fraternity and he has some close friends, but it seems like his closest brother might also be a closet buddy. From what my friends and I gather, he can't allow himself to come out because it puts too many things at risk. But if he doesn't, he'll end up marrying some woman and carrying this secret with him to the grave.

It's none of my business, I know. If he says he's happy, then I should let him be. But it's so hard to be his best friend and know that he could he could be so liberated. Last summer his mother sent me to Miami to roadtrip back to Dallas with him. "Now's our chance to find out, " we all thought. Half-jokingly, the plan was to get him really drunk and lay a kiss on him to see his reaction. It never quite worked out that way. So I want to know, what should I do? Let things be or have like a one-on-one intervention?

Posted 7:42 PM by e*star

Trip to the Mall

Ian and I had fun at the mall this past weekend. Hah. The fun in our trip was precisely that we didn't buy anything. In fact, we just took pictures of things we wouldn't buy. That is a clue as to the sarcasm laced throughout this entry... ;) Remember...the sarcasm is for the sake of the humor...

An excerpt reprinted from my online journal.

Saturday, we spent the day at the mall getting hot dog on a stick (and cheese on a stick) at the Westminster Mall while proceeding to take pictures of ourselves clownin' around. I don't think I remember the last time I've been in a mall for *over 2 hours* AND not bought anything. Definitely a record for me. I didn't know I could have so much fun in a mall...much less a ghet-TO mall like Westminster.

At Robinson's May we looked around in the guy section for, whaddya know, ghetto fabulous wear for Ian. We came across these GREAT velour sweat sets... I insisted on the red...it was the most luxurious color they had in their selection.



Although Ian asked if they had them in baby blue, unfortunately the girls at the counter (while suppressing laughter), said that what they had out there was all they had. Too bad. We had seen J-Lo in baby blue velour sweats in the news and we had wanted a pair **just like them** for Ian, since he wanted in on the J-Lo craze...

We then went to the shoe store to see what great footwear in current styles the stores had goin' on... Ian and I have this inside joke on cork shoes. How they're great and really...all girls' dress shoes should just be replicated on a cork platform, and you could wear them with any outfit from "Forever 21." You would have versatile shoes AND be in fashion. Just like J-Lo. Plus, the higher, the better.



Anyway, I marked these shoes as a future purchase once I got paid next month. Hah. Or not.

We went looking for an outfit to go with my cork shoes. Where else would I go, except "Forever 21?" Although I don't own one article of clothing from this store, I plan on completely revamping my wardrobe to consist 100% from this store. Or not. Besides, where else can I find clothes that are in-fashion (or not), cheap (definitely), and made by sweatshops? I came up with this outfit. Remember, you can't have too many accessories. J-Lo always has the right number of accessories...



I got really pissed, though, after having tried on all those pieces to find out that the sparkly shirt that I was wearing in this picture had shedded gobs and gobs of glitter over the clothes I had worn to the mall.

Anyway, we got tired of looking for clothes and decided to end our shopping trip looking for things we can use everyday. Thank goodness the "As Seen on TV" store is there. Ian and I have been looking for an affordable alternative to expensive hands-free sets that our cell phone manufacturers often require you to have. Besides, soon it will be illegal in California to use a cell phone in the car without a hands-free set. Although originally meant for your *handset at home*, this is what we found:



Anyway, we had to try it on. Ian tried to see if it was compatible with his cell phone:



And imagine--when hands-free sets are like, $30 from Cingular, this one was only $7!! It had great quality plastic, adhesive and velcro pieces, too. lol.

Yeah, anyway. We had a hoot.

*e

Posted 2:14 PM by Blah blah

Conan: funny. Ben: unsexy.

Dear God, Thank you for bringing us the lanky Irish lad Conan O'Brien. He's really grown on me over the years, like a bad case of athlete's foot.

Check out 11 minutes of these devastatingly FUNNY clips of him on IFILM. Make sure you clear out your mouth of any edibles first. (Mira, get