Posted 8:45 PM by Blah blah

Oh my God!

Danny started this topic on RBJ about, um, ME. *GULP*

Raymond Beauty Pageant:

Which Ray is hotter, based on looks alone?
1. Raymond With Hotdog
2. Raymond With Cucumber
3. Raymond with Banana

Earlier, someone had posted a bunch of Miss Asia World 2002 pix on RBJ and asked us whom we thought was more beautiful. I had said people were using too many different standards to judge the women's beauty, that some just voted for their own nationality, etc.

Posted 8:26 PM by Clementine

Virgin Fantasies

Had the most incredible dream last night: I was taking a bath using Johnson's Baby Milk Bath in preparation for a hot night with Paolo Bediones . (He's a famous TV show host here in the Philippines)

And the funny thing was, I was absolutely, positively, totally sure in my dream that we will sleep together. Actually, we were so close to "really" sleeping together. ;)

Kaso nagising ako. (But then I woke up.)

Tsk, tsk, ano ba yun (what was that), When I woke up, tawa ako ng tawa. (I was laughing so hard.)

Am I sexually preoccupied or what?

Posted 7:45 PM by Blah blah

Please post some entries about this topic, ladies. From the comments to Esther's interracial dating post:

I'm amazed by how much a lot of us have in common. I too grew up attending a high school where out of 2,000 students, I was one of 3 "Orientals." What makes my experience unique is that I don't think that I've experienced racism to the degree that many people have, both on-offline. I'm still deciphering the reasons why. I think a lot of it has to do with my complacency and maybe, my looks. I do however feel that as an Asian woman, I've been exoticized and sexually stereotyped, and I should reason that this is most definitely a form of racism in and of itself. I'm still figuring things out.
Mira | Email | Homepage | 11.15.02 - 10:04 am
_______________________________________
I'd be curious to read about your experiences on the topic of being exoticized and sexually stereotyped.

I for one have never understood what the stereotype was or that there even is one. I mean guys will be guys and all.

But other than stereotypes artificially set by the porn industry and Full Metal Jacket... are there any?

Just thought it might be a good discussion as well as education for myself and others if you are up to the task or feel comfortable writing about it. No pressure though, just something that piqued my interest.

That of course goes for any of our other female writers that want to pipe up on the subject. Mira was just the first to mention it.

Your viewpoints on the matter would be greatly appreciated.
Raven | Email | Homepage | 11.15.02 - 12:49 pm
_______________________________________
Actually Raven, I skimmed it in one of my entries, I'm sure. I'll have to fetch it out and link it. But eventually, I will. I graze the subject all the time in my blog. All I can say for now is that I'm in a Catch-22. I admit without hesitation that I like the sexual attention/stereotype, I feel flattered by it. Yet it upsets me at the same time that I'm "boxed" and viewed that way. It really depends on what/who I'm reacting to.
Mira | Email | Homepage | 11.15.02 - 5:42 pm
_______________________________________
Mira, I'd be lying if I didn't identify with the same "Catch-22" you speak of.

Raven, I wholeheartedly welcome the invitation to write about the stereotype that is refreshingly enough foreign (no pun intended) to you.
Esther | Email | Homepage | 11.16.02 - 9:15 pm

========================================
I can give some examples of seeing this, Raven. One of my relatives is a white guy and married to someone in my family (Asian woman). He's of the old school in some of his views and prejudices. He only speaks English. Despite how he acts sometimes, I cut him slack and still like him and his charismatic attitude very much. We get along well.

But I see this difference between how he approaches his wife and between how her family or others who speak our language would approach her. She'll be walking by getting something for me to eat, and he'll be in his chair reading. Suddenly he'll yell out, "Come here, baby!" and pull her over and try to sit her on his lap. He'll be itching for a kiss. She'll be embarrassed this is happening before us, and annoyed, and she'll push him away with a curt remark. They are closer to middle-aged folks now. Not 20-somethings.

I saw this happen repeatedly when I visited a friend of mine who is Asian, married to a white husband. She'd be talking to me and he'd just grab her without thinking if she was in the mood or not. He'd try to kiss her, even when she was clearly upset.

Now in the movies it happens, and the girls usually resist at first, then they give in. Or the girls are more sexually aggressive. But in reality, Asians are conservative. They especially are more reluctant to kiss and do much sexual stuff publicly (especially in front of relatives!) Acting like that is rude and makes the women feel a loss of face. A bit of shame.

This is an example of stereotyping an Asian woman as "wanting it," despite how she is obviously acting.

Anyhow, where's the FOREPLAY?
___________________________________
Sandy just wrote about this on Oct. 31:

Over an hour later, I end up back in Alameda paying a buck fifty for a measly automatic wash. To make my afternoon worse, the cashier at Albertsons kept insisting I was Chinese. Ugh..I got clubbing flashbacks! Instead of giving me a back massage and offering me Ecstasy, he kept spitting out Chinese phrases thinking it was cute.

Him: You Chinese right?
Me: No. Japanese.
Him: You sure?!! Your hair, your skin your face---everyting look Chinese!
Me: YES I'm sure. I'm Japanese.
Him: (babbling in Chinese)
Me: Ummmm....I. Said. I. Was. Ja-Pa-Neeese.
Him: You don't understand Mandarin?
Me: (the voices in my head are beginning to scream and I can feel the blood rushing to my head) Look--I've had a bad day. Can you just take my card and give me my receipt?
Him: (he finally takes my card and starts muttering under his breath in Chinese. I'm sure he's talking shit about me) I like your outfit.
Me: Thanks.
Him: (hands back card and receipt) Thank you Miss Sandy. You know what my name is?
Me: I never asked for your name.
Him: It's Jonathan. In case I piss you off and you want to complain about me. It's nice to meet you Sandy.

I'm sure it was my belt. I decided to wear my screaming-yellow Levi's belt with fake rhinestones and for some strange reason, it beckons the attention of retarded supermarket cashiers. So when I first bought it, the sales guy rang me up and handed me my stuff and said, "I just love anything that's YELLOW. heh heh." My belt is cursed. I'm throwing it away!

Posted 4:16 AM by Sandy

Say Hi to Sandy!

I've always been extremely awkward when it comes to introducing myself. So I'll make this short and to the point.

Useless background info:
Name: Sandy
Age: 20-something yr. old residing in California
Ethnicity: Japanese, born and raised in southern California

My blog. My email.

I don't have an impressive resume. I'm STILL a student majoring in Child Development, but I've had 11 different jobs in the past 9 years. You name it, I probably did it. I was a pizza tosser, Chinese food take out cashier, a waitress at a Japanese restaurant, a "cocktail" waitress, a house-sitter for a mentally ill woman...etc etc. Those were more or less odd jobs I took on for extra pocket change, but my main work experience is with young children. As soon as I finish my 10 year plan at school, I hope to open my own preschool/daycare!

When Ray offered an invite to Tiger Cafe, I decided to take the "proactive" route and use this open forum to write mostly about my experiences with bipolar depression, getting through the grieving process over a lost loved one, and to serve as a beacon for those who happen to be going through similar issues. I for one, know exactly how stigmatizing it can feel to be labelled as "mentally ill," or as I like to call myself, "loooooooopy!!" It took me several years to swallow my pride (as well as my pills), and proclaim myself as part of the 9.5% who suffer from manic depression.

Most of my depressive and manic episodes occurred during the initial years after my diagnosis in '97. In a span of 5 years, I went through several manic episodes, countless episodes of debilitating depression, a two week psychiatric lock up, and one suicide attempt. In the midst of all this, a young girl, that I happened to befriend while volunteering at a children's hospital, committed suicide at the age of thirteen. She was my best friend, my angel, my heart and soul.

Starting my own weblog was the first step to self-recovery. As I kept writing in my journal and as time passed, I started to receive emails from total strangers who have gone through the same tragedies. I realized that by opening myself, and in a sense, exposing and baring my soul to the online world, has helped me in ways I cannot comprehend. My future entries in Tiger Cafe will start when I was first diagnosed and pretty much continue in chronological order until the present day.

I see this as mutual therapy. Writing helps us reflect, to remember and gives us guidance to those deep, dark unstirred emotions that remain locked in our hearts.

And of course, I can't promise the Tiger Cafe readers that all my entries will be lighthearted. I'm usually not a morbid and depressing person, but I want to be as open and honest as possible.

All right, that's it for now. Thanks Ray for extending the invitation to me and I'm looking forward to getting to know everyone! :o)

Posted 2:09 AM by Blah blah

The New China Officially Begins (in secret), November 6
By Wilson of Racingmix:

I have some excellent articles of interest. Check 'em out. The articles are about this week's elections and China's super-secret meetings to appoint new leaders for 2003 and beyond. In a nutshell, this is BIG as it is going to determine the future of democracy and capitalism in China. So secret are these meetings that China has initiated impressive Net technology to stop online news or anything that would disrupt the secrecy of these meetings. John just told me over MSN Messenger that he did a Google image search for "Jiang Zemin" and was sent to a dead page. And while we are both sharing the same gateway and proxy, he was shut out of the Net for 5 minutes. Watch your step, whoa!

From China's old guard gather in secrecy to anoint new leaders: President Jiang Zemin prepares to hand over reins of power and welcome capitalists into fold (The Independent, London):

"The world's largest political movement – the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) – meets tomorrow for the start of its 16th Party Congress, a ritual that remains shrouded in mystery. Representatives of the CCP's 60 million members will gather at Beijing's Great Hall of the People to choose a new leadership, but no one is yet entirely sure whether President Jiang Zemin, 76, who rules over a fifth of humanity, is retiring or not." I don't know much about China's President, Jiang Zemin, but he seems like a good man. Check out these facts:

[D]ue to Mr Jiang, China is about to undertake the most daring reform in its history. The 16th Party Congress will change its constitution. It will no longer represent the working class, but the entire nation, and will welcome capitalists into its ranks. A full-scale privatization of state enterprises is expected in the next five years, and when that is over the party will have to change its name.

...Jiang has also reversed other firmly held policies, such as China's anti-American stance; he has become so trusted by the United States that he was entertained last month at President George Bush's private ranch in Texas. And he has cleverly prevented the military from launching a dangerous venture to conquer Taiwan. Instead, he has steadily brought the two sides closer. The next 12 months may even see the two opening shipping and air links for the first time since 1949.

As China's Economy Shines, the Party Line Loses Luster (NY Times).

Posted 5:14 PM by Mira

Esquire's What A Man Should Know About A Woman - CONT.

#22. Only acceptable pickup line: "Hi, my name is [insert your name]. What's yours?"

My Commentary: Personally, I like the dorky ones. The ones that crash and go boom. The more creative, the better. It makes me laugh.

Posted 5:00 PM by Jian Shuo

Say Hi to Jian Shuo!

Hi there, this is Jian Shuo Wang from Shanghai, China. I am happy to be a co-writer on Tiger Cafe. I like this place and have enjoyed reading the articles for some time before Raymond sent me the invitation to join. Here are some facts about me:

1. I am 25 years old, male.
2. I live in Shanghai. It seems I am the only co-writer from China. It is interesting to share thoughts with people from different places about different perspectives and learn what is going on. I will tend to deliver more information about the trends in China---or Shanghai specifically. Let me know if you are interested in this topic.
3. I speak Mandarin and some English. Recently I began to write in English online.
4. I've traveled to the U.S, Canada, Malaysia, and Singapore recently. I loved seeing the nice people there. But the best of all are my recent travels to Shangri-la in Daocheng.
5. Besides Tiger Cafe, I also read Christina's blog
6. I am not a sports fan, but I am beginning to learn something new, like swimming and skiing.
7. I also blog at my own blog and maintain my personal page and a site about the Pudong Airport.
8. I am in the software industry with a large software company (Microsoft).

Glad to meet with everyone here. It is a good place and I'd like to share and learn from each of you. Do drop me comments about which topic you'd like to read so I can adjust. Cheers!

Posted 1:50 PM by Blah blah

My Favorite

You want MY preference? This is one of my favorite pictures of Christina. She doesn't even think much of it. But her big eyes and expression just invite you in.

Posted 10:45 AM by Clementine

Just want to share this very inspiring poem my friend found from the Net:

LETTER TO GOD ON DIVINE HUMAN LOVE

Everyone longs to give themselves to someone,
To have a deep soul relationship with another
To be loved thoroughly, and exclusively,
But God, to his child says:
"No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled
And content by being loved by me alone
With giving yourself totally and unreserved to me,
Relationship with me alone,
Discovering that only in me
Is your only satisfaction to be found,
Will you be united with another until
You are united with me
Exclusively of anyone or anything else,
Exclusive of any other desires or longings
I want you to stop planning, stop wishing
And allow me to give you the most thrilling plan existing,
One that you cannot imagine
I want you to have the best.
Please allow me to bring it to you.
You must keep watching me, expecting the greatest things.
Keep listening and learning the things I tell you.
Just wait, that's all.

Don't be anxious, don't worry.
Don't look around you at the things others
Have gotten or that I have given them.
Don't look at the things you think you want.
Just keep looking off and away at me
Or you'll miss what I have to show you.

And then when you're ready,
I'll surprise you with a love far more wonderful
Than any you would dream of.
You see, until you are ready,
Until the person I have for you is ready
(I am working even at this moment to have
You both ready at the same time)
Until you are both satisfied exclusively
With me and the life I have prepared for you,
You won't be able to experience the love
That exemplifies your relationship
With me, and is thus the perfect love.

And dear one, I want you to have this
Most wonderful love. I want you to see
In the flesh a picture of your relationship
With me, and to enjoy materially and
Concretely the everlasting union of
Beauty, perfection and love
That I offer you with myself.
Know that I love you utterly
Believe it and be satisfied."

Posted 11:56 PM by Macaby

Seattle Trip #1, August 2002




One of the great benefits of having a fiancé who travels 100% is that sometimes he get to fly me to where he is working. In this example, it's Seattle, Washington. Raven and I had gone to Seattle the previous year to visit friends. We *LOVE* it there. We've always gone when it's sunny; what a magnificent city when it doesn't rain. The pictures above are newly scanned from our August 16-18, 2002 trip. I shoot an average of 8-10 rolls a day, so it's very expensive to get them developed and time consuming to scan. *hint-hint, nudge-nudge to Raven to buy me a D-60 or F5*

It says Trip #1, because two weeks later on Labor day weekend, I flew up to Seattle again. Trip #2 which includes Vancouver, should be up by next week. And tomorrow, it will by my third trip to the great Northwest this year. Hope you guys enjoy all the pictures in our photo album.

Posted 9:31 PM by Blah blah

Christina just changed her URL to http://christina.bizbeez.com/. Please update your links.

Cover Girl

I can't keep up with all of Christina's new photos! Check out the right side of her group blog (in Mandarin). Lovely, as usual. She was my first cowriter here on Tiger Cafe. In fact, the whole reason this site is called "Tiger" Cafe and has the Chinese translation button is because of her. She is a Tiger by the Chinese calendar. You're lucky she wasn't born an Ox or Boar. "Ox Cafe" and "Boar(ing) Cafe" don't cut it.

Last week she posted a whole set of photos of her from age 21 to 28 (her age now). I've seen the full-sized versions of many of these, and while she looks more mature, she looks as fresh and lovely as ever.

Yesterday, our cowriter Mira posted this coy, lovely pic of herself.

That reminded me of some of Christina's pix from several months ago. She has this friend who works at a newspaper, the Nanjing branch of the New China News Agency. He invited Christina to come take some studio shots of her to be published in the newspaper's magazine insert. She told me she brought all these nice dresses to model, but they printed these shots below, of her in an orange T-shirt!

She ended up the cover girl for that magazine that week. I have her permission to post these, but she has been reluctant all these months to show them. She insists they make her look "fat." Sighhhh. Click for larger size.



Christina wrote this about me in reply.

Posted 8:26 PM by Blah blah

Racingmix

Hey, this Chinese American guy, Wilson, runs this very cool group blog with a bunch of people scattered around the world, either teaching, studying, or working in business. (One of them is John from Sinosplice, whom I mentioned below.) Wilson is an English teacher in Hangzhou, China by day and a DJ at night. He's from the Bay Area, not far from me. He's also a car racing buff. What a stud! He's living the good life! I'll bet he's meeting a lot of chicks.

Check him out at Racingmix. Very cool people! Check out his photos of both China and the San Francisco Bay Area (some close to my home)!

Posted 5:32 PM by Macaby

Affleck Spends a Million on Protecting Fiancée J.Lo

imdb.com: Ben Affleck has hired $1.1 million worth of ex-FBI and CIA crack security agents to protect his fiancée Jennifer Lopez. In light of the failed attempt to snatch Posh Spice Victoria Beckham earlier this month and the current political unrest across the globe, the Sum Of All Fears star has decided money is no object when it comes to guarding his lover, according to a business associate of the pair. The pal says, "The men who have been brought in are the best security that money can buy. They have protected top VIPs around the world and are expert marksman. They drive cars with tinted, bullet-proof windows and puncture-proof tires. Each man carries a .45 caliber automatic handgun, binoculars, night vision scopes and walkie-talkies. They also have bug detectors to tell them if anyone is carrying a hidden transmitting device. Jennifer's safety has been playing on Ben's mind - especially with their wedding coming up, which will be a massive event. With the international situation just now and after the bombing in Bali, Ben knows anything could happen. If Jennifer was kidnapped she could be held for hundreds of millions of dollars."

Some people may say that Affleck is being over protective and going overboard in spending $1M of extra security for his fiancée, J-Lo. To me, I see this is a sign of true love; an act of protecting the person you love the best way you can. With recent kidnappings of Thalia's two sisters, the stalking of Steven Spielberg, and Russell Crowe's foiled kidnapping attempt, celebrities are a definite target for such unthinkable acts. The guy is just covering all his basis. And the line ".... If Jennifer was kidnapped she could be held for hundreds of millions of dollars." Affleck didn't mean that he wouldn't pay the ransom; instead, he is protecting his *love* and preventing acts of that caliber to occur. After all what's a groom without his bride?

If it were up to Raven, I would be under lock and key at all times. I have told Raven that he was being over-protective on a few occasions -- I mean I've made it this far unscathed without help, eh? Although, he doesn't, but if he had a million dollars to protect me, he would. To give him credit, I do feel that I am invisible and nothing bad will happen to me. He is my guardian angel.

Posted 1:23 PM by fan777

[Poetry International Web just opened Nov. 6: "Welcome to Poetry International Web, a new, worldwide forum for poetry on the Internet! PIW will bring you news, reviews, essays, interviews and discussion, but, first and foremost, hundreds of poems by acclaimed modern poets from all around the world, both in the original language and in English translation." -RG]

Rough Draft

I.

Six years to my name
The brown house was just another
Watering hole in search for home.
I remember white walls
Smiling through plaster teeth,
A clear sun running rivers
Down the stairwell.

In the span of one year
The living room became a virgin
Landscape of carpeted snow, white
Couch hills over pristine plains;
The family room went into bloom,
Evergreen sofas like a thick forest
Rooted over wood laid tiles.

We filled the empty spaces
With light from our laughter; a hearth
Flickering ends to nomadic ways.

II.

Four thousand three hundred eighty
Days, I saw the sun rise. The house
Falls apart and forgets my name.
A divided home goes separate ways,
Forgets to call, forgets my name.
In the backyard, spores take root
And weeds press close to encroach
The mind. Stained carpets creep
With dark thoughts, a forest withers,
The white walls not so white
Where sweaty palms dent the din.

Slam, father walks out.
Slam, mother hits too hard.
Slam, the white walls scream
My name.

III.

Twenty two,
Came back for a few.

Cigarette bloom,
Gray roses beneath tolling moon.

Childhood was just another day
In the rain, we shrug it off,
More dead weight.

A brown house weeps,
Re-carpeted white façade,
A white wall silence.

A brown house is still
A brown house even if
A brown house is filled
With silence.

Posted 9:51 AM by Blah blah

News from China

Why is this Congress so important? (BBC): "China's all-powerful Communist Party meets once every five years for a Congress which helps map the country's future. This year's gathering is especially important because it is expected to approve sweeping changes at the top of the Party and government. Although politics in China is particularly murky, it looks as though power will be transferred smoothly to a new generation of younger men."

President Jiang Zemin Leaving Power. Vice President Hu Jintao Rises (Reuters):
"Chinese Communist Party chief Jiang Zemin ushered in a new generation of leaders under Hu Jintao on Thursday in the first orderly succession since the party took power in 1949. But the new leadership, to be unveiled on Friday after months of secretive jockeying for power, will be packed with Jiang's allies, allowing him to pull strings from behind the curtain, sources close to the party said....

Vice President Hu, 59, was the only member of the current seven-man leadership elected to the Central Committee, it said, indicating he would head the 'fourth generation' of leaders after Chairman Mao Zedong, Deng Xiaoping and Jiang....

The congress was a landmark not only for the leadership change, but also for changing the party constitution to allow the entry of entrepreneurs driving the country's economic boom but formerly excluded as 'capitalist exploiters.'

In addition to Jiang, the five other party chieftains not on the new Central Committee included parliament chief Li Peng and Premier Zhu Rongji, who leave their government posts in March.

Only its members can be on the Politburo Standing Committee -- the pinnacle of power which now has seven seats -- or be general secretary....

But the consensus among Chinese sources with party links is that Jiang, who steps down as president in March, has shoe-horned at least four key allies into the new Standing Committee.

The body could also be expanded to nine, with six people from his camp, they say.

Jiang has secured a seat for his main protege and hatchet man, Zeng Qinghong, 63, who stepped down as head of the party's powerful organization department last month, they say.

Vice Premier Wen Jiabao, 60, is sure to join the Standing Committee, backed by Premier Zhu, 74, and is expected to take over the reins of Asia's fastest growing economy next year.

Parliament chief Li, 74, is thought to have negotiated a seat for his protege, internal security chief Luo Gan, 67.

STACKING THE DECK

The other top candidates for the Standing Committee, whether it is seven or nine, all have close links to Jiang -- either through personal friendship or as part of a "Shanghai Gang" of natives or former officials from China's financial center.

Huang Ju, 64, who stepped down as Shanghai party chief last month, is expected to join the new leadership and may take over the National People's Congress, China's parliament, next year.

Beijing's former party boss, Jia Qinglin, 62, a close friend of Jiang, is likely to take a Standing Committee seat despite being tainted by a massive smuggling scandal.

Vice Premier Wu Bangguo, 61, and a former Shanghai party boss, will join the Standing Committee, probably as executive vice premier, but perhaps instead of Huang as parliament chief.

If the Standing Committee is expanded, two more Jiang allies are likely to join, the Chinese sources and analysts say.

They are Li Changchun, 58, party boss of the southern province of Guangdong, and Wu Guanzheng, 64, party chief of Shandong province in the east.

Wu Guanzheng became ranking member of the party's anti-graft commission on Thursday in what analysts said was a strong signal he would take over the body and join the Standing Committee.

NEW BLOOD

The new Central Committee was packed with new faces, younger blood and captains of state industry. It also included several more sons and daughters of China's political elite, known as princelings, who were humiliated at the last congress in 1997.

All generals over 70 in the Central Military Commission left the Central Committee, heralding a sweeping reshuffle in the world's largest army of 2.5 million personnel.

But Jiang could still keep his third post as chairman of the CMC, which commands the armed forces, despite leaving the Central Committee, as Deng did the same from 1987 to 1989."
_______________________
New women, old problems in China (BBC):

"The makers of Sex and the City, the American TV series about the lives of single, 30-something women in New York, would probably be surprised to hear they have a following in Communist China. But for women like Chen Chang, a 31-year-old documentary producer, the racy show strikes a chord.

For many others, things have not changed that much

'They have all the same problems as we do,' said expensively-dressed Ms Chen, 'having a career and a man, finding the right man, whether to have children, divorce, how to have good sex.'...

The Communist revolution of 1949 stamped out the use of concubines, foot binding and other 'feudal' habits. Prostitution was banned, girls were entitled to education, and women went to work outside the home....The Communists might not have been able to guarantee complete equality---top government positions still went predominantly to men---but ordinary Chinese women were given a new voice, almost overnight.

When China began to reform its economy 20 years ago, many women saw an opportunity for even greater freedom.

Chen Chang borrowed money from friends and relatives to open a home furnishings store. Later she moved into film making. Her friends work in advertising and fashion.

'The new market economy allows you to demonstrate your skills and gives you more independence,' Ms. Chen said. 'And Chinese women are very clever.'...

Across China, the new free-wheeling market economy has seen the re-emergence of evils the Communists wiped out.

In the countryside, people are re-discovering their preference for boy children. The national census recently found that China has 118 males for every 100 females.

In an attempt to stop parents aborting female fetuses the government has banned pre-natal gender testing.

For families determined not to have a girl, that leaves female infanticide as the only option.

There is widespread evidence that thousands of baby girls are murdered at birth every year. In 1997 a World Health Organisation report estimated that as many as 50 million baby girls have gone missing since the early 1980s.

Also on the rise is the trafficking of women as wives and prostitutes. Earlier this year in the southern province of Guangxi, one man was executed for abducting and then selling 104 women as brides to poor farmers. The women fetched between $125 and $375 each.

In China's cities, other women are marketing themselves. Some young women are choosing to become the kept mistresses of wealthy businessmen and officials, rather than having to fight it out in an increasingly discriminatory work place.

Under pressure from women's groups, the government recently passed a new law explicitly banning such relationships. But a visit to a night club in any large city reveals that this new form of the concubine system is still rampant."

Posted 7:17 AM by e*star

My Turn...Race As Related To Interracial Dating

Instead of responding directly to either Raven or Duke's thoughts on interracial dating, I guess I'll just give you my own personal account on the topic, as combined with the issue of race, itself. I guess I should start with some quick background. Here, I'm actually starting with my experience with flat-out race. I apologize if this is especially long--I just feel that much of what I have learned about intra-racial and inter-racial dating has a lot to do with my childhood and adolescence. :)

Birthplace and Origin: Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Ethnicity: Taiwanese
High School Composition:
Total Population: 1350
Senior class: 350
Asians in my graduating senior class: 2 (I was one)
Undergraduate Education: UCLA

Essentially, Los Angeles is the only other place I've lived other than Milwaukee starting with undergrad. I spent the first 17 years of my life in the same state, same city, same school district and, even, the same house.

I think my exposure to both sides of the experience, being, first, in the minority and then in the majority, has given me so much insight on everything. Absolutely everything. I wouldn't be nearly the same person I am, today. I have no one but God to thank for that. I don't think it was a coincidence that my parents had moved from San Francisco to Milwaukee a few months before my birth. I was to make my place in a white-dominated society, and I was forced to learn to love myself as God made me in order to make that very place mine. In order to survive.

Looking back, I truly appreciate how pure and innocent human beings are at birth. It only gets worse. Grade school: I experienced very little racism. If any, at all. I knew I was different--I could tell so just by looking around, and intially, I was very self-conscious about this. I was eventually reassured time and time again that to the contrary, I actually wasn't. I had many friends. I was "popular" in sixth grade. I don't mean to gloat. ;)

I could only realize the former by recalling what happened in middle school. I don't know about you, but I have truly believed middle school, amongst any circumstances and generally across all school districts, to be vicious. Kids learn the concept of "popularity," and everybody wants it. Nobody wants to give it out. It's a battlefield! Kids are truly, truly vicious. Time and time again, my race was a factor in an almost-100%-white school. I was called "chink," "gook," and "jap," amongst other things. I had so little exposure, myself, to the Asian culture, I didn't even know that each of those were ethnic-specific. "KKK" has been whispered in my ear, many a time (Janesville, WI is a major branch of the Klan). Anyway, flat-out racism aside, I craved the popularity that so many other peers craved...yet, I had my own race working against me. I could carry on conversations. People enjoyed my company. I was funny. Somewhat spunky. My race was the only strike that everybody needed in order to not give me the popularity I wanted.

I became a part of the "alternative" crowd.

Then, I realized, why do I want something that everybody is adamant on not giving me? Why should I want what everybody wants--when they are so quick to point out the one "strike" I have against me--that I am not white? If I continued craving acceptance, I was going to be one unhappy, bitter human being for the rest of my life, since no one was going to give me exactly that. I have to make do with what I have. This is when I started to learn to love myself because of the very fact that I was myself.

Then, came high school.

I adopted an attitude...It went something like this:
To hell with everybody else. All of you. I don't need any of you. In fact, I think I'm cooler than you, but you're the lame one if you're not willing to see it. If you're going to put my eyes, hair and yellow skin between us, that is your problem.

This was very empowering for an adolescent. I got it. I got it, quick. I perfected my attitude and aligned it with my reaction time to comments, gestures...I made myself "witty." To the contrary, I became popular. Yes, I was popular. And, I was a minority. The token minority, at that. I was voted "best dancer" (that is a story in itself) and "most talented". My newfound acceptance coupled with the same attitude (I made sure never to forget who I was) probably inflated my ego bigger than it should have been. It was a cyclical, really.

Now, for a Taiwanese-American growing up in Wisconsin, who got good grades and played both the violin and piano...do you think I broke any stereotypes? The fact of the matter was:
I was loud-spoken. I was not demure or submissive in any way (by the way, I think those terms are highly overused, so I apologize), and I told people off whenever appropriate. If I broke any stereotypes, I was glad to at least break that one. I was somewhat ashamed that yes, I got good grades and I did play 2 classical instruments--but looking back, I am glad that societal pressures didn't actually prevent me from pursuing any of those activities. If I was to change who I was for the mere satisfaction of breaking stereotypes, then I wouldn't be true to myself.

Come UCLA.
Senior year, in AP chem, the class clown made a joke about immigrants and chinks coming over on a boat. People were silent, and looked at me. I exploded. I threw my desk down. And I told him off, in front of everybody. I said that I'd be rid of "you white trash" and that's why I got to go to UCLA, while "all you bastards" have to stay here in ghetto Wisconsin. I stormed out of the classroom.

I left. I left it all.

I came to Los Angeles. In search of Asians. In search of diversity.

I found one.

I was so disillusioned my freshman year, here. I hated Los Angeles. I hated UCLA. I thought the Asians in Los Angeles were worse than the whites in Milwaukee. They were "reverse-racist" (although I've disqualified this term, since then, completely). Asians in LA were exclusionary, and now-in-the-minority whites at my school thought badly about "Asian groupies." No one wanted to assimilate. I concluded, America was not a melting pot. Anywhere. Just a salad bowl.

WHY couldn't anybody take advantage of the resources they have in LA? There is so much culture. So much texture. So many experiences to be shared...

I decided to run with it. Experience the "Asian experience" while it was at my disposal. Make the most of it. I, myself, became a staff member of, and eventually President of the Association of Chinese Americans. It was (and, I think, still is) the largest collegiate Asian American organization in the United States, currently at 600 members strong. Then, I graduated.

I am now done with the "Asian thang."

Love and ____-racial Dating

My first boyfriend was Chinese. He could speak Mandarin pretty well. He grew up in Diamond Bar. If you don't know, this is an area heavily populated by Asians. Rich Asians. His high school was 75% Asian. He was accustomed to having only Asian friends. He never went outside that "racial comfort zone," as I like to call it. And, you could say, he was somewhat threatened that I was so secure with my ethnicity and my origin in relation to all other races.

It was an issue in our relationship.
"You like German cars because you grew up with white people." (I have a Jetta.)
"You like white guys." (He was my first boyfriend, ever.)

Because of his insecurity, my preferences for certain things over others would be pinpointed to be rooted from a racial perspective. Anyway, the relationship naturally failed. I am not going to say it was because of racial reasons, but it was definitely a factor. I couldn't handle it, anymore. I decided, among other things, I couldn't really handle a boyfriend who had grown up only around Asians and would be uncomfortable around other races. That was not my style.

My current boyfriend is Puerto Rican. He looks white, and gets passed off as white, but he understands racial issues. He recognizes the racism out there, and has even gratefully told me that he's learned a lot from me since we've been together. The exoticization of the Asian female. The ostracizing of the Asian male. Even feminism.

Looking at it all, I have concluded that what I can't handle is tunnel vision. Tunnel vision. Closed-mindedness. Generalizing. Stereotyping.

I could say, "eracism." "No color lines." No, no--I wouldn't think of making issues as pertinent as these, "trendy." Make your own decision on each person as you meet him or her. Not before. I have caught myself many a time scowling at the Asian female and white male...but, "Who am I to say?" That is exactly how Ian and I look. He looks white. I am Asian. But nobody knows how I operate, think, or am active in the very social issues that they may be judging me on.

In the end, I will not succumb to any societal pressures just because people might happen to judge me a certain way. That is weak sauce. That is copping out, and in the end, it means I have lost my own identity because of what other people think. My children, if they are half Asian, half Puerto Rican...whatever, they will be strong and will be able to take on anything society whips at them, because I will teach them that they have no reason to be ashamed of who they are. Because I was able to grow up in Wisconsin for the first 17 years of my life, I can take on anything, and so can my children. I will teach them not to use race as a crutch in any circumstance. They will utilize whatever is around them and whatever different races bring to the table. Nothing will be wasted.

*e

Posted 8:58 PM by Raven

Love is Color Blind, Humanity is NOT ...yet

I felt that my feelings on the subject touched upon by Duke in Thin line between racism and love merited a separate post rather than a simple comment or two.

I suppose coming from the opposite camp, being a white man that is engaged to an Asian woman, I have a decidedly different perspective on the situation. I realize that for a lot of people race is a very touchy subject, especially when it comes to family. My goal is simply to give people a few juicy morsels to ponder.

In matters of love you cannot let what other people think dictate your actions. You must lead with your heart and worry about the consequences later. However, the mind is a powerful thing; it has the power to turn thoughts into reality. If a person has beliefs then they will continually rationalize those beliefs with their every thought and every fiber of their being. Those thoughts will form actions which create reality. If you think you are sad then lo and behold you will be sad, its that simple. The same is true of love. If you decide to limit yourself by classifying people then a few things will happen. First, you will miss out on some quality people. Secondly, your mind will constantly rationalize your decision thus changing your view of the world, making you perceive things that do not exist. With as rare as true love is, do we really have the luxury of passing on people because of the color of their skin?

Has anyone ever experienced the following phenomena in grade school? You think that one of your embarrassing secrets has gotten out when in fact it hasn't. You have feelings of guilt, shame, embarrassment. Suddenly every group of kids in the hall is talking about YOU; every whisper, snicker, pointing finger, huddled conference is directed towards YOU. Is that reality? No, its not. However, your mind has taken those very powerful emotions and created a new reality for you. You cannot distinguish this perceived reality from the actual reality.

You can apply this same phenomena to interracial dating. Consider the following statements: The Asian guys in an Asian restaurant are staring at me because I'm with one of "their" women. People look at us differently because of the color of our skin. Our children are second class citizens because they are of mixed race. None of that is true, but if you think that interracial dating is somehow wrong then that will be your perception. In reality people in the restuarant are just looking up to see who came in and they go back to eating their dinner. No one cares that your girlfriend is a different color than you; they are happy you found love. Kids are just plain mean and will ALWAYS find a difference they use to pick on each other. For me my name made an easy target while I was growing up, but no name is safe. Most people are too caught up in their own lives to care about what you are doing. You have to adopt the attitude that you don't care what people think or the perceived notion that people care will own your life. Ever since I just "let go" I have been much more at ease with the world and in control of my own destiny.

Family on the other hand is tricky. Different cultures place different values on family. Whether you take everything your family says to heart is a personal decision. It's something you have to decide for yourself and nothing anyone says should influence that. However just realize, your family will love you unconditionally. They will love you rich, broke, in jail, whatever. In this regard I can only share personal experience.

Part of my family is very conservative which means they are God-fearing Christians and not very progressive when it comes to race. When I was in seventh grade I was dating a black girl I went to school with. Certain members of my family (to be left un-named) told me that if I didn't end it they would disown me. I was in seventh grade, what did I know? I didn't end it for that reason but instead it ended naturally for other reasons. That was the very last time I listened to anything my family had to say. Yes I was a little worried when I introduced Mona to my family for the first time because of that experience early in my life. But, I didn't really care what the outcome was; they didn't have any choice but to accept it and I made that abundantly clear to them with my actions. If they had shunned me somehow then I would have just disconnected; they will not live my life for me. As it stands they have all gotten to know Mona very well and love her. I'm also constantly under fire from certain family members about the religion issue. It was a fun conversation when I first explained to my extended family a few weeks ago that Mona and I were not religious and were having no part of it in our wedding. It takes a lot to stand up to your family. But when it comes down to it, they will accept you in the end.

As you become a young adult and get out on your own I challenge you to question. Question the towering stereotypes you have constructed in your head growing up. Question love. Question family. Question the Status Quo. Question. It's a different world out there than our parents grew up in. It's a global culture. People that are able to look past race are on the cutting edge of society. Celebrate diversity, for if we were all the same what a boring world we would live in. I never want to live in that world.

Posted 7:15 PM by Blah blah

For New Writers

I'm really happy with you guys. Thank you! This experiment is going well! I'm so glad people are talking freely and not shy. Stay tuned: more new writers are joining us, and since I keep repeating this stuff to you, I'll just post it:

1. Please make titles for each post. Make them boldface.
2. Please introduce yourself in your first post. Post a picture of you (if you wish).
3. After you get my Blogger invitation, please edit your Blogger profile to put your name and website URL. Click on "Team," then your name, and then "Edit Profile." Put your full URL (http://blahblah...) This will link your name to your own website, for each of your posts.
4. Photos: I love photos. We need more photos. But to make sure this page loads FAST, please post only small photos (maximum 200 pixels high). You may link back to the original full-sized photo with this HTML code:
<a href="full-sized pic"><img border=0 src="small 150 pixel high pic"></a>
This is how I did my face picture in the upper right. I shrank my photo with some editing software, then I loaded both small and original photos on my other server. Then I used the above HTML code.
5. Privacy: this page gets hundreds of random visitors daily and is highly ranked in Google and Yahoo. Whatever you write today will be indexed by Google, Yahoo, AOL, MSN, and all other major search engines by tomorrow. That means try to avoid writing full names of people (i.e. last names) unless you don't care if they find this page. That means disguising people, companies, and other confidential information. Or just avoid saying it at all. This is a VERY public place. Be careful.
6. Style: your writing style is unique. You don't need to copy me. You don't need to be formal either. Informal is better. I tend to have a relaxed, chatty, wisecracking attitude when I write. Profanity is fine. I suggest that you swear for EMPHASIS or for a particular effect, though. Otherwise, too much profanity tends to have less impact than you want.
7. Grammar, spelling, and punctuation: I am very anal about this stuff. If I see errors in your writing, I'll try to correct them, if I have time. Please keep these things in mind. This comes from me competing in spelling bees a lot as a kid. Yeah, I will edit your stuff.
8. Content: write about whatever you want! If you don't have time, it's fine to cut and paste something good from your own blog. Remember our audience. Show happiness, sadness, anger, humor---all of your normal range of moods. Be human. Be personal. Be interesting!!!
9. Dealing with each other: be nice! Talk to one another. Reply to what others say. Make friends!
10. Don't write, rub your belly, and chew gum at the same time. If you do chew gum, give me some.

Posted 7:12 PM by Macaby

Free Spirit who Loves to Giggle... A Lot!



Superwoman? No, I don't have superpowers. I can't even ride a bike. The guy in the picture above is my fiancé. He's the one who answered my Match.com ad that read, "Free Spirit who Likes to Giggle A Lot!" If it worked for Raven [to want to get to know me better], I thought it would work with the people of Tiger Cafe.

2002 marks my 20th aniversary in the US. Bandung, Indonesia was my home for the first 6 years of my life. My parents wanted the "American dream" and everything that came with it, so we moved to Birmingham, Alabama. *Yee haw!* Found myself heavily influenced by Disney (worked at Disney World for 5 years). Getting ready for a our wedding, May 10, 2003. And now I'm living... loving life with Raven in Dallas, Texas.
* btw, my name is Mona.

Posted 4:57 PM by Mira

Esquire's What A Man Should Know About A Woman - CONT.

#21. If you ask about her previous boyfriend and she gets a small, wistful smile on her face, change the subject.You have no previous girlfriend.

My Commentary: I think the small, wistful smile is a good sign. Doesn't it mean that there was closure of some sort? The worst is being with someone who's still subliminally attached to his/her ex. Lying about having no previous gf will only prompt more inquiries later on. Avoid lying period.

Posted 2:09 PM by 216443

Thin line between racism and love:
Last night I was at dinner with a friend (white as bread) and his Japanese "girlfriend." We were talking about my recent dry spell in the love/love-making department, and I told him it just wasn't worth it right now.

"What?" he asks.

Sure, meaningless sex and someone to share a bed with would be nice. But I only have 5 more months in Ann Arbor. In that time I doubt I'll find my potential (Korean) wife, I tell him. Continuing, I mention that dating a non-Korean girl isn't really a great option, it wouldn't/couldn't last. I'd enter into that relationship knowing it will end. He looks shocked. For many, I could be one of the whitest Asian guys alive. But that doesn't make me white. He pushes. I tell him that relationships require a lot of effort, and sure, it isn't thought of as effort if you're with the right person. Either way, though, relationships are a lot of work, and I don't think I'll need any additional pressure from my parents or society at large because of a mixed-race partnership (and I don't mean something like Polish-Italian, I mean like Chinese-German). Children of noticably mixed cultures also come to a world that will weigh them down with more than their fair share of difficulties, too. Sometimes I think it's hard enough not being white-skinned in America, I don't think those problems need to be expanded.

And I continue, mentioning Frank Wu's book, Yellow. In it, he discovers some interesting statistics about interracial marriages. The mixing of races tends to be one-sided in the sense of males and females. Painting in broad strokes here, white men marry Asian women, black men marry white women, black men marry Asian women. Reversals are much less often seen. I feel for my friend when he tells me how he was mistreated in Japan because he was with a Japanese woman. Stereotypes are turned on- "he must think she'll be submissive and crazy in bed." Now imagine how I feel when 5'9" me walks into a bar with 6'2" white guys eyeing my blonde girlfriend. Things are different for him, I say. He's part of the majority in this country, no matter how many minorities there are in the States, white is might. And sure, I've dated around- white, Chinese, Indian, black, whatever. There is pressure on me now, though, because I'm emerging into young adulthood. Soon I'll not just be single, I'll be a bachelor.

Which isn't to say I am xenophobic. Almost all of my friends in college are white or Indian. And I know it will be difficult to find anyone with my world view, much less a Korean girl. But it's something I think is important to me, and to my family. My mom wants someone she can converse fluently with, to share recipes and emberrasing stories about my childhoor. My father wants a daughter-in-law. My friends back home always question me on this decision, wondering if that would really make me happiest. To be honest, I haven't been put in a situation recently that would make me question it. My last serious girlfriend was about 18 months ago. She was white and she and I both knew it would never work out in the ultimate sense. Perhaps that's what caused all of our problems, that lack of optimism. Here at Michigan all the Koreans (or Asians in general) tend to stick together, rarely venturing out past people of different skin tone. So no, I tend to stay out of those groups, refusing to get stuck in one mold. The other side of the sword, however, is that I know very few Korean people, and close friends with even less.

Is it so bad to stress about what other people are going to think? To worry about what my parents want? To try to defend my children from the troubles I know they'll face? Is it so wrong for me to just tack on 'Korean' to my list of needs for a potential girlfriend/wife? Is this racism in sheep's clothing?

Posted 8:17 PM by >> B

Greetings Tiger Cafe!




My name is Ben though on the RBJs I go by suresquared. I currently live and work in San Francisco, CA. I've also lived in Arizona, Connecticut, Upstate New York, and New York City (as well as Paris, France, on two different occasions), but I am gradually becoming very proud of being called a Californian. My ethnicity is Vietnamese despite the enormous amounts of Thai food I consume. Last year, I received my MFA from the San Francisco Art Institute with concentrations in painting, contemporary art history and art theory. As of now, my life consists of balancing my art career, my photography/graphic design job, and spending quality time with my girlfriend.

As a guest writer of the Tiger Cafe, I hope to engage all of you on some interesting discourse and hear what's on your minds (via your comments). Not to say that everything has to be a quasi-intellectual rant, I'm not seriously minded 24/7 ...let's have some fun as well.

Posted 6:36 PM by >> B

Tales from the Bowl: an excerpt from the In the Hearts of Men thread

I wanted to post this because some great dialogue comes out of the Rice Bowl Journals despite what on the surface seems like a bunch of people goofing around and having too much fun. It is a great resource for people, not just Asian people, to discuss topics ranging from the woes of parenting, computer shop-talk, favorite music choices, food, anime, and relationships (on and off-line). This is an excerpt from a thread started by DReamCatcher, but I am responding to Raymond's words below:

One problem is some women don't really know what they want. Some will say they want the communicative, sensitive guy and then turn around and go with the strong, silent type. So the women THEMSELVES don't follow what they claim. -- RG quote from the RBJ thread@ Nov 8 2002, 11:10 AM

My response:

Well for the sake of the both men and women, I would argue that people in general do not know what they want because they do not know themselves.

Once we get over the initial oxytocin high of being with someone, we are often left with a fatuous love and nothing more. But they are different levels of love as there are different levels of maturity, compassion, understanding, and all that. I mean two fools who you wouldn't trust even with your television remote control can have a love as real and full of ardor as the wisest, most self-aware, and most socially sophisticated of us all.

As for men, yeah sure there are a lot of "organ donors" or "human door stops" out there. I see (or rather I can smell) them roaming from bar to bar and club to club like packs of undead zombies looking for human flesh. Or sitting in front of a TV at a sports bar like someone just pulled their brains out of their nostril with a wire coat hanger. Not to say that all sports fans are idiots, but if buy a vegetable, then you bought a vegetable. Whatever that means...

As for women, sure they waffle, but then again we all do. It's just a woman will tell you more often than a man how she's feeling and what her needs are. I have three sisters and a "soccer team" of ex-girlfriends to know this. A man will more likely take the position of "well if it ain't broke, then there's no need to fix it," but when is it ever really broken: the breakup and then it's too late.

So back to my first point, people need to get a better perspective on themselves before they commit to long-term relationships (or even getting off the ground with a new one). Maybe with age and experience, we come to know what we truly want and therefore can edit out all the "players," the "psychos," and the "abusers." And granted, we all have the ability to change our tastes and aversions, but do we truly know the roots of those changes? That's when we need an inner-eye to discover what's in our hearts.

Posted 3:20 PM by Blah blah

Welcome to Ang and Duke!

We are very lucky to have them here. Two Christians. Two philosophers. Raven and I are the two agnostics on this blog.

Duke is planning to apply to law school. I noticed this about him: AsianGuy Web Wars. Hehe...what is your secret, man? I've also noticed that Susan (of RBJ) sometimes flirts with him. :D

Now Ang just blows me away! Taken from his resume:

He graduated from Caltech in physics, spent two years founding a startup consulting company (Creative Internet Design), worked in the entertainment business in Hollywood, and was the Chief Technology Officer for a startup (Coriva) in Boston.

Finally, after teaching Sunday school and being an active Christian all this time, Ang decided to jump out of his comfort zone in business/technology and join the seminary in Fort Worth, Texas. "My conversations with my parents, peers, pastors, professors and mentors have confirmed God's call in numerous ways, and have affirmed the gifts and passion within myself that are needed for pursuing and succeeding in this path. I have been preparing and struggling with the call since 1997. I now have complete peace and confidence that the proper step for me to take now is to enroll in the Master of Arts program at Southwestern (studying Philosophy and/or Theology), with intention to enroll in a PhD program [in philosophy] at a secular university (such as Notre Dame or Yale) after graduation." Here's his seminary blog on Xanga.

Ang plans to go the university route and become a professor of (Christian) philosophy!

Ang writes in detail about his spiritual journey, his struggles with faith, and his core values. He explains exactly why he's leaving technology for philosophy.

Want to hear his voice? He gave

this 24 minute public testimony (6 MB MP3 file )

before his church in Los Angeles, carefully and articulately explaining his drastic decision to change his life. He talks about his work to intellectually justify his beliefs. You MUST listen. I have also linked it in the left column of Tiger Cafe.

I am very, very impressed. Ang is extremely thorough, thoughtful (as a physics major would be), and bold. Extremely sharp. He seems to take on challenges with an extra strength and with general success. If there is someone who could convince me to turn back to Christianity, it would be him. (Another journaller who left a lucrative career, as a securities trader, to become a divinity student, is Sam, in Canada.)

I salute you, Duke and Ang! Welcome.

Posted 1:58 PM by Ang

Bonjour, everyone! :-)

I'm Ang, a new guy on this forum.



I was just reading past entries to get a feel, and just yesterday, there's this: "I'll try to get maybe a few more guy writers, but preferably with a STRONG, mature, male voice. A more mature, perhaps older guy. Manly and directed. Confident."

And a day later, here I am. Ahhhh.... the expectations. Please don't be too hard on me when my wussieness comes out as infantile frailty. Or at least, don't be too harsh when you kick me out. I cry easy. ;-)

My domain, http://angasm.org/, gives you an idea of who I am.

"I wonder how," you may be think after poking around there, "an ex-Caltech physics undergrad turned Hollywood executive would end up in a seminary right smack in the middle of the Bible belt."

Well, God works in mysterious ways.

Maybe one answer can be found right here in your journal: 11/11, "Secret Shames." A quick read of that reveals, at least to me, that humanity is hurting. Deeply. And, the stuff there is just a cross-section of those who are privileged enough to have Internet access. As poignant and moving and disturbing we find the suffering embodied in those cries for help, none of it approaches the sort of evil that is encountered by many living in this world. A young Muslim mother in Bosnia was repeatedly raped in front of her husband and father, with her baby screaming on the floor beside her. When her tormentors seemed finally tired of her, she begged permission to nurse the child. In response, one of the rapists swiftly decapitated the baby and threw the head in the mother's lap.

We all know these things happen.

Just a few Sundays ago, I was chatting at my church with a homeless gentleman who had befriended me there. I asked him why he came to the church, and he replied, "I come here for a sense of hope."

Hope. Some people claim that the existence of evil disproves the existence of God. How could an all-powerful God allow such things to occur? Ah, a philosophical question, and there are philosophical answers. But in my gut, the existence of such evil and suffering cries out for a God who will judge the wicked and wipe away the tears of the afflicted. It cries out for a God who doesn't stand by idly, but rather who has come to us in the form of a man, to share in our suffering, to die for us so that we can live abundantly.

There's much value in physics research. And, there's much value in Hollywood, even. But my heart, my soul, my entire being cries out to serve the God who is real and powerful and loving and just enough to rescue humanity from its suffering. I hope and believe that I've heard Him correctly, that He wants me right here, at this school, studying in this program. I hope that God will find a way to use me to give hope to some others....

Posted 1:53 PM by 216443

Greetings from Ann Arbor: Duke Kim

I am honored to have been invited by Raymond to drop my two cents on this group blog. Allow myself, to introduce myself. I am a senior at the University of Michigan- Ann Arbor. I'm studying philosophy, and to a lesser degree, computer information systems. I'm pre-anything, but mostly pre-law.

Originally from Dallas, TX. Single. Korean. Half alpha male, half nice guy. 21. Christian at large. Grandiose dreams involving happiness, marriage to a Korean girl who shares my world view, a career affording me a little time to develop my writing. Parents like my look; it's the girls I have trouble with.



My goal for participating here is to remove myself a little from my own daily readers, so that I can throw out some less-censored ideas and thoughts. Your job is to comment on them, expanding my perspective and giving me something to think about as well. I'm single, and sometimes that bothers me. I'll write a bit about girls, sex, and love. And sometimes about Canada.

My blog is here.

Posted 9:50 PM by Blah blah

Infidelity in China

Check out John's excellent blog, Sinosplice. He's a Caucasian guy who teaches English in Hangzhou, China. From his comment section,

John says: "I don't know why [my Chinese students] like to talk about love so much. It's not in a Hollywood tabloid way, though. It's in a more naive way, usually. A lot of the girls believe in love at first sight, and are waiting for their knight in shining armor to show up riding a white horse. They expect eternal love and faithfulness. And then a huge percentage of Chinese husbands have mistresses."

Chuck (another English teacher in Hangzhou) says: "John's right about the huge number of mistresses here. I tell my students, 'Look, in the States, we date around and then we get married. In China, people get married and then they date around.' They, of course deny it at first, but then shake their lowered heads in affirmation (sometimes mumbling 'You know TOO much about Chinese society.') The logical next step would be to foster a class discussion about that: Which is better, dating around before marriage or after marriage? Believe it or not, you probably would get 50-50 because "dating around" is seen as promiscuous by many. But I don't push the discussion in that direction because I have found in 4 years here that many of these students are, themselves, from such a family situation. Daddy has a mistress but pays the bills, while Mom stays home every night. Ask them that tired old question of who they would save if their boat capsized and Mom was drowning on one side and Dad was drowning on the other side, and 90% will say Mom. Actually, 100% will say they would pull out their cell phone and call for help, but that's because this is Hangzhou, home of the highest GDP in China."

I asked John if he agreed. He said: "Raymond, Yeah, I pretty much do agree with Chuck... but that's IF the guy has money. According to one of my female Chinese friends, 99% of [mainland] Chinese men would have mistresses if they had the means to support them. There are still plenty of Chinese guys that are faithful... but the majority of them are not at all well off. Money is the root of all evil, right?"

Also, read this August article from the Associated Press:
Hong Kong Economy Hurts Mistresses, about infidelity in Hong Kong.

Posted 6:44 PM by Blah blah

The Mission of Tiger Cafe

Airwalk wrote: "Hi Raymond. I'm one of your guy readers. I'm just a 'lurker,' basically....It has been said by many, many magazine editors that when writing about human interest you have to focus on one gender. Only news can attract both genders. Don't worry, stick to what you're doing. The guys are reading. And will voice out if you occasionally ask."

Mira wrote: "I think that was your strength. The fact that people identified Tiger Cafe as a kind of watered down Sex and the City recluse with added source info. People came to get the goods from the personal accounts of its writers and also to pick up some intellectual candy (most of which you accumulated). I think men came looking for that. Now that you've proposed this new idea to shake things up, it'll be a combined effort of both men and women, which adds confusion. Is it mostly by women for women that men would flock to, or is it by women AND men that both genders would flock to etc. etc.? I think you need to clarify that, then go about tweaking it so that it is more focused. That way, writers will follow suit to help build Tiger's identity and community. Now that a lot of writers have left, and you are searching for new ones, things are in limbo and the flavour is being lost....Tiger Cafe should be more succinct, or more 'packaged' so that people can identify right away...I think this way, readers will start feeling more comfortable and eventually, they will care enough to post comments because the security is there."

Well said, both of you. Ok, this is what I'll do:

- I'll try to get maybe a few more guy writers, but preferably with a STRONG, mature, male voice. A more mature, perhaps older guy. Manly and directed. Confident.
- I'll get more women writers. Personal, opinionated, and bold. Responsive. Intense.

The focus of Tiger Cafe will still be mainly for WOMEN. Human interest. Bring in other topics (technology, finance, business, car repair) as they relate to this female audience. I will keep the strong female voice, sprinkled with a few strong male voices.

In short: Tiger Cafe is for women (and some men) speaking their minds. Revealing their insides. It's intellectual, artsy, and personal. Warm. Chatty. Witty. Funny. Moody. It's a place to talk both philosophy and gossip. The writing is intense and alive, possessing that magical quality called "voice." Never boring.

That's my vision for this blog.

Posted 4:15 PM by Blah blah

Bye to Rasee

Raymond,

I'm under a lot of pressure from a lot of people and the Internet is *not* a priority in my life. Thus I resign from Tiger Cafe. Thank you for the opportunity. I simply cannot put something up once a week when I work, journal, and have my own writing to deal with.

It was fun.

- Rasee

Posted 11:26 AM by Blah blah

Anonymous Comments: Secret Shames

Pjammer did a fascinating thing last week. He turned off the IP tracking on his site and let everyone post anonymously for a while. It was like a priest inviting the masses to a group confession. Since he gets hundreds of readers a day and dozens of comments per entry, this was no small thing. People vented their fears, insecurities, and sins. And others replied to them. Kudos to Pjammer! What an experiment. Some people's comments are sad and touching. Here are a few confessions that blew my mind:

1. "It makes me feel so guilty that I fantisize about little girls. I fondled a 3 yr old while she was sleeping. It's been about 30 years and I haven't heard from her."

2. "I've been stealing from my employer for the past 2 years. Started off small (expense account fraud, mostly). I set up a fake company that's been billing our accounts-payable department for a few thousand dollars for phantom 'supplies' a year ago. Im probably the last person anybody would suspect of stealing from the company."

3. "When I date asian women, I lie and tell them they're the first asian woman I've been with so they won't think I have a fetish. I love asian women a lot of them think asian men are sexist - a mindset I heartily encourage so they'd be more inclined to want to be 'rescued' by the white man (me!). My long-time fantasy is for my girlfriend would dress up like a geisha doll and talk in a demure, accented english and serve me tea and then suck me off."

4. "I have lost my identity from being in my current relationship. I love him, or I don't, I feel blank. I don't want to lose him because I'll regret it and I need him.

I'm afraid that I'm way more attracted to women and that I will leave my boyfriend because of it.

When an extremely violent thought enters my head I get aroused sexually.

One of my boobs is bigger than the other."

5. "This is extremely embarassing but I fell in love with you, Pjammer. I don't know when it started, perhaps after I watched The Wedding Banquet but since then, I can't stop dreaming about you. Because this is such an unrealistic crush and will never fulfill itself...(I mean what is the chance we will ever meet! And even less that you could possibly have any affection for a skinny punk-rock white boy with bad teeth ;)?)"

6. "When I have sex with my wife, I can't orgasm unless I think about young boys. I've never told anybody about this and I don't think anybody suspects me. I feel tremendously guilty about it because I love my wife dearly. I am ashamed of the fact that she thinks I'm making love to her while I am mentally picturing myself with boys a third my age. I'm afraid if I seek help, I will be labled a pedophile and lo